no thumbs: no food

[Humphries]

Sometimes, the whole being a cat thing did work against Humphries. It happened so very rarely that he generally forgot that it was even a thing. yet there he sat, positioned at the top of a cafeteria table, staring down a can of food. It wasn't cat food; not that Humphries particularly minded cat food. It tasted decent enough, though he certainly preferred to eat like a civilized being. Which was precisely why he was staring at a can of sardines, shipped straight from his homeland of England.

Humphries had tried pawing at them a few times to no success. His not so usual tactic of dropping them from a slight height didn't help matters either, nor did attempting to gnaw his way through, which just left his teeth feeling slightly out of sorts. No, Humphries could not open this can of delicious food, which only left him one recourse:

Meowing as loudly as possible and looking around in a manner that was wholly undignified by certainly befitting one of his species.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex was in the cafeteria for the same reason anyone would normally be found in such a place. She sought the nourishment the facility provided and was tired of getting by on the Hot Pockets and Lucky Charms she'd been stockpiling to keep herself from having to go out into public. She'd withdrawn from what few social groups she frequented and was growing restless and tired of feeling down. What better way to break out of a funk than to start eating better? Sure, she was looking to get out and about, but she'd be damned if she was going to put on pants. Or, well, anything other than sweatpants, that is.

She'd done little more than tug on a pair of gray sweatpants, pull an oversize, black hoodie over her head before tying her hair in a loose tail before stepping off. She wasn't out to impress anyone and she figured the worse she looked, the less likely someone would try and speak with her. What she hadn't counted on, was hearing the familiar, yet utterly out of place mewling of a cat.

With a furrowed brow Alex turned all around, eyes scanning for the source of the feline sound. "Oh, woah." She said softly, moving toward table the bow clad animal was standing on. "What're you doing here, little guy?" She asked curiously. He hadn't occurred to her that this was the mysterious feline that was scouring the halls and terrorizing people who had a habit of pooping in beds. For all intents and purposes, her mind just took this as being your everyday, average cat. "Huh." She said, eyeing the can of sardines before glancing around to see if there was any way it could have made it out on the table on its own. "You're a clever one." Her attention went back to the cat. "Let's see if we can't get this open for you." It did occur to her that the thing she'd spoken most to in the last week and a half was a cat. Even as she reached to pull on the tab on the can that would allow access to the sardines within, Alex wasn't quite sure how she felt about this.

[Humphries]

Oh great, another student who somehow didn't figure that the cat that wore a bow and looked strangely official and intelligent was probably the staff cat who was known for wearing a bow and being highly intelligent. Humphries gave the ditz a look of longsuffering. This would hardly be the first time that he'd had to deal with one of these teenagers, who didn't seem to have any thoughts beyond their own little world. She at least looked at the can.

As she did, Humphries moved to push it toward her with a paw, giving her another look. Yes, foolish teenager, this is the can that has my food, and I do want it.

Humphries let out meow as she worked to pull it though, and felt a purr rumbling up. Before he could really stop himself, he was already moving forward and arching toward her hands. She had suddenly turned from nuisance to food provider, after all, and Humphries did have that craving that only a can of English sardines could cure.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex had been the loving caretaker of many cats in her early years so she was used to the feeling of scorn and near disgust she got from the one in front of her. She wasn't ignorant to Humphries or his position, she had just been lost in her own world and it sometimes took a while to return to reality.

After ridding the can of its meddlesome top, she placed it on the table where the purring animal was obviously waiting. She smiled a little at the cat's anticipation before the slow, dawning realization struck her. This wasn't merely a factor of what she was dealing with, but rather who. And she had just treated a member of the Academy security staff like a pet.

