Is It Just Me?

[François Laffont]

“I mean, is it just me?”

Franck didn’t know why he chose to talk of his last relationship with Heather Sutherland. Perhaps because she had a similar power. It didn’t seem relevant but he couldn’t really explain what made him want to open up otherwise. It could just be because she was a friend too, the kind of friend he wouldn’t simply know in advance what she’d say, making having this discussion pointless. At the same time, he didn’t she’d judge him only because they had different opinions.

Still, when they met here and started talking, he didn’t mean to be the one doing all the talking, let along speak of his ex. But he suddenly felt the need to unload on someone and that someone happened to be her. That included the reason why he broke up with the guy, “I’m not saying that sex is everything or even the most important part, but it sorts of matter, no? If you can’t be physical with someone, you can’t really say you’re lovers, right?”

Only after that did he remember what she once told him about her sexuality. It had been a while but he could recall something about feelings being the most important and not being too attracted towards the physical aspect of a relationship. He felt a tad embarrassed about it now and he knew she would pick it. If not thanks to her power, it had to show on his face. Franck had never been really good at hiding his emotions. He felt the need to explain himself. “I know that I’m attracted to guys. How can I be with someone, romantically with someone, if he cannot be sure he is as turned on by me as I am by him?”

[Heather Sutherland]

Heather smiled brightly at Franck as he spoke, taking in what he was saying, not quite sure how to respond. Sure, she'd had a few relationships throughout the years, but never really anything... big. And the only person she'd ever talked with openly about them was Oneyka. Although she supposed that was a given, that the other girl was her best friend, though she was pretty close with Franck too.

She smiled and turned her head slightly as he spoke. Heather could tell this bothered him on some level, so she'd do her best to help him if she was able to. She shrugged and smiled helplessly. "Uhm... Well. I've only had a few relationships over the years, and only one of them got anywhere near physical... And even then, myself and her weren't very... intimate like that." She attempted to cough away the deep shade of scarlet that had taken hold on her face.

She shook her head in confusion again. "I don't know. I guess it's largely about trust as well, different people experience emotions and feelings like lust in different ways, we know that better than anyone. It's even more confusing for us to be able to trust people when we pick up their stray feelings, so I think it's largely a question of do you believe they are being honest with you about how they feel..." She messed with her hair a bit. "Sorry, I'm not very well versed in this area." She admitted embarrassingly.

[François Laffont]

Franck needed to learn who to talk to about certain things. It was not like he intended to keep any secrets here. He had no problem telling Heather that he had a boyfriend and now he no longer did. It was not the first boyfriend he had. And at least this time the breakup went pretty well. No tears, no yelling, just mutual understanding that this was not going to work and agreeing they should part as friends. Yet, even if he was ready to admit it wouldn’t have worked, even if he preferred it that way, it still pained him a bit. Yet another guy that he thought it would work with yet did not. How many was it? It was not like he kept dating guys over and over but it seemed impossible to have a good guy for him and that thought was rather depressing.

He had a little smile as he understood her embarrassment talking of this. He too was not exactly the most comfortable when he had to talk of these matters. “He never dated guys before, only girls. He just started to feel like he could be attracted to guys too, you know? I think he could be, romantically and even perhaps a little physically too. But sexually...” His stare was blank as he got lost in his thoughts. He shrugged, light slowly going back to his eyes as he turned them towards her. “I don’t blame him, really. He wanted to try, that’s what we did. I’m pretty sure if you ask him, he’d say he liked it. He did, in a way. Just... not as much as you would if you really were into it? I mean, there’s the pleasure you get because you like it and the one that’s only physical... I’m blushing too, aren’t I?” He chuckled, trying to chase away the embarrassment that also took him now that he was talking of this. It was not only because of the one she felt. Franck could easily pick it up without feeling it too. No, it came from him, for talking of sex with someone who was perhaps even less comfortable with the subject than he was.

He nodded at what she felt. She was right, of course. Feelings... somehow, they would always get in the way. And he knew indeed how differently people could feel an emotion. If it was not the case, he wouldn’t be able to recognize someone based on emotions alone. He had a smile again as she apologized, the kind of smile that seemed to ask forgiveness too. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start talking about my ex. It’s just... are you tired sometimes when people say you’re nice? They keep saying that. You’re so nice and sweet and good-looking, if anyone deserves a happy ending, it’s you. Yet when you want to try and have anything happy with someone...” He raised his hands, sort of placing his point, namely his past relationships, as proof that this mentality did not work. So much for the ‘perfect guy’. “It’s like they put you on a pedestal so tall no one could ever be good enough. And it’s not like I asked for it.”

