True Upset

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Well, now Elsa knew why so many college students skipped class. Her mouth felt as though she'd spent the evening sucking on alcohol flavored cotton balls. Each heartbeat pulsed a new burst of pain into Elsa's temples. The few motes of light that managed to pierce her thick Ray-bans lanced into her eyes. Even her usually sharp mind didn't want to work as it normally did.

Nor did she dress much like someone with the last name Bellefonte. Her uniform looked as though it had been slept in (it had) and smelled eerily like vomit (which Elsa sincerely hoped had not happened). Her hair had the natural curl that both twins had and Elsa usually spent her days conquering. It just sort of tangled about her, looking as though she'd attempted to brush it only to give up a few strokes in.

This mess formally known as Elsa Bellefonte, worry of her friends and family, utter failure to the family name was hurrying to class, mostly late. She wasn't even sure why she bothered: wasn't as though she had any real plan. Laying around doing nothing worked for her mother and hey, wasn't that what every little girl wanted to be?

A flicker of motion at the edge of Elsa's painful vision caught her eye and she turned. She stared. Then she shook her head. "You must still be drunk," she mumbled, "or alcohol poisoned," she removed her sunglasses, rubbed her eyes, and put them back on, looking. Yes, it looked like him. But this wouldn't be the first time that Elsa had seen someone that looked like him since he left.

"Screw it: I'm not in the mood,' she mumbled, before turning. She might have even made it to the school, had Fate not intervened. In this case, Fate intervened in the form of a bit of the cobbled stone not being level (blame terrakinetics). Elsa's foot caught it and soon she went tumbling. Not soon after that, an impressive flurry of curses went up.

Because Elsa really wanted more pain now.

Felix Nicholas

[Felix Nicholas]

It had been a long, emotionally tiring set of days since his arrival. It had included little drama, little heated confrontation or arguement, but that didn't mean it was any less of a emotional drain on Felix Nicholas. Simply being back within the walls of Bellefonte had obviously brought a set of issues to the forefront of his mind, but mind you, it wasn't as though they hadn't been there already, plaguing him since he took flight and left the small town, left the Academy, let all of those that cared for him and had harmed him in equal measure.
It had gotten easier from when he'd first set foot back on the grounds, espeically after his chance meeting with Erika on his first day; But he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been delaying what perhaps would be the hardest confrontation. Elsa... He had no idea on how to approuch the situation; As far as he'd been aware, especially implied by her actions following the incident, Elsa had wanted to forget. Push it out to the back of her mind and pretend it had never come to pass. He should surely have done the same, but as many of the problems he left behind had, it filled his thoughts. Even if she didn't think much on it, he had to explain himself. He owed her.
The young man made his ay across the courtyard, his headphones over his ears, nodding his head slightly to the beat. He didn't have a class to go to, but was merely re familiarising himself with the once familier surroundings, the scars of recent events were still very much evident on the Academy; Something which caused a flicker of guilt in the young man. He should have been HERE.
He paused in his stride, snapping his gaze towards the sudden source of movement snatching his attention, a female figure moving at pace towards the Academy. Felix blinked, watching the woman as a few blissful moments of pre realisation passed over him.

It however didn't last long.

A sickening realisation swept through Felix like a tidal wave; He knew Erika, and likewise he knew Elsa. It had been some time and yet he could still pick her out from a distance from her sister. He froze for a moment, like a rabbit in headlights, unsure if she'd seen him or not. The last thing he wanted was an unprepared for meeting which ran the risk of only worsening their current situation. But what WAS their current situation? They had kissed. she had been determined it seemed to forget about it. It had been a traumatic part of their lives, they'd been running on empty and gotten themselves into high emotional states...

The female however was suddenly sent hard into the ground, a flurry of curses filling the air in her wake; He didn't have time to muse on it further, or plan out what he was going to say... Fate it seemed, had forced his hand. Without a moment's hesitation, Felix instinctively broke into a hurried pace, crossing the distance between them in a few moments, pulling down his headphones as he did so they hung around his neck. "Hey! Hey are you alright?" He spoke, his voice laced with concern with a tinge of building anxiety, fighting back the nerves beginning there oh so familier dance in his stomach. "E-Elsa? Are you okay?" He knelt down to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Someone came to her, before she could even gather her breath. Elsa just spat another curse at the world. "I'm fine! God, I'm so sick of people asking me that!" she threw her hands up to try and block, only to freeze as she heard her name. She turned to look.

