Glass Isn't The Only Thing That Shatters

[Oneyka A. Duffuor]

(cont. from Not My Intent)

At this point, there was nothing that could have prepared Onnie for something like this. Oneyka knew she could have been in a relationship with Jack for years and still would have no been prepared. She wanted to believe that this was a joke, that this was just some big insane joke that Jack had planned out from the start. In her mind, she pictured him planning all of it out, having Jack Two tell him that it was quite the stupid idea. Then unleashing all of the falsified information to his friend Alex, just so she could believe that he had cancer. Knowing that Alex was indeedly her roommate, then he knew that she'd find out from Alex one way or another. Jack had it all planned out, she knew he did. Oneyka was so certain that's what this really was, a big joke.

So then why didn't it feel like a joke?

Oneyka quickly made her way towards the Boys' Dorm while bumping into a few people, not necessarily paying attention to where she was going. She just knew she had to get there and that if her steps weren't as quick as her heartbeat, it might give out on her right there and then. The ebony student was still in her lazy hoodie and pajama shorts, socks and wall while her reading glasses tried to slide down the bridge of her nose.

How could she not have seen the signs? Oneyka had been around hospitals and her father's patients for years. She had been around Jack all the time and yet she didn't know. How could she not have known? Why didn't he tell her? What kind of cancer was it anyway? How long ago had he been diagnosed? By now it was damn near impossible to swallow the emotions.

As soon as she neared the door to his dorm, her knuckles rapidly and loudly knocked against the door. Someone had to have been up. It was early in the afternoon and she just knew, someone had to be up. Onnie prayed it was him.

[Jack McCarthy]

Oh god, this afternoon this wasn’t a good afternoon. This whole cancer thing…besides the obvious shock of it hasn’t hit hard at least not yet anyway, there wasn’t much draw backs to be honest, the only thing he seemed to notice that was difference about him that he was losing weight (Not that he had a of weight to begin with anyway) Not a noticeably weight loss, people wouldn’t stand and stare at how thin he was now but Jack saw it and he would imagine it’ll only get worse and worse. But besides that he seemed to be able to handle it….

Oh but there were…….”Spells” he went through from time to time that was increasing more and more, Jack would be walking down the hall minding his own business and the need to vomit will over take him or he’d have an intense dizzy spell. Whenever this happens Jack had to make his way to the bath room, just like he was now heaving and spluttering into the sink emptying the contents of his stomach into the sink clutching onto it for dear life just hoping his stomach would settle. When it finally did he just stayed there breathing heavy when she heard a knock. Doing his best to clean himself up he went to the door and opened it up “Oh hey, Onnie. I was going to take a nap…Feeling under the weather”

[Oneyka A. Duffuor]

She was impatient, yet she hesitated. There was sadness and yet, she wanted to be mad. There were plenty of times where Oneyka could keep it under control but this was not one of them. She couldn't even wrap her mind around the idea of planning. How did you plan on what to do next when you were just told by someone other than your boyfriend, that your boyfriend had cancer? How did one manage to plan something like that? You didn't. You just didn't and Oneyka just didn't want to. Just the thought of losing Jack...

No. That wouldn't happen. She couldn't think like that. Absolutely not. No. He was not allowed to leave her behind. The thought of it hurt so much. Tears were now forcing their way out and it became even more difficult to contain herself. Onnie tried to catch her breath in between the forcefully hidden sobs, moving to knock on the door again until it opened.

Her movement came to a halt as she saw Jack answer the door. She didn't know what it was, but she could feel her heart want to give out on her. He was feeling under the weather... Jack usually had so much energy that usually radiated from those brown eyes of his. This was the complete opposite of that. He looked... sick, seeing the lack of color... it hurt, and the fact that it looked more obvious than before just made her heart shatter even more.

She moved, gently pushing the door so that it opened further, not waiting for permission to enter but doing so on her own terms. The shapeshifter stood with enough space between them. Onnie just stood there, with her lips slightly parted but no words came out. All she could do was stare at him, choking back tears. So many questions, with too many emotions. Just when Oneyka Duffuor honestly and wholly considered him the love of her life, something threatened to take that away.

