Fresh Air (Rox)

[Ellen Banks]

So this was different Ellen more or less been summoned by Roxanna for a “Talk” She wanted to tell her,

Ellen was somewhat curious what was to follow, especially after the last few weeks where Roxanna managed to vanish into thin air for a few weeks without any explanation, this wasn’t news to Ellen normally Rox would disappear for a few days and then turn up without any explanation, that was just Rox’s way. Ellen will give her this, she can keep a secret...And if she didn’t want Ellen to know, there was no way Ellen would convince her otherwise.

So you can imagine Ellen was curious what Roxanna needed to talk to her about. Because it could be anything…

Ellen didn’t know if she was curious or if she was feeling a sense of foreboding

[Roxana Strix]

Roxana did indeed need to talk to Ellen Banks about something, something that she had wanted to tell the other girl for some time now. She just wanted to get it done, out of the way, and focus on what she needed to do now that her brother and a few others that were in her organization were here. She didn't know if they were planning something big or deciding if they were going to pull out of their plan for BA completely. That was, even if they had a plan for BA to begin with, since Roxana had no clue deep down.

Not that any of that mattered at the moment, right now what mattered was meeting up with Ellen and telling her what Rox felt was important to get off her chest. It was odd that they were no longer roommates and she was going to ask if it was something Ellen had requested. If not, she would also ask the girl if she wanted to be roommates again but she was going to leave it all on Ellen's choice. She was still confident she could look after the girl from anywhere besides living with her.

Living with the other girl was nice and something she got used to but she would understand if Ellen wanted to try living with other people. Just as it was going to be Ellen's choice on how she would take what Roxana had to say. Rox of course had a guess for how things were going to go, but she was going to still do it all the same. "Hello, Ellen, thank you for meeting up with me. How have you been?" Roxana asked. It was standard for her to ask how Ellen was doing every time she would talk to the girl.

She would wait a moment for Ellen to reply before she would say something more. "This is not really relevant or super important but, did you not want to be roommates anymore?" Roxana asked, feeling it was best to get that out of the way first.

[Ellen Banks]

No, Ellen was not rooming with Roxanna any more and Ellen was none too happy about that fact, unlike most people Ellen happened to room with Ellen had no complaints what so ever about Roxanna quality of a room mate. As far as Ellen was concerned Roxanna was THE perfect roommate and she actually did enjoy it, she was actually the best roommate Ellen have had and there she say it…it was actually…fun to have around.

Pity it had to end, during her….dark moments, she managed to provide a blanket of safety and security that she desperately needed and Ellen would always be grateful for that…

…Even if she didn’t know how to show it….

“Oh you know me…” Ellen sat back smiling settling back in her favourite chair “…Surviving day by day one step of a time” She nodded can’t helping but to wonder what she wanted that was so important.” Ellen blinked a little in surprise at the question “Of course I do, you’re by far the most tolerable roommate I’ve ever had….even if you’re not here most of the time…do you know who I’m rooming with next year? Frank Cox” Ellen said with a whine leaning back bemused at the idea sighing in a woe-is-me kind of way “…Would you please break my neck now so I don’t have to suffer?”

[Roxana Strix]

Roxana had been pleased that she had always been able to help Ellen calm down and feel better when Ellen was affected negatively by the things she went though. There had been plenty of times that Ellen would crawl into Roxana's bed when she was scared. Even if it was something the two of them never talked about and kept quite from others, Rox didn't forget it. At first she had been a bit guarded about it because she didn't like people in a place; the only place, she had that was of her own of sorts. Yet, she got used to it for the sake of trying to help Ellen feel better.

"Well, that is good to hear. I would prefer to hear something better than just surviving day by say but I will accept it for now." Roxana said. She wanted to hear that Ellen was doing well but she knew that was a big thing to hope for. Still, she would hope for it because she wanted Ellen to be happy and to feel safe. Her follow up question actually had her little surprised by the answer that she got from Ellen. Part of her had been worried that Ellen didn't want to be her roommate anymore, but it seemed to be the opposite of that. "That actually makes me happy to hear, not that you are displeased about who you will soon have but that you were fine being my roommate." Roxana said as a small smile crept across her face for a moment.

