Just a Nip

[Humphries]

Humphries sprinted across the dorm floor, skidding to a stop. his sides heaved, his eyes were set wide in his face, and his tail twitched in a manner that made it look like he wasn't quite in control of it. there was a relatively simple explanation for that last: he wasn't. The cat let out a loud meow and twisted, jumping around. His paw went to bat at the air.

Of course, this particular cat also happened to have a device that spoke in a clipped British voice, translating his thought and twitches into words. "PERISH BENEATH THE MIGHT OF MY PAW, FOUL DANCING BANANA KING!" came bellowing out of the device now.

This may require a bit of an explanation, which is actually rather simple. Humphries had been patrolling the halls, as he was wont to do, and had come upon a smallish bag. He'd already learned to discern these simple traps before: they'd set out a baggie of catnip with the hopes of catching him looking for drugs. The stoned cat would then, well, see the above few paragraphs.

So Humphries had given it a few bats to knock just a bit loose. This had tugged the string it had been tied to, and Humphries only had enough time to manage an "oh bother" before his entire furry body was covered in catnip.

"I SEE THE THREADS OF THE UNIVERSE UNRAVELING, BUT I SHALL SAVE YOU FROM THE ROAMING GIANTS!" came from his device now as he sprinted in another direction, hitting a chair hard enough to flip his fairly flexible body over, almost somersaulting sideways.

[Sammy lee]

Sammy wasn't having the best of times, it all started when he was walking through the academy. The dorms to be more specific, anyway he was walking along, then he noticed that his nose was feeling slightly itchy, probably nothing, there was much weirder things to worry about, like some British lunatic ranting about a banana king, if he found that guy he would have to ask him to be quiet, but so far all he  had seen was a cat having some sort of fit.

Then his day got much worse, all the damn cat hair in the air sent him into a sneezing fit, one.. two.. three... four Jesus will this ever en- five... BALLS! He thought as the 5th sneeze forced his power to activate, the good part was he was unhurt, the bad part he was naked, in a tomb of his own clothes, which seemed to have gotten trapped on a chair. 

He worked his way to the neck hole just in time to see the cat slam into the chair, which unfortunately catapulted him from his perch, flying through the air he grabbed for anything he could, thankfully he managed to grab a hold of something before he hit the floor. His good mood was sullied when he noticed the large eye staring at him, and felt the tip of the cats ear twitch beneath his finger tips. 

"M-Mr Tibbles?" He asked cautiously to the kitty's face in front of him. 

[Humphries]

Humphries stared ahead, his feline eyes seeming almost swollen thanks to the drugs coursing through his body. His sides heaved with each breath while he stared. "The smallish human speaks with the tongue of mortals," the very British voice said from the box hanging around the cat's neck. "FEAR THE DEVIL'S TONGUE IN THE SMALLISH BODY!"

Humphries then spazzed out yet again, whipping his head around and spinning. He then, without any more rhyme or reason, flopped onto the floor on his side, swirling around and rolling against the ground.

[Sammy lee]

This cat was not Mr Tibbles, but he certainly shared the evil, destructive force that inhabits the souls of all felines. In this cats defense he seemed... High...  all he had time to think was WHY ME!? as he flew through the air, smacking into the wall and falling to the floor, thankfully he noticed a little tail poke out of his clothes. 

"ALFRED, ASSIST ME MY BROTHER!" He yelled at the tail, looking with glee as a large whiskered face poked out of his jeans, running towards him, clambering on his rodent steed he faced the tripping kitty.  "YOU SHALL REGRET THE DAY YOU TOSSED ME AROUND KITTY, ALFRED ADVANCE!" He yelled as he kicked his heels into Alfred, making the mouse lurch forward into a run.

[Humphries]

The smallish person flew through the air, Humphries sort of following his trajectory. It was somewhat difficult to do so with anything like accuracy, given the various swirling colors and flying unicorns that kept attempting to intercept. The strange creature did eventually land on the floor.

"What be that?" Humphries wondered, tilting his head to the side. "The smallish human appears to have achieved symbosis! THE RATS ARE GROWING PEOPLE, THE RATS ARE GROWING PEOPLE!"

