Only Human

[Alistair Holmes]

Selina's smirk flickered onto his own at her clear lack of empathy nor care for those she'd struck back at. Alistair did not usually revel in violence... It was merely a part of his work description. There were however, exceptions. He couldn't deny the sheer unbridled delight he'd felt at exacting out revenge in Drew's name... Some people deserved to see their blood on the sidewalk, and Alistair had every faith that those Selina fucked over in return were some of those people. He gave her a knowing nod at her comment on his gentlemanly nature, although his smirk faltered slightly at her follow up.
She spoke of her past with a general relative ease, although Alistair doubted her control would remain so steady if he made efforts to dig beneath her surface; There were aspects of her past the bodyguard knew Selina would be reluctant to discuss even with him, and he had no intention of pushing her into letting him claw it out just yet. He had every mind however to gently ease her into feeling as though she could present it to him of her own accord; He wanted to bring the young woman into a healthier state of being, for her sake and for the sake of the Conners. She deserved to be healthy... To own her past, rather then to let it fester and own her.
Selina effortlessly hit back another comment, the implications playful but held clear intent. Alistair was surprised at how naturally she responded to him in such a way, despite not bringing that sensual tone to her words while speaking to him previously. He'd been around her when she'd had a few drinks before, but the young woman had still retained her intentions with him as professional friendship. Alistair was curious to what had instigated the change... He doubted it was merely the drink.

Mentally comparing her mischievous banter to that of Eve's however aroused a long familiar uneasiness in his chest. Evelyn no longer lived in Kalispell, and Alistair had needed to remain firmly by Drew's side as opposed to his twin's... So his time spent in the elegance and grace that was Evelyn Conner was now few and far between. He had never fully addressed the uncomfortable uneasy tension she brought to his heart, and being away from her had certainly helped; He'd always known it was something he could never reveal to anyone, regardless of who it was... Eve and Drew were his friends, his family, certainly... But he was still their bodyguard. Their hired help... It was a line he could never have brought himself to cross. He furrowed his brow, pushing those thoughts far from the forefront of his mind.

He held the door open until Selina had crossed the threshold, following out after her into the bitter cold. It hit him like a brick wall, considering the warmth of the bar, but he adjusted quickly; Winters in New York had been just as harsh, if not worse. It far from bothered him... Although he was thankful the tactful glass of hellfire had aided in baring the sudden blunt cutting touch of the wind.
"Hmm. Will we?" He spoke thoughtfully, as though musing on the idea. He glanced to his companion, an amused, intrigued smirk on his lips. "Funny thing, kid. You and I have been through Hell and back... Yet you ain't never... Invited me into your home before." Of course Alistair had been inside Selina's home before... But that wasn't what he was indicating, and he was certain she'd know that. He shifted his gaze to look ahead, the streets still quite busy despite the late hour. He was curious to what he'd done in order to rile this change from her.

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina briefly hesitated before answering his question, her usual ability to fire back tempered by wondering just how honest she should be with him, “Hmm, I’ve wanted you for some time,” she offered honestly with a smirk. “I typically stay away from mixing business and pleasure though, so it was mostly sheer habit, and then tonight… alcohol was a start and after you responded... I figured you’ll probably be better than most with keeping things professional while on the job,” it was a truth. Selina shrugged as she started making her way back to her apartment, she’d honestly been hoping he wouldn’t ask.

    Her tendency to keep people at arm’s length through physical distraction would probably be less effective with Alistair… though that’s at least partially what this was. Selina wasn’t exactly used to strictly platonic relationships. Sex was familiar, comfortable, while talking about her past and the emotions still connected to it was anything and everything but. Flirting had brought the conversation back into her domain, while also serving as a way to smother the temporary lack of control she’d had inside the bar. The fact that he’d actually seemed interested? Had both surprised and pleased her. She’d mainly been going for a change of topic and a change of pace... and it had worked far better than she’d thought.

    For Selina, sex had never been an act of intimacy. It had been a way of finding distraction, release, and also a way of compartmentalizing and distancing herself from those who got too close. Selina only had one or two other relationships that were mostly platonic… and one of those would likely change soon while the other was a distant relationship that she could easily keep at the surface. Her relationship with the Conners, no matter how much she liked them, was easy enough for her to keep strictly business. Alistair though… he’d become almost become more of a friend a business associate.

    Selina had known for a while that he probably wouldn’t have too much of an issue with keeping personal separate from work… Besides, technically speaking, sex with her was never exactly “personal” to begin with. It was a fun time between two people with a shared interest, no more, no less… the fact that Alistair happened to be someone she genuinely trusted and liked while being incredibly attractive, was a bonus. She was serious about this, if he wanted to come up to her apartment tonight, or any other night, she'd be more than happy to have him. 