"If you wish to be my roommate again, you know all you have to do is make a simple request, right?" Roxana asked, mainly pointing it out to Ellen. She would have done it herself but she didn't want to do something if Ellen was not up for it. From what she had heard, Ellen might have enjoyed living with Frank but honestly it made sense that she was not actually looking forward to it. Rox shook her head no when Ellen asked her to break her neck. "I don't wish for you to suffer but I care too much about you to hurt you in such a way." Roxana said.

"It is why I asked you to meet up with me today." Roxana added right after and just left that in the air for Ellen to take in and interpret how she wanted. Rox would wait before she would go to explain it, she had to actually think of the right way to say it and get it over with.

[Ellen Banks]

Roxanna was not mistaken, yes in the days directly after the shooting she was quite vulnerable to say the very least and was easily frightened by the smallest things, liable to jump at the smallest things. In her condition any comfort provided no matter how small Ellen would have latched onto. So the comfort of sharing a bed with another warm body was more then welcome and was quite comforting to say the very least…

…and no, Ellen was not willing to discuss it…

Ellen shrugged a little as she wrapped her arm around her body “Always striving for perfection…” Ellen sighed she could never accept mediocrity as an option so naturally Ellen’s answer was good…for now at least it was a temporary measure to her.

Once again Ellen couldn’t help but think that her father would approve…

Ellen’s head tiled just a little frowning “Why wouldn’t I be fine with you as a roommate?” Ellen sometimes didn’t understand Roxanna. There was literally nothing wrong that Roxanna did and yet she seemed to be surprised that Ellen would like to room with her.

Ellen groaned just a little as she rubbed her temples at Rox’s refusal to “I’ll be sure to take comfort in that when Frank is singing show tunes at three in the morning” Ellen said a bitter taste in her month but Rox should know that this was just Ellen’s way of poking fun.

Ellen’s eyebrow shot up just a little at Roxanna’s strange words, now that it was clear Ellen was going to get answers regarding why she was here she perked up “Go on, You have my attention

[Roxana Strix]

It had certainly been odd the first time that Ellen had come into Roxana's room, almost ending up getting herself hurt by Roxana. She was very guarded about her room because of the things she kept in it and general how it was one of the few places she had to herself. Yet, she had thankfully realized it was Ellen in her doorway and what was wrong. There were very few words; if any, ever shared between them those times when Roxana would simply lift up her bed-sheet and allow Ellen to snuggle in with her. Roxana could not really relate to what it was like to be physically comforted by someone, but she did her best to do that for Ellen. Even before she developed the confusing feelings she had for the other girl now.

"Indeed, even if perfection is impossible, nothing wrong with aiming for it." Roxana responded back with a small nod. Yes, Roxana too aimed for perfection in her job; which had becoming difficult thanks to her feelings towards Ellen and Elsa. That was why she needed to do this, why she was here to talk to Ellen other than checking up on the girl she considered her friend. "I'm not exactly the most...empathetic and emotional kind of person out there, so I understand if my…cold personality can be off putting sometimes." Roxana answered Ellen's question. Yes, Ellen came off as cold towards others, but Roxana had seen Ellen for who she really was and Ellen didn't really come off as cold to her that often. Stubborn, yes. Not really cold.

She enjoyed her time with Ellen as her roommate and would not mind having it back but she would leave it to Ellen to make that choice and take the proper steps to get their room assignments changed. Rox could not help but to let out something like a quick soft chuckle at Ellen's comment about Franck singing at three in the morning. "Do you need me to provide you with noise cancelling headphones?" Roxana asked. She tried to make a joke there, but she was also being very serious if Ellen wanted or felt like she would need them. Then Ellen was all year, and Roxana didn't see the point in hesitating or holding back about the subject.

"I like you, Ellen Banks. In a way that I'm certain is more than a friend. I can't explain why I feel this way about you or even the feelings itself. It is something that has been bothering me for a while, so I felt that it would help if I informed you on the matter in a way to...get it off my chest." Roxana said, and then she fell silent. Wanting Ellen to have time to let that sink in.

