Feel What I Feel

[François Laffont]

Helping a student, Franck? It seems so obvious, so like him, that anyone expressing any form of surprise at this clearly had no idea who this boy was. Because Franck was probably the most helpful person you could meet. Still, he put a lot of pressure on his shoulders about this. He knew this was ridiculous. Not only was this guy as old as he was, he was also a college student and not a rookie at this.

Empathy. Franck could almost sense a shiver of pleasure going down his spine about this. People couldn’t really understand what it was like to be an empath. They didn’t get what it was like to feel too much. That seemed like a relatively small power, since anyone can show empathy or read someone’s emotion. But it was so much more than that. Were they able to tell, no matter how well the other could hide them? Were they able to share that feeling every time they touched someone? Franck thought the only ones who might understand just how exhausting this all was were other empaths and telepaths too, especially if, like him, they had no off button to it.

All that he knew was that the staff wanted him to talk with this boy. Apparently, he had the potential to use his power the same way Franck did and figured talking to someone who shared a similar ability might change his mind and try it. Franck wasn’t sure he was the right person to convince someone of anything, let alone that. If he could just feel emotions when touching someone, or by projecting his mind onto someone, he would prefer that. Instead, entering a room full of power just sent a huge wave of mixed feelings to hit him and he always needed a moment to get used to it. He wasn’t certain he would wish that on anyone. But he still wouldn’t mind talking with that guy. Just because having someone who understood the trouble their power implied was something he didn’t get all the time.

Franck didn’t want to take any classroom or even the training room. Someone might need it for something a lot more important than a conversation. So he told Cody they could meet in the north wing. From there, he thought they could go to the student lounge if it wasn’t too crowded or figure out some other place to go. He had no idea if the boy resided here. It wasn’t Franck’s case and he was kind of ambivalent at the thought of going to his dorm room when they barely knew anything of each other but this could be an option too. Franck knew he was the one who would feel the most in a crowded area but he still didn’t care about him and wanted to make sure Cody was comfortable wherever they choose to go.

He waited there, kind of nervous about this. Well, excited would more be the word. He liked the thought he could confide in someone who would know exactly what he was talking about and couldn’t wait for it.


TAG @cody

[Deleted]

Cody was dreading this conversation.

Not because the guy he was meeting seemed like a jerk or anything, but because he didn't want to be able to feel all those emotions the way Franck did. Still, maybe Franck would tell him it isn't that great and he would be convinced that he was right all along. Well, there was no harm in trying. But what if the guy was all gung ho for the idea as well and tried to get Cody to do it? No, he seemed like a nice guy from a distance and from reputation. Cody was still nervous though.

It wasn't only scary knowing the guy was going to discuss something very personal with him, but that Franck would know what Cody was feeling the second Cody walked within range. He prepared himself in his dorm room, one that he had managed to land by himself thank heavens, and tried to calm his pounding heart.

The truth was... this idea of actually helping people with empathic abilities wasn't an insane idea. He wasn't sure he wanted to push himself to sense emotions without physical contact, but maybe this kid had a good idea of how to share someones emotions and not get overwhelmed or out of control. Still, he was nervous about this meeting.

As he made his way to the meeting place, the north wing, he tried to calm his nerves and feel happy. But, that probably wouldn't fool this French empath who was more open about his powers than Cody was.

Cody saw him waiting for him and plastered a smile onto his face, even though there was no point, he waved to the guy and then placed his hands back in his pockets. "Hey Franck," he said shyly, not sure how the day would go.

[François Laffont]

There really was something nerve-racking and exciting at the same time at the thought of talking with Cody. Franck wasn’t talking a lot about his power. He didn’t want people around him to realise he could literally feel everything they felt as he knew not everyone liked it. Some people also felt bad for him and he didn’t want that either. There was also the fact that Franck thought that his power wasn’t that bad compared to some. He couldn’t risk burning the whole school if he was panicking. He was not electrifying everyone he touched. His second effects would not cause him to die of some brain tumour in a near future. All he had was mood swings. How can you complain with mood swings? True they were pretty annoying but he still feared that people wouldn’t understand the burden and think he was making fun of them for whining about this.

