I Think I'm Paranoid

[François Laffont]

Franck was worried and for once it had nothing to do with other people throwing everything on him. Well, maybe worried was too big a word. He was not really all that worried more than he was concerned. The twins... the Emory ones... How many did he know? There seemed to be so much around this school and he knew most of them. But the ones he was really concerned about happened to be the Emory ones. As he emptied his locker, his thoughts couldn’t get over the last exams he passed and the fact he would go to college after summer. No, all he thought was them.

Something changed in them. If Franck liked to see they were more careful around him so they would not hurt him, he knew there was something dark and negative underneath. Not in the ‘come to the dark side’ way. He wasn’t exactly sure how to phrase it. It was more than just some homesickness. Ever since someone they cared about apparently ‘betrayed’ them, something was different. Oh, they still acted with him more or less the same. But he couldn’t help to think there was something.

“I’m probably just being paranoid. Must be the fight and all,” he mumbled to himself. They fixed things but he knew that fight changed things a little. Before, he knew he could hurt him but never experienced it, so he could pretend like that would not happen. Now...

Sighing heavily, he shoved what remained in that locker of his in his bag and closed the door. Only to startle when he noticed that someone was not too far from him. “Oh, allo mam’selle Young,” he said as he recognized her. He didn’t think she came to see him, no. But she might have been startled by the way he slammed his locker’s door. He knew he should have said it in English. He knew how to say it in English. But even after all these years, it was easier for him say it like that. He said ‘miss’ because he didn’t know better or really paid enough attention to know better. Did it really matter though?

TAG: Beth Young

[Beth Young]

Blinking at the sudden sound of the locker being closed with force, Beth's head turned to the side. Her green eyes narrowed slightly as she tilted her head to the side to look at the clearly frustrated boy. Now, she was no empath and she certainly did not read people's minds, but in her field, you learned to pick up a thing or two about the way people looked. She wasn't about to say anything with certainty, because if her job had taught her anything, it was that teenagers today were exceptional in the field of hiding their emotions.

Offering the boy a warm smile as he spoke up, Beth issued a chuckle. Thankfully, French had been one of the things she'd studied over the years. Now, she was far from perfect and as most people, everything she said was with an American-like accent, but at least she knew the language. "Bonjour Monsieur," she offered in turn, her smile widening slightly.

"Everything okay?" she added quickly, brows furrowing slightly as she gave the boy a quick once-over. He wasn't one of the students that came into her office a lot - and he certainly wasn't one of the kids she saw on a regular basis. But something about him was overly familiar. And well, she couldn't help but worry - she supposed it came from the simple fact that at the end of the day, she was nothing else but a mama bear who cared far too much.

[François Laffont]

After all this time on American soil, you’d think Franck knew better than to address people in French. He did, sometimes. But hello sounded so much like allo that he sometimes could not help it. It was not like they didn’t get what he meant. As for calling her miss in French, well it was just another one of those things he sometimes couldn’t help. Beth Young didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, she replied to him in French and it made him laugh softly. Maybe he should try and be more careful whenever he greeted someone.

Beth’s concern washed over Franck, wrapping him like a blanket. Yes, she worried for him and had this need to help him out. Franck knew this feeling all too well. It was the one he was in almost all of the time. Sighing softly, he looked around before he answered her, as if looking for the words to be written on a wall or something. “It’s nothing. Just... nothing. Boy drama. Not even drama. More like a little disagreement,” he told her. He didn't want her to be upset over something that was really out of their control, both of them. It bothered Franck to be pushed aside by his lover but all he could do was stay here and show him he’d always be there. He didn't really like that and wished more could be done but it couldn’t so he accepted it as something inevitable.

Suddenly, he realised that if she asked him that it probably was because he startled her with the locker door and he felt sorry about it. Since Franck’s emotions always showed on his face, she must have noticed it. “I’m sorry if I startled you. I didn't realise I slammed the door like that.”

[Beth Young]

Boy drama? Beth had to smile at that. She hadn't had much of it when she'd been the boy's age. After all, she'd married the first boy she'd ever loved - or even crushed on. Her very first boyfriend was now her husband, and up until now, things had been rather smooth sailing. Now, that didn't mean she was incapable of understanding. "Nothing is ever nothing. Nothing always has to be something. Even the absence of something cannot be nothing, simply because nothing is always something," she spoke, issuing a light laugh.

Swatting her hand at him, she shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she promised. She hadn't really minded. Yes, she'd been startled, but the boy couldn't be blamed for that. Clearly, he hadn't known she was there and she wasn't going to blame him for something he didn't do on purpose. That hardly seemed fair, now did it?

