It’s Not What It Seems

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

"I was drunk at prom," Zoe halfheartedly protested, the words barely audible. She had been, though that hadn't just been alcohol running through her veins. Things had been different then; how could Devyn not see that, feel it? Things had been different ever since Devyn had been awkward post prom, since, well, a while, really.

The compliment somehow managed to catch Zoe off-guard. Not that Devyn complimented her, but the words, the way, then the slight kiss on the cheek. since when did Devyn respect boundaries? That is, respect them beyond the very few hard and fast lines that Zoe had drawn and absolutely demanded never to be crossed. It made Zoe tingle for a moment, almost as much as Devyn's lips surely did. Then again, Devyn should be used to those tingles by now.

"We're, um, at the front of the line," stammered Zoe. They were, in fact. She pointed toward the person running the stand, who looked at them with an expression somewhere between amusement and disgust. That could've been their standard expression for all Zoe knew, though it probably had something to do with the public display of affection. An increasingly red Zoe stepped forward, mumbling an order for a couple of chocolate covered bananas, which the worker went to work making on the spot, leaving Zoe squirming in front, looking anxiously over at Devyn.

[Devyn Solway]

"Something tells me that you being drunk were just only part of it. You have done it before when you were sober. Plus it was prom and if you were not all over me I for sure would have been." Devyn admitted with a smile at Zoe, at her current girlfriend and someone that she really did care a lot about. To the point that it was scaring her and causing confusion and why she was distant. She needed to work things out, but she needed to have that talk with Zoe most of all. If they had that talk then Devyn would be able to figure things out a little better at least that was the plan. That was what Beau suggested after all, the whole talking and working things out. Devyn was trying to and she would have done it now, but felt like it was a bad idea to do before Zoe was going to go up and be bided on.

Still, Devyn already decided that she was going to show up and bid on Zoe at the action either way. Even if she didn't win, she would show up and bid. She didn't think she could just stay away knowing others were looking at and possibly going to get a moment alone with someone who was hers. The kiss to Zoe's cheek just made her really want to kiss Zoe's lips, but she fault against that urge. Zoe didn't want to kiss in public so she was just going to have to wait. Man did she just want to pull out her hair or to just kiss Zoe deeply right there without any care. She really didn't care, she was holding back for Zoe's sake and the tingly was not a problem. Devyn was used to it and while she would have preferred to be able to always feel Zoe, she knew that she could still deal with it. Devyn was pretty much staring at Zoe for a moment until Zoe stammered out the fact that they were in the front of the line.

Oh, so they were. "Sorry about that. She is just so cute I can't help myself." Devyn said and got her wallet out as Zoe handled the whole ordering process. Devyn could care less about the look the guy was giving. So long as he made them what Zoe asked for and didn't say or do anything that would upset Zoe, then everything would be fine. Devyn would fight for Zoe; if that had not been proven with her going off after SPECTRE when that had attacked Zoe. Devyn fist closing for a moment at the thought before paying the treats while Zoe squirmed. Devyn was unable to help herself as she moved closer to Zoe, coming from behind to give her a hug and pull Zoe back into her. "You smell really good today." Devyn pointed out, moving to kiss the top of Zoe's head if Zoe had not wormed away.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

"well, it had been... prom," said Zoe in a semi-distracted manner. Surely Devyn got that part, right? The prom part of things had almost been perfect. It possibly would've been had the preventative been worked up before then. Zoe wondered about that, the little vial that still lay on a shelf in her room, ignored for the time being. She just wished she could feel as confident now as she had been.

Devyn kept being Devyn. She paid for the bananas, even giving the guy who served them a little grief. Zoe did her part as well: blushing and looking away, rubbing at her arm, feeling the long glove moving across her soft skin. she hadn't moved away, so Devyn's lips would press on the top of her head. That felt decidedly weird though, even if it did make Zoe feel a little warm.

