Not the Same When You're Not Around

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex tried to stay up, she really did.  She'd meant to be awake when Ezra Cooper got home from his 24 hour long shift because it had been a bad day and she missed him something awful.  Things just weren't the same ever since she graduated college.  She couldn't put her finger on it but it felt as though something went missing the day her and her longtime boyfriend had donned their caps and gowns and walked along the stage to receive their diplomas.  Whatever the dark cloud that seemed to hang over her was it went away the moment she laid eyes on the tall, slender young man she'd grown to love so deeply over the years.  And even then, after pulling a double at the Silverlight where she was a waitress, as the clock ticked ever so slowly past midnight when Ezra was due to be home, Alex quickly faded.

The air had grown frigid by the time the sound of a key slipping into the lock of the front door mingled with the rain and wind that battered against the windows.  A small, singular light over the stove cast a pale, dim glow across the small apartment, illuminating the faded outline of the tiny figure curled up beneath the heavy blankets of the bed.  Alex was clutching onto Ezra's pillow, holding it to her chest the way a child would a protective teddy bear.  His scent still lingered on the fabric and, as she had drifted off to sleep she was almost able to convince herself he was there in bed with her and driving away the fears and anxieties that marred her day to day life.

[Ezra Cooper]

Pushing open the door to his apartment, the grisly event from before kept flashing through his mind, something he did not want to bring home with him. Ezra had only been a paramedic for a year or so but the things he'd seen, he usually didn't let bother him the moment he stepped into his apartment. This time was different somehow.

He shook his head and walked through the apartment after locking the door, tossing his keys on to the kitchen counter and dropping his bag on the floor. He made a beeline to his bedroom and immediately, relief washed over him when he saw his girlfriend of almost four years curled up around his pillow.

Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, Ezra kicked off his shoes and shrugged off the jacket he had sported before crawling into bed beside Alex, placing a kiss on her shoulder and sliding under the covers. He wrapped his long arms around the small young woman and pulled her close, breathing in her mildly sweet scent before burying his face against the back of her neck.

"God I've missed you." He growled before sighing.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Slowly Alex was wrested from what had been a deep sleep. The new presence in the room caused a small, sleep smile to touch her lips and she let out a low, contented moan as she felt Ezra's lips against the bare skin of her shoulder. A shiver escaped as his arms snaked around her and she felt his frigid form slipping into the warmth of the blankets. "Baby." She murmured softly. "You're freezing." She shifted only enough to scoot Ezra's pillow back to him before taking his hands and clutching them almost protectively to her chest in an effort to help warm him.

The surge of emotion that came with Ezra being home was nearly overwhelming. Alex could feel the sting of tears threatening in her eyes as she shifted again, not caring that he'd yet to warm up, and turned into him. She kept his hands clenched to her, she hadn't forgotten her task just yet. Bringing her legs up, she curled into ball against Ezra's chest and couldn't help the small sniffle that came with the few errant tears that had dared to escape.

[Ezra Cooper]

He hadn't actively thought of warming himself up but the moment Alex woke up, he could feel her warmth wash over him, a relief he wouldn't have thought possible after the night he had had. His arms curled around her tiny form even tighter as she turned to face him.

When he heard the sniffle, he pulled away just slightly to look down at her with his eyebrows furrowed. Was she sick? "Are you getting the snifflies? It's getting colder by the day, isn't it?" He sighed, jacking up his own body temperature so Alex could feel the heat.

[Alexandra Lawson]

"No." Alex said, her voice almost childlike in the way the single, pouty word came out. She nuzzled in as close as she could get, letting the rush of warmth sink in. She felt him move to turn his eyes down to her and that only caused her to drawn inward even more, burying her face into his chest to hide that she had been crying. He'd had a long work day, the last thing he needed was an overly emotional girlfriend dragging him down. Anyway, everything felt better when he was around. Just knowing he was in the apartment with her was enough to drive away the anxiety that was steadily building with each passing day.

