[AU: BR]" Broken Promises (Open)

[Jack McCarthy]

The moment, he decided he was gong back for the reunion he knew for a fact that this would be the first place he would go but god’s knows he didn’t want to, it had been years since he dared go there, he didn’t even liked to think of that place…too much painful memories attached to it. It was the elephant in the room and Onnie knew just where his mind was at that and she would always give him a look that seemed to say that he needed to go there.

But god knows he didn’t want to…But he had to…

So once again Jack trudged through Town cemetery, his hands in his pockets and his heart beating loudly in his chest as he knew he was getting closer and closer to her until…

There she was...

Jack paused at a small simplistic grave already he felt his face go red and a lump develop in his throat, he bowed his head and stared at the ground, even after all this time he couldn’t look at the name caved into the stone. Almost if he didn’t see it, then it wouldn’t be real. That she wouldn’t be there in that coffin. Six feet below him…

All alone…

In the dark…

But there was another reason behind it; There was obviously a wealth of emotions over coming him at this point but chief among them was shame, almost like she could feel her presence there…staring at him…and he couldn’t bring himself to look at it…

“Hello…it’s been awhile hasn’t it?” Jack said in a voice unlike his usual one, for a few seconds…it was so quiet, all he could hear was the wind blowing and the sound of his own voice. Jack grimaced for a moment as he ran his hand over his mouth “…I don’t really know what to say…I thought once I came here the words would just come but…” Jack drifted off into silence looking to his side feeling a faint need to laugh. The one time he couldn’t think of a thing to say, was the one time he really needed to…What the hell was wrong with him

“I’m sorry I didn’t go to the funeral…That was a bad time for me…I couldn’t really..deal with..you know…” Jack trailed off again rubbing his eyes, unable to bring himself to say the words

“It’s the reunion this week, seeing a lot of the old gang again, they’re probably old and fat now…Tim is probably still living in his mom’s basement and…I’m upstairs with his mom” Jack finally raised his head just a little letting the silence wash over him again before he let out a sound that sounded like something between a sob and a laugh “You would have laughed at that probably...and then you would give me a disapproving look and tell me to stop being silly.”

God, this was getting too much for him, he could feel the tears build up under his eyes and his hands began to shake, he shouldn’t have come here, this was just like the day she died all over again. Tearing open a barely healing wound . He leaned forward and placed his hand against the stone and squeezed it, as if he needed support to stand “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…You trusted me, and I let you down…I wasn’t there for you when you needed me…” Jack said feeling the tears and shame began to feel him again. He promised her, she didn’t have to die before her time. That they would find a way together…There must have been something. Something he could have done. Anything…but he didn’t

“I couldn’t save you…”

[Isaac Monroe]

Tiny, red sandals padded lightly across the neatly trimmed grass with hurried steps in order to keep up with the long strides of the dark brown shoes that strode beside them. The sandals belonged to a little girl, no more than five years of age. Her dirty blonde hairs was tied in a neat tail that fell well below her shoulders and the vibrant, yellow sundress she wore fluttered lazily in the breeze that wafted through the cemetery trees. Held in the grasp of her tiny fingers was a single, long-stemmed, white lily.

The brown shoes belonged to a now grown man with a stoic, melon collie expression upon his face. As the years passed, life for Isaac Monroe had proved to be a bittersweet pill. His time at the Academy had been a roller coaster of lofty highs and crushing lows. Through it all there had been one, solitary beacon of hope shining a light through the darkness. The young woman, lost too soon, had lifted him from the depths and chased away the anger and hatred that had wrapped around his heart. It had taken years for him to let go. When he was finally able to let go, while hospital ridden with the illness that was most assuredly going to mark his end, Isaac turned to this young woman. When his final breaths never came, Isaac took hold of the woman and vowed to never let her go. Even after she was taken from him, Isaac kept his promise. Every day after school he brought his daughter to the cemetery so they could spend just a few fleeting moments together as a family.