And he couldn't even let her know?

Onnie folded her arms as a slender hand moved to cover her mouth. She couldn't even hold it together anymore. There were so many obstacles the two of them had gone through together and then she could handle it, she managed to keep it together. Now, she couldn't keep that grip. She broke out into sobs while still trying to hold herself back together but failed miserably. She turned around, facing the other way, still sobbing. Her hands rested onto her hips as she looked towards the ground, still fighting to keep it together.

Her baby was sick...

Turning around, she extended an arm and gestured towards Jack. Trying to muster something, a word, anything. "...w-why?" Her voice was hardly manageable through fighting to keep calm. "...why didn't you tell me?"

[Jack McCarthy]

The instant Jack laid eyes on Onnie, he just...knew..that she knew. He didn't know how he knew but there was just something about her body language the way she held his gaze that seemed to be somewhat foreboding about the way she looked at him, Jack's false smile faded as a cold chill went down his spine.

Oh God Oh God, Oh God....how did she find out.. Only about two people knew and they were sworned to secrecy and-....Alex. It had to be Alex. God damn it Alex! I begged you NOT to. That's all I wanted.

...and he was well aware, not telling her, that was bad. He knew that and he wanted nothing more then to tell her. But he couldn't for so many reasons. But mainly because he knew that this would just crush the people around him, and that was the last thing Jack ever wanted. It went against his nature to cause the people he loved that much pain. His stomach turned at the thought. He couldn't ever bring himself to say the words.

...and he got the reaction he thought. Onnie weeping and the sight of that just broke Jack's heart, totally and utterly not to mention the fact he felt like dirt knowing he was the cause of it. He shifted his feet and rubbed his temple screwing up his arms wishing that he could just jump out of the window, hell he would be cool with the idea of the cancer taking him right now.

Anything to stop him seeing Onnie cry

Jack didn't answer for a moment his hands on his hips tilting his head frowing his head still pounding, after a moment he shrugged resigned. “How could I?” he muttered in a small voice “I wasn't brave enough...” Jack stayed silent for a moment before moving into his room and going to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands together again staring at the floor “...You hate me don't you?”

[Oneyka A. Duffuor]

A hand moved to slip her glasses off of her face as the other tugged the sleeve of her hoodie, trying to wipe the tears away, if not just hide them for a few minutes. She already felt herself breaking and she wasn't even the one with the cancer. But for some reason there was this stupid, unexplained and unfair thing called love that made her feel as if the guy in front of her was her other half. When he was happy, she was happy. The days Jack felt sad, Onnie couldn't help but feel it too but apparently when she was left in the dark, he somehow couldn't understand how much it hurt.

It was a very wicked thing, indeed.

Onnie removed her arm from her eyes as she slipped her reading glasses back on. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, not wanting to add on to the pressure that Jack may have already been dealing with. It was hard.

She folded her arms, glancing away from Jack even while he moved. There were just so many questions unanswered, so much she wondered about. He hadn't been brave enough to tell her, yet he had the courage to inform his good friend Alex. She looked towards him, slowly shaking her head as sniffling happened. She paused, "...no. I could never hate you." Her brown eyes focused on a wall opposite of him. "You have put me in some of the most awkward and embarrassing situations. There were times where you have bamboozled me, dodged me, only to use Jack Two as your solutions in dealing with me. You even tried to make me believe that wanting to be with someone like you was a mistake, trying to shove falsified ideas about you into my mind and horrible words into my mouth."

The ebony girl tried to keep it together as best as she could, "And yet I'm still here. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe they call that love." She tried swallowing that knot in her throat, hoping it would go down, but it was still there. Her voice constantly cracked, she sounded less than strong, she felt weak and all because she wanted nothing more but for her boyfriend to be well and healthy. She wanted Jack to feel comfortable with telling her what was wrong... "I-I could've helped you start your treatments and visits as early as you found out, I-I could pay for everything, anything you need, anything you want. My father, h-he's part of a network filled with some of the best cancer treating hospitals and doctors world wide. I could've already been assisting you. You didn't tell me. I don't... I don't get it." She broke out into tears as she looked at Jack. "I don't understand."