Cody would understand, at least he figured he would. He sure wouldn’t tell him he was being melodramatic about it. The truth was that, if the trainers planned this so Franck could talk Cody into developing his power, the French boy actually agreed only so he could see the guy and perhaps share some of their common burden. He knew there were good sides to this power. There was something good in knowing when someone wasn’t feeling too great despite their facade as you could then help them out. But Franck was doing this not only because of his ability and he wasn’t sure the fact of being an empath should ever oblige you to anything.

Franck grew used to recognizing when someone was coming his way simply by the sudden wave of emotions he got from them. He could even identify some of his friends that way. Cody however, he didn’t know enough, so he also tried to locate him with his eyes. He was not really surprised to get some anxiety and reluctance from him but Franck tried to smile it off. “Hi Cody,” he replied. He knew the way he said it sounded more like Cuddee but it sounded too weird for him to say it without the French accent. “Look, I get you don’t really want to work more on your power. But I thought, maybe you’d just want to talk about our common abilities? I mean, if someone knows what you’re dealing with, it has to be me, right?”

[Deleted]

Cody was surprised when Franck just cut right to the chase. He was also relieved. A part of him was a little jealous that Franck could tell what he was feeling without even touching him. But, isn't that the exact thing Cody was trying to avoid? He could see the appeal in it, though. If you knew what people where feeling you could really communicate with them in a way as to not hurt their feelings. You could also comfort those in need in a way that no one else would be able to. You could say 'I know how you feel' and mean it, truthfully.

Cody had thought about it, how much good he could do with a power more like Francks than his own. But he was too... scared? Nervous? Selfish? This was all still pretty new to Cody, if three years counted as new, and he wasn't sure he wasn't those emotions washing over him. But, the idea of having someone to talk to, really talk to, without being afraid... that wasn't a bad thing. Cody always worried that if people knew about his ability they would never speak to him. They would think he was spying on their lives. But Franck wouldn't think that. Franck would understand exactly how Cody was feeling and be kind. At least, that's the impression Cody was getting from the guy.

As hard as Cody tried not to have friends, he knew he wouldn't be able to get away with that with this guy. Cody was already starting to think that he could see a friendship with Franck. This made him relax a little.

He nodded, leaving his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Should we walk?" he suggested, gesturing to the side.

[François Laffont]

If there was one person who knew how exhausting it could be to feel all the time, it was Franck. He so often felt like such a drama queen because of this. He accumulated too many emotions from too many people and ended up acting up on them, often with embarrassing result on his part. He was even surprised the Dirty Laundry chose to rename him Playboy and not something terribly not funny like Drama Queer. He supposed he should be grateful for this.

Franck tried not to think too much on the downsides of his power and focus on the positive aspects of it. Such as the ability to better relate with people. It was so important for him, and to help them, that it made all of this worth it. And God knows there were more negative things about this ability than people would think at first glance!

Franck smiled, glad that Cody at least accepted to talk. Maybe he could try and convince him later but it would be a lot easier with the guy already receptive to his words. A conversation could have this effect. “Yes, maybe we should get out of the way,” he agreed with Cody. Franck learned to deal with passing emotions as someone walked by but he would prefer not to be disturbed. “If the student lounge is not too cramped maybe we can go there. Or the corner, I don’t really know, I was trying to find a spot where you wouldn’t have to deal with too many people who might touch you,” he said with a sheepish expression on his face as he looked around. “Don’t worry about me, I’m sure there won’t be any place more crowded than the cafeteria and I can survive it, so I should be fine.”

[Deleted]

"Thanks," Cody laughed, slightly embarrassed by the thought and the gesture of choosing a place that was best for Cody. He was also grateful, but still embarrassed that he needed the special treatment. "I think the lounge could be could, there are usually some empty seats or tables out of the way." Cody started to head that direction.