[Alistair Holmes]

Selina's blunt reply momentarily threw Alistair off guard, although this was fleeting and there was certainly no tell in his expression. Alistair was nothing if not a master of masking his thought process, and it would take more then Selina's comments to shake that resolve. He snapped his eyeline to her, noting the honesty in her smirk, before a soft hum escaped his throat and he shifted his gaze from her. The bodyguard had been a little uncertain on if the implications in her talk had been merely some combination of the alcohol and her natural playful nature, since the young woman hadn't so heavily flirted with him with such heat before... But he had seen the truth in her expression.

Selina was not the only one who usually kept others at arms length, although Alistair's reasons differed significantly to that of his companion's. Alistair was a strict professional; He only actively chose to engage with those he found significant to the Conners. To expend any further was a distraction... To get entangled in some complicated romantic affair was simply out of the question, and frankly, wasn't in his nature... But a casual affair? The idea hadn't ever crossed his mind...
Selina Taylor was attractive... A stunning young woman with curls of dark hair which haloed her face, and eyes so fierce they could burn right through you; Alistair would have to be blind not to see that. She was also one of the few he could say he honestly cared for... She had long earned his respect, a rare feat, and perhaps the only other who could match him in both skillset and verbal teasing.
Yet.
Alistair did not fancy himself as merely another notch on Selina's belt. He knew the woman he'd taken under his wing would hold him in higher prestige then that of the usual people she took to her bed, but he would be one of many. Alistair may not know all of Selina's secrets, but he certainly knew of her dependency on sex. She never engaged in romantic relationships, only physical, fleeting ones, which she gave freely to those she wanted... Sex wasn't intimate for her.
Alistair knew she respected him, of that he had no doubt... Which made her play for him unusual; Selina took mostly strangers into her bed for a reason... It came with the emotional safety of little complication. She may be correct in assuming Alistair was skilled at keeping his personal life separate to his professional side, but for Selina, someone that had been so intent on not mixing business with pleasure... Selina's play aroused questions, especially given her earlier display of her fragile side.

"... Selina. You ain't tryin' to distance yourself from me?" He spoke purposefully, walking in time with the young woman as they continued to her apartment. He sighed, his breath rising in a cloud before him. "... I know you. You choose who you choose for a reason, generally cause ya know messin' with them won't lead to any complications... Ya use it to distance yourself. We... Well, we've been through Hell. Together. We work together, we're professionals." Alistair knew he didn't need to go into the assassination attempt on Drew, on the various duties both he and Selina had performed in Drew's name; Nor did he need to express the level of friendship and respect they shared. He glanced to her, his gaze steeled, ready to read her expression following his words. "There's a heck of a lot more between us then some guy you met on a night out or a casual date. I ain't exactly your usual choice."

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina almost halted at his question, but she kept moving, surprise flickering across her features for a brief instant. No one had ever asked her that before, that was for damn sure. Selina stared steadily ahead of her as she walked, trying to think of how she wanted to answer him. She knew what she’d been doing, but at the same time, when put so bluntly in a question like that, she’d wanted to reassure him that she would never do such a thing… but she’d be lying. "You realize most wouldn't give a damn?" she asked almost playfully, though there was a bitter edge underlining her words.

    People never cared why she flirted or fucked with them, because they were so distracted by the act, and she kept it that way for quite a few good reasons. With Alistair though… she should have known it wouldn’t be that simple. When he spoke of what they'd both been through, Selina felt a familiar guilt clawing at her stomach. “I know we have, and we are… you- you’re one of the closest friends I have,” she admitted, feeling a bit chagrined at her previous words. She knew how hard the assassination attempt had shaken Alistair, and she knew he’d been through some nasty shit in the past three years alone.

     Selina then listened silently as he went on and met his gaze evenly at his last statement. “But perhaps in some ways, you’re not,” she agreed, her tone calm. Selina wasn’t one for asking for or expecting forgiveness. She merely was who she was… and who she was almost inevitably hurt others. Her defenses weren’t forged because she’d experienced kindness and support, and they were as harsh as the people she’d grown up with. Selina knew that, and she was as hard on herself for it as she would be with anyone else, but she wasn't interested in letting others know that. “... I’m not a kind person Alistair. I’ve never claimed to be… but, I do respect you.” she offered sincerely.

    Selina paused as she considered how to continue, “Distance isn’t the only reason I made my offer, Alistair,” she admitted finally. “You were right. I’m used to keeping people out. I don’t… I don’t really know what to do with relationships that aren’t shallow or physical." Selina offered honestly. "After our talk, disassociating myself from it... and from you, was the easy way out,” she added, her voice relatively steady and unapologetic. She wasn’t asking for forgiveness or understanding… she was more explaining because she felt like he deserved more than being shrugged off. If he despised her for this, that was his right. “But I wasn't lying. If the attraction wasn’t real, I would’ve never suggested sex in the first place, and my reasoning behind why I'd go through with it remains the same.”