[Heather Sutherland]

Heather wasn't the most experienced person with relationships, or advice surrounding them. She was pretty good at telling two people that obviously liked each other to just go for it, though she kind of had an advantage in that department. Where most people found feelings confusing, she found them easy to read and amusing at times, especially when two people were confused or curious about each other's feelings.

She nodded before with a chuckle. "well, I suppose I can understand that part of him, My post meaningful relationship was definitely with another girl, and that was a confusing experience, mostly because I wasn't sure how people around me would react, less than my own boundaries or zones of comfort. I'm pretty good at knowing myself by this point, other people... not so much" She admitted.

Heather giggled softly, her gentle voice not entirely suited to teasing, but still sometimes applied to it while conversing with her friends. "Franck you are both one of the best people with feelings and relationships, and one of the most adorable." She teased, with a gentle smile across her lips.

Heather shrugged gently. "Well, I suppose I can understand your point of view. However, at the same time I think you long a relationship more openly than me, mine's more like a fleeting pang of jealousy any time I walk past someone in love." For as much as she loved reading, writing and talking about it, Heather was pretty sure she herself had never been in love. Which was strange, to be sure. The closest she thought she'd ever been had been a fleeting thing with a person who ended up married within months of their brief, almost relationship. She wasn't going to mention that to Franck though.

She smirked. "Well I don't know about that, I'm not quite sure what people think about me. But for you I can certainly say if your orientation was otherwise inclined, you'd have a gaggle of woman pouncing on you. Myself not included, Franck's are for snuggles and chatting about emotions, not dating." She giggled.

[François Laffont]

You’d think people like Heather and Franck had an advantage on others when it came to dating. They could tell after all when someone was into them. But there were many different ways to love someone and sometimes it was just not enough to be dating. Franck rarely cared about it though. He knew it was his fault for being a little upset about it right now. He shouldn’t have put too much hope in it until the other one was certain this was what he wanted. But Franck was ever the romantic and the fact the being close and kissing parts went so well just got him to think the rest would too. Sadly, there was an entire ocean between kissing an ‘the rest’.

Franck knew about the confusion loving someone of the same sex could bring. Same for the fear of other people’s reaction. Even to this day, despite being openly gay, there were times when he was not entirely comfortable about it, about telling so to the world. The world didn’t need to know. It was not the world’s business. “I get what you mean. We know how we’d react to something but the fact we can tell someone’s feelings doesn’t mean we can tell how they would act them up. Some people have very strange reactions.”

He supposed he could also admit that Alex never promised this would work. He was attracted to Franck and curious to know where that attraction may lead but he never experienced it. He chuckled as she gently teased him. “Am I?” Adorable didn’t score a boyfriend though. Maybe this ‘feeling’ thing just made him too feminine for the other guys?

She admitted that while she could enjoy being in a relationship, she perhaps didn’t long for it as much as he did. “You’re stronger than I am then. I feel that jealousy too but I also know myself too well. If I start feeling it for too long, I’ll go for the first guy asking me out, no matter how bad a match we are.” He knew there was something pathetic about it but this was still how he was. Franck had a longing for love and affection. He could get it from friends and his father but seeing them happy with someone just made him want somebody all for himself too. And he’d rather not go there again. “Doesn’t it bother you sometimes to see how easy it seems to be for others? I’m very happy for them and wishing them only the best, but sometimes, I want to be selfish and ask when it will be my turn.” He laughed at that. He wouldn’t really ask that, ever. And he could never hate someone just because they seemed happier than he was. There were still times when he felt that though.

[Heather Sutherland]

One would think that buy this point, the redhead would be far better off with this stuff, after all most people into their 20's in her experience, had some level of experience in sex, and relationships. She was always lagging behind a little socially though. Perks of spending the first 17 years of her life having all of her decisions made for her by family members...

Heather shrugged. She could tell the man from experience the effect he had on a great deal of woman she knew, perks of being an empath. "Well, that's my assessment of you at least. I've had that assessment leveled at me before. And before you say something, no Adorable isn't bad. It's one of your more endearing qualities. Other than being very good with feelings, and as far as I'm aware, extremely attractive." the words rolled off of her tongue in an almost alien manor, she didn't really get most attraction.