The lump that formed in his throat as he approached the small hill that overlooked the modest gravestone, never became easier to swallow. Tears had already began stinging the corners of his eyes so he squeezed them shut. He didn't need to see in order to find the grave. He'd taken this same path every day for the past two years. It was one he could traverse blind. The little girl lifted her head, gazing up to her father with brilliant, emerald eyes that mirrored those of her late mother. Isaac could feel his daughter's attention on him and took a deep breath. He steeled himself for the sake of the little girl and turned a sad smile her way.

Cresting the hill, Isaac's attention immediately snapped to the grave site and the person standing in front of it. Even from a distance there was a strange sense of familiarity to the figure. As if on instinct, Isaac paused long enough to kneel down and gather his daughter up into his gentle embrace and lifted her from the ground. He felt the little girl's arm wrap around his neck, her tiny fingers curling around his skin as she held on. The closeness was comforting, it always was. A warmth cut through the sorrowful smile he carried. Isaac was aware Kalispell would be flooded with former staff and students for the reunion. He wasn't surprised to see one of them paying their respects. Luxanna had touched more than just Isaac during her too brief life. What Isaac wasn't expecting, was to see Jack McCarthy.

“Hello, Jack.” Isaac said, his voice low as he drew closer. He didn't want to disturb Jack. Isaac knew of the deep kinship he shared with Luxanna and approached the Irishman with the respect deserving of the only other person who fully understood the type of person she was. Pausing, Isaac knelt again, this time to release the little girl from his grasp. She looked to Jack, peering up to him with her curious, emerald gaze. There was a moment of hesitation before she started forward, carefully pulling the drying flower she had placed atop the headstone the day before and replacing it with the fresh lily she had brought.

“I didn't expect to see you.” Isaac said, his gaze watching as the girl went through her daily ritual.

[Jack McCarthy]

He shouldn’t have come here, he knew that now. He wanted to be strong like he knew that she would want him to be, but he couldn’t. he was never strong not in the least. She was always the strong one for him, even when the illness started to take her away she was always stronger then Jack…If the roles were reversed and Jack was the one with the ailment. He would put money on Lux keeping Jack alive. Like he said; she was clearly stronger.

This wasn’t just a gravestone to Jack. Not even close, the way he was looking at it it was almost like a monument to his failures, a constant reminder that he let the one person he held above all else down and he couldn’t protect her. Never letting him forget all the broken promises and words he gave her over the years. All of which he couldn’t back up.

‘I tried Lux’ He wanted to say but the words sounded hollow even before he said them. Like he was making excuses, Maybe that’s why he came, maybe in a perfect world Lux’s ghost would appear out of thin air and absolve him of all his sins.

That she forgave him for letting her die.

He almost leapt a foot in the air when someone greeted him, His head turned towards the unmistakeable figure of Isaac, another person that was close to Lux growing up. He was right beside her side too during her days and handled it infinitely better then Jack who retreated into the shadows. That’s not to say that they had a total positive relationship. Jack threatened him a few times, He yelled back up. Pretty standard stuff for a pair of high schoolers. He almost felt embarrassed standing here like this leaning so close to where she lay, he quickly stood up and tried to hide the tears that was rapidly spilling out of his eyes “Isacc…Sorry, I didn’t know anyone else would be here…” He muttered his eyes locking on the ever so distinctive green eyes of the young girl that probably had no clue who Jack even was, but looking at him he felt like he was going to break down again.

She looks so much like her…

She’ll never see her daughter grow up…

She would have been the best mother…

Shaking his head free of these thoughts he looked to Isaac “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude on…family time” He nodded already moving away “I’ll leave you be”

[Isaac Monroe]

Jack had always held a special place in Luxanna's heart. Isaac hadn't know this at the beginning and it'd caused a great deal of tension between the two of them. Slowly as he and Lux had grown closer, she'd opened up about the curious relationship she'd shared with Jack. Isaac looked upon it with a certain sense of envy. While it had been his daughter in which she gave birth to the love that the young woman reserved for her friend was like nothing Isaac could ever hope to experience.

