Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 15, 2016 3:35:23 GMT -6
While Ella had been openly nervous that James wouldn't reciprocate or even understand where she was coming from, she had to breath a heavy sigh when he started to talk. The more he went on, the more sense it made. It felt like so much more than just having someone try to appease her state of mind. James was honest, too, and she had to appreciate that.
Even if he then retracted to something far more heartfelt, albeit less understanding and more profound.
"So you should just know?" She repeated, taking in the fact. Because for all she knew, this could be her future. And at the very least, she had to be grateful he didn't feel the need to point out how he had no desire to move to New York. For herself, she looked at the situation now for all it could give her information wise. "Do you really think knowing someone so well is so important?" She asked genuinely, because if it were the case then surely she had all the time in the world to handle anything he would ask her.
Post by James Lawrence on Jan 16, 2016 16:07:44 GMT -6
Ella did make good points; it got him to better think and try to understood where she came from. Something more. James didn't know where he stood, if anywhere, or found himself lost in the translation of thoughts to reality. Either he was trying to explain the unexplainable, or was just really that bad at putting what he wanted to say into coherent explanations.
And he really didn't know.
He breathed out, slow and hesitant, before answering, "I guess?" though lacked the conviction in the tone of his voice. It wasn't necessary to possess near perfect hearing to catch the change. James fell silent to his thoughts and let his gaze fall still on hers. Because as he looked, he feltsomething and felt like that had to mean something more. Like any future possibilities could only work with Ella. "You don't have to, but to completely deny its existence..." He trailed off.
"I think that's reasonable, though. Knowing someone well. Do you agree?" James asked, wanting to hear her response to the question. He hid very little, if anything, from Ella when directly asked but never found it necessary to talk to her about each other. Anything she wanted to know, he would answer. "Do you think we know each other?"
Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 18, 2016 3:22:48 GMT -6
Ella nodded her head once when questioned. Of course, knowing someone was so important when it came to marrying them. She was equally glad and relieved to know he felt the same way. Up until that moment, she had been desperate for that confirmation. But that in no way made this conversation any easier.
"I feel like I do." Ella replied, nodding her head once. It was like a second nature answer to his obvious question. Of course Ella would feel like she knew him well; well enough to give up a relationship to follow the course of a feeling. Well enough to let him be the person to go to during panic attacks. And well enough that she would choose to move in with him.
"Like, I do know you." She added slowly. Feeling the rhythm of his heart and reading what it meant proved she at least knew something, "But... Maybe I don't know about you." And then she nodded her head once. That made sense. Surely he had to get why that made sense.
Post by James Lawrence on Jan 18, 2016 12:52:43 GMT -6
They both established that knowing each other was important, but on what sort of level? Deeper than the surface, definitely, but there had to be several layers within. James knew that Ella wasn't a fan of crowds due to the overwhelming proximity of so many heartbeats but her life before they met for a second time? All unknown.
Instinct told James that he overall knew Ella. Knew that she was someone, the only person, he could confide in about anything. He knew that there was something undeniable between them, worth fighting for, and James knew that letting her go for a second time would be an unbearable mistake.
A thoughtful expression crosses his features. "Yeah... yeah, exactly." James agreed with her sentiment the more he thought about it. She put what he was thinking into exact words. "Honestly, I know little, if anything, about your life before we met again." He admitted. But she already knew that; it's why the discussion came up in the first place.
Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 19, 2016 0:04:38 GMT -6
This was the one thing Ella almost didn't want to agree on. An agreement about a lack of information only taught him to chase her further. It would only drag questions. But she had so many to ask in turn. It was only fair.
"I don't think there's really much to tell, but I get that." She replied, because she has always naturally been prone to downplaying her own lifelong perils. Hers was a story that took more than an afternoon and a few short words to take on.
And she trusted him completely. At least, she was almost sure she did. "I don't know where you got your love for New York, but I know how real it is. Or... Was." Faded as the dream seemed now, anyway.
