Just an Infatuation

[François Laffont]

You know what is worse than spending all lunchtime with a couple next to you counting their teeth with their tongue? The fact that you feel their love and desire for each other and that it awakes something in you. No, not physically, of course. Franck could share feelings but not to that extent. But he did feel the need to kiss and cuddle all of a sudden, thanks to them.

It’s not like they were horny or anything. They sat next to each other and kissed. Most people would consider that cute, others would ask them to get a room before it gets steamy. Franck... ate his lunch real quick and chose to leave. He didn't even know them well. They chose his table because he was alone while most others were full of people. If he understood their choice, the problem was that now Franck was infatuated. You think it silly to feel love and want to flirt just because someone kissed next to you? You should see him when people are pissed next to him, or when he spends too much time with Frank Cox. Before the end, she doesn’t need to drag him anywhere, he’s as lively as she is.

For a second, Franck thought of Sebastian. He did find the guy interesting. But he had no idea where he was and it was not like Franck wanted to disturb him just to kiss and run. He was not that kind of person. Then again, he rarely had this flirtatious smile upon his face as he made his way out of the cafeteria. No, seriously, he had to stop thinking about it.

He knew that his main problem wasn’t really that he could feel what others felt. It was the fact that it would bring out of him a response to it, naturally. So if someone was aggressive, it would rub on him and he might sound harsh when he was usually the kindest person around. And when two people decided to love each other next to him, Franck would feel the need to do the same, to respond to that love as if it was directed to him. Of course, he would not join them. That was far too weird. So instead, he left the cafeteria and now that he was relatively alone, he rested his back against the wall, closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He had to remind himself those feelings were not his. His back still against the wall, he dropped down to the floor. He was slowly feeling better. Give him a minute or two and he would be able to go on with his day forgetting what he just felt back there.

[Chloe Black]

Chloe hated people, and she hated being around people. People are all a bunch of self-absorbed, irrational crapsacks with painfully limited tolerances for people who were different from them. Worst of all, Chloe was a person too, and she was not exempt from her own broad hatred of all people.

Even though she hated being around people, that infernal human nature of hers kept punishing her aloofness with crippling loneliness. She hated that about being a human. Why couldn’t she just replace her meat-brain with an unfeeling robot one? Then she could look at that kissing couple without descending further into her little pit of loneliness and self-loathing, or feeling worthless because she didn’t have anyone like that to love her. Those were stupid things to feel. With a robot brain, she could see them making out and tell herself: ‘I don’t give a flying beep boop about that because I’m a goddamn robot. Optimizing nutrient consumption, boop beep.’ Or whatever robot internal monologues sounded like. Probably more like a bunch of zeroes and ones, now that she thought about it.

Whatever it would be like to have a robot brain, Chloe was pretty sure it had to be better than what she was feeling.

She finished her lunch quickly, rushed out of the cafeteria, told herself that the week was almost over. Soon, she could go back to playing computer games and avoiding the endless, hopeless train wreck of her life. She just had to hold out for a couple more hours.

That’s when she saw him. Dude was collapsing against the wall under the weight of the shit he had to deal with, whatever that shit might have been. Chloe had been there before. Hell, she was probably almost there again. Maybe she should reach out to him?

Chloe overcame her fear of talking to unfamiliar attractive males and approached him. “Hey,” she said, “Are you okay?”

[François Laffont]

Just one more minute and he’d be fine. François kept telling himself that as he tried to focus. Sometimes, he really wished he could not feel or at least like a normal human being. Anyone normally made would pass by a couple in love and smile and move on. You don’t want to be a voyeur and keep staring as they shared their intimacy with the rest of the world. Anyone normal might, at most, feel a little pinch, wishing to have someone to do something similar with. They can guess their love but would not feel it as their own.

His heartbeat was slowly going back to a regular pace. The idea of jumping the first cute guy he could see as if he really liked him had left Franck. A good thing. Because he had no desire to appear as the horny gay guy of the school. The thought did cross his mind that there were a few guys he knew that wouldn’t mind for Franck to kiss them, but the whole idea was to chase those feelings that weren’t his out of his system, not to play on them.