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack hasn't cried since he had heard the news, which Jack couldn't help but feel that was...Odd...Shouldn't he be emontional in some way. He thought that he probably should but...he wasn't....Not in the least bit, he was just kind of..... Disconnected He didn't feel anything not even a jolt of emotion like it was happening to someone else

He was numb inside.

Jack sat back on the bed his eyes cemented onto his sneakers, seemingly lost in his own little world but he couldn't help but wince when Onnie told him that she didn't hate her. Even after all he has done to her, even after keeping something like this away from Onnie for weeks, she couldn't bring herself to hate him., and in away that just confirmed the fact that Jack didn't deserve her. Not in any way. Espeically when he treated her like this. "You really should hate me...You have every right to hate me" Jack muttered he almost wished that she would yell at him, scream, shout like she had every right too, hell if Onnie wanted to slap him in the face if it would make him feel any better

Maybe then he'll feel something...

"No, no no please don't do that..." Jack said quickly seeing her cry "Never cry over me" he muttered shaking his head tapping his foot against the door wondering how the hell he would ever begin to answer that question satisfactory "I never wanted to hurt you...I knew, something like this, it would be painful for you. I know, you can take pain and being with me has caused you pain but I couldn't take it...I couldn't cause you anymore pain or worry, espeically something like this...I just couldn't. I didn't want to tell anyone but Alex practically forced it out of me....I'm guessing she was how you found out...

[Oneyka A. Duffuor]

This whole time Onnie just wanted to know; How? How did Jack feel? How did he manage to deal with being diagnosed with cancer? How? How could he just sit there, looking so unphased about everything when there was something inside of him that not only wanted to break his body down but made him believe that this was okay to hide. It wasn't okay. Not at all. At least, not to Onnie.

It wasn't until today that Onnie actually wondered if maybe Jack hadn't wanted someone like her all along. That maybe every single one of those times that she dealt with being pushed away was for a reason. Maybe he'd enjoy the company of a girlfriend who just went with everything he did. Never questioning him. Letting him breathe in his own space whenever he wanted, never to truly care about his well being. Maybe a young African woman who seemed to care way too much, was a bit too stubborn and head strong for her own good, wasn't what Jack had in mind? She wanted to believe that, she really did.

But it was a hard idea to grasp.

As he spoke, Onnie shook her head as she looked towards the wall, her voice cracked. "No. No..." She didn't want to hate him, as betrayed as she felt for not being told, there was something bigger here. She couldn't hate him, and would not allow herself to take in such an ugly word, no matter how much he tried to push it onto her. She looked at him, "Don't project your self-hatred onto me." As much as it tempted her, as much as she wanted to yell at him, slap him upside the head, there was no way that she could. Not for this. She had to remember that he was going through things; health wise, physically, mentally, emotionally, and would continue to.

Her nose sniffled, trying to calm down as he assured her to not cry over him. It was hard, yes, but she didn't want to make it harder on him. But for some reason, her body felt as if he was perfectly worth the tears. "Stop," She rubbed her nose, "Jack! For fucks sakes stop trying to dictate whether or not I can handle something! We've been together for almost a year now and you still find the time to decide the outcome of the situation before it even happens. This isn't some bloody moment where I've come to find out you've cheated on me... You're sick, you have cancer. And maybe I'm just stupid, or-or someone who doesn't get it but, you're supposed to tell the people you love when something serious is happening to you... the good and the bad."

Onnie then thought about Alex, who was the one who told but there was no need to snitch her out like that. Especially since Jack already had an idea. "Because nine times out of ten, those are the same people who love you the same, even more." She couldn't blame anyone, especially not Alex for wanting to force it out of Jack. "I just want to be there for you." She had never used bad language towards Jack before, and now she felt bad. It was just so very frustrating, upsetting even, when you didn't know how long someone would wait to tell you before you found out.

