Road Trip

[Tim Tawfeek]

Early Summer of this year... probably around June, give or take

How exactly did this happen? That felt like a question that Tim should have been able to answer before ending up pulled off the side of a road in what he was really hoping wasn't Utah but pretty sure actually was. He could still hear Jack McCarthy arguing with the GPS unit, which for most people wouldn't be seen as a good thing but was actually an improvement coming from Jack.

Tim just knew that at some point he'd ended up in a car with Jack. They'd then started traveling with some "killer" music blaring off and on. Actual, the music wasn't too bad. Tim had mostly been focused on just going along with Jack, since he kind of got this impression that something else was going on. At least he'd managed to steal his phone at some point to text Lux and Onnie to let them know that yes, their boyfriends were alive. Currently lost in what was probably Utah, but they were alive, and that had to count for something.

"Win the argument yet?" Tim asked, turning to look back toward the car, his brows raising. He wasn't sure whether he wanted the answer to be a yes or a no.

[Jack McCarthy]

Only Jack Mccarthy could out and out claim to hate someone, totally treat them with disrespect and try and humiliate them at every turn and…then go out and agree to go on a road trip with them.

…Either Lux had been rubbing off on Tim, or he’s really bad at taking a hint…

You got to say this for Tim; He had the patience of a saint. Can you imagine the pain….the torment, the unadulterated pain Jack would be to have in your car for hours on end?! Most people would rather eat raw sewage and hope salt in their eyes. The constant moaning, the shifting in his seat. The interesting music choices on a loop and the fact that he. NEVER. SHUTS. UP. Ever. How Tim hasn’t driven the car off the road by now, just from the sweet release of death is anyone’s guess

Jack was currently staring at the GPS machine his head resting on his knuckle like an ape trying to figure out a chess game, calmly raising a finger towards Tim without taking her eyes away from it “Don’t talk to me Tim…I’m at a critical junction, this requires a delicate touch..” Jack said softly seemingly lost in thought before leaning back and smashing his foot against the radio over and over and over again swearing all the while “….Ok, think I fixed it…”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Tim raised his brows as Jack insisted not to talk to him. Then there was a mention of a delicate touch and Tim moved forward to watch. He barely managed to jerk his head out of the way in time to avoid any flying debris, waving a hand in front of his face to try and stop it. "Yeah, I'm sure," Tim said. He then sighed and began rummaging around in the backseat.

Soon, Tim had a map of Utah stretched out on the car. "Got stuck in Utah with Jack McCarthy," he mumbled as he smoothed down the map. "Gonna end up dying the only black guy in the entire damn state. Or kidnapped and thrown into whatever weird jail those Mormons have," Tim smoothed it down before looking around.

"I don't suppose you remember the name of that last town we drove through?" he asked, not really expecting an answer that was even passingly intelligible.

[Jack McCarthy]

It wasn't hard to see that Jack got a fair amount of sick satisfaction burying his foot over and over againto the heart of the GPS. Clearly thinking that he had somehow was able to get somekind of victory over the machine “Yeah!” Jack squealed at the inanimate object, Take that you smug bastard! “Oh look at me I'm a high-tech device that can bring you anywhere in the world” Do you locate my foot in your face! HUH?” Jack even took the time to flip off the GPS. How thoughtful.

Jack shrugged a little leaning back his seat all the way and lounging back without a care in the world “Meh. There are worse ways to die. I knew a guy who accidentally hanged himself with an Orange in his mouth dressed as Batman. That Autoerotic thingy, let me tell you, that was an awkward funeral. Or maybe he got beaten upside the head with a dildo...one of those two” He shrugged he sometimes had issues separating his bullshit from his other bull shit

“All these towns sound the same...Ummmmmm Penis...Berg?”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Yep, Jack was totally getting off on beating their GPS. Tim was definitely going to have to see if they could pick up another at the next town or something, because he definitely wasn't going to rely on maps and Jack as a pilot to any kind. Then again, maybe Jack hadn't completely killed their current one.

"Why would the orange be dressed like batman?" Tim had to asked, glancing over at Jack. he adjusted his glasses and looked back at the map. "More like Mormontown," Tim said, running his finger along the map. "Why aren't you more worried about this anyway?" Tim looked over at Jack. "You know something I don't? Like how the world's gonna end or something. Because that would explain how I ended up kidnapped and dragged to Utah."

Tim let out another grunt of disgust before turning back to the map. He looked around for a sign, thought he saw one, and then leaned in to try and get a look at the GPS. Maybe the screen would tell them at least a road. At this point, Tim would take just about anything.

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack had a theory about things like GPS's and really any and all technology. He knew that one day GPS's would raise and against their human masters and enslave them all and naturally Jack was just making sure the GPS knew who exactly they were fucking around with. He was the boss not this piece of juke and the moment any Austrian muscle man walked up to Jack one day with the intention of crushing him Jack had a robot apocalypse kit (Right next to his zombie apocalypse kit and Flying monkey invasion kit) So yes Jack was enjoying himself a little too much.

