{SF} Fairing

[Roxana Strix]

Roxana was very tactical and logical about most things that she handled and that was why she knew how to handle this treat after taking a bite. It would have made her feel off if she had created a big mess on herself or displayed that she was struggling with something. As she had told Elsa already, she had to always be at her best at all times. That included when she was eating and that mentality was drilled into her mind. Rox of course was not bothered by Elsa's lack of ability to eat the Twinkies in such a way because it allowed her to see another side to Elsa.

A side that the girl did in fact actually have moments when she was not always put together and proper. Rox of course knew that to be true but it always just fully set in her mind when she saw it with her own two eyes. Rox listened as Elsa explained that she had never been into a McDonalds before and now was asking why Roxana would have been in one. Roxana didn't say anything at first as Elsa seemed to already be coming up with why Roxana would be in such a place. How she possibly had to kill someone who was craving a McMuffin and how Elsa wanted to know if she had to wear the uniform or not. Rox just simply blinked for a moment as she wondered why Elsa wanted to be able to picture her in a McDonalda employed uniform to kill her target.

"I think you are watching too many spy movies." Roxana responded as she tossed her trash away. However; if Elsa really wanted to know why Roxana had been in such a place, she had no problem telling the girl. It was not going to be as glamorous as Elsa seemed to be picturing it. "I was assigned to become close with this young man two months prior. We had been paid to kill his mother and farther by one group and paid to keep this young man alive by another group. So on the day his parents were to be disposed of, I was to keep him distracted and busy. He ended up choosing to take me to McDonalds to eat on one of our trips, since he; and I quote, 'really liked the American fast food'." Roxana explained.

That was pretty much all there was to it. Yes she did have jobs in where she had to dress up like she was a part of something before in order to blend in. Just never for anything like killing someone’s in a McDonalds, despite Elsa maybe wanting that to be the case.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Elsa nearly laughed at Roxana's comment regarding spy movies. As if they needed to rely on something like that, given how their lives ran. She was almost tempted to point out as much: Roxana's secret organization, the previous kidnapping of Elsa's sister, a rival school out to sabotage them. It all did add up. Roxana had offered some continuation, and that rendered Elsa thoughtful for several long seconds. She threw away the napkin holding the last few bites of her treat, suddenly losing some interest in it.

"So you literally distracted a target with McDonald's while his family went down," Elsa reiterated, looking at Roxana's eyes. Elsa's expression remained flat, stony. "Which means you've no problems with completing conflicting missions like that, or in befriending someone just long enough for your organization to strike."

Naturally Roxana would have figured that Elsa had figured and jumped to this conclusion. Surely that had to be part of the reason she'd done it. Elsa would have kept the information close to her chest, kept close that Roxana might not be quite as trustworthy as originally considered, but things operated differently here. Elsa wanted to flash the hand, try to see just what this strange, backhanded warning entailed.

[Roxana Strix]

It was indeed true that they had all gone through a lot; they being the school and everyone around during the events, and it amazed Rox that the school had managed to stay open through all of it. Part of her wondered if there had ever been a point where BA would just shut down and move the kids to a whole other school. Transfer the students to the other schools across the world; or better yet, do what Roxana figured was one of the ideas her organization had in mind. Gather up all of them and move them to an island, that certainly would have been a way to escape from all of the drama and keep mutants away from the 'normal' people.

At least, that was what Rox assumed what her organization was going to do, but now it seemed like they had bigger things they were worried about. Roxana just went with what she was told and would just hope that at the end of the day she would still be useful to them, her family, and her family name. Rox had no problem telling this story, Elsa had asked, and of course Roxana had picked it for a reason since there were very few things she did without reason. Then again, a lot of things that involved Ellen or Elsa often did fall into a category that had her wondering why she had done it in the first place. Not in this case.

"Technically, he was distracting me. I just made it clear I wanted to spend time alone with him and he handled the rest. Unknowingly keeping himself busy for a long enough time for his family to be no more by the time he returned." Roxana explained. She then looked at Elsa, having clearly heard the next statement that followed. She wanted Elsa to sit in the silence for a little longer and it also allowed Rox to realize something. "Yes. At least that was how it had always been until I started to...get closer with you and Ellen." Roxana said, now turning away from Elsa as she looked up at the sky.

