Facing Your Fear

[Addison Sloane]

After the debacle a few weeks ago when they kissed, Addison was just far too embarrassed to see Felix again. He had tried calling and she ignored the calls. He even came over to her place but she made it so she was either busy or she wasn't home. She felt bad, really really bad that she was dodging him but she still felt so damn stupid for kissing her friend.

What made it worst was she still liked him in a way she knew he couldn't reciprocate. She spent the time apart listening to his broadcasts whenever he was on. This crush was stupid. What she did was stupid. Everything was just so stupid.

But she was manning up, she was going to face Felix because she had missed him every single day since that stupid mistake and she wanted to see him.

She got to the cafe they had set the meet-up in earlier than stated just to get her nerves down. She had ordered tea beforehand and was on her third cup when she saw Felix at the door. God, she thought to herself, I forgot how good looking he was. She almost got up to leave but steeled herself, thinking having a good grip on the table would slow her down.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix was completely and utterly oblivious to the drunken kiss between him and Addy to be anything but that; An unbridled action done under the influence of alcohol. It hadn't been Felix's first drunken kiss, and as far as he knew, this was no different to that previous incident.
But then why had his friend reacted the way she'd done? Avoiding him at every opportunity, not picking up his phone calls... Felix had come to the conclusion that drunken kissing wasn't something Addy frequented in, which explained her horrific embarrassment; Not that it was exactly something the teacher indulged in often either, but he'd gone through it all before... He wasn't sure Addy had, if her reaction was to practically cut him off. All Felix wanted was for his friend to realise that he held no animosity towards her, that as far as he was concerned, there was nothing to forgive. He'd tried to plead his case to her on a number of occasions over the past few weeks, and finally it seemed she was ready to talk.

He made his way to the cafe, a small weight laying on his heart; He hoped they could clear the air, but that didn't prevent some degree of nerves to circulate his system... Why was he nervous? Was it because it had been so long since he'd found himself in a situation like this? The last thing he wanted was for her to feel embarrassed around him... He shook his head a little, a warm smile on his lips as he pushed open the door to the establishment, giving a polite nod to a waitress who passed by him before spotting his friend. "Addy!" He announced, giving her a small wave and his usual trademark grin, before making his way over to the table. "The traffic is awful at lunchtime," He commented, placing his bag down and taking a seat. He then blinked, noting the cup already in front of her, and his expression softened. "Were you... Waiting for me long? I didn't think I was late." He pulled up his sleeve and glanced at his watch; He wasn't late... Had Addy come significantly earlier? His eyeline returned to his friend. "... Did you just fancy getting here early?" He smiled.

[Addison Sloane]

His enthusiasm and smile were infectious, causing Addison to have a smile on her face as well. Though strained, it was still genuine. She nodded when he remarked that traffic was bad.

"Oh, no. I came..." she laughed and shook her head. "Yeah. That's it." She looked down at her cup before waving a waitress down and holding it up for a refill.

She didn't want to look at Felix, still very wary of his presence, despite the fact that she was absolutely happy he was finally here.

"Did you finish your paperwork?" Addison asked, trying to get the small talk in.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix's grin widened a touch when he noted her smile, although he wasn't certain she was truly feeling committed to the action. She agreed with his assumption that she'd just decided to come early, before waving a waitress down; Felix quickly caught the young woman before she left, asking for tea as well, giving a polite nod before turning his attention back to his friend.

His grin then faltered a little. He tilted his head slightly to one side, noting the way in which she seemed to be trying to avoid his gaze; Was she truly that embarrassed around him, even now? He ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, I did. Thankfully... I let the radio station get on top of me sometimes, and kind of let my paperwork fall a little behind," He chuckled a little, before nodding in thanks when his order was placed on the table, the calming aroma of the beverage sweeping up into the air. "... How... how have you been?" He inquired gently, bringing the drink to his lips and taking a weary sip; It was still rather hot. He then placed it back down, looking down into his cup. "... I missed you. I was... Worried. Really worried about you."

[Addison Sloane]

She took a sip from her cup and nodded in acknowledgment, though not even looking up when he asked how she had been. Truthfully, she'd been fine. She still went on with her life. She just couldn't face the fact that she was starting to like a boy. Again.

