Change for the Better?

[Ashley Benson]

To say that Ashley had been troubled would have been an understatement.  Something had stuck in the back of her mind quite a few months ago and it refused to relent.  Every so often it would surface and roll around her thoughts for a bit before she managed to stuff it down again.  No matter how hard she tried it always came back.  There was no getting around it.  No casting the notion aside.  No feeling of being fully settled until it could be resolved.  The main problem stemmed from Ashley's lack of friends outside of her relationship with Ellen.  She cared very deeply for Ellen, of that she was sure, but neither of them were the type to easily share deep rooted secrets and crazy notions.  It didn't help that whenever Ellen was around the thoughts and doubts that crept into her mind vanished without a trace, only to surface when Ashley found herself alone.

Ashley stepped softly into the bedroom and paused for just a brief moment in the doorway at the picturesque scene spread out before her.  It was an almost surreal image that took mere seconds to become etched vividly into her memory.  Ellen sat in the bed, the blankets up to her waist, a finance magazine open in front of her.  The gentle glow of the bedside lamp seemed to shimmer off her golden hair as he brown eyes focused on the words printed on the page.  Mia, the kitten who'd grown comfortable with her new surroundings was curled up at the foot of Ashley's side of the bed.  Even the heated discussion that came with the kitten's sudden insistence on sleeping with them brought out a thin smile on Ashley's face.  She took in the moment and almost had to shake her head in disbelief.

This is my life.

After flicking the overhead light off Ashley crossed the room, rounding the large bed to her side and pulling up the blankets just enough to slip beneath them without disturbing Mia.  Once settled Ashley couldn't help the sigh of contentment that came with the realization of how far she'd come over the last few years.  And still, through it all, that small nagging had started wriggling around in the back of her mind.  It didn't usually surface when Ellen was around, which was troubling that it started up now.  With a furrowed brow, Ashley glanced to girlfriend.  "Hey, Ellen."  She said, her tone quiet.  "Can I talk to you?"  She gave a short pause as she gathered her thoughts but she finally felt ready to get everything out.  "I think I want to change my name."

[Ellen Banks]

Mia, was already beginning to annoy Ellen and she has only been a blemish on Ellen’s life for only a short time and she seemed to enjoy getting under Ellen’s skin. At the insistence of Ash, they managed to get the most fleecy, most comfortable. Little basket any kitten could hope for...and yet she insisted on sleeping in the bed with both Ash and Ellen, curled up in a small tiny ball purring with pure pleasure, Causing Ellen to narrow her eyes and shake her head at the cat.


What in the world was the point of even getting the basket if the idiot cat didn’t want to use it? It was bought for her and her alone.and all Mia seemed to do was ignore it. God, it was so aggravating, all the cat seemed to was sleep in her bed follow around Ashley everywhere she went and just stop and stare at Ellen…


What Ash saw in the cat she would never know…


Lost in her own irritation at first she didn’t hear Ash as Ellen prepared for bed sitting on the edge of bed making herself totally comfortable before she joined Ash, “Hmmm?” Ellen questioned when she realized what Ash was talking about “...Why? What’s wrong with the name you have now?”

[Ashley Benson]

That was, certainly, something Ashley had debated for hours on end long before she'd ever gained the courage to voice her concern. She frowned, lowering her head to her hands which began to fidget nervously in her lap. It had been months since she'd experienced this level of visible worry. Not since she'd been stricken with the last episode that had lest her lost, disoriented and frightened for not just her own safety, but that of Ellen's as well. This had been before Halloween of last year, nearly five months.

"Well..." Ashley spoke but only to afford herself more time. She had considered her doubt and concern to be nothing more than a juvenile, preposterous notion. She was stronger than such pointless drivel, wasn't she? But the thoughts that had bounced around in her mind were too strong to simply let fall by the wayside. She was confident that, in the end, Ellen would lend a reasonable, logical point of view and wouldn't hesitate to tell her she was being foolish.

"Because it's not mine." Ashley said in near protest. Her voice was still low and soft despite lending a certain weight and almost desperation to her words. "You know it was just given to me when I came here." As it stood she still had little retained memories of her life before her mutant power manifested in its deadly manner. Her birth name was one of a thousand things she simply couldn't remember and she didn't dare open that door again in an effort to learn more. "I'm not the same person I was when I was fourteen." She smiled a little even though she still refrained from turning her eyes to Ellen. "That afternoon at the stables feels like a different lifetime." She shrugged a bit. "I guess I was thinking it might represent... a knew start. Who I am now, not who I was then."