    Selina glanced up at him, “I… I trust you not to fuck me over,” she then admitted. Her tone may have been slightly wry, but her words couldn’t have been more genuine. “I may not be the most open person, or the easiest to get along with… but I do trust you, Alsitair,” and those words coming from her weren’t idle or lightweight. Selina didn’t trust anyone except for a very rare few. Even after trying to push him away, she felt like he deserved to know that. She wasn’t entirely sure where she was going with this, so she stopped and sighed, unsure what else she could truly say.

[Alistair Holmes]

Most wouldn't give a damn...
Of course, most people who readily went to the bed of someone they barely knew likely didn't care too much about them on a personal level... That, and he highly doubted most could see past the near perfect mask she donned during her act. But the difference here was, Alistair did give a damn, he did care about the young woman and he could see clearly through the steeled walls she'd built around her heart. "Well I ain't most," Alistair replied quickly, noting the underlaying bitterness in her tone. As she continued, the bodyguard's near emotionless gaze never left her face as he took careful consideration of how his companion's expressions shifted as she spoke. When she spoke of friendship however, Alistair could not help a creeping warmth somewhere in his chest, a small smile finding it's way onto his lips; It had been unspoken knowledge between them before, but to hear the words from Selina's mouth felt significant.

As she continued, the bodyguard slowly withdrew his eyeline from her to look ahead, furrowing his brow slightly as the small smile fell to an almost unreadable expression; His assumptions had been correct... His earlier comments had riled up Selina's long aged defences, and she'd slipped into the old act in order to distance herself from him. He was one of the few who had managed to get close to her, who had succeeded in some small way of slipping through her emotional walls and seeing the fragile nature that lay underneath; He wasn't going to risk her using sex to push him away... Not when she needed his support, when he'd come close to being able to arm her against those ghosts.

"... Selina, you can't just use ya usual act to push me away cause it's the easy way out," He looked to his companion. "That ain't ganna wash with me, kid." He breathed outwards, slowing his footsteps to a halt, reaching out his gloved hand to place it on Selina's shoulder, gently halting her footsteps. His frowning, hazel eyes were stern but held an underlaying concern. "Selina, you deserve a future where you don't just don some kinda mask every time someone gets too close to ya... If you keep falling into the same old routine ya ain't ganna get any better. Things won't change." He slipped his gaze away from her now, moving his hand from her shoulder as he slipped his hands into his coat pockets. "I won't let ya distance yourself from me that way... I actually give a damn about you, Selina," He then tilted his head slightly to one side, a flicker of gentle amusement passing over his expression. "No matter how attractive ya think I am, or I you."

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina almost smiled at his immediate response. No, Alistair certainly wasn’t like most of the others. She then nodded and there something almost gentle in her tone when she replied, “I know you're not.” She’d been incredibly lucky to have been able to meet him and she knew it. There were many reasons why Selina was grateful Drew had decided to hire her, and Alistair was easily one of the most prominent. At the same time, part of her had hoped he was just like the rest.

    This conversation would never have happened and she wouldn’t be feeling so uncertain and almost… lost. She would know exactly how to respond to him if he had taken her up on her offer, but now, she felt like a fledgling who was struggling to walk. This was all foreign to her, and she wasn’t sure she could do this. Fight-or-Flight kicked in and part of her felt like running, but she knew she couldn’t. The other part of her wanted to fight back or hurt him so he would be the one running… but she couldn’t do that either. She could push him away, distance herself, but she could never force herself to outright hurt Alistair, nor would she ever want to to begin with. The instinct was just that, instinct.

    Selina had known that on some level, Alistair likely wouldn’t let her get away with taking the easy way out, but old habits were incredibly hard to shake, and sometimes she didn’t fully realize what she was doing. Slipping on a mask felt as natural as breathing to her, and had been as necessary at one point in time. Selina paused as she felt his hand on her shoulder and looked up at him, meeting his gaze at first, but her eyes falling to the snow at their feet rather quickly. “I- I’m not sure I know how not to be this way,” she admitted quietly. She just didn’t do close and personal… it wasn’t something she’d ever been good at. “I’ve been doing this for so long...” she had a difficult time imagining what change would even look like for her. For some reason, his touch helped ground her though and she felt a bit more steady despite her inexperience with things like this.

    When he said he wouldn’t allow her to distance herself further from him, Selina wasn’t sure how to feel about it. She felt… happy he cared, something almost like a small smile forming at his words. It was a strange feeling, to have someone other than her family tell her that they gave a damn. Alistair and Seiji were probably the only two who had. Part of her felt slightly disappointed that Alistair had refused her offer… but Selina was well aware that she could find sex almost anywhere. Alistair’s friendship however, was irreplaceable. She hummed in mild agreement with his words because in all honesty, as immediate as her reaction had been... she didn't truly want to push him away.

    At his last statement however a familiar smirk returned to her features, “I’ll keep that in mind.” Some things were just a part of who she was, and she couldn't quite resist the suggestive tone she'd replied with.