S0rry I’m 1@t3

[Erin Hackett]

I'm such an ass. Why did I wait so long to see her? Erin could not help but to scold herself as she finally managed to get a parking spot and got out of her car. She already knew what hospital Alex was and even the room number for a lot of reasons. The main one being that Alex herself had sent her a message letting her know where she was. The room number was found by Erin herself and her computer skills. "You can't even use work as an excuse." Erin muttered to herself, as she closed the door behind her and locked her car.

She then used her power, vanishing from people being able to see or hear her. She mostly did this for the sake of wanting to avoid the whole checking in, waiting, asking questions, and dealing with people in general. She didn't like hospitals at all and maybe that was part of the reason why she took so long to come visit her friend. So long in fact that she had gotten a message from Alex earlier in the day that she was going to be discharged, which basically meant free to go home.

"I hope she didn't leave yet." Erin said out loud to herself, not worried at all about anyone hearing her since she was using her power. She was careful to avoid coming into contact with anyone as she made her way to Alex's room. She didn't hesitate to quickly go in once she touched the handle and stopped using her power once she was safely on the other side of the door. "A-Alex?" Erin spoke up, already feeling like somehow she messed up with her research and had the wrong room. That was impossible but that didn't stop her from feeling anxious.

((Tag: Alexandra Lawson))

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex, to put it lightly, was ready to leave the hospital. She'd been stuck in the uncomfortably small bed for so long she was about to climb the walls in frustration. That is, she would have if her body would allow. She was still weak and utterly exhausted from her injuries. She wasn't so far removed from nearly dying the night of the attack to be able to move about with much energy or fervor. Instead of being able to help pack the exorbitant amount of things Ezra had relocated from their apartment to Alex's hospital room, the tiny girl was relegated to staying in bed while he made the trip to take everything back home.

Alex's head tilted toward the door as it opened and a smile brightened the part of her face that wasn't hidden beneath the bulky bandage she still wore. One eye was still covered but the exposed one gleamed at the sight of Erin. It was obvious much of the light and energy Alex was known for had drained, leaving behind just a dim, flickering spark struggling to remain lit. "Hey, you." Alex said weakly as she gave a half-hearted wave. She wanted to jump out of the bed and rush her friend to give her a spastic, manic hug but she simply lacked the will and energy to do so. "What brings you around this place?" Alex asked with a faint, barely there chuckle to accompany the terrible attempt at making light of her situation.

[Erin Hackett]

As soon as she saw Alex, well she could not help but to feel even worse for taking so long to come and see the other girl. This other girl who was supposed to have been her friend and a crush years ago. Yet, that was part of the reason why she had not want to come, not because she didn't care but because she cared a lot and it just hurt to think about what happened to Alex. To think about how she had not been there to help her friend and how she was not even called on to be of any help. Then again...what could she have done?

It didn't feel good either way, but at least Alex was smiling as she always did and that managed to numb a tiny bit of the guilt and pain. If only by a little bit. "H-hi...sorry that I uh...well..." Erin started to say, just not really managing to get the words out. She wanted to use her power and just act like she was never here but that likely would not help the situation. It make it worse if anything, but it was just hard to stick around when you could see your friend damaged; healed, but still damaged.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't come visit you right away! That I was not there to help! That I avoided coming here all this time! And I'm sorry for being such a bad friend and I understand if you hate me!" Erin just let out. Not fully yelling but she was speaking a lot louder then she normally would. Her eyes were already starting to feel warm as her vision went blurry as tears were already falling from her eyes and down her face. Her head bent over in shame and in the perfect apologetic bow position she mastered while growing up in Japan.

((Tag: Alexandra Lawson ))

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex hadn't paid much attention to who had visited and when. All things considered she found herself lucky to have been surrounded by so much love and affection in the wake of the attack. She understood people had their own lives and she could hardly condemn them for not being able to drop whatever they had going and rush to the hospital. She knew for the first week so anyway few of then would have been let in because she had been in the long term intensive care unit. Now that she'd stabilized and it was just a matter of recovering from her injuries, people started filtering in, even just to say 'hello' and offer he their best wishes.

There was nothing but happiness that touched Alex's features when Erin began to speak. The moment Alex's still hazy mind was able to grasp the words and sorrow that was pouring from the redhead, the happiness melted away. "Erin." Alex said as sternly as her condition would allow. "No, don't." She reached out for Erin, beckoning for her to draw closer. "Stop that." She insisted. "You're here now and that's all that matters. You can't blame yourself for this, okay?" Alex couldn't help but avert her gaze now as well. "Look, I know. I get it. No one could have done anything and... I understand how you feel." She glanced up, both arms now reaching out. "Now if you don't come here and give me a hug I will start hating you."