Post by James Lawrence on Jan 19, 2016 0:45:02 GMT -6
"There's gotta be something to mention. It's the majority of your life." James pointed out, not to force Ella to say something, but to say that there was nothing noteworthy about twenty plus years of life didn't feel like the whole truth. They had a tendency to stay well within the lines of comfort. To ignore the not so ideal parts of the past.
James could hopefully provide some sort of answer to her statement. He lost himself in a train of thought, thinking of how to best answer her next statement. It was acute observation. "Both. I still love the city, as you know." James said, with a nod. "But I also know it's not the right place for me, or us, to permanently settle down in."
"I think the city itself can act as a symbol of hopes and dreams." He added, dark eyes flickering to catch her own expression. "Being born there sort of set that in motion and became such a huge part of me. I couldn't see any other way."
Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 19, 2016 2:34:34 GMT -6
The question Ella posed felt so safe in comparison to his own, but it quickly lost that softer edge when he spoke about settling down. It proved without any doubt that he had her in mind. Not just for now but for his future; time would only tell how far she managed to stretch into that life he was building. For all she knew, it could have centered around her. Or their relationship. But Ella being Ella had her doubting the idea could hold merit. She wasn't the girl a person built a life for.
"So you were born there." She denoted, having always assumed the fact but never actually learned it until now. He knew it so well when they went there, she could have guessed it well enough.
She could give him the same. That was fair enough; "I heard I was born in Stillwater, Minnesota," She said, slowly easing away from his grasp, "But I grew up with my mom in St. Paul." As soon as she found freedom, she was heading for the kitchen.
Post by James Lawrence on Jan 19, 2016 3:02:10 GMT -6
Building the foundation for the future ahead was key for James; to ensure that everything settled down nicely for his future with Ella. Part of him wondered if he was going into the relationship too strong or too fast, and he had no way of finding out unless he directly asked. Which was an already overwhelming thought without actually saying anything about it. He assumed it was something Ella wanted as well, wanted the stability of them, since she had never gave any indication otherwise.
Nodding to confirm Ella's answer, James said "Yeah, born and raised until coming to Kalispell after manifestation." He always assumed it was obvious, due to his strong connection with New York and his inability to completely let go of the idealized image.
He tilted his head when Ella mentioned that she heard where she was born, confused by the word choice. Hands slowly let go of her, falling back down to rest by his side. "Heard?" He repeated, before adding "I've never been to Minnesota. Do you miss St. Paul?"
Last Edit: Jan 19, 2016 3:10:16 GMT -6 by James Lawrence
Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 19, 2016 3:37:47 GMT -6
A situation like this had nothing to do with being fast. These weren't topics to brush through like they didn't matter; they required clever, precise details so further explanation wouldn't be necessary. Ella believed at the very least that equality could help her out here. An eye for an eye never felt truer, but she would try if he would try and somehow they would find their way to a place of better understanding.
Hopefully, that didn't draw them to marriage soon. Surely it wouldn't.
Heard. She nodded at the fact for a second or so before she turned her back. Fingers curled around the handle of the fridge and she drew it open, pausing long enough to start searching the contents. "Not really. It took a long time to even feel like it was home, so I don't think I could ever miss it." She explained, doing her best to answer the most important part of what he had asked; "It's just the place I'm from. It's the place where my mom lives."
Post by James Lawrence on Jan 19, 2016 4:05:34 GMT -6
Following Ella towards the kitchen, James leaned back against the counter as she opened the fridge. "You don't have that strong attachment." He added; not that there was anything wrong with that. Flickers of previous conversation came up, when James asked her a similar question about where she came from before Montana. Something along the lines of whether there was that pull, and Ella admitted St. Paul held no substance in her life.
"You don't let it define you." Which was the exact opposite of what James did.
His hands pressed against the surface of the counter, glancing over. "Did you move there and find it hard to adjust afterwards?" He asked, the only explanation that he could come up with on the spot.
Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 19, 2016 5:10:31 GMT -6
Really, part of James had to take comfort in the lack of interest Ella held in St. Paul. It meant that if nothing else, she had no desire to ever live there. She never really wanted to be associated with it on a homely level. She would visit - as people did when they left people behind - but never live. She barely lived there when she grew up there. She simply was there.
