No Lurking

[Blair Collins]

In a moment of weakness, Blair had started stalking again. She thought she had abandoned this bad habit a long time ago--apparently not. She knew it was unhealthy but she could not help it. Focusing on another person helped her keep her mind off herself--even if the person she was stalking was the main factor of her problems, her weakness.

That was why she was "casually" creeping into the area of the Co-Ed Dorms so early in the morning. After a lot of debating, she had decided to talk to the boy at last. It was time they defined their relationship. She could not take another day of this mental torment. But upon reaching the door to his dorm--which she knew because, again, she had been stalking--she lost her nerve. What would she say? She had contemplated whether or not to talk to him, not what she would tell him.

She turned on her heel and pulled the hood of her red jacket up. This was stupid. Stuffing her hands into her pockets she started sneaking back out into the main area. Sulking, she barely looked where she was going--which was stupid too, because one should always be aware of one's surroundings. But Blair was still a young girl, she had a lot to learn. She had the powers to detect another's presence easily. If she had just used them, she might have noticed Tamara Sulik. But she did not.

[Tamara Sulik]

After years of waking up early as a dorm monitor (when she was not going to be really late for the same reason), Tamara had found it hard to wake up at a more appropriate time. Which meant when she should wake up and go down to her office and run things. Sure, there were times when she could sleep for a reasonable amount of time. Not today apparently. And spending an hour twisting and turning between her sheets was now like Tamara. So she got up, dressed and left her dorm after a quick breakfast.

And, call that force of habit, she didn’t go the easy way to her office. She took the long road along the dorms. It was how she could witness this girl staring at a door, seemingly tempted to... what exactly? Knock, open it, return in it if she exited before Tam came to see this? Whatever it was, she opted out and turned her back at the door.

There was a limit how much Tamara knew the students here and with only some blonde hair, the only thing she could say was that this was a girl with blonde hair. She was walking towards her, apparently unaware that an adult was here. “Isn’t it a little early to go talk to someone?” Tamara asked her. She didn’t seem pissed, even too her it was too early to just be grumpy. Although if she couldn’t have a coffee, she might become just that. For now, she simply raised an eyebrow and waited to know what was going on. A boy had to be involved, or a girl for that matter. It was always a boy (or a girl).

[Blair Collins]

Blair almost jumped out of her skin at the sound of the voice. She rarely saw anyone this early in the morning--and now she was facing the Head of Housing. Shit, caught at last. Damn, it seemed she had lost her touch. After so long dodging the officials patrolling the dorms, she did not know whether this was a relief or not. On one side, this might be a sign that she needed to stop her bad habit. But on the other side, stalking had always been too easy--a little challenge was motivating. She really needed to get her life together.

Still, she had enough sense to look sheepish. The girl looked up at the lady with her big blue eyes, cheeks blushing. Was that not how the girls in the movies did it to get out of trouble? Ugh, no, she was not about to pull a move like that. She pulled down her hood and rubbed the back of her neck. "Uhm, it is not what it looks like?" Even to her own ears, this sounded unconvincing. She blew strands of hair from her eyes before nervous words tumbled out of her mouth. "I just thought I would visit a... friend. But you are right--much too early. I should just head back to my dorms..."

[Tamara Sulik]

Tamara was so glad she didn’t have to deal with that sort of things anymore. Only when it happened right in front of her face, it was pretty hard to pretend like she didn’t see anything and should wait for someone else to deal with it. It was there, right in front of her. That meant it was her problem. Joy. Couldn’t socially awkward girls find another moment to go after people? Because Tamara was not sure she was in the right mood to help this one understand that those drives she felt were natural but she had to keep them under control since this was not right to behave like that. She never liked that kind of talk to begin with. And she dreaded whenever she had to say it to someone. That felt like so much more than what she should be allowed to talk about.

That girl probably didn’t mean to look creepy. She just didn't know. Again, she must be socially awkward. Tamara felt like a bad person here. But she had a job to do and just because she might not have obeyed such rules while she was a student herself was not a reason to let them go whenever the new generation broke it too. “Oh?” She simply replied as she seemed to hesitate while claiming this was not what she thought it was. “Are you saying you were not considering walking into a dorm that wasn’t yours but you actually walked out of it?” She knew this would not help her if she was awkward already but Tamara reminded herself this was her job.