"Well, I'm not going to take up too much of your time, but if you ever need anyone to talk to about this... boy drama, my door is always open," she told him with a warm smile. She offered him a quick nod as she took a step to the side. He could take her invite however he wanted.

[François Laffont]

Franck was not going to hide the fact he was gay to this staff member. It was no secret really. In fact, it was almost surprising to find someone who didn’t know. She could still believe the drama came from his part, since he was a boy but it seemed pretty obvious that he was more or less telling her his relationship with his boyfriend was going through a rocky patch on the road. She didn't seem to mind though. In fact, she seemed amused by all of this, in a non-cruel way.

His eyes widened at her words, showing how surprised he was by them. “I... I guess so.” What else was there to say? He was not seeing himself talking to her of his love story. He didn’t think she’d want to hear of this. There was a limit how much they’d want to hear of a student’s private life. He smiled gratefully at her as she assured him it was fine. Of course it was. Being upset at him over this would be exaggerated. But he still apologized.

After the concern he got from her he now had warmth coming from her. From this, he understood that her invitation was not said merely for the form, she truly meant it. She was doing exactly what he had been wishing to do someday: help others. This convinced him to talk. “It’s just...” he began, making a step towards her to get her attention before she left. Now to find the words. It seemed always hard for him, especially when it was important for him to be understood. It was like he didn’t trust himself to have the right words in his vocabulary to do so. “How do you help someone you know is down but claims he doesn’t need your help? Like, how can you prove them they have no reason to fear you’ll just walk away, that they can trust you?”

[Beth Young]

Being reduced to a halt, Beth quickly turned towards the boy when he stepped towards her. She looked at him curiously, but remained quiet, her expression kind and soft, but not expectant. His question caused her brows to furrow, but she remained silent as she thought it over. Clearly, the boy was very kind too, and clearly cared about whoever he was talking about. This caused her soft and kind expression to grow further and she smiled warmly.

"You just have to be there for them," she said after a moment. "You can't force them to believe you, and simply have to show that you will, through thick and thin." She tilted her head as she stepped to the side, leaning against the lockers to get away from the passing crowds and out of earshot of anyone who might listen in. "It's a very tricky matter, which often requires a lot of patience." Now, that wasn't always as easy, simply because in doing so, one could potentially place oneself in a position that wasn't fair for yourself.

"Tell them that you're there if they need you. You can't do much else, I'm afraid. Pushing them might do more harm than good," she added, her warm smile turning slightly apologetic. 

[François Laffont]

Franck didn’t mean to take on her time or stop her like this but he figured if one person could help him out here, it was her. After all, it was her job to be here, listen to people and help them out the best she could. He got that she felt for him and liked how kind-hearted he appeared to be but that would not help him. The twins knew he was kind-hearted. Or at least, they should know by now. If someone like Beth could find that out within minutes of meeting with him, they had no excuse after spending months in his company.

She said exactly what he expected her to say, what he had been doing. He was here for them, no matter what. If they were down, he’d be here to pick them up and cheer them. But they didn't see that. Or, to be exact, they saw but chose not to care. His gaze followed her as she moved out of the way from the passing people. Luckily, no one else seemed to have any business with the lockers so they could keep their conversation here without disturbing anyone.

He sighed heavily once she was done talking. “That’s what I was afraid of,” he said, also mumbling this to himself. She was kind to help him, even if she only said things he already knew. “You see, it’s always been them against the world, or at least that’s how they see it. I mean, I get they are used for it to be only the two of them but they don’t realise how hurtful it can be when they say the rest of the world can just die.” When they acted like that, especially Jasper, Franck was angry at them. Oh, it wasn’t much of course. And it didn't take long for him to be ashamed of it. They went through very rough times, he couldn’t expect them to open up to him just because he asked. Still, it had been months, they should know better than to cast him aside.

Franck let out another deep sigh as he was lost in his thoughts. He finally looked at Beth and forced himself to smile at her. “Thank you. For taking the time to listen.”

[Beth Young]

"Have you told them how much it hurts you?" she asked, head tilting. She could always tell him that all they needed was time and that they'd eventually come into it on their own, though she suspected it wouldn't help much. Instead, Beth opted for a slightly harsher approach. "Maybe it's just something they need to realize on their own," she started, brows furrowing further as she looked over at the taller boy. "Maybe it's not your job to change their minds. Some things, sadly, are out of our control and if your attempts fail, then maybe, just maybe, they need to work towards this on their own. Maybe they need to want the change in order to take it in." A soft, comforting smile formed on her lips as she issued a sigh.