[Erin Hackett]

There was that stern tone of voice that Alex seemed to be able to pull out of herself whenever Erin got like this. It was a tone she would never forget with how often she heard it or maybe the fact that when she heard it she was being scolded. No one ever really scolded her before, not even her father when she had done something wrong. Sure, he would just give her a look and it would say it all but she never really got the stern voice from anyone but Alex. Erin looked away and tried to get herself back together, knowing she was being selfish here.

Alex was the one that was hurt and she should not have been here making Alex feeling anything but happiness. But...how could she make Alex feel happy when she herself felt like the worse person in the world. "S-sorry." Erin stuttered out, her hands gripping tightly at the ends of her shirt as she didn't look at Alex so didn't see the motion that was directed at her to come closer. She could practically feel that Alex wanted her to come closer, but she just could not bring herself to move at all. Alex's word made sense but they didn't make Erin feel any better and some of the words she didn't agree with.

"Someone could have done something! Someone could have been there with you! Should have been there with you! M-make the person pay...but no...no one was there..." Erin yelled at first before her voice got progressively quieter. She didn't want Alex to hate her, so she did move over closer to the girl, standing close enough to be pulled in the rest of the way for the hug, but she didn't make any moves to be the one to start it. "I...I'm sorry." Erin muttered, wanting to use her power more than anything but wanted to just curl around Alex even more.

((Tag: Alexandra Lawson))

[Alexandra Lawson]

The sudden and startling reaction Erin had to seeing Alex served as a stark reminder of how impactful that fateful night had been on more than just Alex. She couldn't help hints of a frown from touching her features as she watched Erin. She knew she looked like hell, was weak and much more subdued than anyone had ever seen her save for the handful of people who'd seen her sleeping but Alex never realized how much it would affect her friends and loved ones. It was almost enough to make her feel guilty for putting them through this. She should be able to put on the happy, cheerful front at least as long as company was around.

"Don't apologize if you didn't do anything wrong." She said curtly, offering a slow nod of her head for emphasis. "It happened so fast I... I only remember bits and pieces of it. As far as I remember I was walking home from work, someone yelled something, I turned..." She paused to take a deep breath and nodded. Alex refused to hide from what had happened. She wouldn't shy away from talking about it or letting it control who she was or how she acted. "Then I woke up here. I don't know what anyone could have done." She said truthfully. "I told you." Alex didn't hesitate to take the opportunity to pull Erin into a gentle hug. She at least finally been rid of the tubes and IV's stuck in her arm making hugs much easier to execute. "You're here now." The warmth of the closeness caused a surge of emotion to well up inside Alex and she couldn't help but sniffle. "That's all that matters."

[Erin Hackett]

Erin didn't want Alex to be putting on a happy face, she wanted the other girl to feel and let her emotions out. She wanted Alex to yell at her, to blame her, or blame someone for this. Blame the person that did it and ask Erin to make them pay for her, that was what she wanted to hear from her friend. However, she did not and she doubted she ever would. She understood that Alex liked to be a happy person on the outside and probably didn’t want to make her friends worry, but Erin didn’t want Alex to have to fake her feelings. She wanted Alex to be real and be selfish for once. Was that selfish of Erin to want that for Alex?

She didn't know...all she knew was that it was impossible to keep the tears from slowly starting to fall out of her eyes and to keep the frustration with herself at bay. "I was not there for you!" Erin yelled back when Alex pointed out that she didn't have to apologize if she didn't do something wrong. Not being there, that was wrong...right? Alex started to talk about what happened, or at least what she remembered. It was not even much, which brought upon more fear for Erin as her mind was already thinking worse case scenario. They attack clearly beat her but what if they sexually assaulted her as well? The thought alone had Erin turning red with not embarrassment but anger, frustration, and sadness.

Erin's mouth opened to say something but she fell silent as she was pulled in for a hug. Alex would be able to easily pick up that Erin was sharing. Even still, Erin reached her hands out to wrap around her friend and even went as far as to climb up on the bed to be closer to her friend in that embrace. "I'll make whoever did this pay. I'll find them and I will make them pay. Let me do that for you. Tell me to do that for you." Erin said as she hugged her friend tightly, trying to not squeeze her too hard. "P-please..." Erin muttered, burying her head into Alex's shoulder as she cried more. She wanted Alex to not put on a happy face for once, to let it out but perhaps Alex could not...or didn't want to.