Jack shrugged at the question staring ahead "I don't know I guess that something that was appealing to him..." Jack didn't say anything for a moment, before his head slowly began to turn in the direction of Tim in slow motion his face sill a blank, before he gradually began to close the gap between his face and his cheek making sure to get right in his personal space "Appealing. I said he found it appealing Tim" He whispered before zipping back to his original place " Don't ask me the sexual fetishes of Fruit. I don't know man, I just know what I know. I used to spend my Saturday nights cranking. What's Cranking I hear you ask? Great question. It's a crying wank. Tears as lubricate " Jack explained before leaning his head back and making a soft wailing sound to mimic crying while at the same time balled up his hand into a fist and began to make a very obscene up and down motion with it "It's blends emotion with pleasure and I basically crank until I crymax


"Well, why should I be worried? After all I could fight any hillbilly off with my bat-OH NO! THAT'S RIGHT! I CAN'T! because YOU didn't let me pack it" Jack said punching Tim on the shoulder clearly holding in that frustration in for awhile "So now if shit starts to go down I'll hand you over to them." That's my plan anyway.

While this was going on Jack calmly grabbed the map looking it over once before nodding "Oh hey, look there's a short cut right here. You just drive on and I'll give you directions"

[Tim Tawfeek]

They were going to die, and somehow, Tim was going to end up being the one who died first. He just knew it, as Jack prattled on about fruit fetishes and so forth while their car remained decidedly stranded in the middle of Utah. Oh look, there was even an incredibly lame joke embedded in Jack's fruit fetish rant. That was not a sentence that Tim ever wanted to think about, let alone experience. And there was talk about crying and wanking and... and Tim really didn't even want to try and unpack that.

Speaking of: "You packed first," Tim said, looking toward the sky. He barely even moved from the punch, rocking slightly. "And you would've done that anyway," he continued as Jack insisted on the new plan being to simply hand Tim over to whomever went after them. Tim sighed again, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose.

And somehow, Jack managed to "find a shortcut." "Whatever," Tim said, he gestured to the car and walked around. "Just get in the car. Moving anywhere has got to be better than waiting here for vultures or something," Tim slid into the front seat, still mumbling about the insanity of all this. He looked over at the battered GPS, hoping that he could somehow bring it to life simply through the power of stare. Jack would get into the car; Tim would start it, and against his better judgment, they'd be rolling forward, with Tim waiting for Jack to again share information. So, pretty well where they'd started, really.

[Jack McCarthy]

No no no. That's where Tim was wrong. They weren't going to die. Tim was going to die, Jack was an moron, there was no question about that. But he was and always would be a survivor at his core, he was used to pissing off people and he was a master of "The flight" style of dealing with conforntation. He;s been pissing off out people since he was a child and you don't go through that without learning a few things. Tim? Time was fucked. But Jack was god damn immortal.

Oh. Right. Besides the whole...Cancer thing. That made him pretty damn mortal.

He really should tell Tim about that...

...Later...

"Bullshit! i don't go to the bathroom without that thing" Jack said appalled at the idea that he would leave his bat behind.

"Right ok...just turn in a general that way direction" Jack of course didn't make a motion to wear he was pointing

[Tim Tawfeek]

"Of course you don't," Tim mumbled, not in the least surprised. He was willing to bet that Jack literally duct-taped a bat to his leg to have ready at all times. Well, given how often Jack ticked people off, it was probably a good idea to have something like that on hand. Made a great deterrent.

Like now, when Tim was seriously considering clobbering him. Instead he slowed down. "Care to clue me in on the general which way direction? Maybe with actual directions instead of vague suggestions?" Tim glanced over. "Like, I don't know, turn left here or head west there or something along those lines," Tim ran his hand over his face, again wondering just how the hell he'd ended up in this mess again anyway.

Utah, it just had to be Utah.

"also, when do I get to know what the whole point of this is again? I'm hoping it's 'before the natives kill the black guy,' but I'm not holding my breath."

[Jack McCarthy]

This was Jack's point. Jack did seem to piss a LOT of people and unlike the more irritable students at the school, he did not have the upperbody strength to back up his mouth, or any other part of his body...or anyone else, the point was, Jack couldn't fight to save his life so, naturally he made sure that he has a equalizer in the form of his hardened bat, and he liked to think that if shit came his way he could handle it thanks to his trusty bat.

....He felt naked without it....

"Ok, ok fine if you're going to be a baby about it" Jack groaned as he went to consult the map "I don't know what you're talking about, Just turn a left here and we can go on this pale blue road here"Jack aid entirely sure that that was the right way

"Hey, hey. isn't spending time with me reason enough? That's all the reason you need"

[Tim Tawfeek]

In actuality, Tim did sort of understand the bat thing. it wasn't quite like his bat thing, but they did happen to have different powers and all. Tim didn't even pretend to understand how Jack's power worked, which he figured was the best way to go about handling it. Sometimes that just seemed like the best way to go about handling Jack.

Case in point: "That's probably a river," Tim said. He sighed, leaning over on the window, propping his elbow on it so he could rest his hand on it. "Seriously man," he glanced over at Jack, "did you just fall for like, the oldest thing in the book regarding maps? This is going to end up with either both of us dead or raped or in some of kind of wacky hijinx situat--- you have got to be kidding me..."

Because they were pulling close to what looked like the most outrageously cheesy diner that Tim had ever seen. It had a giant... creature with a burger for a head standing atop what looked like some sort of classic diner, except that the diner was bright pink and there seemed to be a gorilla standing out front.

"We're stopping here, aren't we?" Tim asked, already slowing the car down.