She pouted at the boy. "Fraaaanck. Noooo. Bad." She replied in rapid succession. "You are anything but weak. Trust me, I can tell remember?" She winked at him. "But what you need to keep in mind is... with my orientation, I don't really see someone and uhm. Well, feel any level of arousal towards them. The only times that has really happened was when I already knew a person very well, and well... They took step to cause it." She coughed awkwardly.

Heather nodded gently. "Yes, sometimes. Very occasionally it does get to me. But I suppose it does get to everybody a little bit." She paused for a second, moved over and hugged the boy tightly... Well, tightly for Heather. Which wasn't normal person tight. "I know that this can sound.. well, hollow. But you WILL get that, and I'm aware that it can absolutely not be fun having to wait for it. But you are too awesome of a person to not find a similarly awesome person that you can have mutual happiness with." She smiled. "Besides, it's not like all of your old relationships have been bad or anything, I've felt you in love." The last word came out in a nearly dreamlike manor.

[François Laffont]

Franck couldn’t help the laugh as Heather said he was extremely attractive. He was not making fun of her. He sensed how weird those words felt for her. All of the qualities she gave him, he could give them to her as well. She was adorable, good with feelings and he could tell she was a very beautiful person, certainly very attractive to guys who were into girls. Or girls. She mentioned one earlier. “You do realise the same could be said to you?” He knew he was all that and he was not just asking for people to repeat it to him every time, he just wished this could actually score someone.

He couldn’t help it. He started to feel lonely on his own and seeing most of his friends with someone did nothing to help. He was just tired of being the really good guy who deserves the best but never gets any. Perhaps if he lowered his standards... but he couldn’t. Those casual dates found in bars that you stop seeing after one or two nights really wasn’t for him. He might be more physical than Heather but he needed an emotional connection to relate to someone and want to be closer to them.

He startled at her words and almost laughed from the surprise of it but she kept going and he preferred to listen to her instead. It was true that he didn’t always get exactly all that her orientation meant but he thought he got most of it. “I get that. I don’t want just someone to sleep with it. Maybe I’m more easily attracted to someone on a physical level than you are but for me to do anything, I need an emotional connection too. It’s just something I must have to be comfortable with it.” It was time to change the subject though, for he could tell how awkward it made her feel. This really was not the easiest subject for her to talk about.

“You’re right. We’re the best placed to tell, right?” Franck replied with a smile in her direction. He didn’t want to complain too much about it. Some had far worse things to worry about then when they might find someone. He supposed it would happen eventually. In the meantime, he should focus on his friends and on his studies. He didn’t want to get behind when it was so important for him. He was surprised by the hug too but returned it as ‘tight’ as she hugged him. Physical contact was not always easy for them, or at least for him. He only assumed it was the same for her. She said to him what others did in the past but he still smiled, touched by the fact she was doing it to cheer him up. It meant more than the words. He laughed even when she mentioned he had been in love in the past. “True. And it’s a great feeling, you can tell too. Makes sense I’d want to experience it again. Thanks for your words. I’m sure you’ll get someone too. Because if you don’t, there really is something wrong with the world.”

[Heather Sutherland]

Heather smiled softly at him. She knew she wasn't... unattractive to people, but she still found it hard to view herself as any of the adjectives people used to describe others that they found to be particularly fetching. She knew that people often used them to describe her, but she often just tended to silently disagree. Or in the case of one or two particular individuals.

She chuckled softly at his retort. "Well, thank you." She replied. She shrugged gently. "Although again, I suppose a big part of it all is seeing your friends with people in relationships, you're friends with Erika, aren't you?" Though this wasn't entirely true in Heather's opinon, she wasn't really jealous of her best friend and her boyfriend. "In fairness though, Oneyka and Jack have been together for years, and being around them is actually soothing to me."

That may have been partially due to Heather's empathy having quite a large range and focusing on a set of individuals made it a hell of a lot easier. She nodded at him. "I'm sorry, that came off as rude didn't it? I'm sorry. I just have a hard time understanding physical attraction as the onset for relationships in people, though I'm sure being an empath as well you understand it much better than I do.*

Heather felt a twang of social awkwardness creeping up on her like it used to, this was pretty out of her element. She chuckled. "Well thanks again, I suppose. Sorry I'm not very good with this conversation Franck, this is one topic I've never really... been very competent with." She was much more comfortable just hugging a friend show as dealing with a break up and making them feel better.