"I don't know why," she said, looking over at Devyn. "I didn't, um, do anything different, just what I normally do..." she trailed off, looking away, incidentally back at the guy. Soon the bananas appeared, and Zoe reached out, taking them both. She offered one to Devyn, keeping the other balanced in another hand. She could practically feel the cool, sweet treat from there, the chocolate already hardening on the fruit. Zoe actually moved over to take a bite out of hers, letting out a little moan at the taste.

And no, she didn't notice the fact that people were staring at the cute girl eating a banana on a stick with her eyes closed and moaning.

[Devyn Solway]

"Right, right. I was your prince, you were my princess, and it was just a really great night." Devyn said, and really did think that it was a great night, so great in fact that she was sort of blaming it for all of the emotional turmoil she felt that she was going through at the moment. It was Devyn's first prom after all and she had gone with Zoe, it just had everything just so special. So full of emotions. Plus then Zoe had to go on and make sure that Devyn knew that she wanted her that night. They had gone as far as they could possibly go and it was wonder. Hell, Devyn had slept with someone a few hours after and even still after that she wanted Zoe. Wanted the girl who she was not able to go all the way with when she had just been with a girl that she could do such a thing. It really didn't make any sense to her and that was why they had to talk and also why Devyn was doing a lot of thinking and giving Zoe her space.

Things were going as they always ended up going when Zoe and Devyn would be together out in the public. Devyn would tease and flirt; Zoe would blush and fidget, while people around them would watch. That was pretty much how it always went and Devyn honestly didn't mind it at all since she was being who she was and Zoe never told her she didn't like it. She only didn't want to do scandalous things like kissing and touching in public, Devyn could work on being better at that. Stick to hand holding and kisses to the cheek since those were innocent enough, right? Devyn really did like to kiss Zoe, to have her close, and well just be able to pull Zoe into her arms at any moment that she desired to. She was full on possessive over Zoe and things were going to remain that way for a while most likely.

"I know. It's your scent. I just have not been around you a lot so I was starting to miss it." Devyn admitted, still taking in Zoe scent and half tempted to sort of just rub up on Zoe so Zoe would get her scent on her and Devyn would also have Zoe scent on her. She fought against that desire and instead grabbed at the banana that Zoe handed to her. It smelled delicious and Devyn already felt her mouth starting to water and her stomach eager to receive such a treat. She did take a bite out of hers, enjoying it but unlike Zoe was silent about it. Zoe closing her eyes and letting out a pleased moan had not only Devyn looking at her, but people around them. Zoe didn't even seem to realize, but that was so like Zoe. "If you are trying to turn me and everyone around us on, it’s working." Devyn pointed out, unable to help saying it like that as she smiled at Zoe. Moving to start to nudge Zoe so she would start to move.

She wanted to get them away from the other people so that Zoe was not being stared at and having people think who knows what kind of thoughts. Well Devyn knew there were certain thoughts she did not want people having about Zoe and the main fact was she still sort of wanted to be 'alone' with Zoe. Man why was she so conflicted in what she wanted and why did she have to put Zoe thought all of it. "I...I'm sorry for how I have been of late. I really do mean it when I say it." Devyn said as she looked down for a moment but then went to take a bite out of her treat. No way was she going to waste it.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Not been around? It wasn't as if they hadn't been spending time together, or that Zoe had been avoiding Devyn, at least, not on purpose. Prom had been awkward, and, well, Zoe wasn't sure what to make of the whole mess, let alone how she felt about it. Awkward just seemed to hover around Zoe though, wanting to torment her at every possible turn.

Like now, for example, with the banana. She blinked, banana still in her mouth, her eyes on Devyn for a bit. then she looked around, realizing how many people were looking. Then she flushed a brilliant red and almost dashed for the nearest cover, probably would've if Devyn hadn't caught her and directed her away. Zoe nibble a little more on her treat, since, well, she did thoroughly enjoy them and all, but she also didn't want, well, people staring. Clearly she just needed to be quieter.

Because that would be a problem for Zoe.