The Felix lookalike. He knelt there, a hand on her shoulder, asking if she was okay. Elsa stared, her head pounding, her eyes aching, her mouth tasting like alcohol and vomit. She looked at the boy who looked so much like the one who could have torn down some of her walls, at least gone closer, if Elsa had been a little more open, a little more willing to look past her own pride. She saw Felix there, and her power reached through her aching head, brushing against the thoughts. If the flow was familiar, then she should, even in this state, be able to send the words through the link:

no. no i'm not.

While her mouth opened and she stared with sheer disbelief at the lookalike.

[Felix Nicholas]

For a fleeting moment, the poison she spat cut through him like a knife, despite the fact he felt he deserved every ounce of it that she had to give. He didn't falter however, didn't flinch, but kept his hand firmly on her shoulder, his concern overriding any other thought.
She turned to look at him. As his gaze met her own, he realised her curses had been meant for the world and not for him; The look on her face, as though she'd seen a ghost, was telling enough. He knew he needed to speak, and while that thought raged franticly to be heard he could not help but take her in; Her dishevelled appearance, the tangle of her usually so perfectly attuned hair, the scent that lingered over her even now. It was far more a state he'd seen Erika fashion on more then one occasion, and seeing it grace Elsa only violently flared his fears and raised his anxious heart rate. This wasn't the Elsa he'd left here.

I need to apologise.
I need to make sure she's okay.
I need to say SOMETHING.


The words, as he ha predicted with Erika, caught in a chaotic tangle in his throat; they were only broken as something familier invaded his frantic mind.

No. No I'm not.


These small, almost whispered words were not his own, but belonged to the woman before him. At once, their sweep through his mind calmed the chaos, but left something far more unsettling. She wasn't okay, and that notion struck something deep in Felix Nicholas. She needed someone, and while she may potentially hate him for what he did, he was right now damn well going to be that someone.
"... Come on," He spoke softly, his voice gentle, a reassuring smile sweeping his lips as the young man gently put an arm around the Bellefonte to support her, lifting her up to her feet, continuing to support her as best he could. "I think you'd better miss class today, Miss.Bellefonte.... I... I have a dorm here. I think you need a good shower and a rest, don't you think?"

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Elsa felt the hand touch her, heard the gentle words. Come on, just give in. She felt her body rising, going to her feet. Her head kept throbbing, her mouth still tasted awful, and she was almost certain this was some kind of dream or hallucination or...

... that had to be it. Someone had to be messing with her, again. Because there was no way that Felix had just come back out of no where. There was no way that this was the real Felix, standing there now. Erika would have mentioned it... though admittedly Elsa hadn't been paying her sister much attention. Erika seemed to be handling their dismissal her own way.

"No, stop," she said, pulling away, her hands going to her hair, nearly getting tangled in the matted curls. "Just. Stop," she held a hand out, taking a deep breath, feeling her head throb. "Just... who are you?" she looked up at him. "Because you can't be who I think you are. That's just... it's not possible," she shook her head, eyes closed. When she reopened them, she met his gaze. "So who are you, really? And why are you doing this to me?"

Because surely he hadn't heard her thoughts. Elsa could feel her fogged mind curling about his, looking to read the familiar thoughts like someone desperate to find out that their favorite author had picked up their pen again.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix moved his arm from around her as though she had burned him when she protested, fearing that perhaps this as it, the violent outburst, which he deserved. She looked so far from the Elsa he had left at the Academy half a year ago that it felt suddenly closer to an age. The tangle of curls draped over her shoulders, limp, almost lifeless, her fingers clutching at the matted hair as though the mere sight of him was mentally harming her. His heart pumped with guilt, a sickening sensation settling on his stomach and proceeding to sweep through his body as though it was carried by his veins; He knew she'd been through more then he knew, suffered more then he could perhaps ever realise since he'd left due to a number of reasons, but even he hadn't expected the state she was in. He shouldn't have left...He should have been HERE.

