SOS.CODE RED! (Tim)

[Jack McCarthy]

Tim Tawfeek
From: Jack Mccarthy 
To: Tim Tawfeek

TIM! TIM! WE GOT PROBLEMS TIM! SUPER SERIOUS PROBLEMS THAT REQUIRE URGENT ATTENTION. CODE RED! MAYDAY! 

[Tim Tawfeek]

From: Tim Tawfeek
To: Jack McCarthy

The cat pooping on your bed (again) is not an emergency.

Nor is running out of grape flavored cold medicine.

Nor is Onnie telling you you have to go shopping with her.

So is this a real emergency, or one of the above?

[Jack McCarthy]

From: Jack Mccarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

Ok, I know. The last few times I’ve done this. I may or may not have freaked myself out.

Like the time I thought the cat was watching me sleep..

..Or I ran out of juice boxes

…Or the time that I thought there were tarantula eggs in my Banana

BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT! This is an emergency! Like for real this time…Really!

Ok, so..... I’m going to say something now that might seem a little…out there and it’s going to be…surprising and hard to believe so you need take a leap of faith here. Just hear me out. K?

[Tim Tawfeek]

From: Tim Tawfeek
To: Jack McCarthy

You've done it often enough that we literally have a system for it Jack.

(Tim mumbled to himself and wiped his hand over his face, wondering for not the first time if being Jack's friend was better or worse than being his enemy. At least, Tim really hoped he was Jack's friend, otherwise he didn't know why he put up with stuff like this)

Okay, whatever. Just tell me what the actual, real emergency not involving you getting a bag of M&Ms that didn't have any greens in it is. Hopefully you don't need me to kick anyone's ass, as that's not gonna be happening for at least another few weeks.

[Jack McCarthy]

From: Jack Mccarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

I'm being held captive by ghosts

[Tim Tawfeek]

From: Jack McCarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

Unless you're referring to the jackass twins, this is definitely not an emergency. And if it is, I suggest you call up the Ghostbusters.

[Jack McCarthy]

From: Jack Mccarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

Dude. I told you to hear me out!!! Like I said, this is super serious, I mean it this time! I mean, were in a school full with people with freaking super powers are you telling me that ghosts are a step too far for you? Expand your mind Tim. Ghosts man. There a thing. Deal with it.

And let me tell you something Tim. They’re not friendly at all, they’re fucking dicks. They’re flying all around my head moaning, one is rattling chains in my face, there’s blood oozing from the walls. It’s a bad scene in here.

I need help Tim.Help big time.I think there envious of my skin...This won't end well

[Tim Tawfeek]

From: Jack McCarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

Yes, ghosts are taking things a bit too far. There's science to prove why we're all mutants, and the whole evolution thing, and a lot of comic books to back it up. Ghosts really only have the comic books and a few awesome movies, so you can see why I'm pretty sure you're making this up.

Wow, that does sound bad. Like a scene out of that one scary movie with ghosts.

Muppet Christmas Carol.

Let me strap on my proton pack and call up Egon. We'll be right there in a moment. Just listen for the sound: you'll know the noise.

[Jack McCarthy]

From: Jack McCarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

DO NOT MENTION THE MUPPETS TO ME! They are horrifying grotesque mutant abominations. With their big googly eyes, expressionless faces WHERE ARE THEIR BODIES TIM! THEY HAVE NO TORSOS. –Shudder-

No I don’t need Bill Murrey, or the one in glasses or that other fat one. I need you YES YOU to help me out.

The ghosts have demands and they told me if I don’t get them they’ll take my skin!

They want food Tim…The dead demand food

….Maybe some curely fries…

…and a double cheeseburger…

…and a cookie…

Did I mention that one of them has a weakness for Coke?

HURRY TIM SEND THE FOOD. MY SKIN TIM MY SKIN”

[Tim Tawfeek]

From: Tim Tawfeek
To: Jack McCarthy

Right, so we clearly know the theme for your next birthday party.

You have some killer need for a black nerd in a wheelchair? What, do you have some sort of cool eighties team that needs filling out or something? Because you can only count me in if there's merchandising involved. I want final say on any and all toys.