"So, how long have you had your ability for?" Cody asked. He thought he may as well get the conversation started with information about Franck, just until he felt more comfortable about talking about himself. As they headed down the hall, most people just avoided them. Some, because they probably knew one one or both of them could do and wasn't in the mood to have their emotions read like a diary. Some, just because they were in a hurry and tried to skirt around them.

Cody thought about Dom, his new friend he made on Halloween. She walked through the halls knowing that at any moment she might let her emotions run high and paralyze the next person to touch her. Meeting her had made him embarrassed that he wore gloves, because she didn't. If someone with powers like hers didn't avoid touch that much then why did he? Oh. Yeah. Because he was selfish and afraid, yup.

[François Laffont]

Franck didn't seem to realise he was the one that people should accommodate. He’d never dare being such a burden on anyone. Luckily for him, this time, making it good for Cody meant making it good for him. Sure, the boy could deal a little better with a crowd but Franck also found a way to deal with it. He could hold a conversation in a crowded area, provided there wasn’t any outburst. Other than someone pissed at losing a pool game, he figured they should be fine and Franck only needed to stay as far from those tables as possible to prevent it from reaching him too much. He could also focus on Cody, that’ll do it.

He nodded as the other boy agreed with his choice and headed there. Franck was naturally conscious of other people and so it wasn’t hard for him to try not to touch Cody as they walked together. “I was thirteen when I came here so that would be five years. You?” He found it hard to believe it had been five years already. He wasn’t even sure if he thought he’d been here for longer or a shorter time than this. Perhaps both, depending on the situation? “I still feel like I have so much to learn. My control could definitely improve, but it’s a lot better than when I arrived. I could barely stand being in the room with someone else if they weren’t neutral, let alone a group of people. And I had to catch up on English and academics so I was really behind,” he explained. His accent significantly toned down over the years but there was still a hint of it he never managed to get rid of. Of course, his English back then was terrible and his accent very thick. He was glad he managed to reduce it to something that sound almost exotic to American ears, at least from what people told him.

He reached the student lounge and scanned the room, pointing some seats to Cody. “Those are good for you?” They were in a corner to he figured this was as remote as they could get any.

[Deleted]

Cody nodded as Franck explained how long he had been there, "Sixteen. So about three years." Wow. Five years? Thirteen? Ages thirteen to sixteen where some of the best times in Codys life. He couldn't imagine missing all of that to come here and learn how to be a good citizen with super abilities. He made some of his best friends then... though, it would have been nice to know before he made those friends that he was going to have to leave them eventually. It may have been nice to avoid making those friends all together. But how could he think that!? He loved them, even if he'd never see them again.

"That makes sense. Dealing with both English and your ability..." Cody contemplated that, "I can't imagine what that must have been like. I do pretty well as long as I don't touch anyone. But, you know, it's hard to..." he wasn't sure he wanted to bring this up yet. But it was on his mind, "hard to make real connection with people, you know? I mean, what does the physical aspect of it do for you?" he asked. If this guy could sense emotions without contact, then contact probably made it ten times stronger. That would be rough. Cody nodded at the seats and sat down as he awaited Francks answer.

[François Laffont]

Franck noticed, after talking to a few students, that boys generally developed their powers later than girls. It probably had to do with puberty hitting them later. He knew he was one of the few guys around here whose power awoken early. He thought the environment he grew in and the emotional state he had been in when it happened played a lot but it was only his opinion and he wouldn’t consider himself an expert at that. What was weirder anyway was not that he developed his power at such a young age but that he was supposed to talk to someone actually older than he was to convince him to work more on his ability. That seemed crazy, really. Of course, the fact he had been here for five years and the other boy three made him kind of a senior student here but it was hard to think that way when he was still in high school and the other was a college student.