"How was work?" She murmured, her voice muffled from being pressed into Ezra. She didn't often ask details beyond what Ezra gave her as she knew she lacked the type of intestinal fortitude to do what he did. It simultaneously broke and warmed her heart to think of the horrors Ezra subjected himself to in order to save the lives of his fellow man. "And please tell me you're not covering another shift tomorrow." This part came out with a bit of a whine to it. She felt like a spoiled little girl making demands but she couldn't help it. Part of her needed an entire day she could spend clinging to Ezra like a newborn koala would its mother.

[Ezra Cooper]

Ezra chuckled quietly at Alex's response before letting her bury herself in his chest. He always felt like everything else fell on the wayside. Whatever happened during work hours, stayed in work hours whenever he was met with this young woman. He didn't know what it was about her. He may save lives out there with Corey by his side, but when he came home, Alex was his saviour. She didn't really know the extent of his love for her.

"Work was work." He replied simply. The thought of having to hear the dreaded words from Corey the next time they spoke weighed down on Ezra for a moment before he realised she was here with him. And nothing else mattered. It may seem entirely unhealthy to be so dependent on someone the way he was with her, but somehow it didn't matter to him. When he was at home with Alex, there was nowhere else he would rather be.

"No. I am not covering another shift tomorrow. I think they're pushing the new guy out tomorrow." He responded before shifting so he could pull Alex's chin up to kiss her. Seeing her tears, Ezra loosened his grip a little so he could properly look at her. "Hey...what's wrong?"

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex nodded faintly but she didn't press the topic further. She didn't care much for vague answers like the one Ezra gave in most situations but she preferred them here. Alex didn't want to know, not really. She wanted a gauge to see how she should react or treat Ezra once he got home and nothing more. She was happy to be spared the details of what Ezra had done or seen throughout a normal work day, whatever passed for 'normal' for a paramedic, anyway.

Another hiccup escaped in relief when Ezra confirmed he wasn't working the next day. Alex had the day off too and there was little on the agenda. They probably should catch up on housework and running errands which was just fine with Alex. So long as Ezra would be there she was going to be just fine. She felt a stab of anxiety, though, when Ezra went to tilt her chin upward. "Nothing." She said after softly returning the kiss. She offered him a smile, a genuine one that almost seemed to push the sleepy expression from her features. "I'm glad you're home. I... had a bad day." She frowned at that. Alex never liked comparing days. Ezra's best days were still far more trying than her absolute worst. She always felt foolish and petty for claiming to have had a bad day. "I'm just getting emotional on you." She rolled her eyes mockingly and smirked. "Typical girl, you know?"

[Ezra Cooper]

The smile she gave him made Ezra sigh softly in content. There was precious little that made him feel the way he did and that smile was at the top of that list. And being able to make her smile in that manner always gave the paramedic a boost of confidence and pride.

Hearing that she had a bad day made Ezra pout slightly, even though it was prefaced with something so sweet that only Alex could convey with such genuine innocence. And then her playing it off as being a typically emotional girl didn't sit well with Ezra, if he was being frank. He didn't buy into the whole traditional gender roles. Alex could attest to that from the times Ezra had whined like a baby about stubbing his toe on the corner table or crying over an emotional scene from one or more of his favourite movies. He always wanted to know how Alex felt, even if it was as mundane as her feeling like their toothpaste didn't give her teeth the shine she wanted.

"A long one, I imagine? You pulled a double today, right?"

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex wasn't being completely facetious in her assessment of her current condition. She'd always been and emotional person, one who wore their heart on their sleeve. There were fewer things more difficult for Alex to accomplish than attempt to hide her emotions or intent. She sighed heavily, eyes closing as she settled into him. She savored the wave of comfort and and contentment that came with Ezra's presence.

"Yeah." She confirmed with a short nod of her head which was then followed by a small, almost feline-esque yawn. "But it's okay." She couldn't help the thin smile from remaining plastered on her face. "You're here."

[Ezra Cooper]

It always made Ezra feel good that Alex felt comforted by his presence, just as much as he was with hers. It would still probably weigh heavily on his mind, the way she sort of dismissed her feelings but he won't dwell on it just yet. She was smiling. That was good enough for him.

He pressed his lips on hers again, and another on her forehead before pulling her into his embrace. He was tired. He had seen too much but with her in his arms, he felt safe. Like nothing could touch him.