He blinked at her, wide eyed, holding his hands up slightly in defence, furrowing his brow in a mixture of fear and worry as Elsa began to protest to him not even being, well, HIM. He slowly lowered his hands, instead brining the reassuring smile he'd just held back onto his lips, again reaching out for the woman to place both hands on her shoulders, meeting her gaze firmly. "Elsa, Elsa it's me, It's Felix!" He spoke, a panic entering his voice. He could feel her reaching out, attempting to read him, and he presented her with no resistance. "C-Come on, don't tell me you've forgotten this handsome face, eh? ... Elsa, Elsa please, it's me!" He blinked at her, at those doubting eyes, and managed a weak chuckle. "... If you don't believe me, I guess I'll just have to sing until you do... And I'm a terrible singer."

He'd made the same threat to her half a year ago, in order to push her to let him into her room.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Those thoughts just felt familiar, the worry, the self-blame that rivaled her own. She recognized the pattern and cadence of those thoughts nearly as well as she did her sister's, or Roxana's... or Vera's. He opened his mind as that panic continued though, Elsa could almost feel him practically shoving thoughts at her. It made her recoil, her throbbing head pounding all the harder.

"Please don't," she said, wincing. She reached for her sunglasses, readjusting them on her face. "I'd be forced to hurt you," it was him, it had to be him. It had to be Felix Nicholas standing there, looking very much like himself.

So why hadn't anyone told Elsa he'd come back? Did they just not think that was important or...

Elsa laughed, shaking her head. "No one even told me you'd come back. That's how useless I am, Felix," she looked at him, smiling wryly. "You should go find someone else, preferably someone without the name Bellefonte. We're toxic, toxic to everyone," she looked away, then bent to gather her things. Class, she was supposed to be heading to class.

[Felix Nicholas]

She winced. Physically winced from him. Immediately he recoiled his touch, letting his arms drop as the reassuring smile he'd placed on his face faded in an instant. He had expected this, and yet it was hurting more so then he thought it would. He held his hands up again, shaking his head. "Elsa, Elsa I didn't tell anyone I was back," He admitted, almost tripping over his words in his hurry to get them said. "I didn't tell Franck, I didn't tell Erika... Heck, I only told my parents I was enrolling here a few days ago!" It was all falling apart, his thought out plan on how exactly he wanted to explain his selfish actions; Now he was looking even more like a self centred idiot. "Elsa, Elsa PLEASE. Just listen to me, I-" He stopped mid sentence, catching the last few words of hers, furrowing his brow. She thought she was toxic? As she bent down to pick up her books, he bent down to aid her, his hands shaking far more then he would have liked; He stood up, clutching the books he'd picked up from the ground. She looked ill; Beyond the hangover, beyond the tired eyes and the tangled hair... She looked withdrawn. He'd left her before, and he certainly wasn't going to leave her now.

Keeping a hold of her books with one hand he reached out of her wrist, taking a firm but gentle grip. "Elsa, you're not toxic, what are you- Elsa, Look, I- Elsa Bellefonte, for god's sake, I'm sorry!" The words came in a stumbling, broken hurry, but it was clear what he'd said; Those words may be easy to form, but for Felix Nicholas in that moment they were some of the heaviest he'd ever spoken. The weight of them seemed to hang in the air in front of him after they'd left his lips, although it seemed to do little to calm his anxious heart. He continued to gaze at her, his throat feeling empty now as though it had no more words left. He swallowed, managing to drag a few more from his lips, but they came as almost a whisper. "I'm sorry... Please. Just listen to me, okay?"

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Elsa almost regretted the recoil, wanted to explain that it had little to do with Felix. Most of this didn't: her broiling emotions, her inward disgust and anger. It had far, far more to do with the wreck previously known as Elsa Bellefonte then with the young man named Felix Nicholas.

Though the bile latched onto him anyway. She heard his stammered apologies, then saw that he had her books. She stared at him, her expression too blank, as if forming the anger she wanted to fling would just take too much effort. A hand touched her, and she fought the urge to pull back, to wince.

