Something to Call My Own (tag: Ellen)

[Ashley Benson]

Three years and Ellen Banks still hadn't pushed Ashley aside. Three years and the confident, affluent blonde remained by the often troubled and disturbed young woman. Three years of subtly affectionate moments. Three years of the occasional look from across the room, a brush of fingertips across an arm and quiet evenings spent in the calming presence of on another. They were more than mere friends at this point. Even someone as previously clueless and socially inept as Ashley knew that. She'd never given much thought to how deeply rooted her feelings for Ellen had grown, they had simply become part of who Ashley was now.

The apartment Ashley shared with Ellen was too large and lavish for the brunette's tastes. She preferred things simple and a little basic, though that wouldn't do for her girlfriend. It was no secret Ellen was used to the finer things in life, her home was no exception. It had taken some convincing to get Ashley there, though when she finally gave in she found herself quickly growing comfortable. Having her own little piece of the world she shared with Ellen was a breath of fresh air.

This evening found Ashley sitting barefoot in the center of the living room when the apartment door opened. Her eyes turned toward the door and instantly lit up at the swath of blonde hair that emerged from the hallway outside. The joy lasted all if a second before the deep pools of blue shifted to panic.

"Don't freak out..." Ashley blurted out as the fluffy, white kitten leapt out from behind her and viciously attacked her hands.

[Ellen Banks]

People might find this hard to believe, but Ellen didn’t particularly enjoy the company of other people, she detested idiots. She hated arrogance in people and the slightest thing upset her, even if you look at her the wrong way, that would be enough for Ellen to decide you’re not worth her time nor her effort. But every day, every single day she would count the hours until she got to go home and back to the place where she felt safe with Ash….and that’s what the aiding feeling was whenever she was around Ashley was…..Safety. Warmth. Security.

What novel concepts.

Ellen, liked to see herself as someone who's focused and not one to be easily distracted….but these days maybe that wasn’t exactly true because from time to time she would be at work working on something important...then her thoughts would just lightly twist in the direction of her Ash’s eyes or the way she looked at Ellen and a light dreamy smile would touch her lips….

Huh, so this is what it was like….

So naturally there was an odd sense of excitement once Ellen got into the apartment clad in a leather Jacket and sunglasses blocking her eyes about to approach Ash when she frowned “Why would I-” And then the answer revealed itself….Ellen’s smile faded as she stared at the cat as if it was some kind of mystical creature like a unicorn that had wandered into the room Ellen’s eyes switched to Ash and to the cat with a bemused expression on her face as if to say “You’re kidding” “Ash, what follows next better be an astonishingly convincing argument...I hate pets”

[Ashley Benson]

Ashley peered up to Ellen, her blue eyes shining brightly. She had expected Ellen's reaction, hence the flash of panic that touched the vivid, blue orbs the moment the door had opened. She did fear the possibility that Ellen wouldn't understand why Ashley had fallen so in love with the tiny, fluffy white kitten when she'd passed the pet store during the errands she'd run in town earlier. Ellen had a very strict 'code' of sorts and, while her relationship with Ashley had been a major violation of said code, Ellen still clung to it vehemently. In truth Ellen's determination had been one of the major factors in drawing Ashley to her even if it did make certain situations like Ashley's decision to bring a kitten home tense.

"I know, but..." Ashley frowned as she bundled the rambunctious kitten up into her arms and got to her feet. The white floof didn't take well to being confined to Ashley's embrace and began to squirm about before fingertips dug gently into the poofy fur of its belly and began to placate the animal with soft strokes. Slowly her eyes turned from the kitten in her arms and focused upon the blonde woman standing before her. "It gets lonely when you're at work." She said truthfully, not matter how sad and pathetic it may have sounded.

[Ellen Banks]

No, Ellen was not a pet person. Hell she was barely even a people person, but she supposed that house pets had a certain objective appeal but she just didn’t see it. Especially from house cats, they just seemed to leave cat hair every where, pee. and just scratches everything in sight. Cats were just so lazy and Ellen never thought they were all that attractive.

...But Ash, Ellen had to smile...Of course Ash felt a bond with the cat, she seemed to like everything, there wasn’t a hateful bone in her body, Ellen could almost imagine what’ll happen.Ash saw a kitten in the middle of a street, shivering cold and alone and Ash couldn’t help but take her in.