"I let my best friend be killed for the sake of not wanting to...damage you or Ellen." Roxana responded, something like a scoff escaping past her lips. She felt like such a fool. To have started caring for the two of them in such a way that she let her best friend day. To lose the only person who she could ever really talk to, for the sake of two girls who she now had feelings for, and neither of them felt anything for her in return. It was truly pathetic. Was this the lesson her farther wanted her to come to understand?

[Elsa Bellefonte]

He was distracting her? That seemed to be rather contradictory to Elsa, or at least against the mission that Roxana had outlined for her. Elsa nearly considered saying as much, but there was something else there, something that Roxana was getting to. Elsa could sense the thoughts bubbling just under the surface, and soon they came out, that insistence that she had gotten close to Ellen and Elsa.

Then, then something that Elsa hadn't expected. She wasn't even sure that she'd heard Roxana right. "Come again?" she said, blinking. Her mind reached out then, just pulling at surface thoughts to try and figure something out. "What is---" Elsa's brow furrowed and she shook her head. "you had a friend... die? When did this happen? You never said anything about it. Does this have something to do with your heading to Europe? Or is this something with your damn organization again?"

Why hadn't Elsa picked up on this before? No, she knew that, at least to some degree. Roxana could actually hide things, both emotional and mental. If she hadn't wanted Elsa to find it, then she wouldn't have. Clearly that was precisely what happened in this circumstance.

"And why hide it from me?" Elsa couldn't help but ask, staring at the girl she thought a friend, uncertain as to what this was all really about.

[Roxana Strix]

Yes, it was true that Roxana was supposed to distract him but in all honesty he was distracting himself. The reason why she said ti that way because she didn't really have to put in any effort to keep him away from his home. She had just said a few little words and he practically did the job for her and thus why she saw it as him being the one to distract her. One might think that perhaps Roxana thought that way to keep the blame off of herself, but that was not the case. Roxana didn't care if she got the blame; it was her fault after all. She knew what the words she chooses to use would lead to; it was her job to know.

Elsa didn't stick to that, she was now on the fact that someone important to Roxana had died. Of course Roxana didn't tell or let Elsa ever find out about this. She felt so weak for even letting it get out now. Perhaps she had only said it to make the point that Elsa and Ellen had really affected her, that she was not the same as she was before. She needed to return to how she was before; it felt wrong to be how she was now. She didn't say anything at first as Elsa asked her questions about this friend. Yes, it was her very best friend. The only person she felt like she could be herself around, tell everything to, and didn't feel lonely.

Perhaps it was the loss of that friend that had led to her ending up in this weakened state? Could that have been? Could the loss of someone so dear to her have messed her up in such a way that now she was...emotional? "No, I had other reasons for going back." Roxana did end up responding but she kept her mind off why she had gone back. Elsa didn't really need to know and she likely would have told Elsa why before back when they were on the boat trip, but that meeting didn't go as planned. Why hide it from her? "You didn't really need to know, you didn't ask, and I figured you would not have really wanted to hear it." Roxana responded, listing the reasons why she had said nothing about it.

"Delta. My owl. You met him a few times. His life was the punishment I paid for not fulfilling a certain task with you or Ellen." Roxana went ahead and said it. Elsa would have been digging around no doubt and found it eventually so it was best to just tell her. Get it out of the way. Now Roxana felt...sick. She was going to blame the Twinkie.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Other reasons? Elsa almost snapped it, almost felt like demanding it. Someone had died because of this? Really? And there was Roxana, looking so calm. "Well, I'm sorry if murder didn't come up during our discussions at some point," Elsa said, throwing her hands up, not quite believing that Roxana would think that was something she wouldn't care about. The Bellefonte nearly continued, only to pause as Roxana spoke the name.

The... owl?

"Oh thank God," Elsa said, lowering her hands and taking several deep breaths, "it's just the owl," she looked away, then seemed to realize. "I mean, I don't... I don't want to belittle your loss, Roxana. Forgive me that was... I just..." Elsa had thought that her organization had outright murdered someone for punishment. But wasn't this nearly as bad?

"That shouldn't have happened, and I'm sorry it did. I wish I could make it up to you somehow," gah, she was seriously considering going to a pet store and trying to buy another owl or something. What else was like an owl? A parakeet? the thought of Roxana with a parakeet was just...

