The Best I Can

[Beth Young]

The reports Beth had gotten on the young woman sitting in front of her, and even though Beth was hardly a counselor or a shrink, she did feel it was her responsibility to follow kids up and make sure that they were actually okay. After all, that was what she'd come here to do -- or rather, that was why she'd become a social worker to begin with. She loved kids and she truly believed that they deserved nothing but good things happening to them in their lives, but that wasn't always the case.

In which, Devyn Solway was proof of that. She had had quite the rough year and something like that took its toll on someone, whether or not they wanted to admit to it or not. But Beth was hardly in any position to force treatment or measures onto anyone - unless she truly believed that the kid was at risk.

"How are you doing, Devyn?" Beth asked, offering the young woman a bright smile. "I heard you recently came back from camping? How did the trip go?" Ah yes, the camping trip for all the troubled kids; that had, essentially been a brilliant idea, but Beth didn't know how much good it had really done at the end of the day. After all, they had been severely understaffed and practically put all the troubled kids into one space and expected them all to come out reformed?

She wasn't too sure about that. But, it wasn't her business to stick her nose into, thankfully.

Tag: Devyn Solway

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn was not fully sure why she had been called down here, but the title under Beth Young's nameplate made it pretty clear. Either the school really did not want her to transfer to another school or they were actually really trying to get her to not be a possibly danger to the school when she grew up. She did plan to transfer to a school across the sea so it was not like she would be able to get back to BA easily, but they kept putting holds on her paper work and having conversations about it being for the best if she remained at BA.

Now she was sitting across from Mrs. Young, a very attractive woman. Too bad to was married, but that didn't mean she was completely off the market. Devyn was being good for now, it all depending on how this thing went and how often Devyn was going to have to deflect questions. "I'm alright I guess. You?" Devyn answered and then turned the question back on her. It was not just because she was deflecting, she was also curious. Plus it was only polite to ask someone how they were doing when they asked you. She did have her manners, even if she didn't have the best record out there.

"Yeah, the trip for the 'bad kids'. I mean I had fun, but if the goal was to change my mind on staying here or anything like that...it did nothing. Just gave me the little break I needed so I guess it did some good." Devyn said as she gave a small shrug. She was already sitting in a very relaxed manner, slouched a little, legs spread apart, and arms across her chest. "Do I call you Mrs. Young or are you cool with Beth?" Devyn then spoke up, wanting to know what she was supposed to refer to her as; even if she was likely going to give the older woman a nickname anyways.

[Beth Young]

Offering the young woman a bright smile, Beth chuckled. "I'm quite alright, thank you." It was obvious the young woman wasn't quite there yet. She had a lot on her mind, but wasn't ready to talk, and Beth wasn't here to push her. In fact, Beth wanted to create a safe environment and make sure the young woman trusted her first. From what Beth had gathered, the past year (give or take) had been incredibly rough on the girl, which was understandable, and absolutely something Beth could relate to.

"I'm not sure I would call you a bad kid, Devyn. Troubled maybe, but not bad. You seem very good to me, in fact." She offered the young woman another smile as she shifted slightly in her chair. Putting her notebook aside, she leaned forward. Her fingers pressed against each other as she smiled wider. "I think the goal was for you guys to get away some and maybe change your perspective a bit. Get some of that energy shaken off, you know?" She shook her head at that. She didn't at all agree with the way the trip had been executed, but it was not her place either. "You can call me whatever you're the most comfortable with."

Beth lifted her hand and brushed her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "I heard you wanted to transfer schools. Do you mind talking about that?" She wasn't going to push. If the girl said no, Beth would leave it at that.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn could not help but to feel a little odd, she always did around older women that were attractive and nice to her. She did like them older after all and she would not complain if Beth came onto her, but the other woman was nice in a different way. Similar to how Tamara was she had that whole 'just want to help vibe to her. Not like anyone could really help, no one understood. Devyn started to ideal play with her father's ring, keeping herself at a level state. She had been wearing it one her chain necklace that she pretty much had everything important attached to.