And now she was certain she made her feel terrible. This brought some shame to her. “It might be best yes,” she agreed, forcing herself to consider this as the best option. But she also didn’t want to totally ruin things for this girl. And so, she ended up adding “Look, I get you might have wanted to say some things to your... friend. But it might be best if you wait after they had breakfast.” Unless Tamara misread what was going on here but she refused to think she got it that wrong.

[Blair Collins]

no lurking.

Damn. Blair bit her lip. If could not convince herself, what hope did she have of Ms Sulik? Or was she still a Mrs? Never mind. She thought of defending herself--make the older lady believe. But that would probably be unwise. She should just escape now while she had the chance. She supposed she should also consider herself fortunate. What if someone else had caught me? Better an adult than some other teenager--and goodness knows they are everywhere.

When Mrs Ms Sulik allowed her to go, she could not believe her luck. Maybe they could pretend this never happened. Does it count as an event if nobody acknowledges it? But it was too good to be true because advice meant acknowledgement of the situation. Blair wished she could just take it--really, she did. Let this be the climatic scene of the movie in which the character realizes that the solution was right there all along and all she had to do was take it. She gets her life together and they lived happily ever after. The end. No such luck.

"Well, that would be easy if he did not avoid me all day and everyday." Blair could have just nodded to pretend she learned her lesson. It would certainly ease her troubles. But no. She just had to retort. She could tell the woman was somewhat uncomfortable. Great, now I am burdening someone else with my issues. She had never met Tamara Sulik in her past--she had been a better stalker then--and did not know much about her. But surely everyone understood the basics of teen melodrama? A likes B. B does not like A. A gets friendzoned. "I am like the plague to him," she murmured. "So I was hoping to... corner him."

She did not know why she was revealing her failed plan. Nobody wanted to deal with this kind of shit. Heck, even I do not. But looking at Ms Sulik, one could see she felt a responsibility towards the students. Maybe she said this to assure her that she was not completely insane.

tag: tamara | notes: temp test

[Tamara Sulik]

Tamara had a habit of not trusting what the kids told her. She didn’t mean to say they were all a dishonest bunch. Simply, when you represented the authority, more importantly the authority that told them what they could and could not do, you tended to end up in the ‘enemy’ list. And you are not honest with an enemy. You don’t want them to know things about yourself. So Tamara assumed they were always hiding something, even when she caught them in the act. They needed to justify themselves or pretend it was not what she believed. She supposed it was normal. In a way, she was not even holding it against them. But that didn’t mean she would trust every word they told her.

At the same time, she didn’t really feel like lecturing this girl. She didn't see the point. It was not like she did something wrong. Maybe not exactly right, but Tamara didn't see how detention or anything of the like would do anything in this situation. She figured telling her to go back to sleep should be enough. And that, if she really wanted to talk to her friend, she might prefer to wait a better time.

She thought it was over but the girl did not simply bow her head and run back to her dorm. Instead, she talked. Oh great, she was sharing. Tamara took a deep breath and worked on listening to her and pay attention to what she was saying. So the guy she had a little crush on was avoiding her. “Cornering him won’t make him want to listen to you. Cornering him at this hour will be even worse. You don’t want him to think that of you, believe me,” she told her. Why was she sort of giving her advice? It was hard to tell. Maybe she just pitied her. She looked at the closed. She couldn’t say she ever ended up in that situation, she was more the kind to put guys in the friend zone not the other way around, but she didn’t need to to understand what she was going through. “I don’t really know what is going on between you two but I know stalking never led to true love.”

[Blair Collins]

no lurking.

Blair's own habit was being stubborn. When someone told her she could not do something, she made it a point to prove them wrong. And if she should not do something, this either excited her in doing it or made her defensive if she had already done it. She was not always like this. In fact, being humble had once been her best quality but since her manifestation, she had become somewhat insecure.

So when Ms Sulik told her what she was doing was wrong, she just could not swallow her pride. She wanted to protest, "It is not like that!" But if there was one thing she disliked more than having her mistakes pointed out, it was sounding defensive. This reaction made one seem in denia--which she was not. Am I?