Define her. She nodded at the fact, a small hum passing her lips as another sign of recognition. Somehow he managed to word it perfectly, whereas she was still struggling to get her head around whether or not her explanation skills were remotely useful.
"No," She replied simply, pursing her lips momentarily, "It's just where I've lived since I was adopted."
And she forced herself to reel back a moment later, searching for a glass to pour water into. Nothing about the admission seemed difficult or strained; surely if she breezed her way through it now, it wouldn't be uncomfortable later.
Post by James Lawrence on Jan 19, 2016 5:30:05 GMT -6
Undeniably, there was a sense of comfort and relief to be found in the fact that Ella held no desire to return home. That they were at least on the same page in terms of choosing their current state to begin settling down in. The compatibility of goals and ideas for the future. He exhaled a short breath before returning to the subject.
For James, it was easier to take what Ella said and put it into his own words than to try and translate his thoughts out loud.
Adopted; the last word stood out from the rest of her sentence. Surprise coloured his features, as it was something he never considered beforehand. Ella had never hinted or gave any indication that she was adopted. Maybe that was done on purpose, with the intention of glossing over her childhood. "Ah," He finally replied with a nod. "That makes sense."
Wordlessly, James stepped aside to open the cupboard above his head, where a limited amount of glasses remained from his apartment life before her. He tried to think of something equal to share with her; but what could possibly compare from his own life? He would move to close the cupboard once she grabbed her cup.
Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 19, 2016 5:43:20 GMT -6
Glossing over her own childhood had seemed so easy when she thought about it. Whenever the topic rose with her prior boyfriend, Ella would talk, but she never felt overtly comfortable about it. There was never a good time to talk about herself; the anxious feelings never went away. Even now, she could feel the difficulty behind it, but she knew he deserved to know these things on some level. The small sound he offered cut in a way it shouldn't have, and she made every point not to look at his face because of that sound.
She leaned inward to procure a glass, lingering close enough out of necessity, but she still didn't look even when she felt the desire to. The second she was free of his proximity she kept a pace between them, and her eyes fell to the way the water filled the glass. "I was seven." She added finally, though she kept her tone quiet, "So I sort of remember it. But I don't really remember much before it. Just little snippets here and there, I guess."
Post by James Lawrence on Jan 19, 2016 11:40:05 GMT -6
It was a difficult conversation topic and there was no way around it. All James could do was listen or attempt to offer his sympathy but that was an assumption that being adopted was something she was bitter about. Though her voice was quiet, there wasn't anything that gave James the impression that it was something to be ashamed of, or hide. He knew it must have been hard for Ella to say that, and for that, he appreciated that she felt like she could open up to him, even if it was hard.
The small moment of proximity as she reached for a glass caused him to shift towards her on instinct; but James stopped before closing in on a physical level. He watched the distance grow but didn't make a motion to breach that distance. "That must have been hard, 'cause you don't remember everything or can forget everything." He offered. Ella would have been at the age where she remembered enough to form memories and ideas about her childhood before and after the adoption.
"Your mom sounds like a nice person, though. From what you've told me." James spoke, glancing over at her. Offering a different topic if she found the current one too overwhelming, but close enough that she could continue if she wanted.
Last Edit: Jan 19, 2016 11:40:34 GMT -6 by James Lawrence
Post by Ella Robbinson on Jan 25, 2016 19:56:08 GMT -6
When James did his best to reciprocate the conversation with little disarray, Ella could only be thankful for the attempt. There wasn't much else to say about being adopted. That was enough, surely.
"She is, yeah. Super nice and super sweet. She put up with a lot, from your usual adopted pre-teen angst to the whole... Blood thing." Ella offered, doing the best she could to push through any potential awkwardness. She was going to live with this man, after all, and so he deserved more than what little she normally gave.
So she looked at him too, despite how eye contact was normally uncomfortable. "She wants to meet you. Like maybe over Christmas or whatever." She tried then, eyebrows quirking with mild concern; "Unless your family do stuff for the holidays, of course."