Franck tried not to focus too much on the emotional turmoil Cody seemed to go through. A thought popped out in someone’s mind, generated a different emotion, and Franck would pick it. It wasn’t always easy to swim through these feelings and determine which ones were only passing. He nodded, fully understanding what Cody was telling him. “It’s always difficult, right? I sense that someone is upset and no matter how much I want to help them, I always ask myself in what state that would leave me. And then I feel bad because whatever it causes to me cannot be worse than what they are feeling right now.” Cody just said it was only when he touched someone but the problem remained. Was getting to know someone better worth whatever they might get from them, would they not hate them for being able to pick how they truly feel all the time? “When I touch someone, I can share how they feel. I also get more details, like the other emotions attached to it...” Feeling this was a little confusing, he figured an example would be easier. “Imagine someone is upset. Since anger is powerful, I sense that mostly when I’m near, perhaps a bit of pain or sadness. But when I touch them, I can learn more, like, if they feel abandoned. I don’t get why they feel like that though, only the emotions. I have to guess why.” Was this clearer? Franck wasn’t sure but it was the best he could do to explain. He had never been really good at explaining how his power worked.

He took a seat near Cody. “How does it for you? You said you only get it through touch, it’s like you sense it’s how they feel or you feel it too, like it’s your own emotion?” That might actually tell more about Franck’s power, meaning people’s emotions more or less became his own whenever he touched someone but he still wanted to know how Cody’s power worked.

[Deleted]

Cody nodded as Franck explained how he wants to help everyone whom he can tell is troubled. Cody couldn't understand to the extent of Francks ability how hard that could be, but he understood the concept. Even in an every situation without powers Cody wanted to help people who were struggling. But Franck... he could tell even if the person wasn't showing it outwardly. Franck really seemed to genuinely care about the emotions of others... which made it hard for him to act on what he was seeing, that was sure. What if they were offended that he knew what they were feeling? Would they feel like he was spying? That's how Cody thought people would feel. That's what worried him. "No that makes sense. You can understand the layers of how they feel and read into it more. Like what you said, anger is a strong emotion but there is almost something else that starts it. That makes sense," he nodded, "I mean, I sort of just go straight into that part. It sort of depends on the length of time that I am touching them too. The longer it is, the deeper layers I can see." He added, feeling as though it was similar to Francks situation.

"Mostly I just sense how they feel," Cody started, answering Francks question, "But it really depends. If I'm touching someone for an extended period of time I can really feel how they feel. At least, I think I can. That's something that has only happened once and I've avoided it since then. I'm not sure how far it really goes..." he contemplated that for a moment. Would he really want to feel what they were feeling? He hated just knowing enough. Did he really need to feel it as well? It seemed that was what happened with Franck when he touched someone. Cody couldn't imagine that happening every single time.

Then another thought came to him, one that had been swimming around in his mind for a while. "But here's a theory. What if someone was feeling upset and we could like... calm them. Like make them feel our emotions instead of us feeling theres... is that possible?"

[François Laffont]

Franck knew his desire to help others, his fascination for psychology and all that, it didn’t all come from his ability. The fact he could tell how everyone felt was only one reason but not the only one for it. It didn’t always like it but he also knew he couldn’t do anything about it. It was impossible for him to no longer sense emotions of others and he couldn’t quite ask them to ‘feel less’ in his presence. It only made sense then to accept and try to make the best out of it.

He was glad his explanation made sense. Between his accent and the fact he wasn’t certain how to phrase it, he feared it would make little sense. He nodded as Cody repeated it, proving he did get it. Maybe Franck was able to express himself better than he thought. “I see. So you don’t really have anything to prepare you, it just sorts of hit you the moment you touch someone?” Franck wanted it to sound like a fact but he knew there was a question mark at the end of his sentence. He didn’t want to sound like the expert because he didn’t think he was one.