Devyn spoke, and Zoe looked as soon as she heard sounds. Soon she stared, blinking, not sure what to make of it. An apology? for behaving the way she had? "You don't need to apologize," said Zoe, her reflexes kicking in. "really," she took another bite of her banana, looking away even as she fought the urge to make another obscene noise. She could quietly enjoy the scrumptious treat, even if it did take some effort. She looked back over at Devyn, wondering what had brought this mess on...

[Devyn Solway]

Well yes, they still had been spending time together, just not as much as they used to and Devyn had been avoiding Zoe a little bit. Not like she would run and hide when she would see Zoe coming, but she would not go around areas where she would run into Zoe. That was not all that hard since Zoe was in a grade higher than her so they didn't have the same classes. It would be different soon and Zoe and her could likely end up in a couple of classes together. If they were still going out by then, Devyn saw that as one as a huge achievement and two that it would be kind of cute. She could pass notes at Zoe and help carry her books. That sounded more like a middle school relationship, but she had never actually done that sort of thing before. Ever since she was fourteen she was among the big kids and did the big kids sort of things instead of the cute little kid things like writing a note if someone liked her or not. Maybe that was why she was not good at romance, since she missed that innocent level of 'love'.

Devyn could not help but to chuckle at how red Zoe got when she realized what she was doing and how people were watching her. She figured Zoe would bolt for it like a rabbit that heard something snap and that was why she had moved to direct Zoe. She didn't want to have to run after Zoe and track her down. Well she did, but if she did that then she was likely to end up doing other things that Zoe would not like her to do in public because her beastly side would have come to the surface a little bit more. Zoe still was enjoying her treat; and so was Devyn, so that was a good sign that Zoe had not been deterred from her treat. The chocolate covered banana was pretty good and Devyn for sure was enjoying hers as well. The difference between Zoe and her with eating this treat was that Zoe was nibbled where Devyn was taking large bites, practically wolfing it down.

Zoe said that she didn't have anything to be sorry about, but Zoe seemed to always say that. Devyn would say the same to Zoe when Zoe would apologize, but Zoe really didn't have anything to be sorry about. Zoe was just so kind and didn't deserve the things that happened to her. Just thinking about it caused Devyn to start to feel emotional a little as her eyes got a little water but she looked away from Zoe when her girlfriend looked at her. "Do you still lo...do you still feel the same about me?" Devyn asked after swallowing hard, still not looking at Zoe. She still would save other things for the talk, but she wanted to at least ask a few things of Zoe now. "If so...why? We don't really have anything in common...and I've hurt you..." Devyn said, her voice sounding a bit weak as she rubbed at her eyes for a moment and then took another bite out of her treat.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

At least they were away from prying eyes, which was something of a relief to Zoe. She could breathe easier, nibble at her treat, and not worry about making the occasional noise expressing her pleasure at it. Within a few moments, she actually thought she might just relax. A fair; she could enjoy a fair, right? All the whirling sounds, the laughter, it all felt very...

then Devyn had to ask a question that made Zoe's stomach fall out. she turned, not quite believing what she'd heard. Her brown eyes widened with surprise and disbelief, blinking as they looked up at Devyn. Why would she bring that up? Why now, of all times, and here, of all places? It felt like some kind of strange dream, one of Zoe's nightmares, right down to the cool treat in her hand. Devyn kept speaking though, each word confirming the reality of the situation. Why would she still feel the way she did? What did they have in common?

"What---" began Zoe, the word barely audible. She shook her head, turning to look to a booth. Why would Devyn talk like this? Things had gotten complicated, sure, but now? This? Zoe took another nibbling bite of her treat. "Have you, um, looked at, um, that?" she tried desperately, pointing at one of the booths. It appeared to be some kind of temporary tattoo parlor. Definitely not something Zoe would be interested in, but she headed that way anyway, looking incredibly interested.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn knew that she should have waited until after the auction to ask this, to bring up this topic but it was just stuck in her mind. She had been trying to push it out and now instead of it leaving her mind it left her mouth. She had to know. Did Zoe still love her? Devyn was a screw up and had been acting weird and was scared that Zoe was no longer feeling the same about her. She didn't know. She didn't know anything anymore and she was just trying to figure things out. It was not her fault that she didn't have anyone to talk to about this sort of thing and even if she did, they didn't care. No one wanted to hear about her problems. The only person that had ever cared and loved her was dead. Everyone that she ended up loving left her someway and somehow. She was scared, what did people expect? They would not know, people didn't pay attention enough to her and the mask she put up and distract those she cared about to know what was really going on.