Keys, the ring, and a few keepsakes from past relationships. All of it jangled together as Devyn played with the ring, glancing up at the woman as she spoke of not seeing Devyn as a bad kid. "How do I seem good?" Devyn asked, slightly suspicious. Well of course she didn't see herself as bad other than her curse and being a screw-up, but not bad as in a bad person. "Ah, well I had fun. I like camping and that sort of thing." Devyn said as she gave a small shrug. It did get a bit awkward when her, Vera, and Cade got all together but she figured that was a given.

"I'll call you Beth then." Devyn said, that was alight for now until she came up for a nickname for her. Then the transfer came up and Devyn could not help but let out a sigh. She didn't mind talking about it, she only didn't talk about it because everyone seemed so upset about it. They said they cared and they wanted her to stay but did they get it? Did they get why she was hurting and why she wanted to get away from it all? "I figured it would be best if I just went to another school, far away from here. Sure you know that I have not had the best...almost year and it just hurts. I'm probably the cause of all the bad thing happening here." Devyn spoke up as she slid down in her chair a bit more, looking away.

[Beth Young]

Noticing the way the girl played with the ring brought a smile to Beth's lips. She wondered if she was nervous, though, she didn't understand why she would be. Then again, there clearly was going on a whole lot more inside her head than what she allowed Beth to see. It made Beth feel a little sad for the girl. She deserved so much better. "Because you don't strike me as the kind of person who does bad things to be bad. I think you act with the best intentions, but sometimes it doesn't work out the way you hoped it would," she replied. No, she didn't think Devyn was bad. At all. There was a tidbit of information offered then, which had Beth's smile widening. "Did you camp a lot as a child, or is it a new hobby?"

"Beth it is," she replied with a chuckle. She was actually kind of glad that Devyn felt comfortable enough to go with her first name, as opposed to "Mrs. Young". Mrs made her sound so old - it was one of those things Beth didn't ever think she'd get quite used to. At least, not yet. Not because she wasn't used to being married - lord knew that she was, but because it sounded so formal for someone so personal. "I get wanting something new, something different," she said, nodding. Drawing her breath, Beth put her hands on the desk in front of her and issued a sigh. "That's why I came back to Montana. Sometimes, a new change of scenery heals your wounds and make it a little easier to deal with." Although, moving had more so been an attempt to save her marriage. She didn't say that though.

"It doesn't matter who's to blame," she continued, her head shaking. "If it hurts, it hurts." Beth did offer the girl another smile as she leaned forward, her fingers interlocking. "No one should force you to stay and deal with something that you can't. If you honestly think that your only option is to get away, then maybe you should. After all, you have to put your well-being first, but it's also okay to be hurt and to feel the pain. It doesn't make you any less of a person. Sometimes, you have to power through it." Beth wasn't going to sit here and force the girl to remain at the school if there was no way she'd feel better. That just seemed... cruel.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn's green eyes stayed looking down at her father's ring as she played with it, only glancing up a little at Beth as she spoke of why she thought Devyn was not bad. It did feel good to hear someone say all of those things, she had heard them before. Perhaps she could at least try to start believing in them herself. Other than the whole sneaking out later at night and well smoking and drinking, she tended to not do bad things just for the sake a being bad. She could not help her sleep cycle and the smoking and drinking had been her way of coping for the most part when she lost her drives to party and well sleep around.

"Yeah...I mean I don't mean to upset or hurt other in anyways...unless they started it, but things just...happen." Devyn said as she shrugged her shoulders a little bit. At the next question she nodded, a small smile coming to her face. "Yeah, my dad used to take me all the time back when he was alive. We did all sorts of outdoor stuff when he would come back from overseas or wherever he would come back after a few months and of course when he had leave time." Devyn said, sitting up a little in her chair as she talked about her dad.

Dev really missed him, so much. Even with his being dead for a few years now, there was still that void in her heart that she wished he was still around to fill. Yet, everyone in her heart ended up leaving anyways, that was clear by now. She gave a small nod when Beth was alright with her calling her Beth, smooth and easy. Devyn sat there and listened respectfully as Beth explained that she understood what Devyn was getting at and how she herself had done something similar. "Yeah, that was what I was thinking. Get away and just start over..." Devyn said as she nodded her head a few times.