“No, I understand how hard it can be sometimes, to tell whether what you’re feeling comes from you or someone else,” he told Cody as he explained a little more about how his power worked. “I mean, everyone feels empathy. It’s normal to be sad or happy when someone we know is sad or happy. I don’t like thinking what I feel or the way I react is dictated by someone else’s emotions. I think there is a limit that I wouldn’t be able to cross but I often wonder if what I did was not a little bit because of the other person too. I mean, in more than just I know them well and allow myself to do more than what I would with a stranger.” As he was done, he felt like he had been rambling nonsense the whole time and it annoyed him not having the right words to express himself. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I make much sense,” he apologized but it was clear he was still a little upset about his lack of vocabulary.

He widened his eyes a little at Cody’s theory and gave it some thought. “I... don’t know. It never worked for me, that is, using my power to do it. It worked the other way around of course. I managed to calm myself around calm people. It would be nice if we could but... I don’t know...” By now, it should be clear that Franck didn’t know. He didn’t quite know how they could achieve this. Of course, a trainer might, and Franck was clearly no trainer. “What annoys you the most, when people think you’re spying on them because you can tell how they feel or when they expect you to understand already everything that is going on because you can feel everything? I think it’s the second for me. I mean, yes, I got this girl was in love but how am I supposed to know she liked me or anyone else in particular?”

[Deleted]

Cody nodded, "exactly. I mean, I kind of have to be prepared all the time for whatever may or may not happen when I bump into someone," he chuckled a little. It really was frustrating, staying on your guard all the time. He didn't want to bump into some seemingly happy person and feel sorrow and do some big lame reaction. Like dropping his jaw or saying something stupid. No, he just had to assume that everyone was feeling something crazy.

At Francks explanation on everyone feeling empathy, Cody nodded. At least his power wasn't something insane that others couldn't relate to at all.... he wouldn't handle that well. "No, no, it made sense," Cody smiled a little as the guy doubted himself. He clearly didn't want to seem pompous about his ability, which Cody appreciated. "I think emotions are complicated enough without us breaking it down though, but it's really hard not to."

Cody nodded, "I think if I were to develop my ability further then that's what I'd want to look in to. Manipulating others emotions. For good, of course," he nodded. He leaned forward to listen to Francks next question. He chuckled a little at Francks example afterward. "Let me think..." Cody had never really experienced the second option, because he had purposefully avoided letting many people know what he could do. It did seem like it would be really, really annoying though. "The second choice sounds like their taking you for granted, expecting too much of you. I haven't really experienced that though. For now I'd have to say the spying thing, but I'm sorry you have to go through that other stuff, man." Cody shook his head and released a puff of air through his lips. People were crazy.

[François Laffont]

Franck said nothing for a moment after Cody mentioned how prepared he had to be for whatever might happen when he bumps into someone. Franck had to go through the same kind of preparation and this created for the guy some sort of bond between them despite the fact they barely knew each other. They understood what the other was going through. “It’s annoying, isn’t it? And the worst is, you can’t really complain because they have it so much worse,” he let out after a while. He was not one to complain a lot but it felt good to be able to do so without feeling guilty or misunderstood. “I try to meditate, when other people’s emotions get overwhelming. I imagine that I take one emotion at a time and let it go because it isn’t mine. It’s not always easy but it helped me deal with it. It’s either that or get moody all the time...”

“It’s something everyone does but we usually keep to ourselves. I totally understand how telepaths feel when they hear thoughts of people they would have preferred not to hear. Our power is very similar.” Cody was right though, it was complicated. The worst to Franck was trying to explain how it all worked, what happiness or sorrow or anything else felt like to him whenever he sensed it from someone else. The truth was he didn't know how to explain it. He just felt it. It was the most accurate way to describe it but it remained very confusing.