Ellen felt her walls crumble just a little once she said she was lonely but eventually Ellen recovered, she knew that Ash could play Ellen like a fiddle but she needed those puppy eyes. “She can’t stay Ash you know that.You need to put her back where you found her”

[Ashley Benson]

A small frown tugged ever so slightly at the corners of Ashley's lips. She had expected such a staunchly defiant reaction from Ellen though that didn't make seeing and experiencing it anymore daunting of a task. Ashley stood still for a moment, hesitant and stuck between wanting to close the gap between herself and Ellen while also worried drawing to near with the white fluff of an animal in her arms would just exacerbate the situation. She went to speak, immediately caught herself and quickly closed her mouth to let the frown that had been threatening sink fully in.

"Ellen, please, listen." Ashley wasn't quite ready to start begging though she wished Ellen would understand what this meant for her. As highly as Ellen thought of her, Ashley remained in many ways a lost little girl still trying to find her way in a world that'll never fully understand her. Sometimes she didn't believe Ellen truly understood either, though those moments were few and far between. "This is all yours." She said half waving toward the apartment. Ellen had selected everything for them. The apartment, the furniture, everything had the Banks seal of approval stamped on it. Even though Ashley, simply by proxy of needing the routine and being home more often, was more the caretaker of the apartment than Ellen, it still felt like she was living with Ellen, rather than the both of them sharing a home.

"I don't really have much." Ashley confessed, her eyes staying locked upon Ellen's deep, severe gaze. "I have you and you're not always here." It still sounded pathetic and weak to Ashley, two things she was well aware Ellen didn't tolerate. "She's..." Near desperate, azure pools dropped to the kitten who was now slumbering in Ashley's arms. "She's something I can call my own."

[Ellen Banks]

She wondered if this is what it was like when you were a parent, who hated telling their child, no. Naturally you want to give you child anything that might make it happy, that’s what one called parental instincts wasn’t it? but then at the same time you didn’t want to infridge on your own personal beliefs, so it became another game. How long could you hold out? How long can you deal with that sad look in her eyes? How long before your resistance crumbled?

That’s was how Ellen felt right about now,

Even though she considered herself made of sterner stuff than the average parent, She was one of the most stubborn people in the town, and there’s been very few things that she backed away from.

The problem was….Ash seemed to have a way of getting to her more than anyone else….

“Ok” Ellen said folding her arms and tilting her head listening to Ash as she talked frowning as Ash talked more and more, what on earth was she talking about? This was all theirs, she asn’t like some weird tenant living in Ellen’s house, they had been over this, Ellen didn’t even particularly enjoy how Ash seemed to do all the chores around the house, she was’t Ellen’s maid.If she wanted a maid Ellen would easily get one for her.

“You have-” Ellen was about to tell Ash but she was beaten to the punch by Ash as she continued, Ellen just stared in silence at Ash for a moment after she was done, a vain forming in her head as if there was a internal struggle in her head but after awhile “....Take her to the vet, make sure she doesn’t have worms or illnesses, and keep her away from me”

Damn it Ash

[Ashley Benson]

The seconds ticked by in achingly slow fashion as Ellen deliberated what would be her final response to Ashley's inquiry. The blue eyed woman stood, holding her breath while she waited. It this had simply been a case of Ashley wanting a pet , she wouldn't have been so invested in the idea. This, though, was so much more. If Ellen didn't understand yet then she probably never would and it would all simply become just another reminder of how different the two of them truly were. Expecting the worst, Ashley braced for Ellen's answer.

When words that weren't anywhere near as abrasive and demanding as expected drifted through Ellen's lips Ashley breathed a very visible sigh of relief. Her face lit up at Ellen's concession. A smile spread across her features, causing her eyes to gleam brightly as she closed the short distance between herself and Ellen. Although she was mindful of the kitten still cradled lovingly in her arms, Ashley moved forward and leaned in, placing a short kiss upon Ellen's cheek. "Thank you." She said, her tone soft in spite of her obvious joy. Ashley knew what it meant for Ellen to compromise and that she had done so with relative ease made all the difference in the world. "I'll take her in tomorrow. You'll hardly know she's here." Ashley promised with a nod of her head. Even as she spoke the bright smile never wavered.

[Ellen Banks]

Urg….Why did Ash have to be so…..Her? It made it really hard for Ellen to be her usual self when she looked at her like that, that look that no one had any right to look around Ellen. Once Ellen admitted defeat and that was quite a bitter pill for Ellen to shallow to do and she felt like she to take a shower for doing it, but the way that Ash smiled at her almost in relief was like Ellen just like Ellen had just made all of her dreams come true at once, she was just so excitable at times, her bright blue eyes sparkled her smile seemed unnaturally wide like it would threaten to cut off her face…..