[Roxana Strix]

Delta had died long before she had gone back to Europe; his death was not connected to why she had left. There was no point in telling Elsa why she had left; she didn't really see it as being important for Elsa to know. She had not slept with anyone that Elsa could have felt could count as a betrayal and that was the only real thing that came to her mind in terms of things that Elsa had pointed out was something that she wanted to know. Elsa looked more worked up about the situation then Roxana was.

Yes, she was hurting down inside but on the outside she was still showing that calm and not phased expression she often wore. Then Elsa was relived, as Roxana expected. Of course the other girl would not care about her owl, no one would but her. That was why it was taken from her because others did not see the value of Delta like Roxana did. She could not help but to feel a twinge of something within herself again, that sick feeling growing. What was wrong? Why did she feel like this? Why was it getting worse? It had to be what she ate. Elsa was apologizing, pointing out how she didn't mean to belittle what Rox had lost.

Rox simply just glanced at her before her gaze went back to looking up at the sky. "It does not matter. He died months ago and it was my fault. If I did what I was told, then it would never have happened." Roxana said, a hint of...anger in her voice. Anger towards herself and the fact that she still was not at her best, that even back then she was not and she still was not even now. Elsa was apologizing, wishing that it did not happen and that she could do something to make it better. "No need. It does not matter. I'm still just being...weak on the matter. I should have not even told you." Roxana said, followed by a small sigh.

She then started to play with her hair a little, it helping the sick feeling go away a little. "Besides, if it was to have never happened I doubt you would be standing here talking to me now." Roxana spoke up, recalling what Elsa said. How she would have slapped her and made sure that Rox basically got in trouble.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Doesn't matter? "It clearly bothers you," Elsa argued, gesturing at Roxana. "I don't know what your organization keeps telling you, Roxana, but you do realize that when you keep telling me things like this, it makes me like them less and less. You shouldn't be punished with the loss of life just because you didn't quite follow an order. Especially not given what you've actually done since coming here.

"You're one of the few people in this damn town that I can actually trust on some level, Roxana. It's not a matter of being weak or whatever nonsense they keep feeding you. I know that you're not as happy with my reaction to you as you'd like, but I promise you that I have dated and slept with people who I wouldn't trust or care about as much as you. You're my friend Roxana, and when people do shit like this to my friends, I'm the type who very much wants to get even.

"so let's stop pretending like this is solely a professional relationship, shall we?" Elsa shrugged, then reached up to put her hands on Roxana's shoulders. "And if something like this happens again, tell me. And don't wait months to get back on it," Elsa gave her friend a long look, then smiled. "And now I'm going to have to try and get you some sort of animal companion. You seem like the type who'd thoroughly enjoy an exotic pet. A tarantula, maybe?"

[Roxana Strix]

Alright, so she could not deny that it didn't bother her. She had tried to ignore it but it was hard when you lost the only person you felt like you could trust in the world. The only person who had been the one to listen to you when you actually had a moment of weakness. A side that you never let anyone see and how it mostly only came out when you were younger. Delta was just an owl, but he was her owl. The family symbol, a gift from her grandfather, and the only one she had for so long during the really hard parts of her training over the years.

He was no young bird, he would have died in a few years or so, but at least he would have died of old age and not because she was a failure. She was bothered by it because she could have prevented his death; it was her fault, because she had gotten soft when it came to Elsa and Ellen. Clearly the psychical beating that had come before it had not been enough to sway Rox away from wanting to...she didn't even know anymore. Roxana didn't say anything to Elsa's words, but she was still listening to what the other girl was saying. Rox was tempted to point out that it didn't matter if Elsa liked them or not, but she just let the thought cross her mind and said nothing.

A crystal dagger was already starting to form in Roxana's hand; Rox making it sharp, and then squeezing it tight. Pain always helped her mind redirect itself and she needed to redirect herself as she could feel that sick feeling returning and just getting worse as Elsa spoke more. How Elsa trusted her, how Elsa understood that Rox was not happy with how Elsa reacted to Rox telling her how she felt, and how Elsa had slept with a lot of people and didn't trust any of them like she trusted Roxana. The small dagger had long since pierced Roxana's skin with blood already gathering in the balled up fist.