[Ellen Banks]

No, Ellen was not attempted to read into what happened those nights too much, it wasn’t like she had sex with her (That was the last thing Ellen had on her mind those days) She just had crippling fear of being alone at that point and she needed the comfort of having another person hold her, she was quite vulnerable at that time and that was just the mindset she had at the time. In all honestly she was embarrassed that it happened as often as it did, she just wanted to put it all behind her at this point.

God, no wonder Elsa has taken to her Roxanna as much as she did with statements like that, hell. With talk like that, that just put more weigh to her theory that Roxanna was a long lost Banks given up birth (Well, she had the hair for being a member of the family, that was a start) “Striding for something that’s impossible is quite a frustrating process…trust me I know” Ellen sighed. Drumming her fingers against the chair

Ellen let out a brief involuntary bolt of laughter after that particular sentence that she managed to turn into a cough at the last minute. She didn’t like to laugh in front of people, oh an evil cackle made flesh from someone’s misfortune was fine but sincere laughter was something she tried to avoid around people. And even though she was mostly comfortable in Roxanna’s company she still had a way to go before she kicked old habits “Well, it’s just your way. We can’t change how were wired” Ellen nodded

Well well the robot rooming the halls of Bellefonte had become self aware, who’d had thought it

“Oh trust me if there’s anyone that can get pass them it’s her but thanks for the offer” If there was a way for Ellen could get Roxanna as a roommate she would, little things like that were more then welcome for Ellen

At first, Ellen didn’t respond to Roxanna’s revelation, it was just such a bizarre statement that at first it took awhile for Ellen’s mind to decode it fuly, but when she did her eyebrow raised just a little

Out of anything that Rox could have told her, the very last thing Ellen was expecting was….Something like that. She never thought Roxanna was even capable of that. Wasn’t she trained to avoid those kind of feelings? She was the most stoic and reserved person in the world it seemed insane that they were having this conversation

But here they were..

Ellen leaned back in her seat for a moment “Riiiiiight” she said out loud legit on the back seat“You..Have a crush on me….Why on earth would you do a stupid thing like that?”

[Roxana Strix]

No doubt that Ellen's father would likely get along well with Roxana's mother, or more so her grandfather. The men did remind her of each other and it was why she and Ellen often were able to talk about these kinds of things and have sort of an understanding of one another. While they both had gone through different life experience, they both knew what it was like to not exactly match up to a very important person's opinion. That and how they were expected to be perfect so would strive for it even knowing that true perfection was impossible. Roxana didn't say anything and simply nodded to Ellen's words of it being frustrating.

Ellen laughed, something that was rare to hear, and honestly didn't bother Roxana because she figured that it was something that could be amusing. She of course was being serious but still was not bothered by the fact that Ellen had laughed at it. "Slightly true. Conditioning does make an excellent way to get someone to change. Part of me wishes that I could be put through the process again." Roxana said, with an actual hint of hat could almost be considered sadness in her voice. She was not sure why she was telling such a thing to Ellen but then again she didn't understand a lot of what was going on with her of late.

She was not made for this, not raised to feel like this, and certainly was having a hard time functioning with the current...problems she was dealing with. Rox just nodded when Ellen seemed fine with dealing with Frank because she thought the other girl would not be able to be canceled out; clearly Ellen needed to experience a better brand if that was her thinking. Then there was the whole 'admitting of feelings', which after Roxana felt slightly better but it still was not having the same effect like she desired and expected. Ellen didn't even seem to believe her or at the very least saw it as something stupid.

"Apologies, I don't understand it myself even. I'm not supposed to feel or think this way about someone. I never have until recently and it had been causing me some...difficulties. Thus, I figured if I confessed the feeling that it would help with the process of trying to get over it. I fully understand that you likely don't feel that way with me." Roxana said, her tone at its usual level like always.