It was all Ellen could do to stop herself from cracking a smile. at the sweet display……

True, Ellen didn’t really understand what Ash was referring to, not in the least,...but it meant something to her...that was good enough.

Once Ash closed the distance and kissed Ellen on the cheek, a slight pink flush appeared in her cheek clearly flustered as she shook her head “Yes...Well...just make sure you do” She said trying to hide her blushes and move forward, she still was a tad bit uncomfortable with….that sort of thing…. but she was getting better….slowly….

Ellen went in the other room and began to quickly take off her work clothes “Oh I better not, if I find so much a strand of hair or my sofa’s scratched….

[Ashley Benson]

Sometimes it really did seem as though Ellen played the parental role in her relationship with Ashley. Ashley didn't mind so much. Ellen truly did have a much more stable foothold on the world around them and while Ashley had made great strides in growing her confidence in recent years, she was still very much in need of someone to look up to and lean on. Ellen, in spite of claiming to be a reluctant participant the entire time they'd been together, had fulfilled that need with nary a complaint.

The kitten mewed in protest as she was set down on the couch and Ashley went to trail along after Ellen. The tiny bundle of floof curled up and promptly fell back into a slumber, though, bringing out a warm smile to Ashley's face before she slipped down the hall, heading for the bedroom so she could continue talking with Ellen without yelling across the apartment.

"I'll take care if it." She said with a nod. It wasn't as if Ashley didn't take on the lion's share of the household cleaning and chores anyway. There was nary a thing out of place by the time Ellen got home as it was, a little extra time taking car of a kitten would be a welcome reprieve.

"Hey, Ellen." Ashley spoke quietly, her voice tentative as she leaned in the doorway of their bedroom, eyes modestly dropping to the floor when she found Ellen undressing. "It's been three years... Why don't you ever spend the holidays with your family?"

[Ellen Banks]

Ash can take care of herself, maybe not then when she was too timid to even approach Ellen, but now she’s grown. Anyone can see that, well they would if Ash wasn’t so nervous about people that wasn’t Ellen, but that wouldn’t last forever, Ellen would see to that, even though she couldn’t talk. There was a reason why they never went out (As in OUT), one that both knew, there seemed to be some kind of pressure to that kind of thing to Ellen, and staying in. with Ash?

Honestly there wasn’t a thing that Ellen could think of that made her more happy. The apartment they called home just had a glow about it, a warmth or serenity that Ellen really wasn’t yused to in the least. She could spend hours just curled up on the sofa with her watching TV……

Yeah that sounds nice…

Ellen winched a little once the cat curled up on the sofa, great that’s cat hair all over that now “....How did you even end up getting a cat? I left you here for six hours…..” She muttered to herself knowing that Ash was a tad bit impulsive

Ellen sighed almost in relief as she disrobed out of her work clothes and into something more casual, -No not the ridiculous onesis that Ashley bought her. She wouldn’t be caught dead in that- Noting with some trepidation that Ash was just outside the door.

Wait….What?!

Ellen looked up rapidly clearly taken aback not expecting that question that seemed to come out of no where, oh great. Those type of questions “Who taught you to be so curious?” Ellen muttered almost to herself buying herself some time trying to come up with a decent answer “Because I assure you, your idea of holidays with families is much different to my family. My father isn’t really a fan of Christmas. We might have some kind of family dinner but that’s about it”

[Ashley Benson]

Ashley frowned when Ellen questioned the cat, though her eyes still gleamed when they lifted from the floor to the blonde woman. There was no denying the adoration and appreciation in her gaze. Even as Ellen was undressing in front of her there was nothing but an almost gentle innocence in the way she looked at Ellen. "They were giving them away at the store." Ashley replied almost meekly. Her nature was to shrink away but she managed to stand fast, her voice strengthening the more she spoke. "They only had one left, she was the runt. I couldn't help it. She was so cold, shaking in the corner of the box by herself."

The frown deepend even though she expected Ellen's answer. After three years Ashley had been made privy to a great deal of the methods behind Ellen's madness. She knew it was a futile question to begin with, though she felt almost obligated to ask at this point. At least then if Ellen was in the mindset to try she could use Ashley as an excuse. "I know." She said, deflated but not defeated. "Can w-" She cut herself off abruptly, eyes narrowing a but before she changed course. "I want to get a tree this year."

[Ellen Banks]

Of course…..leave Ash alone for a day and she goes ahead and buys a cat, a d people wonder why she has such a hard time not to be controlling and over bearing when it came to people in general. Take Ash for example. her heart was far too soft for it’s own good..She was just so caring about….well, actually pretty much anything to be perfectly honest. Now, that she thought about it there was very few things Ash didn’t empathize with, so of course she was drawn to the small kitty all on her own poor and defenseless….That must have been impossible for Ash to resist taking that cat home…..