But what would she know anyway? Blair hunched her shoulders and looked at her feet. "I guess you have never seen things from my end then," she muttered. Tamara was a beautiful woman whom she had no doubt did not know the situation. How can one take advice from someone who did not understand? How could someone like that even give advice at all?

"You would not understand," she said. Nobody did. That was what every stereotypical teenager felt and Blair was no exception. "I am not asking for true love--I just want to be friends again." Gosh, how childish do I sound? Curse this teen melodrama shit. Why did this stage come so quickly and take so long to end?

Her blatant use of the word "stalking" struck a nerve in her. Somewhere in her head, Blair knew what she was doing but hearing someone else put a name to it made it all so real. And it hurt.

But she should not take it out on the official. After all, this was barely part of Ms Sulik's job. "I am sorry you have to deal with me. You are right." This behaviour of hers probably factored in driving Lister away. She deserved this. "But what else could I do?" Should she do anything at all? She was one person in seven billion. So many others had bigger problems than she. What made her so special? This is stupid.

tag: tamara | notes: none

[Tamara Sulik]

There was a time Tamara would have been like this girl, although she could not recall going into some guy’s dorm really early in the morning or getting out for that matter. But that expression in the girl’s eyes, Tamara knew it well. She had the same for sure when she was a student herself. The kind of expression that said she would fight against the orders given to her, even when she might not really want to fight to begin with. There was nothing Tamara hated the most than being told she could not do something, especially when the only explanation as to why it was so was because it was so.

Of course, this girl had to go for the classic ‘you cannot understand’ excuse. Tamara heard it so much it lost its meaning a long time ago. She even forgot how often she might have said or thought it herself. “I would not understand what? That you fancied someone who doesn’t feel the same? That you were not really thinking, you just wanted to fix things?” She had crossed her arms over her chest as she talked. Why did everything had to sound so melodramatic at this age? She got that but she also doubt waking him up to apologize and hope they could remain friends would really help her cause.

And she had to ask Tamara for advice. Tam hated when they did that. She never knew how to answer that. She could barely find answers to her own problem, how was she supposed to help kids? “Maybe wait until he’s awake to apologize and ask for things to go back the way they were? I’m not sure he’d be inclined to do it if you wake him up too.” And that would be a little creepy. What else could she suggest though? She was not a counsellor, her job was not to sort out the drama they jumped into.

[Blair Collins]

no lurking.

Blair felt her left eye twitch. Of course, when you say it that way, it sounds childish. But then again, exactly how mature was a teenager? This was the age of growing mentally, emotionally and almost every other way. The age of change. So was any problem really as big as it seemed?

She wondered if Miss Sulik figured her out because she too had similar experiences or was it more due to the fact that the situation was so entirely clichéd. Overused in all forms of fiction as well as reality, it was stereotypical. But for some, it was true enough.

The girl had to bite her lip to restrain an amused smile from forming. That was not very great advice but it was almost adorable to see her try. "It was a rhetorical question, really," she said. Maybe it was not very obvious but she did not expect an answer. After all, there were therapists and such for that. Maybe I should start gushing my feelings out to them instead.

That advice might not work for her though. Lister had powers of superspeed which came in handy when one tried to avoid someone. Still, she supposed she could try. Maybe in class so he could not run away.

"Thank you anyway." Fiddling her finger in her sweater pockets, Blair looked down at her feet and rocked back and forth on her heels. "No sweat. I know this is not exactly part of your job description. I do not want you put you in discomfort." Although that might be too late. "I am a teenager. We tend to figure it out by the end of the movie." She shrugged.

tag: tamara | notes: sorry for not matching your word count x3

[Tamara Sulik]

Tamara did not remember exactly how she was as a teenager. She didn't think she was as dramatic as this was but, of course, she couldn’t view her younger self as the way the adults of the time saw her. Perhaps they thought she was a cocky little one with attitude and a dramatic flare. Who knows? Everything seemed so big, so major when it happened to you at that time. As she reflected at it now, she saw those things as small and couldn’t believe she overly reacted to them, since she would not really do so now. But she might have caused headaches to her teachers the way this girl was doing with her.

“I guess it was,” she let out, not really wanting it to look as though she lost an argument to a teenage girl. At least the girl had not felt too ashamed that Tamara brought up things like that. An offended teenager girl was a lot worse to handle than this. She even seemed... amused? Luckily because she realised the incongruity in asking the head of housing for dating advices. There must be something laughable but Tamara doubted this would be an experience she would tell others. They might want to know how she handled things and she was not sure she did it well. No one wanted to admit they didn’t do as good as they could have. Or should have.