((Tag: Alexandra Lawson))

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex jumped in surprise and nearly shrank away from Erin as she issued the unexpected outburst. Expressive, brown eyes widened as Erin's tears began to flow freely. Alex's mouth worked to speak but there were no words. She'd never expected this sort of response from the normally soft spoken, almost timid Erin. It was startling to see how profound an effect the attack that nearly killed her had on the people she loved.

Once the initial shock wore off Alex immediately felt the hot sting of her own tears begin to fall. When Erin had drawn close enough for the hug Alex clung to her tightly as if squeezing her her as hard as she could would force out the fear and sorrow Erin was holding onto. "I can't." Alex sobbed, her head shaking. "Don't ask me to do that." She pulled away just enough to be able to look at Erin in the eyes. "Listen." Alex sniffled and was absolutely lost when it came to all this but there remained a certain fire in her gaze. "I can't hold onto that... hate." Alex was nearly pleading even though she believed every word she spoke with near blind conviction. "I know what they did." Her head slowly shook now even though she defiantly refused to break eye contact. "But I will not become them, and I won't let you either."

[Erin Hackett]

This side of Erin startled her as well, at least in terms of just how far her mind was willing to image what she would do to make whoever was responsible pay. Yes, she had a bit of a dark side in where if someone got on her bad side she would make life unpleasant for them. That normally revolved around making them lose money, messing with anything technology based in their lives, and possibly scaring them from time to time. However, in this situation Erin was already fully planning how she would kill whoever was responsible. Her power would come in hand to sneak in and she would appear just as she would end their life or lives if multiple people were responsible.

The thought made her wonder why she was willing to actually do such a thing but the women in her arms was all the reason she needed to understand. "You can....or you can let me hate for you. For once can't you just feel?" Erin asked, not looking into the other girl’s eyes as soon as they made eye contact. "You always put a smile on, a brave face, and you hide away what is bothering you. I hate that. I hate that you feel like you can't be yourself around me...that you can't show me another side to you besides happiness and being strong." Erin responded, rubbing at her own eyes as she tried to get her emotions under control.

Alex was pleading with her, making it clear that she knew what they did but she refused to become like them. Alex would not let Erin either. "...you don't have that kind of power over me to stop me." Erin responded, he tone going cold as she started to pull away from Alex. "I...I don't get to have you in my life like I would w-want but...I can at the very least protect you." Erin muttered. It was all that she felt like she could do. There were others that were better at making Alex happy, others she likely showed other emotions to. If Erin was only going to get false happiness and occasional tears when the moment got too much well...she didn't know what she would do. All she knew was that her mind was set on making whoever did this pay.

((Tag: Alexandra Lawson))

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex felt the warmth between her and Erin fade the longer the other girl spoke. The smile she had willed upon her face in spite of the serious tone the conversation carried slowly melted away. Her dark eyes flashed with traces of anger mixing with the incredulous confusion that came with Erin's reply. The diminutive redhead remained silent for a long moment as she struggled to piece together the right words to convey how she was suddenly feeling. "How dare you tell me how I'm supposed to feel?" She finally said, her voice quiet. "I smile because I'm happy. I don't let..." She waved a hand about her in steadily growing frustration. "... this get me down. I cant't. And if you think this isn't who I really am than you don't know me nearly as well as you think."

There was no resistance preventing Erin from pulling away. Alex's hands fell to her sides in resignation. "And you have no right to use me to fuel any sort of misguided need for revenge." She shot back. More had been in store to be said but Erin's assertion derailed Alex's train of thought. With a furrowed brow Alex turned her eyes toward Erin. "That was four years ago!" She blurted out. "If being my friend isn't enough then... I don't know." Alex trailed off as her head shook.

But she wasn't done. Not yet.

"And I'm tired of everyone looking at me like I'm some helpless little... thing." The words failed Alex as she pressed her hands into her face. The frustration had been growing and was no threatening to overwhelm the young pyrokinetic. "I know how bad it was, I know what happened. I know I almost died." She insisted through clenched teeth. A flush of crimson rushed into her cheeks as her blood began to boil. "But I do not need to be protected. You can't just wrap me in plastic and call it good. I don't need anyone's sympathy or pity."

The words escaped with the animosity that had built over the last couple weeks. Although it had been a brief outburst it caused a sharp jab of pain to jolt through her head. With a grimace of pain Alex's eyes squeezed shut and she brought her hands up to cover her face while she uttered a low curse beneath her breath.