[Ellen Banks]

Ellen wrinkled her nose at the thought of ‘conditioning’ whatever that meant. Somehow Ellen didn’t really want to know how this ‘Conditioning; worked. Being who she was and knowing what she knew about how the mind could be manipulated to think a certain way from the little that Ellen knew about Rox it sounded a lot what people in Ellen’s line of ‘Hobby’ called ‘Negative reinforcement’ Fast. Effective. But never anything short of a horrible experience. If that was the case then Ellen felt a small piece of pity grow for Roxanna ‘Conditioning…doesn’t sound very pleasant. Give me Hypnosis anyday’

Say that you wanted about the way Ellen conducted her business but at least she made sure people enjoyed it when she played with their mind. Hypnosis was always an enjoyable experience

Ellen tutted momentarily as Rox responded. Typical of her to approach such a sensitive issue with her normal bluntness. She didn’t mean to make it seem like she was verbally slapping Rox for feeling the way she did…just confused why she would feel such feelings about Ellen.Roxanna should know better then most that Ellen didn’t play well with others and there was more then a few times that Roxanna had been on the bad side of Ellen’s sharp tongue. And yet after all Ellen has done or said….She had feelings for her?

..What?

‘No’Ellen said momentarily rubbing her temples sighing ‘I didn’t mean it like that…You just caught me by surprise…I mean, how long have you felt this way?’

[Roxana Strix]

Roxana noticed that Ellen seemed displeased to hear such a word, which she supposed she could understand why the other girl would act in such a way. It was not something that really anyone would be supportive of for a lot of reasons. Roxana was, but that as because of how she was raised and found that she responded best to it when it came to learning or adjusting to something in a way that would end up being permanent. For her is mostly involved pain since pain was something that she could easily understand.

It didn't feel good, thus if she didn't want to feel that way she would not do what would cause that unpleasant feeling. Ellen was all for hypnosis; Roxana chuckled a little at that. "You have the ability so I can imagine you would trust it over other methods. Conditioning for me has proven to work the best, granted it has not fully curbed my rebellious ways at times which I imagine you and a few others are at times thankful for." Roxana responded as she messed with her own hair a little. Her light blue eyes looking at Ellen's hair for a moment, wanting to run her fingers through it and enjoy how soft she already knew it to be.

There was a tut sound coming from Ellen, which had Roxana looking slightly confused for a moment, but she didn't say anything on it. She didn't know if Ellen was disappointed with her for admitting her feelings or disgusted that someone like Roxana had feelings for her. She honestly didn't know what to expect other than a 'no' in this kind of situation since it was so new and foreign to her. Ellen then spoke, Roxana listening and watching every movement Ellen made reading her body movement to better understand what Ellen was possibly thinking and going to react. "Apologies, it caught me by surprise as well." Roxana assured her.

There was the question then that Roxana had to think back to when she became aware of these feelings towards Ellen and Elsa. "Some time after the fire, a week or so after. Was not certain of its but it started to cause some difficulties and that was part of why I left during the middle of the boat trip and have been vanishing a lot more than in the past." Roxana informed Ellen, looking at the other girl and just watching and waiting.

[Ellen Banks]

Personally, Ellen preferred the carrot rather then the stick. But then again who was she to argue with results rights? And that was the main thing about that course of actions. It wasn’t pleasant but it was certainly effective.

But again, Ellen couldn’t exactly take the high ground when it came to how she did things…

Ellen sat back and simply absorbed what Roxanna had to say, Ellen had noted she seemed a little….Odd… in the weeks post the fire she did seem to vanish more then usual, but she always seemed to disappear. So Ellen didn’t feel any need to look more into that more then she did

Of course this whole strange situation forced Ellen to confront her own attraction to Roxanna because it was there. She always knew that. There was something about being near her that was very soothing and comforting to Ellen…and that’s been something that’s been kneeling against the back of Ellen’s mind for awhile now…

Ellen sighed a little and tucked her knees under her where she sat “What do you want me to say Roxanna?”

[Roxana Strix]

Roxana would of course guess or had a strong feeling that Ellen was more of the type that liked to get praise over punishment. That much had been obvious from the times she would praise the girl and how Ellen would act vs that time Ellen's father had dare tried to punish Ellen in front of Roxana. Needless to say, the man had never tried such a stunt in front of Roxana again, but if he was doing it behind her back then Ellen was not telling her about it. If Ellen did, well Roxana would have done something about it even before she had developed her current feelings towards the other girl.