[François Laffont]

Heather was right, of course. A big part of what he felt right now came from seeing his friends married or in couple. He nodded as she pointed out he was friends with Erika. “I am and I think you’re right. It’s not so much that I’m jealous of them but it does make me want to have that too. At least they are not the kind to show their love in the face of everyone.” Now, that might be a pain. But, at the same time, if they were the kind to give each other pet names and cuddle and kiss with silly smiles on, maybe Franck might not wish as much to have something like that. Maybe.

Heather mentioned another couple and he smiled brightly at their names. “Oh yes, I know them. They are great, and great together aren’t they? Although I don’t know if I can say being near Jack is ‘soothing’. He is quite a character,” he said, laughing at this. It was not an insult. Jack was just one of those people who could be hard to follow at times.

Franck could feel the others in the room. Their emotions were coming at him but he could not tell any of them apart. It was just a bunch of emotions all mixed into a confusing one. Heather’s on the other hand, since he was closer to her, both physically and emotionally, he could sense. So Franck focused on hers, ignoring the mass behind that just wished for him to dig into. He shook his head at her apology. “No, please. I get it. You need an emotional attachment to feel some form of attraction. I can get physically attracted, but I need that emotional bond to act upon it. It’s different. Not so much on some aspects, but different when it comes to attraction. That’s why it can be harder for me to control it. Lust must hit me harder than you too, I suppose?” He meant it to be an assessment but it turned into a question. He knew it was weird for her, she told him as much in the past. But she seemed to handle it better than he did. “I’m still not going to sleep with just anyone who’s attracted to me though. So I guess I control it enough,” he added with a smile so she wouldn’t feel sorry for him about this. “It’s ok. I’m sorry I brought this up. It had to come out, I guess. But, what about yourself? How have you been lately?”

[Heather Sutherland]

Heather nodded in response to Franck, Heather was well aware of what he meant, but for a long time she tended to veer away from Erika and Drew when they first got together again. That had passed of course, it was years ago that all those at the time, confusing emotions had riddled her. She occasionally debated catching up with Drew to some degree, but she was never sure what context or time would be entirely appropriate.

Her grin widened when Franck showed recognition of her two wonderful roommates. Nodding with his words, and letting out a soft chuckle. "Well, speaking from experience of roommates with both of them, he's not so bad. Although maybe that's the effect she has on him. I can't say I don't find him adorable, but then again maybe that's Oneyka's influence on me more than anything." She admitted.

Heather nodded in response to what Franck said again. "I think that's about right. I don't really find myself experiencing lust for other people in the traditional sense, not often if ever." Again, this was slightly uncomfortable territory for Heather. It was probably a result of her upbringing, but she wasn't really used to speaking about these types of things with others, safe for maybe Oneyka. But they were best friends, sharing everything was almost just par for the course with them.

Although bonds between empathic friends were something special and unique also, so she supposed she could also share with Franck fairly comfortably.

Thankful for the change in topic she grinned at the other empath. "It's no problem at all Franck." She meant it. "I've been rather busy all things considered, being a full time university student and working for the academy part time are quite an exhausted combination as it turns out."

[François Laffont]

The fact that Heather could like being around Jack so much was, to his opinion, commendable. Of course, Franck met him at a moment when he was rather shaken. He obviously didn’t like hospitals. And was rather all over the place, both mentally and emotionally. To a certain degree, it was a lot like one of Franck’s past lover but he supposed the love he had for Jasper made it easier for him to deal with it. “Is he always... all over the place, or I just caught him on a bad day? He loves Oneyka though and I guess I can understand how he can be adorable. I still find it easier to be around his girlfriend than him,” he admitted with a little smile. The guy was too over the place emotionally for him to feel good near him. In small doses, maybe, or when he was calm. It just seemed hard to have him calm. And he still remembered how quickly he went from scared to happy to depressed. That was a little too much for the Frenchman. “I hope he still doesn’t think I’m trying to flirt with him,” he let out, not really meaning to say it out loud but it escaped him nonetheless as he thought of their first encounter.

Franck could have shared what lust did to him but he knew it was not a topic Heather was comfortable with so he kept it to himself. Anyway, he too was not really comfortable, although probably a little more than her, about those things. He’d rather keep that private. Also, he understood they did not feel it the same way and, naturally, did not react to it the same.

It was not the only reason why he wanted to change the topic though. He was not used to talk so much. In reality, he probably did, but he always considered himself more of a listener than the one sharing. He was glad to go back to the role of the listener now. “I can guess. But you like it, right? How is it?” It was not just because it was his goal to work at the school that he asked. He really wanted to know. She didn’t look too tired, at least physically and if she needed a bit of cheering to pep her, he was more than ready to give that to her.