[Erin Hackett]

Erin did not expect Alex to actually say anything back or to actually show any other emotion but happiness and brief moments of sadness. A part of her was happy that she was finally getting to see another side of Alex but at the same time she hated it. Hated that she was at fault for bringing it out but she just could not help it. She always felt like Alex was holding herself back and for once she just wanted Alex to let it all out. Was that wrong of her to want? Erin's eyes began to water again as Alex spoke and seemed to be working on a way to respond back to what Erin said. "I'm not...I'm not trying to tell you how you should feel. I...I just want you to feel. T-to not worry about my happiness or worrying about you. I just want you to be able to let it all out...is that wrong of me to want?" Erin asked, deeply confused now.

Perhaps she did overstep a boundary in their friendship, but she cared about Alex and wanted her friend to not worry about what others might think or something along those lines. "I..." Erin went to argue back with Alex that she was not trying to use her for a reason for revenge. Damn it...why was this so hard? Was it wrong to want to make someone pay for hurting someone you cared about? If the police did their job, that person would pay either way; did it matter if Erin was the one that would make the process go a bit faster? Those eyes on her didn't feel good like they normally did, this time they hurt. "You don't even know what I mean..." Erin muttered back when Alex was talking about four years ago. Erin had an idea of what Alex might have thought she meant, but she was wrong.

"Being your friend is enough, being in your life is enough. I just...I don't feel like I'm in it anymore. You don't talk to me like you use to. Y-you..." Erin responded, before shaking her head and clenching at her shirt tightly. Alex next words just had Erin growing in frustration and just confusion. She blamed herself since she never really made things clear or it could have been Alex was so used to something that she was already expecting it. Erin just listened and did her best to wait until Alex said her piece before she would say her own. "I DON'T LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAT!" Erin could not help but yell, and it was like actually yelling. Her breathing was already on the level that it ended up being when she was having a panic attack but she took a deep breath so she would not yell again.

It felt wrong to yell, especially at Alex. "I...I think you are so strong Alex. Stronger then I could ever be...I hide behind my computers, get pay back, and use my power to hide away. I never looked at you like you were weak. I have always looked at you like you were the strongest person in the world. Y-you always take the higher road, be the bigger person, don't show how things get to you, and you try to make others around you happy without expecting anything in return." Erin managed to get out, her tears and occasional deep breaths making it harder to talk each time. "I don't pity you or anything like that...I envy you. I admire you. I want to be like you. I don't....I don't even feel like I actually could protect you but...I want to try. I want to help. I want to try and protect you in the pathetic way that I can...b-because I...I'll keep feeling like I'm being left behind...useless...to you." Erin added, lifting up her shirt to cover her face as she continued to cry. Damn, she felt so pathetic and weak.

((Tag: Alexandra Lawson ))

[Alexandra Lawson]

"But what you don't understand, Erin, is that I do feel." Alex replied in protest. "I feel all of it, everything. I've let everything out, I've cried. My God, you have no idea how much I've cried." Her head shook faintly. She had an idea where Erin was coming from but she was already so on edge keeping herself under control was difficult still. "But what do you want me to do? Sit here and do nothing but cry and scream? Well, I can't do that. I can't sit here and focus on what happened or how close I came to dying. Every time I move too fast and almost throw up is a reminder of that."

Alex winced and nearly recoiled away from Erin when the words erupted from her mouth. A chord had been struck that Alex hadn't been prepared to handle. Regardless of her own tears that were beginning to form, Alex listened. She hung on every word Erin had to say before contemplating them and issuing a quietly spoken response. "I'm sorry if you feel that way." She said honestly. Life had a way of pulling friends apart even when they didn't mean for it to happen. "Everything's just so busy anymore. It's not like it was back when we were in school." She sighed softly. "I wish it was."

And then came the outpouring of emotion from the taller, natural redhead. Alex's brow furrowed as she watched everything come cascading out of Erin. The tears began to flow freely and silently as the words just kept coming. Once Erin had finished an almost startlingly tense silence fell over the room as Alex was left reeling and utterly speechless for a long while as she attempted in vain to comprehend everything Erin had just said.

"Erin..." Alex spoke the name quietly and shifted, turning so she could swing her still bare feet over the edge of her bed before pushing forward and slipping to the floor. The tiles were cold against her skin and she moved with hesitant, shaky steps but nothing was going to keep her from closing the distance and drawing closer to her friend. "You can't be the one to judge your worth to someone else." She said softly, leaning against the wall for support. "You're my friend. You're in my life and I love you. That's worth so much more than you could ever imagine."