Subject A: Jack McCarthy, personal whipping boy, ailurophobe

[Humphries]

Normally breaking into Jack McCarthy 's dorm room proved to be somewhat difficult. Or, at least, it had been lately, as McCarthy had been working to make his room increasingly "cat proof." However, at least one of McCarthy's roommates "couldn't give a shit what the cat did," thus leaving Humphries with some access.

So he'd set up his computer and waited patiently in the dorm common area for McCarthy to arrive.

Humphries then was possessed with the strong feline interest to start bathing himself. As such, his leg was extended high into the air behind his head, his tongue bathing various parts of his lower half, when McCarthy would eventually enter the room. Humphries could, of course, hear him coming, even through the slurping noises he made, and he sort of fell backward to hit the recording he'd made on the laptop.

The computerized voice began sending its message:

"I come in peace, McCarthy, seeking only information this time that will possibly lead to a mutually beneficial arrangement. Also I have hidden all your baseball bats are hidden in places that you cannot find them. Just as a precaution."

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack was walking along as merrily as one can possibly feel, Jack emotions weren’t exactly the most difficult to predict considering the fact that Jack was a tad on the flamboyant side with a habit of being just a little bit on the dramatic side, If he was sad it would so, if he was scared that would most certainly show (As a certain cat is all too aware of) Jack was a man not in control of his emotions which seems to go up and down more then a hormonal pregnant woman.

But today he was in a good mood, hell he was practically skipping merrily through the halls. If this was a Disney movie there would be a animated blue bird resting on his finger whistling as Jack sang a song about how everything was indeed so very awesome and wonderful.

You can imagine how his happiness died once he opened his dorm room door.

“Gah!” Jack shouted as he saw the architect of his nightmares ever so calmly lick himself as he sat in the middle of the floor, jumping a little in the air arms flying to and fro and his month opening and closing like he would never get used to the fact that he was in the presence of (For all intent and purposes) a talking cat.

Gah indeed.

“YOU! WHO LET YOU IN HERE?!” Jack screamed already going into panic mood his face going pale and his forefinger held out in front of him “IT WAS HIM WASN’T IT?! QUINNY SOMETHING?! HE DID DIDN’T HE!! Oh my God he's dead isn't he? You killed him!” Jack said practically hyperventilating “Just so you know, I think it’s only fair to warm you; I can scream SUPER loud!” Jack wasn’t soothed by Humphries asking for information I’m Jack, My favorite color is blue. Banana’s are an excellent source of potassium, There’s a place in a man’s head where you can shoot and it’ll blow up. Ok, that’s literally everything interesting I know. There, you can go away”

[Humphries]

Humphries sat and waited, staring calmly at Jack while he did what he usually did whenever they met; rambled like a madman. Humphries had grown used to this by now, and had even learned to essentially ignore most of the words that came out of his mouth. They were, after all, mostly nonsense syllables.

When he finished, Humphries looked up at him, his head tilting as if to ask if he was, in fact, done prattling, then he turned to tap the laptop again:

"I am certain that you are wondering why I am here today. It is with regards to someone or something that I believe may be of potential interest to both of us: a certain blog of ill intent."

It was his fairly standard prepared message for addressing various people, though he had, of course, had another prepared specifically for Jack:

"This goes beyond our normal feud, McCarthy. I am interested in learning why this blog has taken interest in you, and you will aid me." Humphries had debated adding the or else, but he supposed that this was already fairly intimidating as it was.

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack would never get used to the fact he’s in the company of a talking cat…EVER. As you’ve no doubt gathered. Jack has a severe phobia of cats hailing back from early childhood, developing after a particularly traumatic freak incident in his innocent youthful days (Well, innocent compared to how he was now) that more or less traumatized him for life. HE should really see a shrink about these issues…if one could stand to be around him for an extended period of time and even then a phobia of cats would be the last thing that would be on the agenda of discussion.

“HOW DID YOU GET THAT LAPTOP?!” Jack screamed still in hysterics “It’s like double your weight!”