"Sadly, people aren't always that easy to figure out. Sometimes, it's better left alone." She doubted the boy would do that though. She could easily see the frustration within his eyes, but he hardly struck her as the type who quit easily. Somehow, she had a feeling he would be quite the good counselor if he ever put his mind to it.

"It's my pleasure," she replied in turn, mimicking the boy's smile, although hers appeared less strained. "If you want, you could always suggest a group session. I'd be more than happy to arrange a meeting for you," she suggested. She wasn't going to force it, of course, but if the boy ever felt as if they needed to talk things over with an objective, professional view on things along with them, she was more than happy to offer her services.

[François Laffont]

Franck could say that he did and that he was not sure they understood but he didn't want to give Beth a bad impression of the twins, even if he had yet told her their names and might never. The idea that he could show someone in a bad light was something he could not accept. “It’s... complicated. I think they’re starting to understand. Their feelings are changing so I think they do, but I still have to remind them all the time for them to realise,” Franck admitted. He hated talking of them like that. “They are good people, really. They’re just used of always being just the two of them. They never had someone this close to them, at least not one who didn’t leave in some way so they just think of the time that I’ll do too instead of what they can get now.” He stopped talking only when she talked to him, said that he should let them realise on their own how painful it could be for him to be pushed like this.

He tried not to flinch but he was sure he did that as she kept going. He knew she was not trying to shake him or anything. Everything he got from her was nothing if not trying to help and comfort him. But it was also her job to say that. It was how she could help him. He understood that because he did that himself. “I guess... it’s true that I don’t want to force them to anything...” But. Because there was a but and even she must have heard it although he didn’t say it. She probably could guess what this but was about too: but he wanted for them to let him in so much. They’ve been close, real close too, and he thought it earned him the right to be trusted. He knew that he was but he still expected more. Beth made him realise that he might have asked too much of them and should go at their rhythm.

“I know. They know I’ll be there if they ever need me and I should just do that, be there if they need me and not push myself on them,” Franck agreed, nodding even to show he got it. He sighed though. It was not nearly as easy as saying it. And the last thing he wanted was to give them an ultimatum so that they’ll get he was hurt. He liked them too much. He was not going to say love, since Jasper hated that word.

He looked back at her as she suggested a group session. He had a little sad smile. “I doubt they’ll agree. It took me a while for them to open the way they did so far, I don’t want to lose all this because I wanted them to talk to someone else. But thank you for suggesting it,” Franck said, feeling the need to thank her even though the idea might not be so good, just because he knew she was trying to help him. It made him sigh again. “It’s really not easy to help others,” he mumbled.

[Beth Young]

Beth remained perfectly silent as the boy talked. She took in every word, the gentle smile never leaving her lips. It was obvious that the young boy cared a lot about the people he was talking about, and in a way, she was sort of glad he hadn't shared their names. It showed good strength of character that he didn't, and it wasn't as if Beth was about to press for more information than what she was offered. Once he finished though, she gave him a thoughtful nod. "Well, it sounds like things are moving forward, albeit a little slow. I don't think you can really do more than give them time and be patient." Her smile turned a little wistful then and she was tempted to reach her arms out and give the boy a comforting hug. Instead, she smiled. "It's hard to help someone change their view on the world when it's all they've ever been used to."

Beth fell silent again as she watched the boy curiously. She allowed him the time he needed to sort his own thoughts through. Although she wasn't an empath or a mind reader, she could see the slightly change, almost as a light of realization caught in his eyes. She had to smile at that.

She nodded at his next words, though, frowned slightly. "I know that it's hard for you to be on the outside of things, trying to help. I know that it's hard to remain patient, because at the end of the day, you just want to help." That much was obvious, after all. "But you also have to remember that at the end of the day, it's not about you or your feelings."

Again, Beth nodded, understanding showing against her features. "Alright," she said and put the topic to rest. She wasn't about to force the subject. At least now he knew that the offer was there if he ever needed it. There was few warning signals shouting out, forcing her hand. As long as that wasn't the case, all she could really do was offer what she'd just had. "It's not," she chuckled softly. "But it's often worth it."

[François Laffont]

Franck was so used to be the ear to everyone else that he forgot how it felt when you were the one to actually unload yourself like that. Even though he was not really solving anything, just saying out loud what was troubling him made his heart feel lighter. He too often neglected that he too might have something to say. Feeling how those around felt made him not want to add more weight on their shoulders, not really taking the time to realise he put all that weight on his instead. It felt good to talk to Beth. Not only he could speak his mind without fearing anyone to take it the wrong way, the twins could be so touchy at times, but she was willing to help him, even if all the help she could give was a pat on the back and encouragement on being patient. He knew there was little else to do. He made his move and he had to wait for them to make theirs. Every time he tried to do more, they pushed him away so he really had to be more careful, if only for himself. There was a limit how many times one can be pushed before no longer being able to take it.