"Sorry?" she nearly snapped. "Sorry that you left at just the wrong time? You abandoned everything!" Her voice was going up now, reaching shouting levels. "You left, Felix. Left without a word, without a thought. One day we were at that stupid festival looking at art: the next you weren't there. Just when I---" she waved her hand. "it doesn't matter." It didn't matter that she kept thinking, that her life had become an emotional wreck, that the only other people she'd felt anything toward had been meant for each other, that they'd even betrayed that, betrayed her.

"It's like I said: I'm not her. I've her hair and her face and---" she gestured. "But I was never her. now I'm not even me. I---just---" she trembled, then hit him. "How dare you show up now? Where were you when I was on top? Where were you when I had everything? When my sister had her love? Where were you when I was Elsa Bellefonte? Why do you have to show up now? When I'm---when I'm this. God." she turned, her hand going to her head, feeling her body shake. She felt something wet in her eyes, and she closed them, wishing she could just banish it all away.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix hadn't expected her to welcome him back with open arms, far from that ideal scenario. But laying at the other end of his expectation spectrum was this. The woman he had left here had been damaged, hiding her fears under a mask of cold indifference; She had to be the pillar, had to be the strong one, the confident one who could handle every turn of this world with sharp comment and a resilient vigour. She had been damaged, but the last thing Felix expected to find was a broken Elsa Bellefonte.
Her words, laced with poison and anger struck far deeper then Felix supposed any physical blade could; Although he didn't welcome each dagger, it was accepted, the man knowing that he deserved each and every one.
He kept hold of her wrist in a gentle grip, but it steadily loosened as she went on to eventually fall away from her, his eyes wide as he took each and every hit she had to give.
All of his reasons for his leaving paled in comparison to the poor woman before him, to the words being spat at him; They felt almost ridiculous now. Childish. Idiotic. SELFISH. How could he even begin to explain himself? He bowed his head a moment to one side, choosing not to defend himself. A fleeting pause gave the young man a chance to muster up another word, a small, "Elsa-" Before the woman hit him.
The action had come quite suddenly, catching Felix off guard. He flinched violently and snapped his gaze to her, his eyes wide, watching as the woman he held so much care for began to almost physically crumble in front of him. While he deserved all of her poison, she didn't deserve this.

Where were you when I was Elsa Bellefonte.

Felix frowned, fighting back the sudden wave of emotions that flooded him at her words. There were a million things he wanted to say in response, but none of them seemed anywhere near adequate enough. He slowly managed a weak smile. "O-Oh, I don't know ,you look like Elsa Bellefonte to me," He spoke, his voice threatening to break. "The same woman who bore too much weight on her shoulders and her heart that I remember." He bit his bottom lip, heat sweeping into his cheeks, as he bowed his head again. He found himself clenching his hands into fists, digging his nails hard into his palms; He couldn't bare to see her like this. He doubted his next move would help settle the situation, he had little else to give at this moment.
He stepped forward, and gently, with a hold that was firm but allowed Elsa to break it if she so wished to, wrapped his arms around her shaking form. She wasn't one for physical affection, and by all means he expected another hit from her; But he had to give her something to latch onto. "... Elsa, you're still you. You're still that girl I spent an evening with at the art show, still that girl I have so much respect for. Please let me help you... Everyone needs a pillar, you k-know? Can't I be yours, even just for this afternoon, even if you want nothing to do with me again? Please let me help you."

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Elsa let out a dry laugh, one tinged with her own regret, as Felix insisted that she was the same person. He kept going, his own voice breaking slightly. How many times had Elsa heard those words, or words like them? The woman who took so much on her shoulders, who put so much on her... heart? That actually pulled Elsa's attention up, looking at Felix, blinking through tears. Few even seemed willing to acknowledge that she even had that. Roxana had pointed out her mind, her sense of duty, how this wasn't all hers. Ellen had been keen to cut away the self-pity, to point out that Elsa hadn't lost what mattered. But... heart?