"I'm sorry, Felix. I really am." She answered quietly. "I just...didn't want to..." pausing to collect her thoughts, Addison figured she had nothing left to lose. She already knew how he felt about her so it was better for him to know how she felt about him. It wasn't going to change anything.

"I realised that I liked you...that night. And that freaked me out. I know you don't feel the same way and it's fine. I don't need you to reciprocate or anything. Just...at the time...yeah, I was drunk but it wasn't like that kiss meant nothing to me. Because it did." She blew out a sigh and finally looked up at Felix, fully expecting judgment and pity.

"You don't have to worry about me. It's just a silly crush."

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix took a further sip of tea, his heart heavier in his chest then he thought it would be, mustering up a warm smile as he raise his gaze, intending to meet hers. But his friend wasn't even looking at him, her eyeline was focused on her cup, the teacher's smile fading as his expression softened.
Then she began to apologise again, Felix's brow furrowing, ready to protest against her unneeded apology; But then she spoke words which silenced the teacher immediately. He stared across the table at Addison Sloane, a young woman he claimed to be one of his dearest friends, a woman he cared for immensely, whom had always surprised him with her strength, her drive... She was...

I realised that I liked you... That night.

Felix's widened gaze suddenly snapped from his friend to stare instead into the heated liquid in his cup; Addy's reaction... The way she'd cut him off, ignored him... It all made sense now. How could he have been so oblivious? He was beyond stupid... He closed his eyes a moment, a warm blush seeping into his cheeks, before he quickly lifted his eyeline to the young woman. "... You... You have a crush on me?" He spoke softly, more to himself then to her. "... Addy, I... I- I'm sorry I didn't see it before..." He trailed off and fell quiet.
How couldn't he have seen it? The way she smiled, the warmth in her gaze when she looked at him... How had he bypassed all of that? A small smile slipped onto his lips; No... He had seen seen it. But he hadn't made the connection... Because he hadn't been searching for it.
What had happened between him and Elsa had left Felix reeling, feeling numb; Elsa Bellefonte had well and truly broken his heart, and he'd needed to heal... He hadn't searched for a relationship since, and that scar was now three years old. He hadn't had to face romance again, and hearing her words, he'd been sure an onslaught of negative emotion would sweep him... But none came.

I know you don't feel the same way.

Felix finally lifted his gaze back to meet Addy's, his gaze warm. He took a deep breath, breathing out. "... Addy. You're... You're an amazing person. You never cease to amaze me... In everything you do..." He trailed off. "... But. It's not... I mean. I care for you, Addy, so very much... You're beautiful. You make me smile, and you seem to have this ability to lift the weight from my heart with I might say, very little effort." He paused, the nerves he'd come in with increasing with each passing moment. "... I'm... I'm unsure on what I feel. I've spent such a long time healing, trying to forget, I can't remember what it feels like... ... But Addy, Addy I... I don't... Not like you."

[Addison Sloane]

The way Felix blushed and the way he started to respond stupidly gave Addison hope. It bubbled just under the surface but she squashed it right then. She couldn't have hope. His words were not supposed to be hopeful.

At least that was what she convinced herself of.

Pursing her lips, she gave him a small playful smirk.

"Of course you like me. We're friends. It'd kind of crush my heart if you didn't at least like me." It was a tease. This was her defense mechanism. She couldn't do emotion well so she covered it up with sarcasm and humour.

"Fe, you don't have to convince me that this isn't a one-sided thing because it obviously is. And that's fine. I just needed you to know how I felt. This is still new to me." She paused to breathe before giving him a genuine, though slightly sad, smile. "This isn't gonna change anything. You're still one of my best friends. It was bound to happen. You're a really great guy. It's probably just one of those things where you spend a lot of time with someone and you think you like them but it's likely nothing." She shrugged, thumbing the handle of her cup.

"Can we just put this aside?"