Stop pretending that their relationship was professional? To tell Elsa if something like this happened again, why? What could she do? What did she think she could do? "No." Roxana finally said, closing her eyes for a moment. Elsa had smiled at her, but it didn't help settle the turmoil going within the Strix. There was so much that Rox felt like she should say, but the words would not come, only another, "No." The word once again left Roxana's mouth. With it soon followed by Roxana turning to walk away.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

No? Elsa was almost surprised to hear it, but she removed her hands anyway. She could feel the thoughts broiling around within the head, but she again stopped from diving into them. Roxana repeated it, and she walked away. Elsa stood there for a few moments, watching.

"At some point you're going to have to admit you're human!" she called after her friend. She paused, wondering if she should run after Roxana. Would that send the wrong message though? Elsa did care about Roxana, deeply, but she had no romantic feelings toward the other girl. None. She didn't even want to sleep with her if that would somehow ease things because she didn't want that done to Roxana. But apparently this was all too much for Roxana. Elsa watched her for a few more moments.

"I'm not giving up on you!" she called, cupping her hands and calling across the fair. "We've gone too far to walk away now!"

[Roxana Strix]

The hand pulled back when Roxana said no the first time. She didn't want to be touched, she didn't want to talk anymore, and she didn't want to feel, think, breath, or do anything. She wanted it all too just stop, to freeze, to end; hell she would have been fine with being able to go back and time to get rid of whatever the cause of all of this what. To just make it stop so she could go back to how she was before, before it started to...hurt. These emotions...all of them, they were useless. They were not doing her any good. She didn't even feel like herself at the moment and that was something she was not used to feeling.

Roxana Strix had to be in control, she tended to always be in control, and when she was not she did what she had to do in order to get that control back. The problem was she didn't know how to get that control back, she could not lock onto the problem. She could not figure out what it was she wanted or needed to fix whatever was wrong with her. Rox just knew that emotions were wrong, she disliked them. So she was getting away from a source that she knew caused her to feel these...feelings. Hearing the girl yell out that she was going to have to admit that she was human. That was obvious.

She would not have made so many mistakes if she was not a human, but it didn't make her feel any better or come to understand anything. What would admit it even do? What would any of this even do? Elsa was then yelling again, saying that she was not giving up on her, that they had gone too far to walk away now. Why? It escaped. "Why, Elsa?! Why?! Why do you want to still deal with me when I'm like this? I'm not myself; I don't know what I am anymore." Roxana said, the last bit of words spoken softly while the first was actually yelled. It felt really odd to yell, it had Roxana pausing where she was for a moment.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

And now they were yelling across a festival. Great, the rag-sheets were going to have a good old time with this, let alone what Dirty Laundry would churn out. Elsa barely gave that a passing thought, just taking step closer and yelling back, once more throwing her voice, aware that people were watching now.

"I just told you! We're friends dammit!" Elsa almost felt like crying now. She'd lost Felix. "I already knew you had problems when we met, remember?" she shook her head. She was almost trembling with emotion now, looking over. She'd picked up all of Roxana's words, her mind having latched onto the surface thoughts just enough to catch those as they fell.

"You're Roxana Strix, artist, bodyguard, and my friend," Elsa insisted, feeling almost childish for repeating the bit about friendship. But she didn't know how else to make Roxana understand. Elsa didn't have friends; she had allies. At most she had one person besides Roxana: Ellen Banks. Even that often felt more like an ally than anything. Felix had drifted away. Erika felt more distant. Abel seemed changed. Vera had Devyn now. That left Elsa with no idea of what to do or who she really was, and she needed Roxana to be that constant friend in her life.

[Roxana Strix]

The whole yelling bit was not something that Roxana did, it was really weird but it had just escaped from within her. That is what feelings did? She could not lose control, not with her power. Not with the training that she had, it would be far too dangerous. Perhaps that was also why she wanted to get out of here, so she would not be a threat to anyone. She honestly didn't give a damn about anyone else around them, she only cared about not hurting those she cared for and at the moment the only one around that met that was Elsa Bellefonte.