Just because Franck was ready to see the best in everything and everyone, it didn’t mean he was unaware others might act differently. But he still believed Cody when he said that he wouldn’t want to use his ability in order to do something bad. “Like you said, feelings are complicated enough, if we play with them, I prefer not to think what kind of mess it can create.” That being said, he would love to calm someone simply with his power. In a way he could, but it also required his words and a calm front from his part, something that was not always easy when around someone. He chuckled a bit and shrugged as Cody felt sorry for him. “Hey, I once got a girl who wanted me to sit next to her crush to see if he liked her in return. She didn’t seem to get that if I got any feelings of love, I wouldn't know for sure it was for her. Not sure what happened to these two after that...” he said, pausing as if he was thinking about it but he simply smiled at Cody, showing he didn’t really care in the end. “I do feel sorry for you that you don’t get to be close to people. I thought I couldn’t either, it was so difficult to handle at first. But I’m a people person, I couldn’t stay away for too long.”

[Deleted]

"Right?! You can't be all, 'Hey, dude, stop being so depressed it's making my life difficult," he chuckled, rolled his eyes and shook his head at this thought. "That's a good tactic though, I should try it," he responded to Francks suggestion about choosing one emotion at a time and letting it go. Cody was actually afraid of singling them out, but if it could help him in the long run maybe that would be the better choice for him? If he got nothing else out of this conversation, that advice just then would be enough.

"Yea," Cody agreed with Francks observation of their similarities to telepaths, "I bet it's way worse for telepaths though. Because they know the dirty details as to why someone is feeling a certain way. Whereas, we really only know that if we ask," he was suddenly feeling grateful for his power, because it wasn't telepathy.

"Well when you put it that way, play with them, it sound terrible," he laughed a little at himself. It was like trying to add to a perfectly good soup, only to mix amazing spices that taste terrible all together. "Using Empaths for matchmaking, who knew?" his eyes widened and he shook his head at the story. Nope, that was more a of a telapath thing.

Cody looked away a little, just past Franck and into the room. "I was too. Before my abilities came to be. I was really, really a people person. I loved everyone and had a lot of friends but..." he looked back at Franck and pursed his lips to the side with a shrug, "I'm not sure if I can be like you."

[François Laffont]

Franck chuckled. He was actually glad to have found someone who understood the difficulties of being an empath. Maybe he couldn’t blow things up by accident but it didn’t mean it was easy all the time. He thought it was actually easier for someone who burned down an object by accident to explain what happened and have people understand than telling them their feelings are too loud and he has to leave. “Exactly. You can’t complain about what others feel and it sounds so bad to say it’s too hard on you. But sometimes, we just get too much, right?” Franck was a people person and would always want to be around people but he also felt like he could use being on his own sometimes.

He was glad he could help him with his tactic he learned from his trainer. It wasn’t much and he wouldn’t brag about it, but he liked to think he perhaps helped the guy. “Oh my...” he replied as he heard what he had to say about telepaths. “I wouldn’t want to know about what they’re thinking. It might be puzzling sometimes not knowing why they feel a certain way but I don’t know if it really would be better to actually know.” He supposed it could be handy sometimes but also very troublesome. He already felt like he was prying and he didn’t even know the reasons behind their emotions. Some were easy, of course. Getting a spike of lust while someone is looking at a particular person was no hard guess. He preferred to leave it at that.

Franck chuckled a little but he was a little embarrassed. Cody probably wasn’t laughing at him but he suddenly wondered if his accent and the fact English was not his first language was making it hard for him to be understood. But Cody sounded like he understood so he tried not to think about it too much. He shrugged at this little use of his ability. “It’s not really how I want to use my power, mind you. I’d like to help people but not that way,” he assured him. Anyway, it was too weird to go to someone and mention another person just to see how they would feel at their name. He wasn’t sure that it was that useful either.

He stared at Cody, understanding from both the way he suddenly felt remembering this and the way he talked that he must wish for things to go back to the way they were. “Why not?” he asked him softly. He straightened up on his seat. “I’m not saying to use your power the way I do but why should it stop you from being like you’ve always been? I mean, maybe you won’t be able to deal with super large crowds but why should it prevent you from having friends and meet people?”