That was practically common knowledge for those who Roxana made it clear that she was there to look after them. Yet right now that was not what they were here to talk about and what they were here to talk about Roxana had told Ellen. Rox had gotten the reaction she expected but not in the way she had fully expected it. At first Ellen was behaving in the way Rox figured she would but now Ellen had gotten really quite and even pulled her legs close to her body. A clear sign of vulnerability, uncertainty, and a mix of a few other things.

It made Roxana feel a little...bad, for causing Ellen to feel such a way from hearing her confession. Was it selfish to have told Ellen? Roxana personally thought it would be in the best interest of their relationship for Ellen to know. However; if she was being honest then Rox was certain she really was doing this for herself rather than for Ellen's sake. She hesitated at first before moving closer to Ellen, reaching a hand out in order to play with Ellen's hair a little; by running her fingers through those long blonde locks.

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted to let you know, since I felt that it would help me come to understand it all and not cause any problems between us in the future." Roxana said, but towards the end she sounded a little uncertain of what she was saying. Perhaps she still needed some more time to think about it all too fully grasp what it was that she wanted for Ellen and Elsa.

((Tag:Ellen Banks))

[Ellen Banks]

Yes. He was still doing it to Ellen. With all due respect to Roxanna, it’ll take more then her to stop her father doing whatever the hell he wanted. He was used to walking all over Ellen and he wasn’t going to give that up without a fight. Ellen didn’t tell Roxanna because…well it wasn’t her business and she didn’t want to gain anymore irie from her father

Yes, this was confusion for Ellen…but she supposed her relationship with Rox was….strangely intimate with how close they were together and how comfortable she was around her, being around Rox was like being next to a roaring fire there was a warmth to her, a comfort to being closed to her

Ellen couldn’t help but lean further into her fingers. Enjoying the sensation of her hair being played with, she found the motion soothing, of course now this raised a question..was this some kind of seduction on Rox’s part?

…because it was slightly working…

“For what it’s worth you had a shot at the beginning…after the shooting…I was…Well it was a bad time for me…I’m pretty sure I you made a move…well…who knows..”

[Roxana Strix]

Roxana did know that Ellen's farther still bothered his daughter from time to time; it was Roxana's job to know such a thing. The only reason why she was not going and doing something about it was because Ellen didn't ask her to or talk about it. While she would make sure that Mr. Banks did not bother Ellen when she was around, she was not going to go out of her way to stop him when she was not around. Roxana was a little cold in that she was not going to always try and help someone out of something if they did not ask for it or at least bring it up.

Clearly it was not as bad as it was made out to be if Ellen was still putting up with it. That and Roxana wanted Ellen to actually become strong instead of pretending that she was so she was going to wait until Ellen got to that point on her own since she could not force Ellen to be stronger. It did not work that way; outside of putting Ellen through some of the things Rox had to deal with growing up. Even while she did care deeply for Ellen Banks, Roxana was still mostly herself other than these new feelings she was starting to experience. She just felt like Ellen had the right to know and other then that she didn't really have any plans.

They were pretty close and perhaps that was why Roxana had developed feelings for Ellen as well, even if they currently didn't spend as much time with one another like they sort of did in the past. Roxana just had very few friends so perhaps because it was a new sensation to have friends for so long that things developed how they did. Rox honestly didn't know and she was not thinking about it too much right now while she played with Ellen's hair a little. A small smile crept its way onto her lips as she felt Ellen leaning into her touch but it faded away at Ellen's words.

"I didn't feel that way about you back then and if I had I would not have acted on it. I would not want to take advantage of you. That is why I waited this long to even tell you." Roxana informed her, plain and simple. She didn't want to be with someone just because they were feeling weak and helpless because that meant that they likely could have gotten attached to anyone; hearing that actually made Roxana feel...off.

((Tag:Ellen Banks))

[Ellen Banks]

Ellen paused a little at the comment blinking absorbing the comments “No you wouldn’t would you?” Ellen muttered almost to herself she had a strict mortal code did Roxanna and she seemed to never sway from it. Especially when it came to her clients…

After a moment, Ellen picked herself up from the chair and adjusted herself slightly “If it’s any consolation “I would advice against developing feelings towards me. I hurt people. That’s what I do. It’s best for you if you don’t get involved…”