I thought I had this figured out (LDR)

[Benjamin Banks]

Ben was staring at his phone, he had really not been able to see this possibility coming. There were too many factors in this whole relationship. He wasn't even sure he was ever going to be able to move past this now. He had spent so long trying to ignore the younger boys existence that he hadn't even thought about how much he actually might care. That being said there was no reason for him to be nervous right now. Besides the fact that the last time he had gone to LDR's room to video game...he had saw Blair.



He was not scared, Benjamin Banks wasn't even scared of his father, so why was he worried about this? Was this fear, the sinking feeling in his chest, the underlying feeling of unease. What was LD doing go him, he didn't feel fear right? He was the one banks that was basically uncaring about anything that could harm him. Only he wasn't exactly sure that was true anymore. Was that ever true or was he just delusional to think that he had no fears, no regrets, nothing to loose besides his sanity? He had been sitting in his computer chair for five minutes thinking things over before he moved to take a shower. This was good, LD hadn't told him they weren't friends anymore...the odds had to be good.

He had showered, dressed, grabbed the junk food he promised his sister was real food and headed down the familiar hallways to his friends room. Where they even best friends anymore? Had he managed to come full circle from when he was fifteen? It was only three years and he was still seeking out the younger boy. Even though he would never admit it, that scared him. He was a walking vessel of lies, and if he was ever honest to himself about anything...it was that, the amount of power LDR held over him was staggering.

He eventually made it to LDR room and for the first time in forever... He knocked. It was funny how their relationship had gotten this far, from his want of a mafia to him trying to convince LDR that this was worth a try...even if he wasn't sure it was.

Lister D. Reynolds

[Lister D. Reynolds]

Fuck, what had he done. Or not done, maybe? Perhaps there was some unspoken social rule LDR didn't know. There was often a social rule LDR didn't know about. He switched from sitting on his bed to lying face down on it. Why did Ben have to go and complicate things again? Couldn't they just be friends without having to...get it on. Did he really want to get..involved? Sure he liked Ben but didn't know if he 'liked' him, you know?

And so he lay in silence, wondering if his roommates were in or what they would think of Ben coming over. LDR was pretty sure they thought he might be gay. Most of his years had taken this idea about him, even though many of the girls still giggled when he passed. What they giggled at was debatable though.

His mind had just started to wonder to the last time Ben came to his room when there was a knock on his door "C-C-Co-Come in..." LDR didn't move from his position but turned his head towards the door.

[Benjamin Banks]

Ben wasn't sure he had done the right thing, and it was a a semi-new feeling to him. Like he wasn't sure he was doing the right thing, even though he was doing what he wanted. It was sort of an awkward expierence for him as well. It's not like he was really bugged by the whole thing, he was completely sure LDR would've pushed him away had he not wanted the kiss...right? He didn't allowed himself, to think about that sort of thing. It would be a serious damper on his mood. He didn't want to think about the downward spiral this was sure to send him in...NOPE.

Ben was never even sure what he felt when he was around the younger boy. To be perfectly honest most of his feelings weren't even sexual which was something of confusion for Ben. He rarely felt more than sexual attraction towards another person, and these things that LDR made him feel were completely forgien and sort of unwelcomed. He did not like not knowing the outcomes. The worst thing about LDR was that he wasn't predictible, Ben couldn't ever figure anything with LDR in the equuation and it drove him completey crazy that he was winging it.

Ben, opened the door hesitantly, not wanting to just barge in and make himself at home. Mostly because the truth was that he had no idea if LDR's room was allowed to be comfortable to him. He had effectively managed to talk himself in circles and he had no idea what he needed to say. "So how are gonna do this?" He asked setting the food on the table. He was just as at lost at this as everything, maybe the kiss was very bad timing...where his calculations off?

[Lister D. Reynolds]

Shit. What did he mean by 'this'? Was there something he was missing? Shit. LDR didn't move from his face down position as he shrugged his shoulders "D-D-D-D-Do..wh-wh-what?" If he had learnt anything about Ben it was that he liked his plans. He liked his plans a lot. If the plan gets derailed Ben gets...anxious...not the right word...annoyed works better. Somehow it hadn't managed to get it through his skull that LDR derailed many of these plans with emotions.

He kept laying face down for a few more moments before moving to sit up. After a quick glance at Ben, he was no longer sure whether or not moving from the calming view, which was his pillow, was now such a good idea.

[Benjamin Banks]

Ben stood there silently, LDR had actually managed to stun him into silence. Did he not come over to play video games? Was he missing something, Ben didn't miss things, he was sure he had gotten the text. "are you gonna play from your pillow? I mean I brought food do you want to eat first and then play games?" was ldr sick or something. Surely the boy didn't suffer from short term memory loss.

Perhaps it was wording, did LD think he meant something other than video games? No Ben knew the likely hood of that ever happening was slim to none. He knew the best thing he could get from the younger boy was a kiss. He wouldn't push his limits, he didn't want to loss LDR again. Not that he'd admit that.

"Come on then, let's get something going at least" he said that awkwardness and the obvious elephant in the room driving him batty.