She was thanking her now. “Maybe you should write him a n... email. If he doesn’t want to talk to you in person.” She almost said a note a first but kids these days didn’t write notes. They sent mails or texts. Soon, they’ll even start wondering what paper was for. It was at moments like these that she felt old. Another reason why she would not share this little encounter with people. “I’m not uncomfortable,” she argued with a rather defensive tone of voice. She didn’t want to let anyone think they caught her off guard. Especially not a teen. She needed to get the situation back in her hands. “Next time, just come to your friend’s room at a more reasonable hour, alright? I don’t want to have to say you’re sneaking out.”

[Blair Collins]

no lurking.

Blair could not wait to grow up. Sure, that was the dream for a lot of people--no parents, no rules... Then eventually every teenager wished to be young again--the age of innocence when grown ups did not expect you to act like an adult but still treat your like a child. But Blair knew she was too old to be whisked away to Neverland and her Hogwarts letter will never come. The best I can hope for is that Gandalf will pay me a visit when I am fifty.

Just kidding. No, she wanted to grow up only because it meant all this high school drama would end. She wanted to look back and think, I cannot believe I got so hung up about that! Everything seemed so petty when seen from a distance. But it is real now. In truth, the girl was torn between trying to fix things and just letting it go.

Write him an email though? "Maybe..." Secretly, she was a lover of longhand letters. Not because she was a romantic or anything but quill pens were cool. Miss Sulik sounded a little defensive then and she could not restrain a grin. Still, she acknowledged the advice first. "Right, noted. Who ever said only the early birds catch the worm, eh?" Calling Lister a worm, even though figuratively, felt oddly soothing. I think it suits him, really, slippery creature. Blair winked. "I would not tell if you do not."

She had a pretty clean record so far and high school was almost over for her so she did not want ruin that at the last minute. What little reputation she had was as a goody two shoes and that was okay. She planned to leave this town anyway. See you, Kalispell!

"Being on this side of the table is actually quite fun." The jibe was irresistible; she dared enough to speak it. "But I suppose anything can get old at some point." That was probably why she seemed so tired earlier. "Does your son give you as much trouble?" Well, that came out of nowhere. But it came anyway and all Blair could do was hope she was not being rude.

tag: tamara | notes: ...

[Tamara Sulik]

What was so sad, and a bit pathetic, about teenagers and their drama was the fact it rarely got better with age. You might learn to control your mood and be less extreme with your feelings but it was not easier in any way. It just took a more mature turn. That did not always mean it was a smoother one for that matter. Other stuff was thrown in the mix and you didn’t have the excuse of being sixteen to justify being overly dramatic.

Early bird catching the worm. Right. There was such saying in about any culture no doubt. In some regards, she knew it was true. She followed that saying in the past as well. But there was a limit on how ‘early’ you had to be to catch said worm. “Sometimes, patience pays better,” she said in return. Oh, how nice it was to be an adult so you could say silly stuff like that. Tamara would not say she was well known for her patience. It was more the reverse. She could very easily end up smashing down walls in order to get there faster if she felt like she waited too long. But being the adult here meant she could tell Blair to do as she said and not as she was doing.

Tamara was on a rather good mood today, so she wouldn’t report catching Blair out where she shouldn’t be. There was also the fact she did not really give her any attitude. That could have made her be really mean if she did. At least, she didn't feel like Blair was giving her any cause to strike. She said a few snarky things at the end but she gave more to Tamara the impression that she wanted to feel a bit daring then really being defiant in any way. She’d let her have her moment. She was pretty sure the girl would not bring it up to anyone or think it allowed her to say whatever she wanted.

She startled her a bit though when she mentioned her son. She didn’t see that one coming. She opened her mouth, ready to argue it was none of her business but shut it. “He’s fourteen,” she simply said, as though it said it all. She didn’t want to think he could be into girls - preferably into girls but she would not hate him if he was more into boys - and do things like that. At the same time, he was fourteen, which meant adolescence was starting and he’d give her an attitude eventually. She really was not looking up to it.