….but if that thing so much as leaves a hair anywhere it shouldn’t…..

Of course, Ellen was alone in the room, despite the fact they’ve been in the relationship for a good few years now, but the idea of intimacy was still...well it was the elephant in the room not mentioned by either one. But intimacy was still a problem for both of them more Ellen then Ash at least it seemed to her..,...

Ellen froze in place for a moment just pulling her top over her head sure for a moment she didn’t hear right letting the question sink in frowning “Why would we want to have a tree?”

[Ashley Benson]

Ashley had long been a flower that wilted under even the slightest pressure or scrutiny. Ellen often pushed her to stand taller, straighter, to strengthen herself against adversity. She'd been monumental in pushing Ashley to be the person she was today and for that Ashley would be forever grateful. Ellen meant so much to Ashley just by virtue of her presence. Ellen had taken her in, appreciated all the little things Ashley was and seemed to be able to overlook everything Ashley wasn't. As dour as she seemed it had been Ellen who held Ashley when she cried. Ellen had been the one who stood by her when the demons of Ashley's condition surfaced. Ellen who had endured the pain and fear when Ashley's reality had become merely an abstract concept. And through it all, Ashley had never asked for anything until now.

"Because it's Christmas." Ashley insisted stubbornly. There was no waver in her voice. Ellen had glossed over the simply fact that Ashley hadn't asked about the tree but rather had told her. "What's so wrong about wanting a tree?" She challenged the question rather than asking it. "You can call us 'roommates' all you want but we know better. I want to start traditions that are just us. Things we can call our own. You don't have to help decorate if you don't want to but I want to do something that feels..." She sighed, much of the fervor and energy that she'd had just moments ago draining from her body. "Normal."

[Ellen Banks]

Of course Ellen as there for her when she had an episode. Anyone could see just by being in her company for just a few moments knew she was as gentle and as nice a person you could ever hope to meet. The kitten that she just bought was more dangerous than her , She was just a person that had…….problems…at least that was the nice way of putting thing and when it came to THOSE kind of moments for whatever reason , Ash choose to spend her time with Ellen, she felt the most comfortable with her it seemed. God only knew way considering how Ellen wasn’t exactly a model shoulder to cry on. Why her when there was literally so many other more comforting places she could go to?

But If it was truly what allowed Ashley to feel the most comfortable then…..Welll….Fine…..if he insisted…..

No, Ellen barely ever gave even the remote thought to Christmas, it was just a day to her. Nothing more nothing less. Her father has pretty much killed any magic or joy around the season a long time ago. So she never gave it much thought. So she was more confused why anyone would want it….

If Ash wasn’t at the other side of the door she would have seen the look of shock on the face of Ellen’s never expecting Ash to be so forceful with her words, or just in general.

There was silence on the other side of the door for a good few moments before, the handle clicked down and the door swung inward revealing Ellen is much less tight and formal clothes looking down at Ellen with a slight smile on her face “How I’m I ever meant to say no to you, when you say things like that?”

[Ashley Benson]

"Because you're not nearly as cold and heartless as you claim to be." The word's escaped Ashley's lips as the door opened. They emerged with a flat, even tone that carried just a hint of snarky playfulness. The smile that had been on Ashley's face widened and took on a faint trace of mischievousness even as her bright, blue eyes gleamed at the sight of the blonde girl. In spite of Ellen's reluctant demeanor a certain warmth had settled over the apartment that came with the both of them being home at the same time. Ashley stepped forward, a hand coming up to graze lightly against Ellen's cheek before her arms slipped around the blonde girl. "Thank you." She breathed in relief before slowly pulling away.

A sharp mewling sound from the living room caused Ashley to start as if pinched. Eyes widened and Ashley turned and rushed away to the source of the cry. Within seconds the mewling was replaced with laughter. Ashley couldn't help it. Her mood was already light and upon seeing the tiny, floofy kitten tangled up in the curtains was too much. Dropping to her knees, the laughter rapidly escalated to nearly breathless heaves. With shaking hands Ashley extricated the cat from the curtains and sent the little thing on its way before she shifted to a sitting position in an attempt to calm herself. "The curtains..." Was all she was able to say as one hand gestured toward the cat who was now calmly sitting in the middle of the living room peering up at Ellen. The other hand came up to wipe away a tear that had formed. "Ow..." Ashley muttered as the laughter began to slow.