"Sorry I woke you up." He said, reaching out to dim the lights before closing his eyes. As soon as his eyes were closed, he was out like a light.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex's hands slowly slid around Ezra's body and she held onto him tightly for a long moment before her grip relaxed and she found herself drifting into a deep, heavy sleep. The warmth from Ezra's heightened body temperature along with just his presence eased her worries and soothed her anxieties. She only wished they could remain in bed, wrapped in each other's gentle, loving embrace forever. Sadly, adulthood had a way of dashing such immature hopes.

It had only been a few hours before Alex stirred. The sun was up and peeking through the dense, winter cloud cover. A chill still hung in the air of the small apartment, which brought out a reluctant groan from Alex as she scrunched up her face and shifted, burying herself into Ezra's chest in an effort to hide from more than just the sun that had lit up thw room.

"How long have you been awake?" She said finally. She felt Ezra's breathing and the way his hold on her tightened when she stirred. Yet again he had woken well before her and remained in bed, holding her well into the morning.

[Ezra Cooper]

The energy he seemed to have had since he was a kid never really allowed Ezra to sleep in. When he was tired, he would crash like nobody's business but it was never for more than four or five hours. Sometimes even less. Which was why it always seemed that he woke up earlier than Alex. Being awake when Alex was asleep meant he could talk to himself about her without her knowing.

Ezra always felt that he could never really tell Alex how he felt about her because he was scared she would run off if she found out the extent of his feelings for her. So he kept things bottled in him and then just poured it out in the times when she was asleep.

When she stirred awake, he pulled her even closer, letting her curl up more into him before burying his face in her hair. He let the question float a bit before answering. "I don't even remember." He chuckled. "An hour maybe. Wanna make breakfast?" He asked with a soft smile against her hair.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex smile against Ezra's chest, focusing on the steady 'thump' of his heart beat even while he spoke. She took in a deep inhale of breath and exhaled softly, her hands curling into the fabric of Ezra's shirt. Everything about him being near felt exactly what she needed when she needed it. It always seemed as though she was just about to reach the end of her rope and something like this happened. A quiet moment between the two of them that settled more than just her mind.

"Yeah." She said, and, even though she was reluctant to do so, pushed herself away from Ezra. Leaning over him she placed a short, chaste kiss upon his lips before moving to slip out of bed. "Brrr." She exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her. "How can it be so cold with the sun shining?" She grumbled as she hurried to the nearby dresser and pulled open one of the drawers to find a pair of sweatpants to tug on over the thin pair of underwear she'd been sleeping in. "Oh, dammit." She grumbled to herself as she glanced down to tie the waist band of the sweats. "We have to do laundry too."

[Ezra Cooper]

He had gotten to hold her for an hour and even then, when she moved out of his arms, by his own doing, Ezra still groaned at her absence. He leaned up to her kiss before rolling on to his front, burying his face into Alex's pillow.

Peeking slightly when she mentioned laundry, he crinkled his nose before crawling out of bed to walk over to her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the back of her shoulder. "We'll do that later. You can walk naked in the meantime." He chuckled before nipping at her shoulder one time and walking over to the bathroom to start his morning routine.

As he brushed his teeth, he kept peeking out to grin at Alex. "What do you want for breakfast, gorgeous?"

[Alexandra Lawson]

Another low, contented sigh escaped Alex as Ezra's arms went around her again. She leaned into him and issued a soft giggle at the playful nip to her shoulder. "Keep it in your pants." She said with a laugh, giving him an ineffectual swat to the arm once he'd moved away.

With a yawn, Alex stretched her arms over her head. Even now it always felt too early to be up and about. She wandered into the living room area of the apartment, pausing to turn up the thermostat, and looked around. With a huff she turned on her heel, smiling lightly at the sound of water running in the bathroom.

"If you're cooking, anything." She answered before lugging out their laundry hamper and dragging it into the center of the living room. She let out a few mumbles and reluctant curses as she dumped the dirty, wrinkled clothing onto the floor and dropped to her knees in order to start sorting the whites and colors. "I think we're out of coffee." She paused, thought it over then sighed again. "And we need to drop a check for the gas bill in the mail." She huffed, shook her head and added, "Because we have to have the one gas company that hasn't heard of the internet."