"No." Isaac side-stepped, shifting behind Jack and placing a hand on his shoulder. Jack had every right to be here. Every right to share in the moment. The little girl who was looking at the two men should learn who Jack was and what he meant to her mother. Ten years ago knowing what he knew about Jack and Luxanna would've eaten at Isaac. Now, as a much more reserved man, Isaac understood the importance Jack's role in the way his own life had turned out.

"You don't have to." Isaac let his hand drop from Jack's shoulder. He wasn't going to push the issue any further even though he wouldn't forgive himself if he let Jack walk away. He saw the way he looked at the little girl. It was as if Jack instantly understood the waking nightmare Isaac had to endure. Lux had only been able to experience motherhood for a couple precious years before she passed. If Isaac achieved only one thing as a father it would to ensure his daughter never forgot the memory of the woman who had brought her into this world.  "You are family, as far as we're concerned."

"Hailey." Isaac turned and knelt long enough to scoop the little girl up into his arms again. She was still holding the day old lily in both hands even as her brilliant, emerald eyes never left the Irishman. "This is your Uncle Jack." Isaac explained through a tight-lipped smile. Referring to someone as family wasn't something the orphan did often. He'd never known anything of the sort until he'd met Lux. In a way, it felt like Jack was part of that. Part of the way he could preserve the memories of the young woman they both loved so dearly. "He was very close to your mommy. Say hi." One tentative hand released its hold on the flower stem and raised, fingers opening and closing in a faint, waving gesture. Then, in a sudden motion, her arm extended outward, offering the still clean, white flower to Jack.

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack, was insanely protective of Luxanna in those days. He naturally mistrusted most people due to his own negative experience with them, but Lux was so trusting of them always willing to believe in the best in people no matter what, and that made Jack scared for her, she could be so easily be taken advantage of and manipulated by the right person. So Jack always assumed the role of large guard dog for her, to warn off any one with bad intentions and yes he growled at Isaac more then a few times, because he didn’t trust anyone with a romantic interest in her. So yes, there was some bad feelings there.

He winced a little when Isaac grabbed his shoulder and kept him in place, he almost groaned in place, he wished that Isaac didn’t feel the need to be so nice to him, he wished he hated him. He wished he hated him, he wished the moment he saw him anywhere near her grave he cursed him out, that he would punched him out or something, good. That was good. That was what he deserved for years he tortured himself mentally with what happened to Lux, it’ll be good to finally get his comeuppings, he shouldn’t be called family, he was nowhere near family to him. He deserved it. It was HIS fault, why couldn’t he just admit it?

Jack said nothing the lump in his throat was so big it wasn’t physically possible for him to form words…Hailey. Beautiful name and even if she didn’t have a clue who her mother was he would be able to tell it was Lux that mothered this child, it was she was the spitting image of her, right down to the emerald eyes cutting deep into Jack’s brown. God he wished he could look away from them but it was like he was caught in some kind of horrible trance staring into them “Uncle Jack” Jack shifted uncomfortably clearly not agreeing he deserved such a title “Hello…” Jack managed to chock out, trying to smile at her “You look like her…” He muttered before being taken aback by the offer of a flower, he looked from the girl from the flower as if making sure she’d want to give him a flower and with a shaking hand he reached forward and gently took it from her hand his eyes never leaving the immaculately clean petals “It’s beautiful…”

[Isaac Monroe]

A sad, tight-lipped smile touched Isaac's face as he watched the tentative interaction between Jack and Hailey. The moment the flower left her hand, the shy girl turned to bury her face into her father's neck, hiding from the stranger as a faint flush of pink began to touch her cheeks. "It's okay, baby." Isaac said soothingly, lightly rubbing the child's back while placing a kiss atop her head. "She got my temper." Isaac chuckled softly as his eyes turned back to Jack and he gave a sigh. "But she got her mommy's shyness. And her sweetness."

He held the girl for a moment before kneeling to set her down onto the soft grass. She looked up to her father, who urged her forward with a short wave of his hand. With another short glance toward Jack, Hailey moved toward the grave and sat down, cross legged in front of it. Her small fingers slowly, steadily traced along the name that had been etched into the stone.