Devyn did however start to shake her head no when Beth said that it didn't matter who was to blame. It did matter. No one understood. "It is my fault. So many bad things have happened here and it has to be my fault. I'm cursed...always have been since the day I came into my power." Devyn said as she clinched her father's ring tightly in her fist. The shadows in the room already started to twitch a little but Devyn took a deep breath, trying to shove down the emotions that had been so close to the surface for months but she kept shoving them down. "I want to stay...this is the only place that ever felt like home...but the longer I stay the more people get hurt. The more bad things happen." Devyn said as she clinched at her shirt.

[Beth Young]

"I can understand that, and it's perfectly normal to want to do something, only to have to crash down around you. We all make mistakes, even those who start out from the best intentions." She offered the girl a warm smile at that. No, she didn't at all think the girl was bad. She was highly misunderstood and labeled as a bad kid, simply because so many people didn't wish to deal with her problems. Sure, maybe she had a temper and a knack for getting out of control. But what teenager didn't? They had all these feelings and emotions running around they could hardly make ends of. Of course that meant that they'd get frustrated and angry.

It was really that simple.

"That must have been really wonderful for you," she smiled. She couldn't help but feeling bad for the girl. Having your father ripped away at such an young age. It was in no way fair. But it was all part of life. You had to take the good with the bad and keep moving forward.

Beth's eyes remained on the girl the entire time she spoke. She wanted to stay, but she didn't want to hurt more people. "Then maybe it's about time you do a little soul searching. I mean, what exactly is it that you do that hurts people?" She didn't know any specific details, sadly. "You have to remember that you're still young, and have so much to learn about the world, yourself, and everyone around you. Not everyone is going to like the choices you make, and yes, eventually, that is going to hurt the people you care about. But you can't live your life for other people. You have to live it for yourself. Do what makes you happy."

[Devyn Solway]

"It sucks." Devyn muttered back in response. She hated that when you tried really hard, that things did not always work out the way you planned. Didn't people just get that you tried your best and accept what you were trying? Could they not just give you a chance and help you try to improve upon or better understand the right way to do something? She felt like others made things so complicated that it just proved that they did not care in the long run. Beth seemed to get where Devyn was coming from, but Dev was not sure yet if Beth actually cared or not.

Beth could have just been saying things based off her experience, but that did little to tell Devyn if she actually cared about the problems that Devyn was going through. She didn't want people to waste their time if they didn't care deep down. She also really didn't want to breakdown on this woman when she had been doing good holding on so strong. Yet, she just felt so weak right now and the emotions were basically yelling to be let out. "Yeah, learned a lot from him and got to do so many things. Miss him." Devyn said with a small nod as she looked down at her father's ring for a moment.

Devyn then let a little of the pain slip out, trying to convey what was really wrong with her deep down. Or at least part of the large problem that she was going through. Beth was talking, seeming to try and explain that Devyn needed to do some soul searching on why she hurt people. How could she do that? It was not like she was the one killing them; it was just because she was around that they were suffering. So then, leaving was the best option? "How can I stop them from dying and leaving? You don't make any sense." Devyn said as she took a deep breath to keep herself calm.

"I always lose the ones I love. Always. My dad, the first girl that I love and basically had my first everything with, the first guy I love, Zoe, Guy, a few of my best friends. They all either end up dead or leave me." Devyn said as she gripped tight onto the seat when she could feel herself starting to shake a little. "I have nothing to live for besides other people. My life is meaningless...but if I can make someone’s else better, then it gets a purpose. Just…me alone is...nothing." Devyn said as she took another deep breath. She felt like she should leave, the other woman would not be able to handle this. She would not be able to care or react the way Devyn needed her to react. She didn't get it.

[Beth Young]

"You can't; that's the point," Beth replied. "If people want to leave, that's their choice to make. People's feelings and choices are out of our control, and yes, it sucks, but that's life." Beth sighed softly at that. She knew a thing or two about things being out of your control. She had lived it - she still did. Life was never as easy as someone cracked it up to be, but then again, wasn't that part of what made it so interesting.