"Well, shit." Alex uttered the uncouth curse as she felt her face flush with embarrassment. She'd always been taught to respect those in a position of authority and she was mortified to think that she may have offended the cat. Her brows furrowed as she processed that a little longer. "Uh, sorry?" She said, wholly unsettled and unsure of how to react. "I know who you are, but I didn't realize it, which is totally my bad." She began to ramble just a bit. Another one of her many gifts. "I didn't mean to offend you, Sir. I was distracted and saw a cat and thought it was kinda weird but, uh..." She trailed off and breathed a resigned sigh, her shoulders slumping before mumbling. "I'll just shut up now..."

[Humphries]

Humphries turned his attentions upon the can as the human put it down. The sheer delight of the flavors filled his mouth almost immediately, and he continued purring even as he ate, the sound a little wetter for his attentions on the whole eating thing. He paused only when he heard the student curse.

Then Humphries looked at her, his expression stern, his tail flicking. She now realized who she was dealing with, which was at least better than most of the students here. That elevated her considerably in Humphries' estimation, and her willingness to grant him his treats helped as well. He bobbed his head at her apology, showing its acceptance. The rambling had him narrowing his eyes slightly in that look of longsuffering.

As she ended, he raised a paw and purred, again flicking his tail. No offense was granted. He bobbed and then went back to eating, pulling the sardines out. Humphries just ate another when he paused, turning back to her. The cat scooted to the side and meowed, gesturing with a paw toward the can. He meant to ask if she wanted one, considering that they were delicious and ready for human consumption, though he didn't think she'd have quite the... desire to consume them that he had.

[Alexandra Lawson]

With the stern look from the cat Alex found herself suddenly painfully self-conscious. She fidgeted with her fingers, not wanting to stare but it was a cat after all and she'd always had a soft spot for the furry things. For a moment she debated asking if she was going to be in trouble but he seemed to have been accepting of her apology. Which unto itself was a little weird. Alex took pride in being able to hold her ground and stand up for herself in spite of her diminutive stature and here she was being intimidated by a cat who wasn't even trying to be so.

"Oh, uh..." She leaned over the table some to peer curiously into the tin as it was offered. Her mind briefly flashed back to her beloved late grandfather who'd always insisted on getting sardines on his pizza whenever they would visit. Alex would always remember the smell as being... unique. She'd never gathered up the courage to try them mostly because the rest of her family would always playfully deride her grandfather for his choice of pizza toppings. "Why not? Thank you." She said properly, with a polite nod in the cat's direction.

"My grandad used to always eat these." She mused to no one in particular. She didn't imagine the cat was particularly interested in such inanities. Alex couldn't help but be hesitant. She wasn't a big seafood eater in the first place and she brought it close to sniff at it before offering a shrug and popping the entire thing into her mouth.

The moment the fish touched her tongue Alex had to supress her gag reflex. Both hands went up to her mouth, even as she began chewing almost out of instinct rather than a desire to choke the sardine down. "Oh my God." She croaked, the distress touching her face. "Grandad was crazy." She looked around hurriedly for some place to dispose of the terrible tasting thing but was left with few options. Holding back another gag she rushed to the nearest garbage can and, in the most lady-like display possible, dipped her head nearly inside it to spit out her fishy regret.

[Humphries]

Humphries nodded as the girl stepped forward. He moved out of her way and let her take the small fish. Humphries leaned forward to pull another out, eating it more absently as he studied the girl. No, he didn't expect that she'd immediately take to the treat: she wasn't a feline, and this was more of an acquired taste among humans, particularly American humans of a teenage persuasion. At least she was willing to try.

Actually, it occurred to Humphries that she'd probably gotten close enough for his device to have picked up her phone and hacked it. He twisted to look at his bow, listening for the confirmation. The familiar little beep sounded just as the girl started croaking. Her noises distracted Humphries from his device, and he watched as she retched.