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix's emotions, although not exactly negative, were now a building mess of uncertainty and nerves. He blinked at her as she smirked, the weight that had lifted from his chest slowly sinking it's way down into the pit of his stomach. Then he tilted his head slightly to one side at her remark, his eyebrows practically knitted together; He knew his friend well enough now to recognise when she was trying to protect herself emotionally... She had a habit of relying on sarcasm and playful comments in an attempt to prevent herself from sinking under the heavy weight of her feelings.
He averted his gaze from her again, the teacher's head slightly bowed as he listened to her, knowing that as much as she was trying to play it off casually, likely in her eyes for both of their sakes, it was far from it.
He gave a small, nervous chuckle. "... That's... That's not exactly what I meant," He replied softly, raising his eyeline to her face, noting the sad smile on her lips.

What did he mean...?

Felix wasn't certain. He knew how much he cared for Addy, how much she meant to him, and how being around her made him happier then he had felt in a long time. He had been unaware until now that Addy even held any sort of feelings towards him, and hearing her admit it... It stirred a gentle warmth in his heart. It wasn't wild, unbridled passion or anything of that nature, but given how badly broken his heart had been three years previously... It was something.

With a slightly deepened blush, Felix smiled. "... We can... We can leave it if that's what you want. I don't want to make you feel awkward or embarrassed around me... That's the last thing I want." He took a deep breath, and breathed out. "... But I can't say I feel nothing like that towards you. ... It's been so long, and I don't know how well I could cope with throwing myself into a relationship." He settled back in his chair, looking of to the side, before pouting out his bottom lip and rising an eyebrow at the young woman. "So... Um. What I'm trying to say is..." He ran a hand through his hair. "... I... Don't not like you. But all of this is... Relatively new to me now too, and I'm a lot more cautious then I used to be."

[Addison Sloane]

Despite her previous bravado, Addison was suddenly struck by an assortment of emotions that caused her blood to rush up to her cheeks. Her eyes went up to meet Felix's in confusion. Hope bloomed again and Addison had to pinch herself to stop from making any stupid moves.

When he explained himself, the confusion grew even more. Was Felix trying to tell her that there was something there for him too?

"Felix..." Addison started to say, her grip on the cup tightening slightly. "You don't need to do this." She frowned slightly. "You don't have to tell me that..." Addison shook her head and gave a small humourless laugh. "I'm already making a fool of myself, you don't have to patronise me."

At the back of her mind, she knew very well that Felix was not the type to just humour her. Or play with her emotions. She knew he wasn't just saying this to make her feel better. But Addison was nothing if not self-destructive. She couldn't explain this feeling and it was killing her.

[Felix Nicholas]

Addison's words cut Felix deeper then he'd ever expected them to. At once his warm smile fell, dropping his gaze in a desperate effort to hide the rush of hurt in his eyes. He stayed silent while she spoke, the tangled mess somewhere inside him writhing with increasing violence; He could feel his breath catching, and yet managed to keep a firm hold on everything he was enduring beneath the surface, the fleeting hurt in his eyes the only indication what was happening beyond them.
She KNEW him. Addy knew that cruel patronisation was so far from his nature that it was almost unfathomable... And yet she'd still leapt to that. Did she honestly, truly think, and that after everything he'd been through with Elsa, that he'd do something so harsh to not only someone confessing their feelings to him, but to a FRIEND confessing their feelings?

Felix didn't feel anger... But a deep, heavy sadness. He suddenly felt so heavy it was a wonder how he could even muster up enough strength to lift his gaze.
Her words hadn't reopened the old scars, but they'd come pretty close. He let her words wash over him, his brow furrowed, before he finally raised his eyeline and met hers directly; His smile was long gone, the usual upbeat tone lost in his next words.
"... I know you don't think I'm capable of that," He spoke softly. "After everything, Addy. After everything I've been through, you truly can't say you'd think I'd do that to you? That I'd be so cruel?"

[Addison Sloane]

The silence confirmed the cut she had made and she hated herself more for it. This was Felix she was talking to. She knew he wouldn't say things for the sake of saying them. And yet there she was trying so desperately not to be the one who would, in the end, get herself hurt.

When he spoke, she wished for the silence back.

Bringing the cup of tea up to her lips, she took her time with it, not knowing what to say. Whether she wanted to remedy it or let it fester. But the moment her eyes met his, all she wanted to do was reach out and hug the man sitting across from her.