...

...

Dude, if you're hungry, you can just get your pasty butt down to the cafeteria and order food like a normal person. There's no need to make up a story like this. Or if you're that desperate, why aren't you bothering Lux? You know damn well that she'd be willing to go out and get a burger with you. She'll probably even believe the bit about the ghosts.

...

On second thought, don't call Lux.

Did you want bacon on that double or...?

[Jack McCarthy]

From: Jack Mccarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

What story? This isn’t a story! This isn’t fake like Santa Clause or the wolf man. This is real life like ghosts, the easterbunny and Bigfoot! Food are ghosts one true weakness! The only thing that came silence their ghostly cries. Dude I don’t blame them if I went to the grave on a empty stomach I would be pissed too.

Yes, I would but....ever since truth or dare things between me and her have been kind of….bleh. Since She’s probably just hanging out with her new best friend the creepy man-lady with the weird affinity for hair.

MOVING ON!

…and Yes Bacon would be awesome
 

[Tim Tawfeek]

From: Tim Tawfeek
To: Jack McCarthy

Wow, you should totally go on one of those ghost hunting shows. Clearly they are in desperate need of your wisdom.

Ah, you mean the Aryan chick? Roxana? She's not horrible, but yeah, I get what you mean. I can talk to Lux if you want.

Or I can just be there with Bacon cheeseburgers. Where is there, exactly?

[Jack McCarthy]

From: Jack Mccarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

What can I say? I’m a wise man, knowledgeable in all aspects of life. I could solve all the world’s problems if I…Y’know. Cared. That’s why you’re having me on your show right? Pearls of wisdom like that.

Yeah the one who looks like she could straight up go Bane on our collective asses and break our backs in a secord. She kept touching her hair dude. Seriously, that’s straight up serial killer bullshit and did you see her eyes, just fucking nothing from her. I don’t think she even blinked. She’s like a shark. A sexy Aryan shark.

And no, don’t talk to Lux about it. Like I said things between me and her it’s….bleh. I haven’t really talked to her much since…thingy. But yeah, bleh.

Oh you know where man, my dorm. It’s just like Lux except instead of it being populated with furbies it’s populated with ghosts.

[Tim Tawfeek]

To: Jack McCarthy
From: Tim Tawfeek

I have you on my show because I need mutants who are willing to give interviews and you volunteered. And I figure it's probably better than just recording myself doing funny voices and blurring out the actual images or whatever.

Yes, yes that is very much Roxana. She really does come off like that. I missed the hair petting thing: that's kinda creepy. Kind of ratchets her up to Bond villain territory, at the very least.

Whatever, won't tell Lux.

Right, dorm room. Populated by ghosts.

You sure you didn't see yourself naked in a mirror and just freak out? Because I hear that does happen. Especially to you.

Might be a bit on those burgers. Turns out that I can only go so fast in the chair. We're still working on the rocket boosters.

[Jack McCarthy]

From: Jack Mccarthy
To: Tim Tawfeek

Please, we both no I’m the number one most fascinating mamma-jamma in this place, watch our interview is going to straight up viral with my raw natural charisma and charm and your…camera.

I don’t like it, I don’t like her one bit. The way she clinged to her, The hair touching shit. I mean I went apeshit at you just because I heard you two were dating from a guy with a peg leg and eyepatch by the name of carrot slant. How do you think I felt when she started petting her?

We can take her dude, You and me. We can totally go all kung-fu on her. You’ll fight her and I’ll…I’ll provide moral support..from a distant…

Yes. Ghosts even through You probably won’t see any, they’ll all be freaked out by the sight of food so they’ll flee instantly. It’s just another weird ghost thing. Don’t question it

No but that actually happened once. I rang the police and I was like “ Police. Some kind of handsome invader has gotten into my room, oh wait that’s just my reflection” Then I got this lecture about wasting police time..This was the 3rd time this week ETC…

Just throwing it out there… having workable legs is super overrated. Like when I have to go, I have to go alllll the way to the bathroom, sit down and go all the way back. You? Zoom! Zoom! So Jelly. Not that I wanted that to happen to you…but…y’know…