The girl continued then, and Beth listened closely to what she had to say. Her brows furrowed; it was clear that this girl had some serious abandonment issues, but it also came down to why people left her in the first place. Sure, she understood the whole dying part; that wasn't something either of them could do anything about, other than letting the girl grief. "You have plenty to live for. You can't live your life for other people. You have to live it for yourself, whatever that means." Beth offered the girl another smile before she continued.

"Would you be OK with telling me what happened to make all these people leave?" Was it something the girl had done, or had they simply drifted apart? It was hard to help the girl without knowing the reason behind everything that happened. Though, the girl having no friends; she could easily understand how something like that would be hopeless. How it felt as if it was just you against the entire world.

Of course it made someone feel like running away. That was a given. Surely the girl had some friends, right?

[Devyn Solway]

"That..." Devyn stopped herself from saying anything. She was about to get really dark and depressing with what she was going to say about life. It just hurt a lot to think about how things were just going to happen because it was a part of life. Yet, it seemed like people still didn't get it that she was really trying. That she didn't want them to leave; that she just needed time...needed a chance. Life sucked, she hated it often, but she did understand what Beth was getting at.

She had heard it all before, but it still never made it any easier. Devyn had huge abandonment issue, among a few other issues, but being left behind was the biggest problem she had. It was hard for someone who was all about trust and had been hurt so many times to let someone back in only for them to rip a part of her away when they left. It had happened so much that she just felt it better to not feel at all, and that was why she worked so hard to just keep it all shoved down. "I don't know how!" Devyn yelled at Beth when the woman said that she had plenty to live for.

Devyn shook her head no several times, she tried to figure out what to live for, but living for others was really all she knew how to do. How did you live for yourself? Devyn bit down on her tongue for a moment, causing herself pain, and making herself calm down. The shadows in the room had already started to pull in her direction and she knew she could not lose control. Not on Beth, not on a women who was just trying to help her. "My...my dad died on a mission overseas, but my mother said that it was part of the curse that came along with me. When he died, I was dating a girl; she was my first everything and I just broke down. She...she could not handle my breakdown so left me. Others came and gone, most looking for just a one night stand." Devyn took a deep breath.

She figured she would only tell Beth about the really big parts that had really messed her up over the years. "Then met a guy I really liked and we dated for a while...but he ended up breaking up with me because...well he says I was not his idea woman. Lost a few friends to SPECTRE...I was the cause of why SPECTRE came because of what happened with me and Zoe, they had to have found out about us because of DL making a big deal of the incident. Lots of people died or got hurt during that. All my fault. Then with Zoe, she thought I cheated on her, but I honestly didn't. She never told me things and when she did she just give up when I tried to avoid it because of my past fears. I thought...I thought she get it but then she broke up with me. Then the fire happened and Guy...Guy got shot and I was not there to help him or anything." Devyn said.

By now there were already tears falling from her eyes as she gripped tightly at the chair. The shadows in the room were moving all around, and a little bit of blood trickled out from the inside of her of mouth from where she had been biting down on her tongue so hard. It was her fault, she was cursed. All her fault.

[Beth Young]

Beth remained silent as the girl started talking and explaining the details which had lead her to thinking such depressive thoughts. Her eyes narrowed briefly, but she waited until the girl had finished before saying something. "The curse that came along with you? What do you mean by that?" Surely, the girl's mother hadn't told the girl she was a mistake, had she? "As for the girl you were dating; if she couldn't handle you at your worst, she surely didn't deserve you at your best." Beth offering the girl a comforting smile and felt the temptation to reach out and give the girl a hug, but for now, she remained seated. "I know that it's hard to understand now, and I also know that it hurts." She sighed, her head shaking faintly.