They had to feel it in some way, the ones that knew her really well. They had to feel that Devyn was not fully herself, but many never really brought it up and probably with good reason. Would Devyn even open up and talk to them about it all? She was thinking that she might with just how heavy things were getting now. Zoe responded back with a question, but she didn't talk about or answer Devyn's question. Why was that? Was it because she didn't want to hurt Devyn. Devyn felt like something in her drop and hit the ground she was standing on. Zoe obviously searching for some other way to change the subject. Pointing off to something random and even heading off in the direction. Temporary tattoos, that was pretty interesting in fact, but Devyn had real ones and was not really sure if Zoe was the type to even get a fake one. She didn't think so, but she was not sure. No wait, she is just distracting me. Devyn thought to herself as she shook her hand and dropped the tiger to grab a hold of Zoe.

"Please answer me Zoe. I need to know because..." Devyn said as she would try to keep a hold of Zoe and move in front of her so Zoe would look at her. She needed to know because she didn't want to end up hurt again, to lose someone she cared about. She just dropping her own treat to the ground so all her focus was on Zoe. So thankful that she had shades on cause she could feel that her eyes were watering.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

The temporary tattoos might not have been interesting in the general, but several of the designs were actually quite pretty. If Zoe weren't so worried about the artist accidentally touching her skin, she might've actually considered selecting one. She'd very nearly gotten really distracted by a design when she heard Devyn speaking again. Before Zoe could say or do anything, Devyn had approached her, focusing on her.

Zoe looked up at Devyn. She blinked. "You dropped the tiger," she pointed out. Zoe looked over, seeing the stuffed toy laying a few feet away. People were already gathering to stare at them, especially considering Devyn's very dramatic actions. Zoe could feel all the eyes boring at her, their gaze judging, weighing her. Look at the lesbian, they'd say. Isn't that the Lesbian Pikachu? The murdering one who almost took out a SPECTRE agent? Zoe swallowed, feeling her skin growing clammy. So many eyes on her, and Devyn's right there in front of her, looking at her through those shades. Something felt different about those eyes, were they... watery or something? Zoe swallowed.

So many eyes. Zoe felt something cold on her hand and looked to see that some of the chocolate had smeared. She reached for it, not sure what to do, but knowing that she didn't want it to smear her gloves. So many eyes. Now people were drawing clear, no doubt wondering if everything was here.

"Not here," whispered Zoe, her voice choked as panic started to rise. She looked around, her eyes starting to widen. So many eyes, so many people looking. She just knew they had to be judging her, weighing her, finding her disgusting, repulsive, pitiable at best. Her breathing started coming faster, more shallow.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn could not think about anything but what was going on between her and Zoe, and she was just so scared. Scared because she was trying to understand and accept everything and try to convey it to Zoe. She didn't want to do this here and now, not really. She had it planned out how she actually wanted to do it. She already told herself she was going to try and win Zoe at the date auction. Then they would get to go on a date together, it would be romantic and Devyn would be able to tell her everything. Everything she had been thinking about and worked through and wanted to tell Zoe. Beau had told her that she needed to talk to Zoe and other friends of Devyn told her that she needed to be open and honest with Zoe. Even Kitty had told Devyn that she saw how Devyn looked at Zoe was different then she looked at other people out of lust. So it had to be true, but she kept fearing that she messed up and missed out and that Zoe didn't feel the same way anymore.