[Jack McCarthy]

Well, wasn't that the million dollar question Miss Duffuor? Why hasnt Jack just utterly broken down ever since he had heard the news that he was due to go through a horrible torture that would utterly destory his body from the inside most likely ending in his ever so painful and drawn out death. Why was there a gaping wall of numbness in his chest that was iron clad and unyielding? Why did it feel like he's body was on auto eighty percent of the day walking through a mental fog. Well golly Onnie you've sure stumped him with that one because he had no earthly idea. Could he phone a friend? A 50/50 maybe? Probably considering that lifelines were something he didn't exactly have at this current moment in time. But he'll just continue working on that and when Jack figures out why he feels NOTHING yet he still can't sleep he'll be sure to let Onnie know.

Jack's biggest fear was losing Onnie. It was as simple as that, without Onnie he felt like he couldn't get through it. It simply wasn't possible for him to do, Not from lack of trying of course. When did Jack not fight against something? but he couldn't see himself doing it without her, but at the same time. He felt selfish, he felt selfish for knowing how much pain this is going to cause her. The pain HE'S causing her. He hates the fact that Jack is going to turn into nothing but a burden for her. Not a person, just something that she needs to take care of. Onnie deserve, so much better.

As if Jack needed more self hate..

"It's kind of my thing" Jack muttered shrugging his shoulders and offering a timid smirk "Right, right you don't have to say it, not the time..." Jack said coughing trying to move on from what he just said quite quickly.

Jack looked up blinking at Onnie, more stunned that she would actually swear more then anything else, that was like someone just throw a bucket of iced water over him as he absorbed Onnie's words He looked down at the ground moving his feet off the ground and towards his chest his arms held around his knees and his face pressed against his knees "I wish I could be better for you..."

[Oneyka A. Duffuor]

"Right..."He managed to crack a smirk, which usually added on to the fire any other day but for right now, Onnie had rather see that then him looking so unsure. Because for once, she was unsure, so very unsure of what to do. With him not telling her, she felt as if maybe he didn't really need her in his personal space or business. Which was a horrible thing to think because that just made her feel that much worse considering she would always try to be there for him.

"I wish I could be better for you..."

Those tearful brown eyes of hers looked towards Jack as he said those words. Wishing she hadn't sworn in the first place, let alone said anything. It was quite difficult keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself during something like this. She didn't quite know how to handle it and honestly felt like she could have done a better job. Only if he knew how much she saw him as one of the best things that had ever happened to her. Despite what everyone else may have thought.

"Worry about bettering yourself. I'll be just fine." Right now, she didn't feel that way but she knew she would as time passed. Time eventually fixed everything, and hopefully it would fix Jack. Because she wasn't sure what she'd do without him. There was no way...

Not the best time for such thoughts, she had to remind herself. Everything would be fine, everything was going to be okay and despite being disappointed in how Jack handled the situation, he was sick. That was for certain and now that she knew that and made it clear to him that she knew, she had to do something. Anything because just standing here fighting back tears that had already won made the knot in her throat even larger.

Her nose sniffled as she tried to blink the moisture out of her eyes, not helping the fact that she started to sound all nasal-y. Looking towards the door, she crossed her arms. "Are you hungry?" She cleared her throat as it cracked, her voice was softer. "I could uh- I could stay if you want... and make you food." She couldn't help but to think if he had ate today. "Or I could um, get you something from the cafeteria. Or go out and get you something you want... while you rest."

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack really didn't know how to deal with this short of thing. This was something that was assuredly not in the least. This was beyond his comprehension. He can't really deal with it, the block of emotions was strong and his own real responce in any situation was to make light of it. That was his weapon of choice. Pretty much his lone weapon against this kind of thing. And boy did he wheeled it like a man trying to fight off a army of blood thirsty zombies with a bent paper clip.

Jack didn't move just soaking all of Onnie's words in like a sponge, no she couldn't just sit back and let and NOT worrying about people. That's what he did, he worried about how his actions impacted on others. and he knew that this would weigh on her. Upset her. and that hurt Jack worse then any cancer.