He startled a bit as he heard a voice. Opening his eyes, he saw a girl staring right back at him. Being at Bellefonte for a little while now, he should have gotten used to all of the different people around, some with drastic physical changes. But you were always a little shaken to witness it nonetheless. It was hard to believe at times just how diversified the powers can be like and the shapes it took on every individual.

François didn’t want to stare however, it would be rude. Sighing, he forced himself to stand up, taking a grip against the wall with his hands as heroes from his spot. “Yes, sorry, it’s just... big crowds are still not easy for me,” he answered her, giving her a gentle smile to go with it. It was kind of her to actually ask about his wellbeing, especially when they knew nothing of each other. She seemed young, younger than he was anyway. Mustn’t have been here for a long time. Franck didn’t want to be a reason for her to run away then.

[Chloe Black]

She nodded. “I think I know the feeling. I rushed out for the same reason.”

Crowds were tough. Nothing could make you feel quite as lonely as being stuck in a sea of strangers, especially if you disliked people as a general rule, and people had a history of disliking you right back. Maybe that was something Chloe had in common with this guy. They could bond over their hatred for the human condition and its sufferers.

“I’m Chloe.” She smiled. It wouldn’t have taken an empath to realize that she was kinda falling for this boy. There was something distinctly romantic about the mysterious loner type, as she assumed this boy was. Rushing out of the cafeteria to collapse against the wall seemed like a Mysterious Loner kind of thing to do.

[François Laffont]

Oh, so she too couldn’t stand big crowds? Well, with her look, he could understand. He supposed people were staring at her. And who knows what else her power caused in her, perhaps the physiology was not all that had been altered. He could absolutely understand why crowds could be a problem for her then.

Personally, Franck wished he could be back there, with everybody. He liked people, to talk to them and everything. He liked to see the true people, and his power helped at that, but at the same time, more people meant more feelings and there was a point where you felt like your head would just explode should go get any more.

She introduced herself. “I’m François, Franck,” he replied in a smile. He always gave people the chance to call him Franck instead. He just didn’t like how English people often sounded when trying to say his name. Franck was, well easier. And he would reply to that name.

He could feel she was growing a liking for him almost instantly. He hoped it would not turn into a crush. He didn’t want to push another girl away. But it was not his fault if he was gay. “I hope you had the time to eat before, you know, getting out,” he said, nodding his head towards the cafeteria. “I hope I didn’t worry you with my behavior. It’s just, the more people there is, the harder it is for me to control my power,” he explained. There would still be time to politely make her understand he would not be interested. For now, since she was making no move really about it, he figured he might as well leave it alone.

[Chloe Black]

Oh, so it was his power that was the problem? Even so, being averse to masses of humanity was a big plus in her book, whatever his reason might be. Chloe hated people, and she wanted someone to bond with over their mutual hatred of people.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, François-Franck.” She smirked. “If you don’t mind me asking, what is your power?”

Was it some kind of mind-reading type of thing that he couldn’t control? Something that let him see what people were really like, underneath it all? If so, Chloe was pretty sure this would make him hate people, like she did. People are mostly terrible.

[François Laffont]

François always thought that his difficulty to be in a crowd would actually pull people away, not drag them towards him. Oddly enough, it seemed to interest Chloe. He wanted to slap himself as he thought that though. She probably just liked to see she was not the only one with people problems. If only she knew it was the case with so many of them!

He chuckled at how she called him. “Franck is fine. I just know French names can sometimes be difficult to pronounce.” Not to add that he hated when they tried and ‘destroyed’ his name. A good thing he was not asking them to call him Guillaume, his second name. At this point, being French mustn’t be a secret to Chloe anymore. The accent must have helped. The more she must have wondered about probably was whether he was French Canadian or really from Europe.