The girl continued then and Beth fell silent once again. Listening intently, she nodded her head, but like before, she waited until Devyn had gotten it all off of her chest before saying anything at all. She could see that it was hard for the girl, but at least she was talking, and that, to Beth, was a step in the right direction. "Sadly, Devyn. We're all going to meet those people we, or them, don't fit with. That's very hard to avoid. I know it's painful when someone tells you you're not the right fit for them, but that's part of life." She shook her head again as she leaned forward. "If Dirty Laundry posted about it and made it known, then how are you the cause? Wouldn't you rather say the blog is the cause for posting it? You can't be blamed for who you date. Nor what happens when you date something. That's life; we cannot see the future or know everything that will happen. You can't blame yourself for something you didn't even know about."

Standing, Beth walked over to the girl and knelt down in front of her. She carefully lifted her hand so that she didn't scare the girl and wiped at her cheek with the back of her hand. Her other hand moved to give Devyn's hand a comforting squeeze. "Nor can you blame yourself for the silence of other people. If she was the one who withheld information, then you cannot be blamed for what you didn't know, right? If I didn't tell you that I cannot stand the smell of perfume, and then someone walks in here with perfume on them, I cannot blame them for that, since they didn't know, right?" She squeezed Devyn's hand again.

And then there was the part of the fire. Again, another thing the girl couldn't be blamed for. "You're part of the security squad, right? You were in the arena at the time," she nodded. She remembered that. She had been there with two other members of the security squad. "Another thing you didn't know, thus cannot be blamed for. Look, Devyn. I know it's hard, and I know you feel hopeless and that you wish you had known, so that you could have been able to do more, but no one can expect you to know everything in life. And that's just it, no one does. Life is filled with surprises, both good and bad." Beth knew all about that. Knew all about loss. Knew all about blaming yourself for something that was out of your control.

"Trust me. I know exactly what that feels like, and it hurts. It's almost suffocating. The pain throbs inside of you and clings so hard, making it feel as if it will never end. And it doesn't. But, you do learn to live and learn from it. After a while, it won't hurt so much."

[Devyn Solway]

"My mom says that I have a curse. Calls it The Shadow Prince Curse, taking the old nickname my dad use to call me for fun. It cause I have my dad’s power over darkness and her shifting ability in one, making me worse than an animal...a beast; a monster." Devyn said but she didn't go any further into it. She didn't want to talk about that, no; she was not ready. It was one thing to talk about the things that were her fault, but she was not ready to go into how things were growing up at home with an abusive mother.

The woman who had caused some of the scares on Devyn's body and made her sick several times. That could be for another time, if Dev ever wanted to talk about it and as of now she did not. She didn't' even want to talk about this conversation for much longer. Devyn didn't say anything as Beth responded back to what she had to say and try to make Dev understand that while it hurt, it would pass. Yeah, it hurt like hell and while it did pass, it never fully went away. She would always love those she had fallen in love with, it was just how she was, but it was not like any of them; except for Zoe, were around for her to have to be reminded of her feelings and pain.

"Yeah...I get it." Devyn said in a soft spoken voice. She was at least calming down but that was because she was shutting down and feeling defeated. She accepted it all; she got it, and understood but it never made things any easier. "Because I still pushed it. I could have backed off and pulled away but I didn't and..." Devyn's voice trailed off. Yes, Beth had a point but Devyn could still not helped but to feel at blame because if she would have stopped then no one would have ever known about it all, right? Beth did have a point and dev was still listening to all that the woman was saying, but she did start to pull her legs closer.

She curled up a little in the chair that she was sitting on in a way to just hold herself to calm down better. Beth said that she knew what it was like to hurt, but dev was only half trusting that. The woman seemed too happy with things to have any real pain eating at her, or maybe she was just good at keeping it hidden like dev tried to do. "How...how do I get it to stop hurting now?" Devyn asked. She got it would take some time, but was there no way to at least stop hurting for a moment? She just...wanted something warm close to her or to just hide away in the darkness now.

[Beth Young]

"You know, your mother has no right to define you. Only you can do that. Only you have the right to decide what you are, and you should never let anyone tell you otherwise." Beth tossed the young girl a glance before sighing. "And I do realize that it's not that easy, and that it hurts when someone close to you calls you out like that." She nodded, licking her bottom lip. "She wasn't right. Your power, it's unique. It's beautiful. It's something only you have, and you should be proud of that." She smiled at the girl, feeling the need to reach out, but for now, she didn't.