Swallowing inaudibly, she took a deep breath before pushing forward with her thoughts. "No. Of course not. I'm sorry." Her eyes closed for a brief moment before they opened and once again she was looking at him. "I don't know what to do. Maybe this was a bad idea." Her tone simmered to almost a whisper. "I'm sorry, Felix. I really am."

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix knew Addy's harsh reaction was the result of her long relied on defenses, and although it undeniably had struck a chord, he understood why she'd done so.
Her own life had been full of rejection... She likely had been building up her resolve since that night just to be able to confess to him, and upon doing so, was now desperately denying herself any chance of hoping for anything more then being turned away.
She didn't want to hope... To the point of using the cruel wording she just had, despite knowing how little truth lay in her comments.

Felix again slipped into silence, watching her as she took a prescious moment of tea. Then she met his eyes... And at once Felix's expression softened and a small smile once again found itself at home on him; He knew she hadn't went what she's said, but seeing it in her eyes lifted his heart, if only a fraction. At her apology, Felix waved a hand to dismiss it. "Please, Addy. There's no need to apologise," He replied, the warmth returning to his tone. "... I'm sorry, for... For not being clear. If you truly want me to forget this... I won't mention it again to you from this point on. ... But I'm... I'm not saying this for the sake of it." He allowed his smile to widen, almost, but not quite, reaching his trademark level of upbeat goofiness. "I'm far from perfect, and I know that all of this feels like a whole new learning curve all over again... But there's something, Addy. It's taken me so long to get to this point... But when you... I mean..." He bowed his head a little. "What you said... Made me happy."

[Addison Sloane]

Felix's change in tone had Addison softening her resolve to make this even more awkward than it already was. She needed to hold on to something good in her life and right now it was Felix. That he was telling her he felt something too, well, that was something she was more than happy to take.

Biting her lower lip on contemplation, Addison didn't know what the next step should be. As she chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes moved to Felix's hand that was closest to her and her own twitched to move to take it. She didn't remember a time when holding on to him wasn't awkward and suddenly, she was shy to take it.

Her eyes darted back to her cup of tea and stayed there for a long while. "What does that mean? For us? Are we staying friends?" She asked, her voice unusually small and uncertain.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix remained quit for some moments, a little unsure to the answer himself. What exactly did this mean for him and the young woman sat opposite him? He knew he cared about her... Immensely, and he couldn't deny the flurry of happiness he felt in her presence, the warmth she brought to his heart... But at the same time, he was suddenly horribly nervous. It all felt so new, as though this was the first time all over again. He raised his gaze. "... I think... I think I need to take it slow," He spoke softly. "I'm not ready to storm into anything..."
Felix hoped Addy would understand... It may have been three years ago, but Elsa's words still held a heavy infliction upon the teacher; He wasn't ready to run headlong into a relationship. "...I don't think it would be good for either of us to. But Addy..." He found his eyes drifting to where her hand was, so close to his own on the table; He smiled warmly, and with some increase in his nerves, placed his hand over hers. "... If... If that's okay with you... Then I'd like to try." He took a deep breath, breathing out, trying to steady himself before he gave his friend a wide grin. "Would you let me take you, Miss.Sloane, out on a date?"

Felix had never taken anyone out on a "date" in terms of the formal sense of the word; He never felt he could take that step with Elsa, given how uncertain she'd been to place any sort of label on what they were. He'd taken her to prom, but then again, that had been an event neither one of them had planned... This would be the first date where Felix had actually asked, and then taken out a girl.
That's if she decided to say yes.
Neither way, Felix was already horribly nervous at the whole idea, and he hadn't even had her reply.

[Addison Sloane]

Taking it slow was something Addison needed too, because unlike Felix, she had never been in a relationship before. She had never even dated since she was a kid. There had never really been big crushes or even small ones. What she felt for Felix was foreign because she had never really experienced it before.

When he put his hand over hers, Addison's smile softened. It was like he read her mind. Overturning her hand, she laced her fingers through his and sighed lightly. His words startled her out of her brief reverie and for a long while, she just stared at him, not a word uttered.

"What?" She asked softly. She of course knew what he was asking for. It wasn't like she lived in a cave her entire childhood. But she had never been on a date before. "I mean...yes. That...that would be...yes." She nodded, a blush colouring her cheeks lightly.