If cats could laugh, Humphries would most certainly be doing so now. He did let out a few soft meows as she ran to the can. While she was there, he twisted, sending the message to her phone, where she'd get the new text: acquirment taste it is. no insulting to not be enjoying. credit for doing the trying you should be having. Of course, the cat was already back to enjoying his treat by the time the girl would receive the message.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex issued a low, rueful groan before spitting into the trash bin again. Her head shook as she attempted to clear it of the cobwebs the terrible thing she'd put into her mouth had caused. She wasn't particularly fond of nearly throwing up anywhere, let alone in public. "Lesson learned." She muttered to herself, pulling the sleeve of her oversize, red hoodie over her hand in order to wipe at her mouth. "Sorry for wasting it." She said, keeping her hand close to her lips just in case as she slowly wandered back to the table.

"I owe-" She paused at the beeping of her phone. Brows knitted together as Alex dug the device out of the front pouch of her sweater and turned on the screen. Few people bothered texting her these days. Which wasn't all that different from before, but who was counting. "Oh..." She said, reading the message on the display. "Well, thank you." She said, a sheepish smile touching her face as she looked back to the cat who was already busy with the rest of his treats. "You know, this shouldn't be so weird." She admitted, moving to take a seat at the table where Humphries was going to town on the sardines. "I mean, look where we're at." She waved a hand around her, gesturing to the school as a whole. "But it's actually kinda cool." She studied the animal for a moment. "Do you mind if I why you're always... a cat?" She ventured cautiously. "Or, were you born a cat?" The rumor mill surrounding the unorthodox security official was an active one, to say the least, and Alex couldn't help her curiosity.

[Humphries]

Humphries simply flicked his tail at her apology: she'd read his text and his opinion on the matter soon enough. Humphries kept sitting, kept watching as she dug around and got out her phone. He blinked long and slow as she read through things, and bobbed his head slightly as she thanked him.

The weird comment had him meowing his agreement: though she was taking it a good deal better than most. He turned to watch her as she sat. His tail flicked again, but then he remembered his treats and moved to them. he was soon eating more while she mused over his feline form. Again: this was hardly unusual for the feline staffer. He'd been getting this for some time. The questions didn't even offend.

Humphries pulled up and twisted and let out a meow, needing to put his body into it to send the right message: being born of mutant am i. ability has. choosing this form. preferable life. and then it was back to the sardines, because Humphries knew that would be quite a lot for someone to digest, and he fully expected the usual sputtering to follow.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex contemplated the words on her phone's display very carefully before opting to speak. She rolled them around in her mind, trying to see every possible angle before coming to any sort of conclusion. No major life decision ever took place in a vacuum. There were always consequences and extenuating factors to take into account. Why would anyone forego life as a human in lieu of one as a common(ish) house cat? Alex thought long and hard and could only come up with one answer.

Because it would be the most awesome thing. Ever.

"I can't say I blame you." She said after a long while. "I mean, I can see the drawbacks to it, sure, but it seems like life would be so much simpler." She paused a moment to glance at the 'animal' while it dug into the sardine can again. Silently she hoped she was on the right track in figuring out why Humphries had chosen life as a feline. "There has to be less drama. You can sleep wherever you want. Do you worry about paying bills, affording a car payment, or mortgage?" She sighed almost dreamily as she propped her chin up on her hand, still watching the cat. "I'm kinda jealous." She admitted. "If I was a shifter instead of... what I got stuck with, I'd be tempted to make the same decision."

[Humphries]

Ah, another who did seem to realize the advantages. Humphries was tempted to elucidate, to explain his general disdain for other people and most of humankind in general. True, he did appreciate what they accomplished, but on the whole, they were a species that could essentially be written off...