[Ellen Banks]

No, Ellen really didn’t think it was a particularly important that Ash changed her name, When you really got into it, Words were just that, words, how we perceive them means nothing. We give them the power. Like, swear words. If everybody in the known universe agreed that those words were no big deal. The same with names. They didn’t really mean anything when you really think about it. Ellen didn’t care what Ashley called herself. If she wanted to Ellen could force her way into Ash's head and pull out some kind of repressed memory of her name, but that’ll be a whole lot of pain for her, for something that didn’t really didn’t matter to Ellen, it never mattered to her. Her name nor her past ever really meant anything to her….


Ellen’ couldn’t help but to let a little smirk reach her lips as she brought up the memory of the first time they met. And slowly she began to nod.


If it was important to her it was important to Ellen


“Do you have any ideas for a name?”

[Ashley Benson]

Ashley fell silent for a long while as she contemplated Ellen's question. For a moment she entertained the possibility that her even bringing up such an idea was farcical and childish. She knew Ellen didn't buy into the concepts of things with token or personal meanings. Even as Elen's icy exterior melted from being semi-dismissive of the idea to curiosity, Ashley remained doubtful of her own purpose.

"No." Ashley replied simply, her head shaking. She paused momentarily, her blue eyes gleaming brightly as Mia slowly crawled her way up into Ashley's lap. A smile touched the young woman's lips as she reach out and softly stroked the kitten's fur. Mia hadn't grown much in the months since she'd been adopted and still bounded around the apartment with the same youthful enthusiasm as expected of a kitten. "I really haven't given it much thought at all, honestly." Ashley admitted. "At least not like in a real sense." She frowned at her own vague answer and quickly elaborated. "I've thought a lot about the why and what it would represent to have my own name that wasn't given to me by some random file clerk who was filling out my paperwork for transfer here." She said, turning her eyes from the kitten in her lap to the blonde beside her. "But I have no idea what I'd change it to... or even how to do it."

[Ellen Banks]

Ellen had learned over the last few years that things would rarely make sense to her, at least her in particular seeing as she’s had very limited experience with emotions as a whole, she kind of just learned to accept people's irrational self-destructively and downright pointless behaviour as a whole -Unless of course it was an akin to setting themselves on fire THEN Ellen would feel the need to step in, she felt like all of her ……..-And she could NOT believe there was ever a time when this exact phrasing would ever escape her mind but…- “Friends” weren’t that but grown up children there for Ellen to constantly babysit and keep from walking calmly off a giant cliff like the lemmings that they were





...What would they do without her?





Ellen’s eyes flickered down to that little kitten her eyes narrowed at it,.You have a bed, Ellen wanted to say, we paid for your bed, why don’t you go sleep there. Stop being so spoiled, she must have known how much Ash bothered the cat and she was taking advantage of her. The cat was devious she’ll give her that





“So...what you thinking? Adams? Shamrock?...Banks?” She said with a slight laugh at the mere idea of it

[Ashley Benson]

Ashley smiled, her face lighting up and a soft giggle escaping as Mia's eyes opened just long enough for the kitten to yawn mightily and stretch its furry body across Ashley's lap. She gently stroked the animal's fur, causing Mia to quickly fall back to sleep. It had been the small, simple moments like this one that kept Ashley grounded and content. She'd heard Ellen speak but her attention lingered on the kitten for a few moments before she glanced back to the blonde.

“Sham-” Ashley let out a bit of a laugh then at the proposed name. Adams wasn't so far-fetched but Shamrock? That wasn't one she'd consider for even a second. Then Ellen said it. Yes, it was apparent the name had been spoken in jest but for some reason the implications of it dug their way into Ashley's mind and took root.

Banks.

Ashley's brow furrowed as she couldn't help but think about far more than she cared to so late at night. Her gaze had fallen back Mia even though her azure eyes weren't focused on the animal in her lap. She suddenly started laughing. It wasn't a shrill, out of control laugh but rather an almost thoughtful chuckle one would use to respond to something said that was equal parts profound and humorous. “If you're trying to be romantic that's the worst proposal I've ever heard.” She said, a thin smirk touching her lips as she leaned to the side and nudged Ellen with an elbow.