Grumble Grumble

[Gabriel Mendes]

The Academy needs to start investing in private jets for the recruiters. Flying coach at the last minute is not how I pictured spending my Sunday evening.

[Will Spencer]

To: Randy Hobknocker (Gabe)

I didn't know the Queen of England had my phone number!!!! I'm so sorry your Highness, next time I'll be sure to book a jet just for you. My mistake, your majesty.


To: Randy Hobknocker (Gabe)

Stop being a bloody wanker, you princess.

[Gabriel Mendes]

I was brought up with standards, dickhead. I'm sorry I stooped so low by befriending a commoner like you *flips hair*

[Will Spencer]

To: Randy Hobknocker (Gabe)

I'm sorry, you Nancy boy. Is it that time of the month for you? Did you wake up in a pool of your own blood this morning?

[Gabriel Mendes]

Yes, because you telling me I'm a girl is definitely an insult I've never heard in a million years. Congratulations on your originality.

[Will Spencer]

To: Randy Hobknocker

Oh piss off. Go play the five-fingered flute while you're at it you wankstain. Decipher that code, bitch

[Gabriel Mendes]

Fuck yourself. Just entertain me until I fall asleep on this ratchet plane. Thanks

[Will Spencer]

To: Randy Hobknocker

Did you forget your nudey mag? D'aww, poor thing. I'm not sending any dick pics. Sorry, mate.

[Gabriel Mendes]

You stole them all, mate. Don't think I didn't see my Busty Asian Beauties on your computer last time I visited your shitstain of a dorm room

[Will Spencer]

To: Randy Hobknocker

Oops. I thought you just used the Discovery Channel mags? Or was it National Geographic you hobknocker, you. Must have mistaken the Busty Asian Beauts as my own.

[Gabriel Mendes]

No, jacking off to sharks and jaguars is your thing. You're just projecting it on to me. I'm the one who loves Asians. It's okay. We'll get you the help you need. Maybe you should get a vet to fall in love with you so you can have access to all the animals you need to get off.

[Will Spencer]

To: Randy Hobknocker

Jaguars, perhaps. But at least I have the excuse of being half animal, prat. What's your excuse? And why is it in every conversation you talk about me falling in love with someone or vice versa? Honestly mate, you can't always live vicariously through me.

[Gabriel Mendes]

You are not half animal. You're all animal with a human appearance. Which makes sense to me now since you did say you didn't have a heart. But really, all I want is for you to find someone so you don't have to hang out with me. You're kind of embarrassing to have around, man. All broody and sulking. We'll go to the zoo one day. I'm sure they need live donations over there. You can shack up with one of the gorillas or something

[Will Spencer]

To: Randy Hobknocker

Hold on a tick. I'M embarrassing? You had a bitch fit about me calling you a whore, loudly might I add. And I'm the embarrassing one? Please. Besides, with your experience in chick flicks, you should know that broody and sulking always lands a girl. I'm just not interested in the dogs you've been trying to set me up with. And if they're not dogs, they're boring as fucking hell. Give me something to work with, then maybe I'll make an appearance. Also, the fuck is wrong with you? Mountain lions and gorillas don't work like that, mate. Fuck. No.

[Gabriel Mendes]

I thought you liked dogs! You should have told me. Okay, I'll change the animal from now on.

...wow, you're racist. Maybe gorillas do like mountain lions. They've just not met each other yet. How can you even deny the gorillas a pussy? Shame on you