He appreciated she wanted to help. She was here, reassured him. Pretty much what he was trying to do with his friends and more or less anyone he met. Having it returned to him felt really good. He nodded as she talked. He was not really looking at her but he heard every word she said. Nodding was not just to acknowledge the fact she was talking, he really agreed with her. He was simply lost in his thoughts.

He looked back at her when she commented on the words he spoke. “But that’s just it,” he let out as she talked of feelings. Unless one was an empath, he doubted they would know as much about feelings as he did. Well, she probably studied psychology or something similar so maybe she did. “I’m an empath and because I care for them, it’s so easy for their pain to become mine.” he even touched his chest as he said that. But something in his eyes showed he understood the difference and what she meant. “I don’t want to force them, I just wished they were happier.” He looked once again at her, his big blue eyes expressing all the confusion and hope he was wishing she’d give him before he added “If I try to change their minds, like make them happy, not think of that, would it be alright? It’s not like I’m trying to help them or anything right? Or maybe they need to face that problem first...” This was very confusing for him. And the worst to him was that they didn’t want his help. They didn't want to speak to him as they were so used to fix things by themselves. It was clear though they could not go over that alone. And Franck was running out of options. Standing there and watching them drown was not like him at all.

He had a little smile at her. She didn't have to reply to that but it was nice. “Yes. You must know better than anyone here, it’s your job, right?” One that Franck was interested to follow. Or something similar. He had doubts now though that he might be good at it.

[Beth Young]

Beth listened to what he said, though quickly furrowed her brows. As he finished, she held up her hand. "I want you to consider something," she began, rather carefully. She looked at the boy, serious, green eyes studying his face. She had to thread carefully here, though she didn't doubt that the boy would understand her. "You want them to be happier because you feel what they feel. Are you sure this is something they want? Or is this something you want to do, simply because you know what they're feeling?"

She understood where he was coming from; he cared about them and he wanted to help them. He didn't want them to feel the way they did, but maybe, just maybe him being an empath was the problem? Maybe he was more sensitive to it, and thus felt as if it was his responsibility? She didn't know.

"It is," she smiled warmly. "But it's not all its cracked up to be. I took this job because I enjoy helping people, but help doesn't always mean action." It was difficult. Even for her. You could never really know what the right thing was to say. You could never really know what would help, and what wouldn't. All you could really do was try and fail and learn from your mistakes.

[François Laffont]

Although Franck knew he wanted his friends to be happier and not just himself while being around them, he could understand how that was a good question. That didn't stop him from not really liking having his kindness questioned. He opened his mouth but nothing came out and he closed it to consider the questions she gave him. “I know they’re feeling down and I know it’s something they have to deal on their own. But I’m their friends and me wanting to cheer them up has nothing to do with being an empath. It’s because I’m their friends and I don’t like seeing friends down,” he answered. It was already hard for him to just stand there next to them and feel this pain coming over and not being able to do anything about it. Franck had a mother hen nature that just made it very hard for him to sit still while others suffered, especially when those others were being he was close to. He promised Jasper he would try and not protect him or anything like that though so he was making efforts. But that didn’t make it any easier.

Being an empath did make him more sensitive and the closeness he had with them just made it even worse. He understood pain, anger, hatred, confusion... all those negative emotions, people were meant to feel them at some point. That never stopped them from being happy later on. It did make him want to help reach that point though. “If a friend is on the ground, you pick him up. It doesn’t matter if he says to leave him there, you don’t abandon him. You show him why he shouldn’t stay there or just give up.” Not that he thought the twins were suicidal or anything. In fact, he more expected them to run away one day because this life was too different from what they knew. Franck did wonder if them going back to the circus was not the best solution. if the pain stayed here while they left, maybe it was. But that also meant losing them and that hurt too much for him to suggest that. He wanted them to see they fit in that world, even if they didn't always get how things worked.

Franck had a brief nod as she talked of her job. It was precisely why he wanted to do something like that as well. He started to understand that he was maybe too sensitive though. He’ll have to toughen up. “I want to study psychology. I think it can be good with my power, help me understand more what the feelings I pick up mean, where they come from. But I think I still would have chosen this if I was not an empath. Because I just want to help too.” What she said last though, help not being always about action, he took it personal. A little message that maybe he should let them deal with it on their own and just be there. He hoped it was as simple to do as it was to say it.