...so long as they kept giving him sardines. He ate a few, listening to her continued comments. He pulled up at the comments, his tail flicking. He let her finish, then twisted.

dropping of responsibilities not being done. still doing the work: patrol the halls, acting as security for the doing of the school. society still workable; simply not being necessary the being of human. besides He turned, purring as he pulled out another sardine. his back end wiggled a few times as he dragged it backward before turning to look at her: the fishes not being free

And he noisily noshed another.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex's eyes ran over the words displayed on her cell phone screen. She nodded faintly at them, finding the 'cat's' perspective to be remarkably poignant. Whether Humphries was working for his fish or not wasn't the issue. To live as a cat just seemed like it would be so liberating. "You are in the unique position of being able to go places no one else can." She agreed with a nod as her thumb swiped across the screen. Her free hand reached out and absently began to skritch the feline lightly behind the ear a moment before moving on to full on, petting strokes "Do you have some sort of mental projection power that you use to show people what you see?"

The girl's gaze snapped to the cat she was petting and she instantly flushed a deep shade of crimson and pulled her arm away, tucking it close to her chest as if she was about to get bitten. She hadn't intended on touching the security official, it just happened. She had a thing for cats, she missed the cranky, fluffy bastard she had to leave at home and it was just a habit to start petting any that came within arm's reach. She looked to the animal, absolutely mortified. "Oh, god." She muttered, hoping like hell she didn't just offend Humphries. "I'm so sorry..."

[Humphries]

Humphries saw the hand coming and actually altered his position so that she could do so without embarrassing either of them. his eyes closed with satisfaction at the pleasant sensation that coursed through his body. The question was an intriguing one, and Humphries wondered to some degree what brought it on. He clearly had cat shifting powers, which meant he didn't likely have something to project.

He let out a meow and opened his eyes, shifting his head slightly to send the message to her phone: being using other methods of communicating sights. Which was as much as he was willing to share with someone he'd just met. He didn't know, after all, what she would do if she knew that his collar served as more than a fetching decoration.

Though she was quite good at this petting thing. Most likely she owned a pet of some kind: those types usually knew. Humphries shifted his head, the eyes closing again, only to stop a she realized that the girl stopped. Humphries let out a little meow, opening his eyes. He turned back to her, twisting:

being feline still am i. enjoyment of feline pleasures is part of the joy. resuming the petting is quite fine. Though he was going to take the moment to turn and nibble at the fish too.

[Alexandra Lawson]

Alex had expected the vague response to how the cat operated in his security monitor role. She gave a short nod and accepted the answer as all she was going to get and didn't bother prying. That information, she figured, was more than likely on a need to know basis and she, of all people, certainly didn't need to know. Besides, she was more than familiar with the concept of a magician not wishing to reveal all their tricks to the audience.

It did, however, come as a mild (and very pleasant) surprise that the cat was not only accepting of the gesture of affection, but actually welcomed it. That was certainly news she wanted to hear. With a light smile tugging at the corners of her lips she reached out and resumed the slow, steady strokes along the cat's fur. "Well, I'm not one to pass up the opportunity to pamper a cat." She admitted with a soft chuckle. "Makes me miss my cat back home." She continued, partially talking to herself as she wasn't sure, yet, how much the cat actually cared. "But if you weren't, like, a sentient, self aware being I'd totally adopt you." Oh, god. That sounded so weird in hindsight. "That, uh... that didn't sound nearly as creepy in my head. I swear."

[Humphries]

Humphries let out a slight purr as the girl stated that she would lavish attention upon him. Yes, this was definitely the proper way to treat a feline. If only every student at this school realized this, this place would certainly be a better place to live. For now, he'd settle for having a few like this one.

And actually, Humphries couldn't help but feel somewhat sorry for the girl. It wasn't the first time that he'd experienced this sort of thing, and he did want to help the students to some degree. And hey, if that helping meant that a student treated him with some special care, well, so much the better for both of them, yes?

So Humphries twisted: understanding your circumstances are. you should not feel overly guilty. am willing to be surrogate cat for time being. always be remembering that am intelligent, but am also feline. do be enjoying attention that comes with it.

And Humphries ended with a meow, extending his head up so that Alex could read under his chin. Because he couldn't scratch there himself, naturally.