Zoe looked at her, blinking those beautiful brown eyes at Devyn. Yes she dropped the tiger, but she didn't care about the tiger. She cared about Zoe. "Sorry." Devyn said as she did move to get the tiger off the ground, dusting it off, but her treat would remain on the ground to become ant food. It was past the five second rule that Devyn went by and it was a stick treat so it had more than likely picked up things that Devyn would not really want to eat or be able to dust off. People were gathering around and at first Devyn didn't care, but she did just want to be around Zoe. It was hard when they were at the fair with other people. Devyn already starting to growl low as she did a quick scan around them and at the people. Warning them. Zoe swallowed and Devyn was reading her body language, figuring out that Zoe was getting uncomfortable, and it had to be because of the people looking at them. That had been Devyn's fault.

Damn it! Why can't I just... Devyn thought to herself, fist forming and her hold on the tiger got a little tighter as she closed her eyes and was willing herself to not let any of that water just building up in her eyes to not fall out. Zoe's eyes looked away and down to her treat that had started to melt. Devyn tempted to lean down and lick at it to stop it from getting on Zoe's glove, but instead reached out with her hand to wipe it away so Zoe would not get any of the chocolate on either of her gloves. Licking at it would have just brought more eyes and Devyn needed to show that she did have self-control and that it was not just lust she had for Zoe. Devyn growled a little louder at seeing more people showing up and looking, only stopping in her growl at Zoe words. Hearing the panic. "Right...sorry. After the auction when we are alone." Devyn said as she went to nudge Zoe along so they could get back to moving and away from the eyes.

"Slow deep breaths Zoe. It's okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. None of them matter." Devyn said as she reached out with her free hand that was not holding the tiger to rub at Zoe's back.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

The world seemed to be getting black, though only around the edges. Zoe took several deep breaths, fighting off that sensation. She got dizzy, lightheaded almost. She felt Devyn move. She'd grabbed the tighter. Then nudged Zoe. Zoe moved, not really thinking, mostly just following. Step by step, breath by breath, she walked along with Devyn.

Slow, deep breaths. Zoe could manage that. She took them, fighting against the pulsing black that kept creeping in around the edges of her vision. She shifted her hand, seemed to realize that she still held the treat there, took a nibble of it. Lowered her hand. A hand touched her back and she tensed for a moment, before realizing it was Devyn and relaxing.

"They matter," she mumbled after a bit, bringing up the hand not holding her treat to wipe at her eyes. "They always matter. Everyone hates me... well, not everyone, most of them," she stuck the treat in her mouth, taking a deep breath through her nose, breathing around it, inhaling the sweet taste. Suddenly Zoe just wanted to be home, curled up somewhere. She shouldn't have bothered coming out, even with the antidote. Too many questions and people staring and everything was just... wrong.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn didn't know how bad Zoe's panic attack was, she just knew that she needed to get Zoe to calm down. To breath and to not worry about anything going on around her. She just needed to focus on her breathing and calming down. Devyn felt horrible because again something was her fault and she was hurting Zoe. She didn't want to hurt Zoe, she wanted to hold her, and keep her safe. That was all she really wanted at the moment that involved Zoe. Well she had always wanted to hold Zoe close ever since Zoe had started to allow Devyn to touch her back when they had first met and became friends. Now they were girlfriends after months and things seemed to be getting shaky or just odd. Zoe loved Devyn and Devyn....she was sure she felt the same way about Zoe but she was just scared. She didn't want to admit something she was worried would be smothered out and lose yet again. She kept losing those she loved and she did not want to lose Zoe.

Zoe was moving, taking her slow deep breaths, that was good, it was all good. Zoe also took a nibble of her treat, at least she still had an appetite and not forgotten about the treat. Devyn could feel Zoe tending at her touch and it just made her feel even worse. Did Zoe not want Devyn to touch her anymore? Was she just reading everything wrong and just making things worse? Zoe did relax after a moment, so maybe she had just been scared; thinking someone else was touching her. Devyn was here however, Zoe should have known that Devyn would not let anyone touch or get near Zoe when she was around. They matter. That was what Zoe said that had Devyn shaking her head no. No, they did not matter. Why did they matter? Devyn started to put at hearing Zoe say that everyone hated her, well not everyone but most of them. "That is not true Zoe. They have no reason to hate you. Plus even if they did it really does not matter." Devyn said, not sure how to convince Zoe that people really didn't hate her and that if they did it did not matter.