One of the girl's that she had no clue that she would come to care for the way she did. The amazing, strong, and beautiful Elsa Bellefonte. There were far more words that Roxana could use to describe the other girl, even before she had feelings for her in this way. Roxana didn't move still, didn’t turn to look at Elsa but could tell that Elsa had moved a little closer but was still yelling a little bit. They were friends, Elsa repeated it again. Elsa knew she already had problems when they met? Roxana didn't think she had any problem back then; she was at least put together back then compared to now. Now she felt...wrong.

This was never supposed to happen; it was her fault for not keeping her distance after their first meeting. Elsa spoke of who she was, and while Roxana got it she still didn't...she didn't know. Was she really still herself? She didn't feel like it. Key word; feel. This feeling of even feeling in these manners at all. "Can you really even view me as a friend when you can't even fully trust me? When I'm no longer at my best and emotions are slowly starting to rule over me?" Roxana asked, she was not yelling, she went back to speaking in her usual emotionless tone. Figuring Elsa would be able to pick up on her thoughts.

"I don't understand any of this Elsa..." Roxana added after a moment, looking at the hand that hand some blood trickling down the knuckled a little. She used her power to manipulate the crystal instead to become a cover for her wound.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Great, now Roxana wasn't even yelling. That was going to make Elsa look even more like a crazy person. "I already told you that part of the reason you are my friend is because I trust you!" Elsa continued, taking several more steps forward, figuring that since they were clearly going to talk they should at least attempt to do it from a respectable distance. Elsa was almost tempted to link up their minds and just use her mental messaging; it would make this a good deal smoother.

"It's all emotions," Elsa called, still speaking loud but at least closing the gap. "That's why it's so confusing," she came up, stopping a short distance from Roxana now, looking over at her friend. She was close enough now: "Felix is gone," she said, her voice almost flat. "Things... we didn't work out. I haven't really been able to talk to my sister. Vera's wrapped up in her girlfriend. I just have Ellen and, well, she's... Ellen," Elsa gestured at Roxana. "I trust you, and you're my friend. I need you for that, Roxana. Now can we please stop making a scene in the middle of this damn festival?"

[Roxana Strix]

It did indeed likely seem that Elsa was yelling and being a crazy person since Roxana had returned to the normal volume that she spoke at. It was just too weird for her to yell and she had quickly noticed that yelling was just making it worse. Not worse in terms of the situation itself and more so that it just made Roxana feel even more emotional. Like she was getting closer to the breaking point in which she was just going to snap...and who knew what would happen then. She didn't want to get to that point; she could not, and would not. Elsa yelled some more, saying she already said part of the reason and that they were friends because Elsa trusted her.

Rox still didn't fully understand how the other girl could trust her. Hell, even Roxana didn't trust Elsa completely; she didn't trust anyone completely. Even less likely now that she was starting to be effected by caring for someone. That was not to say that she regretted the friendship she had with the other girl, but part of just didn't want to deal with any of it any longer. It was just too...confusing. She didn't understand any of the emotions that were going through her and that was the problem behind it all. It was not that Elsa had rejected her, not that Ellen didn't feel the same way either, and it certainly was not that she was looking to get into a relationship with anyone.

She was a Strix, no one would have been able to put up with what it meant to date someone from the Strix family. Rox was certain of that. Elsa pointed out that it was emotions and that was why it was confusing. Then I'm better without them. The thought passed through Roxana's mind for a moment. Followed by thoughts of how she wanted to tell Elsa 'I told you so'. Words of 'I told you to stay away', 'that it was a bad idea', and I knew it would not last' floated across her mind. She didn't even bother to hide them. She knew that in a way that had to have made her a bad friend for thinking in such a way when Elsa was letting her know that Felix had not worked out.

If anything it just made Rox want to kill Felix. Felix was gone, Vera had a girlfriend, her sister was occupied, and Ellen was Ellen. It was just Roxana then. Why did part of Rox feel like she was Elsa only considered her a friend because she was all that the other girl had left? That she had been there for the girl through it all and yet of her felt like Elsa would never see her differently until this point. Elsa was practically pleading in a way, saying that she needed Roxana as a friend and how she just wanted to stop making a scene. "...apologies." Roxana said. She didn't know what else to say outside of that. She was just going to have to do her own form of rehabilitation; make it clear that Elsa just wanted to be friends with her, and then hopefully how she felt for the girl would go away.