For a second, he hesitated sharing his power with her. But she couldn’t keep hers secret so he could understand why she’d like to know that of others. “It’s empathy. I... I feel what others feel,” he explained. He shrugged. Yeah, not the most spectacular of power, he knew that. “I mean, I’m fine most of the time, but that couple kissing just proved too much, with everyone else,” he added. Yeah, he doubted the guy would have wanted a kiss from him. He pointed at her face. “I suppose this what yours did? Mustn’t have been easy all the time.” He was not trying to mock her or anything. He wasn’t sure she’d take it as sympathy or that she’d take sympathy well. But he still had some for her. Had her mother seen her... and she thought he was the devil one!

[Chloe Black]

Chloe rubbed the area where her horns met her skin. “Yeah, it can suck sometimes.” She had enough reasons to think she didn’t have a future, before she started looking like she was spawned in the pits of hell. “Though it’s all downhill from here I guess. Can you see me getting a job when I’m out of school?”

Bitter chuckle. Self-pity gave way to anger, which gave way to hopeless sorrow. Life sucked, and it was only going to get worse. Better enjoy this time while it lasted, before it all managed to get even shittier. Franck might have some trouble with crowds, but at least he could walk outside without people taking up torches and pitchforks against him. She resented him a little bit for that, just like she resented all the other normal-looking schmucks running around the school.

Sigh. “I don’t know if I should apologize for how I feel, since you have to feel it too. But I'm sorry." Now she felt guilty.

[François Laffont]

Franck dared not say anything to make it easier for Chloe. It had to suck at times. In comparison, dealing with everyone’s feeling, being able to tell who loved you and who just pretended to all the time, it was nothing. He didn’t want to sugar-coat it as obviously it would be pointless. “At least here you can find people who will judge you for who you are and not what you look like,” was all he could find to make it easier. He shrugged as she talked of the future, but did look like thinking about it for a second. “I’m sure you can work here. I can’t believe they just throw us in the world without any help,” he added. Then again, he had it easier than her. She might not think the same. And even with some help...

He frowned, concerned as he picked up the anger coming out of her self-pity and this feeling of helplessness. It made him feel unable to help her as well and therefore a little down himself. He had to shake it up, change that to make it better for her. Franck couldn’t help it, every time someone felt down around him, he just had to try and light their day. He did feel her resentment but as she apologized, he simply shook his head. “No, I get it. It’s not really against me. And trust me, I’ve felt worse,” he assured her.

He looked around the corridor. People were starting to leave the cafeteria and when he saw a group leaving and not really caring who was in the way, he dragged Chloe a bit closer, just so they would not bump on her. “How about we get out of here? Before we get another reason for not wanting to see them,” he suggested as the group passed by them as if they never were here. No seriously, he could get that you were busy talking to your friend, but Chloe and himself were standing there while they walked, they could have moved a bit instead of forcing them!

[Chloe Black]

Chloe didn’t understand why Franck was pulling her in close like that. Did it mean he liked her? Was this a normal thing for French guys to do? In front of all those people, too…

Blushing and flustered, she decided to go with it. He wanted to take her somewhere else, too? Sure! She nodded. Damn if he wasn’t attractive, and if he didn’t have such a gorgeous accent. That was kind of a cryptic comment, too, about 'getting another reason for not wanting to see them.' Did he mean... okay, what the hell did he mean?

“Uh, what did you have in mind?” She flashed an uncertain smile.

[François Laffont]

If Franck had just the tiniest of ideas what he made Chloe think right now! He never flirted with her or even meant to. And it wasn’t because of her horns or anything! He was just being nice and got her out of the way before someone shoved her out of it. She didn’t need another reason to hate people. He had been making real progress at not reading people on the spot. He did get something from her, obviously, but he never thought she believed he was flirting with her, or that she might develop a crush on him.