"You can't blame yourself." Isaac said after a moment, his gaze shifting from the little girl who was now softly humming a tune she learned from her mother. Isaac knew what the look on Jack's face when he'd caught site of the little girl. Isaac had seen it in the mirror everyday in the wake of Lux's passing. He'd been so angry, so wracked with guilt and shame. He wasn't supposed to be the one who lived. He was supposed to have been long gone by the time Hailey came around. He'd been a ticking time bomb, just one step away from the end. It was Lux who deserved to live, not him. She was the one who moved through the world with nothing but love. She had touched so many lives in her short time it was unfair that someone who'd grown up with such anger and violence be made to stay behind. He didn't deserve the life Lux had given him. Those fleeting moments with the three of them had given him enough joy to last his lifetime. It should be his grave Lux was visiting.

"There was nothing you, or I could do." Isaac looked away. He couldn't bear to see the expression in Jack's eyes. It hit too close to home. Made his own emotions that much more difficult to keep in check. "She was happy... Jack. She was truly happy. I still remember the day Hailey was born. I wish you could've seen her, I really do. She did so well. And the way she looked at her. We both knew she would live on in that little girl."

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack couldn’t help but to twirl the flower in his hand idly. Lux would have picked out the same flower too she would wager, the thought said another jolt of hopelss sorrow swim through his system as he held the stem gently in his hand his free hand beginning to shake again but he didn’t want to let the girl see him like this, not exactly the most comforting sight there could be for a five year old girl, so Jack tried to hold it together. For her sake.

Jack wanted to scream, just scream at Isaac at the very top of his lungs, Stop, he wanted to scream, can’t you tell what this was doing to me? It’s bad enough that she was the spitting image of Luxanna but to know that she took on those traits that made Lux…Lux it was too much, a reminder of the girl that she had failed in every possible way imaginable. That left her without a mother, it hunt like there was a fire right in his heart. A raging inferno that rose higher and higher.

Jack stood as still as possible almost like a statue watching on as the girl sat in front of her mother’s grave almost blocking out Isaacs words because he didn’t want to hear them mostly. He wanted Isaac to punch him out, be angry. Call him scum, not comfort him, and tell him it wasn’t to blame when he knew beyond anything else that he was to blame. This was a truth he had poked at and nursed ever since the day she died. He had convinced himself.

His face twisted again in a pained expression rubbing his chin just a little just for the moment as if trying to hold back a well of emotion “I could have done SOMETHING….anything…I could have looked for someone that could bring her back…They were working on a cure. I could have got her that....I could have..” Jack’s voice started to crack unable to get the words out “I could have held her hand as she died and make sure she wasn’t afraid. Every time I think of her I imagine her so scared…so in pain, and I couldn’t stop it;” Jack turned to Isaac his eyes wailing up and his face turning red “I didn’t want her to die…She shouldn’t have died…”

[Isaac Monroe]

Isaac's head only shook as Jack spoke. Every word that came from the Irishman's lips had been uttered by Isaac so many times over the years. Rewind to the weeks following Lux's passing and Jack's speech could've come from Isaac verbatim. It was a complicated, painful situation. Isaac hurt. He hurt every single day without fail. He should have been the one, not Lux. She was far better suited to handle parenthood. Everything he learned about being one, he'd gleaned from watching her and their daughter together. That's what got him through. The memories of his short-lived family, coupled with the knowledge that there was a little girl who now was relying on him to protect and comfort her.

"She wasn't afraid." Isaac insisted, a spike of anger flashing in his eyes. Jack hadn't been there, Isaac had. To imply Lux passed on scared and in pain would be to suggest the presence of her family wasn't enough. Though he understood Jack's sentiment, and that he meant no harm, Isaac still had to force the errant thoughts from his mind. "She wasn't in pain." He continued after a short pause. His temper had waned in recent years, though it was still a burden. "She died surrounded by her family, Jack. She was happy. She'd come to terms with in." He smiled a little now. It was a sad, forlorn smile despite being one born of a heartwarming memory. "Hell, she took it all better than we did." His eyes turned to the little girl who was still humming softly to herself. "Do you have kids, Jack?"