Jack looked up at Onnie, almost with surprise in his eyes that A) Yes she has accepted that Jack has what he has and b) She's on board and isn't leaving any time soon. Jack held eye contact with her for awhile can't helping but to feel an intense rush of gratitude flood through his system. More then he could ever put into words...

....he didn't deserve her...

It was true he hasn't ate...at ALL today and he was hungry but there were more pressing needs Jack rubbed his eyes " I am..Really tired...

[Oneyka A. Duffuor]

At this point, Oneyka was ready and willing to help Jack with whatever he needed. God only knew how long he went before telling her, she had no idea what cancer it even was but right now she didn't think it was best to go that deep. At least not right now. She didn't think that she could handle another added chisel to that heart of hers. What hurt the most was that he was alone, even with roommates... had he just slept in his room all day without anyone there? Just like him to try to fight and figure it out by himself.

The ebony girl sniffled, while trying to wipe any extra tears and moisture from her face. Only to wipe it against her pajama shorts, seeing how she was still in her comfortable wear after leaving her dorm this morning.

She paused when he spoke, not mentioning anything about wanting to eat but instead being really tired. Something just told her that he hadn't ate yet, some kind of unknown feeling but if he needed rest, then she'd let him have it. It... it was just that, she didn't want to leave him, at all. She didn't want to leave his side, even after everything... she couldn't.

"I - um, I suppose you deserve your rest." Nodding, as she glanced over to him. The girl then moved over to his bed, laying down on her side in the usual spot she slept whenever she came into his room. She was exhausted herself from all the tears shed but this was mostly for him. Knowing how much easier it was for him to fall asleep when she played in his hair or sung to him. She maneuvered her legs under his covers as she reached a hand out to him, "Come on."

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack didn't want help, well...he did...but he didn't gah. This was hard to explain even in his own twisted mind because of course he wanted help, of course he wanted people to be there for, but at the same time he felt like he was burdening then with himself. He was just a giant rock to be tied to the leg and weighing down all his friends in the process. Causing them stress, pain. Everything Jack was repulsed by and he hated the fact that Onnie would feel compelled to do so and there was no way Jack could stop it.

Onnie really did deserve better, And Jack couldn't give her that

And yes, Jack was quite hungry indeed to say the very least but he'd be damned if Onnie has to put herself under any weight because of him...

Jack couldn't help but smile once Onnie laid down on his bed...he never liked to sleep alone, especially since the cancer...he had spent quite a number of nights wondering if he should call over Onnie in the dead of night, would that be weird? five am, just wanting to hang out? That wasn't weird right?

Jack manuviered himself to his normal sleeping positon he used whenever Onnie stayed over, grabbing her hand and hugging her close to him like she was a teddy bear his chin on her shoulder, just enjoying the comfort of being near her, chasing his cares away "I love you..." it was the purest form of gratitude he could give

[Oneyka A. Duffuor]

She didn't need a big sign, or anything spelled out to her. Oneyka only knew how to go about things by going with her instincts and how her heart spoke to her soul, letting those two guide her to what was right, what needed to be done. Right now she only wanted Jack, she needed him and while he never said it, she had this crazy idea in her mind that he needed her. And if he didn't, well - He had a mouth, one that was able to blurt out the most interesting words that formed a sentence, a mouth that had this magical ability to give the brightest smiles. He could always use that to tell her. She'd listen. She always did.

When she felt him hug her close, she closed her eyes. This was different than their usually time together, this time she was actually pushing back tears, smothering them so they couldn't be heard. They needed comfort right now, the sadness could wait while she was alone again. Being told that he loved her didn't help the fight against the tears but it did melt her, as if she was the purest form of chocolate.

Her plump lips met her boyfriend's warm forehead, "I love you too." Her words coming out to finally meet his. She began humming a lullaby from back home, one her mother used to sing to her as a baby, as well as her nanny when her parents were away. She'd wait until he fell asleep, at least until then she'd know it would be safe for her to do so as well.