Jack paused as the computerise voice began to speak leaving Jack…honestly confused…A blog?! That was it?! No scare tactics?! No scary threats?! No placing a collar around his neck that would shock him? In a way Jack was relieved that he wasn’t being targeted

Jack pressed his forefingers against his temples shutting his eyes and pacing back and forward “Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok,” Jack murmured to himself “First off; this?” Jack said gesturing rapidly towards him and the cat “This isn’t a feud you just won’t stop being harassing me! HARASMENT!” Jack screamed “Second: How the hell should I know what the blog has against me jealously probably! Lust! Any of the above! I know fuck all mate, fuck all! I know nothing I swear!”

[Humphries]

Leave it to McCarthy to wonder about the details regarding Humphries getting there and getting the laptop in place. Part of Humphries was tempted to discuss, especially since it had been quite a personal feat on his part. However, he knew better than to brag, especially to McCarthy. Far better to let the young man continue to wonder and fear. The lack of knowledge would leave him wondering, and thinking Humphries to be even more impressive than the feline already was. This definitely worked to his advantage, ergo he'd keep doing it.

However, McCarthy's panic wasn't all that helpful, and Humphries still needed his help. He let McCarthy work himself into something of a silence while he looked through possible recorded messages. At last he found one that he thought would work well enough: "Consider this, my ally: Dirty Laundry has access to a good deal of information that you had likely considered to be private. While it's currently opting simply to present itself as a gossip blog, what would happen if that knowledge or power got into other hands?"

Though that was just going to reassert the dangers of the blog. Humphries looked to McCarthy and then twisted: "Considering this, my feud-mate," still better than to acknowledge that Humphries did sort of harass. Though in truth, being threatened with baseball bats had to count for something. "You are being watched by someone who is not only being oneself. Doing this will not be to your advantage. Working with feline, providing even slightest of informations, will be of much better."

Ugh, that was a lot of twisting, but the boy was rather distraught. Besides, Humphries couldn't help but be amused at disrupting McCarthy so deeply.

[Jack McCarthy]

Why him? What about Jack Mccarthy screamed to that God damn cat that Jack was some kind of master secret keeper?! He had exactly zero knowledge when it came to this type of thing. How could he? What did you want from him cat?! What does Jack need to say to get Humperies to leave him alone. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM TINY LITTLE FUZZ BALL OF A MONSTER?!

..and yeah the laptop thing. That was weird, not exactly talking cat on the security staff weird but still pretty damn weird indeed. Seriously how the hell did that work? Did it have like the strength of a thousand men or something? Did it have super strength too? Oh come on Jack, now that was just being silly. There was no way that he had that going for him too. It was insanity to even suggest that.

…Right?

“Oh no, no no no” Jack said shaking his head back and forward cutting Humphries off “Let’s get one thing straight: you’re not my ally. I will never be your ally, you may have fooled everyone else, but I know, ok? I know! and you know I know and if you know that I know that you that I know then you know that I know everything I need to not trust a word you say. You know?” Jack considered the cat evil, he knew that was the case he just knew it but he couldn’t exactly prove it, but once he did he would make sure that the cat was skinned…preferably ever so painfully.

Jack rubbed his hands over his head considering the cats words before sighing “What exactly do you want to know?”

[Humphries]

As per usual, Humphries allowed Jack to spew his nonsense and generally flail around, both verbally and physically. he waited patiently, trying not to look like as bored and impatient as he actually was. Yes, they were allies, of a sort. Though it was also quite true that the cat was, to some degree, evil, or at least as evil as any cat who put their own self-interests above the whole could potentially be.

Though, as Humphries anticipated, Jack got to the point. the cat turned, ready to pull out another of his prerecorded messages: "This is an information gathering mission. Several of you are regular targets or mentioned with enough frequency to pique one's interest. One wants to know why DL specifically targets you, and how. If one can figure out its motives, one can figure out much." Humphries paused, then twisted to send an addendum, just for Jack: "Perhaps giving of the aid could be helpful for you: would be encouragement for the granting of some leeway, yes?"

A little blackmail could go a long way.