"You tried, Devyn. You cannot blame yourself for that. If you hadn't, wouldn't you have been sitting here, wondering what if?" It was obvious that this girl had a lot of issues she needed to come to terms with. So much weighing on such a young girl's shoulders. Someone so young shouldn't be going through something like this. She was young and should have been out, enjoying her life rather than sit here, in a office, talking about her problems.

Sighing, Beth's arm slid around Devyn's shoulders. "I wish I knew the answer to that. All you can do is give it time and try." She sighed, her head shaking faintly. "There is nothing worse than waiting for the hurt to go away. There is nothing more painful than desperately trying to get past it, but bit by bit, it will start getting better, and little by little, it will all seem so much brighter." She squeezed Devyn's shoulders, giving the girl a warm smile. "The scars will always be with you, but the pain? You'll learn to live with it and learn from it."

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn didn't say anything and just gave a small nod as she rubbed at her face to get the tears that were still slipping out to stop. She hated crying, it made her feel so weak, so sick, and pathetic. Crying never did any good when you were this age, sure it was apparently a good way to get out the pain you felt but Dev still dislike it. Beth was right, and Devyn tried to tell herself often that her mother's words didn't mean anything when they were about that. It was just hard to deny them when people she cared about died or ended up leaving her.

What else was she supposed to think was at fault beside herself who was informed she was cursed at an early age? "Th-thats what I tell myself...and try to get others to think about their power as well...it's just easier to get others to view their power as a good thing then it is for me to think that of mine sometimes." Devyn said as she let out a weak chuckle, trying to make the situation a bit lighthearted. It was a habit of her to joke and tease whenever she was having a hard time with her emotions, it was the way she covered them up. Beth said more, words that had Devyn nodding her head slowly, really trying to understand, grab a hold of the words, and believe them to be true.

The touch caused her to flinched for a moment and let out a low growl. In was basically a kneejerk reaction since she felt so weak and vulnerable at the moment. Her body feeling the need to naturally be ready to be attacked at the first touch. Yet, Devyn quickly calmed down, no longer growling, and in fact moving to give Beth a hug. She would hug the older woman close, hiding her face in her shoulders as her body shook a little as she tried to keep herself under control. Beth had a nice scent, one that made Devyn feel safe and warm. The scent her mother used to have long ago before things got bad.

"Thank you...I'll...I will try my best. I'll keep trying to get through the pain and become stronger from it." Devyn muttered as she nodded her head a little. It all just hurt so much, but it did feel good to let it all at the moment. She hoped that Beth didn't tell anyone about this, because this was the weakest Devyn felt she could show someone every again without the fear of rejection. "Can...can I stay hugging you like this a little longer?" Devyn whispered, to scared to actually ask at a normal volume, but she didn't let Beth go.

[Beth Young]

"It's hard," she agreed. Especially as mutants were more often than not viewed as some kind of hearsay. She supposed it was one of those things they all had to simply live with. She wondered then, if maybe, using her own power on the girl would ease her mind. She wouldn't, of course, but if her power created so many problems, then maybe relieving her off of it from time to time would help her. But then again, it could also make it worse, as it could potentially make the girl wish she didn't have powers to begin with. "But it's not impossible," she smiled.

Beth didn't pull away nor hesitate as Devyn's body tensed and she let out a growl. Instead, she remained perfectly still to allow the girl a moment to calm down and realize that Beth meant no harm. The sudden hug caught her a little off guard, but she wrapped her arms around the slender girl, pulling her close as one of her arms moved to stroke gently across her back in a calming, slow movement.

"I'm glad," she whispered softly, nodding. She was glad it seemed as if the girl was starting to become ready to move forward. Her request had Beth smiling. "Of course," she replied. She didn't at all mind, and it was nice to see that the girl was still capable of letting people in, despite everything she'd lost thus far. It meant that she still saw a future for herself. Still saw hope, and that was better than anything else. "And if you ever need someone to talk to, even if it's something simple as talking about the weather, come find me, alright? My door's always open for you."