Humphries then proceeded to spin around several times in a circle, not really noticing that the rat/human hybrid was barreling toward him. At some point Humphries got wrapped up in his own tail and ended up sprawling on the ground, writhing around frantically and sort of pawing at the air in a relatively vague direction that was where he swore the smallish rat hybrid to have been mere moments before.

[Sammy lee]

All those hours against his nemesis Tibbles where paying off, however this cat seemed to be spewing nonsense as it tried to do him harm. As the mighty cat seemed to be talking about rat people as its paws thundered down around him. Thankfully Alfred was well versed in dodging cats and seemed to be doing well this time.

Until he got caught in the side, with what seemed to be a form of uppercut made from the flailing, he watched in horror as he and Alfred went flying upwards, crashing into the vending machine. "Alfred bud, go hide in my clothes ok? Home Alfred, Home." He said pointing to his jeans, thankfully the rodent understood and scurried off. 

climbing up into the vending machine he grabbed what he could, which seemed to be a pack of polo mints, scurrying out he ripped the top off and armed himself. "MIGHTY BEAST YOU HAVE NOT YET WON, TASTE THE MINTY MIGHT!" He yelled at the cat before throwing the mint at its face.

[Humphries]

Humphries didn't even realize that he'd actually managed to connect with the strange rat mutant. He did stop squirming and writhing not long after, but the two weren't connected. instead the cat looked around, pupils wide, sides heaving. He kept looking around, swearing that he heard more human speech.

"The foul demons have learned to mimic the human tongue. All will soon be lost!" the voice box on his collar again intoned in its British tongue with only the slightest of variation. Humphries whirled again, somehow managing to land upright, his paws splayed out to grip the floor tightly.

A sound got him and he whirled, first heading the wrong direction but eventually managing to get aligned to look at the rat mutant. "Not the mints! the foul things have learned--" but a mint hit his face. Humphries jerked back shaking his head, his nose contorting and his tongue going out. "oh, it burns us, it burns us sooooo!" his box intoned, sounding dangerously close to entering a "burns us" loop.

[Sammy lee]

Sammy had found it, the weapon that all feline menaces feared, mints. Specifically polo mints, their round shape and hole made them ideal for aerodynamic combat. Even if the mint was just about as large as he was.

"FEAR THE MINTY MENACE, HAVE AT YOU FIEND!" He yelled the cat that was now looking square at him, breaking a polo in half and holding it like two swords, the smell of mint was very strong and stung his eyes. But it was a means to an end. This shall be the day that he takes the battle to the cats, make them regret the day they messed with him and Alfred.

Yelling out he started to run as fast as he could towards the cat, not caring that it was 10 times his own size. hoping that its British ranting and look of sheer terror on its face would let him get close enough to unleash his minty destruction.

[Humphries]

These mints burned. They burned in a way that Humphries found intimately familiar, complete with the very slight pang of home. These were... these had to be British mints, or something close enough to them. Their raw power just threatened to overwhelm the poor high kitty.

A shouted cry caught Humphries' attention, at least enough for the cat to jerk to stare at the charging rat mutant. "Never!" the cat called, before twisting rapidly again. he noticed the creature running at him screaming. "THE SMALL RAT CREATURE IS A BERSERKER RIDING THE TRAIN OF PAIN AND I AM THE CONDUCTOR ON THE NEVERENDING STREAM OF LIFE!" and then the cat charged forward...

..and likely right over the smallish person, as he really wasn't in the right frame of mind to actually aim himself in any form or fashion.

[Sammy lee]

There is something about a cat charging at you that seems pretty funny, unless that cat is 10 times bigger than you. As it Thundered over him he was able to grab the end of its twitching tail. Pulling himself up, using the polo pieces to hook into its fur and pull that is.

Once he had reached the main body everything got weird, long past was the time for caution and niceness. "TRY AND TRAMPLE ME WILL YOU? I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE POWER THAT I POSSESS, NO FELINE HAS EVER BESTED ME IN A CONTEST. NEVER I SAY!" He yelled as he ran across the kitty's back and grabbed for the neck fur.