He turned his head towards her as she asked what he had in mind exactly. Unaware he was the reason of such confusion inside of her, he shrugged. “It’s just that they are already starting to leave the cafeteria. I don’t feel like being bumped because I’m standing in their way,” he explained, not realizing it might have implied something else. “You’re free not to come of course,” he added quickly. He didn’t want to force her. But she did mention not liking people. And right now, Franck didn’t want to be around too many people. So he figured, if they were not to see people, they might as well do so together. Yes, he was aware of the irony in this.

[Chloe Black]

She looked behind her. Oh, yeah, those people did just walk past them a second ago, didn’t they? That would be a good reason to pull her closer. Or a good excuse. He said that he felt what other people felt, and Chloe felt attracted to him. Did that mean that he would magically start feeling that way about her, too?

Honestly, she could deal with that. “Actually, I think I’ll join you,” she said cheerfully.

While it was true that Chloe hated people as a general rule, she still got lonely. This boy’s company seemed tolerable. More than that, he could even be interested in her. The possibility excited her. She would have hated to admit to herself how much that excited her.

[François Laffont]

Franck hesitated one second. He had no problem with her excitement. It was great. Who didn’t like to feel a little loved? But that was the problem. He did get some attraction. He knew he should kill it right now. He didn’t mind that she found him attractive but right now she had no idea he was not playing for that team. And he didn’t like to feel like he was fooling her or something. He was not that kind of person, or at least he liked to think so.

He moved out of the busy hallway, Chloe following close behind. How was he supposed to tell her? Somehow, he found it rude to just say that he was gay. He told her what his power was so maybe she’ll feel embarrassed that he found out what she felt and everything. He didn’t want her to hate him like she claimed to hate everybody else. Then again, she might also be thankful he told her now before she started to act like a fool.

“There, we should be fine,” he said as he found a spot with no one else around. Okay, now he should try to turn her down, nicely. “Just to be clear, I’m not trying to hit on you or anything,” he began to say, with some hesitation in his voice. Would that be enough? He didn’t want her to think she was ‘undatable’ or something. “It’s not against you it’s just... well I’m gay,” he finally let out. He really should. He thought it was the best solution.

[Chloe Black]

Chloe stared at him for a second. On the one hand, she knew that coming out was a big deal. “I’m, uh, honored that you feel comfortable coming out to me about that.” She didn’t know if it was a big deal to be gay in this part of the country, or if it wasn’t and he was just trying to let her down nicely.

She was silent for a little while after she said that. He would be able to detect that she felt conflicted about something. For a moment, there was a spark of hope. She looked up at him for a moment, then returned her gaze to the ground. That moment of hope was drowned out; now he would be able to tell that she felt profoundly depressed about something. It was far more potent than the mere sting of rejection.

“I’m… sorry if my feelings earlier weirded you out. But don’t think the way I feel right now is because of your, uh, telling me about you and that we couldn’t be a thing. That’s a dumb thing to feel this way about.” Chloe sighed. "This is something else."

[François Laffont]

It was not like coming out was that easy a thing to do. You just never know how people would react. But with Franck, the cat got out of the bag a long time ago. He grew to accept this part of him and learned to shrug it off if some people had a problem with it. He might not be wearing a ‘gay and proud of it’ shirt to school, but he was not making it a big secret. He supposed he could get bullied for it. But he considered the pros outweighed the cons.

He gave her a tiny smile as she seemed glad he told her. Like said before, it wasn’t that big of a deal for him to tell others but he knew it was not always easy to hear. And he hoped she would feel less embarrassed had she grown a crush on him that he told her now rather than let her make a fool of herself. He expected her to be a little disappointed about this rejection. But he still believed it was best that way.

She however seemed sadder than he would have expected, considering they barely knew each other. She might have found him nice but even Franck didn’t fall so quickly in love. Was there something else, did it triggered some buried feelings? Just as she wondered, she tried to assure him he was not responsible. But he was curious what it could be. “What is it? I mean, forget it if you don’t want to say it it’s just... well you I can tell how you feel and I guess I just don’t like having people feeling down around me,” he said, giving her a sheepish smile, as if he was almost saying ‘pretty please’ for her to tell him what it was about, or at least not to mind he asked in the first place.