"They should hate me. It was my fault. All of it Zoe. Please don't say that. Please don't think everyone hates you. It's not true and I for sure don't hate you." Devyn pointed out, removing her shades for a moment to wipe at her eyes.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Zoe took another deep breath around her treat. People kept saying that, but they obviously didn't count among the number of people who actively hated her, or at least, disliked her. Zoe wasn't even sure why she kept thinking that; the Lesbian Pikachu thing was behind her. It just kept popping up, and she felt a strange twinge in her bullet scar just thinking about it. She took another deep breath.

It mattered though. It mattered to Zoe, if nothing else.

Though she looked up as Devyn continued, blinking. Was Devyn saying all that to make Zoe feel better? Because it didn't work that way. "I said not everyone," she ended up mumbling, looking away for a moment. She knew that Devyn didn't. Nor Dr. Campbell. Nor Maelea. Nor Becky. So obviously not everyone. Zoe took another breath, twisting to look again. She just wanted to be normal, but apparently that wasn't ever going to happen. She was always going to be a mutant lesbian and, worse for now, she got to add "teenager" on top of all that.

And she was facing down yet another senior year at a school for mutants. Zoe took another breath, then nibbled at her treat, lowering her eyes to the ground. She just wanted it all to be over already.

[Devyn Solway]

Why didn't Zoe get that if people kept saying it that it had to have some truth behind it. Sure people could be saying it to make her feel better, but was that not enough of others believed it. The power of belief was well powerful. Faith was what had driven wars, taken lives, and caused people to live certain ways. If Zoe believed that people hated her then it was going to feel like it was true. She had to get out of that mindset that people felt that way towards her. Plus how could anyone hate Zoe, like look at her? There was nothing to hate about her. Sure Zoe's power was deadly and sure she was gay, but did that really matter? They were in a school of mutants with others who had powers that could kill and heck there for sure were other homosexual people out there. Zoe had nothing to worry about and Devyn was just trying to think of the tight way to say it all.

Devyn put her shades back on after wiping her eyes, catching Zoe looking up at her and wishing she could read Zoe's mind. If she could she would tell Zoe that no she was not trying to say it so Zoe would feel better. She did want Zoe to feel better but she was not saying it for that reason. Did Devyn really have to become the real life bad guy and kill someone and get eyes on her instead of Zoe? Would that help Zoe get out of this dark world that Devyn didn't even have control over? "I know, but like really Zoe. SPECTRE is gone, you are safe, and I doubt anyone had any ill will towards you." Devyn pointed out, looking at Zoe, wanting Zoe to understand. Why was it so hard to build Zoe's confidence? Devyn thought they had been getting somewhere before but it seemed like it was never fully there each time. Devyn just wanted to pull Zoe close and hug it all away, or something that would make it all go away.

"I'm here for you Zoe. No matter what. We can get through it all together." Devyn pointed out, hoping that would help. She meant it and was not just saying it to say it. Even if she didn't love Zoe and they were not going out, they were friends first after all. Devyn wanted to be there for Zoe when times were hard and when times were easy.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

SPECTRE was gone... did Zoe have something to do with that? She had a flash, remembering how she'd... how she'd nearly killed someone. She swallowed, hard, taking several deep breaths and chewing on her treat again. Devyn said a lot that she already knew, that she'd kept telling herself over and over again. More deep breaths.

Devyn was there for her: "I know," mumbled Zoe. She didn't sound doubtful, didn't sound like she didn't believe what Devyn said or anything along those lines. Didn't sound as though she didn't think that someone could be for her. No, Zoe sounded almost embarrassed, as if she knew she should've known that and that she shouldn't have needed to be told. She took another bite of her treat, again feeling like she was the younger one in the relationship.

Zoe looked over at Devyn, seeing the lack of treat in her hands. She blinked, then pulled her own from her mouth. "Um, did you want a bite?" she asked, flushing as she tilted the banana toward Devyn. Wasn't as if Zoe hadn't been slobbering over it for the past few minutes or anything.