Looping the polo pieces around a thick clump of hair he noticed one got stuck. Lurching him forward and leaving him dangling dangerously close to the jaws of doom.

[Humphries]

Humphries did manage to pull himself to a stop, albeit several feet from where the small charging rodent person had been. Sides heaving, Humphries began jerking about spasmodically, searching out the source. "You have gone into hiding but you are underestimating the powers of the feline!" the cat announced to the air, still twisting.

It was after the creature shouted back that Humphries realized that it had somehow climbed atop him. There also appeared to be something sinking into his fur. he could feel the bits and pieces and assumed it to be the foul British mints. It would take ages for him to clean that out of his fur, and the taste. He nearly shuddered just thinking about it.

"I shall be the one to best you, foul defiler of feline bodies!" Humphries called. He jerked as he did, and noticed that the creature appeared to be close to his mouth. This meant it would have made sense for Humphries to bite him. however, there was the whole fact that Humphries was quite high. So instead he started batting with his paw (not even using claws), and lurching backward in an attempt to actually connect.

[Sammy lee]

Time was running short, the beast was well aware of his presence and was attempting to dislodge him. The lurching and the jolting was making holding onto the mints very difficult. With a yell he was dislodged, as the feline jolted upwards, flinging him into the sky.

Is this the end? Is this how it all finishes. To a damn feline? NO I REFUSE.

He thought to himself as he flew higher upwards. Looking at the last piece of mint in his hand he had an idea, a fiendish idea. Looking at the cat lurching around and flailing it was now or never.

"ULTIMATE NINJA ART, MINT FROM THE HEAVENS!" He screamed, mind flying back to the days that he would spend watching anime, Lobbing the mint downwards with all his strength. Straight for the large mouth on the beast.

[Humphries]

Humphries had been so dedicated to his flailing that he couldn't have stopped if he wanted to. He'd simply gone all out: it wasn't as if he could really pull his body out of the motion once it had started. The backing up had eventually ended with his falling over and flipping again.

His mouth had, at some point, opened during this. He heard the screamed attack. "you'll never!" probably had come from the box. Said box didn't actually require the cat to open his mouth. No, Humphries had probably opened it to sniff or maybe to let out a loud meow or something along those lines. It hardly mattered what his original intention had been. For the open hole had made an easy target.

And soon Humphries was choking. He gasped and wheezed as the sheer intensity of the mint hit him hard. The choking got intense for a few seconds, and soon a very familiar pumping noise began, accompanied by Humphries' sides moving in a whole new way. once again the cat found himself backing up, his front vaguely angled toward the young man, and the contents of his stomach well on on their way back up.

[Sammy lee]

Direct hit, he thought as he started to fall, not worried about how he would land, but where he would land. Then again the beast was beaten in his mind, so there was nothing to worry about. Or was there?

After landing on the ground with a little thump he pulled himself up, then a familiar shadow blocked out the light. Turning around he saw the heaving cat, mind flicking back to when Mr Tibbles would, well tibble all over the floor. "By the gods..." He said turning away.

Attempting to run he knew it was too late, his little legs couldn't make him move fast enough, if only he had seen the signs. If only he was prepared. But it matters not as the vile wave washed over him. "OH GOD, YUCK, YUCKY, GET IT OFF GET IT OFF. PLEASE NO, JESUS THE SMELL!!" He screamed as he wadded through the contents of the kitty's stomach.

[Humphries]

Yes, Humphries had showered his opponent in feline vomit, thus rendering the victory to be more Phyrric than anything else. The cat's rapidly clearing mind even helpfully supplied this word, right before ordering his body to upchuck the contents of his stomach yet again. There was most definitely the mint floating amongst that somewhere and, more importantly, a fair share of the catnip.

Defeated, Humphries wobbled a short distance away before flopping. "I do not feel well," he said, the robotic voice making him sound even more pathetic. As if that weren't enough, he let out a pathetic little wail and twitched one of his paws. His eyes had already closed as he took several deep breaths. Coming down from nip always felt odd, and Humphries now had to deal with roiling nausea on top of it. he'd need a few more moments, then he could actually attend to the poor creature that had been on the receiving end of his attentions.