Hands, arms wrapped around Elsa and she felt herself collapsing. No, no, she didn't like to be touched, not generally. This felt less like some random touching though. It felt... different. It felt like someone offering that support. it almost felt like, like when someone who cared about you reached for you.

Still Elsa. "I'm not," she sobbed, her throat catching. "I--I lost it all, Felix. I tried so hard and I was on top and..." she felt her body giving way, practically melting into him. She drew a shaking breath, her hand forming into a fist, hitting his chest slightly. "We shouldn't even be like this. You wouldn't have even paid me any mind if I didn't look like her. This isn't Fate, it's just bad luck. We both know who you'd rather be with right now, who you'll always rather be with."

Yet Elsa wasn't moving.

[Felix Nicholas]

How she could make such harsh judgements upon herself? After everything she'd been through, SPECTRE, having to be Erika's pillar, having to be the entire ACADEMY'S strength, being elevated to head of the Academy and then the horror of the fire... Did she truly think she could cope with such heavy burdens and not give way even slightly under such emotional weight?

But this was Elsa.

Elsa, who had been built up to beleive that SHE was the resilient one. She was the one who would endure, who could bare all the weight being a Bellefonte brought upon her. She hardened her personality and her heart, desperate to appear to all of the outside world that she was everything she was expected to be... Erika had faultered in her life, had made mistakes; Whenever she did, everyone else turned to Elsa to support the Academy, to support her sister. Erika was almost allowed to fail. While Elsa... She was the one who simply did not. Felix couldn't imagine the strength she must have to have endured for so long without reaching out...

He was suprised slightly by her allowing him to hold her, her quivering form only further evidnesing her frigile state. He let her speak, the heat in his cheeks now pricking at his eyes, the man closing them tightly before opening them again in an attempt to hold back tears. He failed as she felt the Bellefonte collapse into him, clenching his eyes shut and gently tightening his hold. Her words which raked through him now hurt him far more then her poison had. "E-Elsa... It's okay, you know. It's okay to be wrong, it's okay to fail and fall and just..." He trailed off, well aware that his own voice was breaking badly now, and he fought to hold his voice steady. He smiled softly, bowing his head slightly to rest his forehead against hers, an act of reassurance, an attempt at comfort.
"Elsa... You are not defined by your status, your title, or any of your duties. You're still everything you always were," He chuckled weakly. "I don't know what kind of man you think I am, Miss.Bellefonte, but I didn't kiss you because you looked like Erika. You know, you're a woman who takes on too much and asks for nothing. Someone desperate to prove herself to a world where she feels she's in her sister's shadow... You don't have to prove anything to anyone... Not to those that matter. Elsa, I didn't kiss you back then because you look like Erika... I kissed you because you look like Elsa. Because you are, and always will be, Elsa Bellefonte."

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Okay to be wrong, to fail, to fall, to be human. So many people said that, so why did it sound so much truer from Felix? Was it because of the rawness? Or because the threads between them were so different than the threads between everyone else and Els? he kept going, and she felt his comforting arms. Not defined by her status or her title or...

"That's always how I've been defined," she said, her voice raspy. If she wasn't a Bellefonte, the responsible Bellefonte, the one with all the duties and responsibilities that entailed, then who was she? Was she...

...more words, more words made Elsa stop thinking. She felt her heart skip for a moment, felt ice and heat swim through her veins. "Don't lie," she said, her voice soft. "not now. You don't have to just because I'm a mess. We know better," she curled slightly, taking another breath. "Just... get me out of here, Felix. To your room or whatever, like you said. Please."

[Felix Nicholas]

Elsa lacked a sense of identity beyond being the reliable Bellefonte, the steadfast Bellefonte, the enduring Bellefonte; Without those titles, she seemed she was not even herself. She was defying her own character by titles and responsibility; So when she failed... She lost herself. It tore at Felix's heart, that she would think herself so worthless without those definitions. She was so wrapped up in herself and her failures, that such things defined her and made her worth nothing, that she didn't think anyone else would value her either.

How very wrong she was. 

He noted the raspiness in her voice, her words as he expected disbelieving and defiant; She wouldn't have fallen so far if all it took was a few supporting words. She'd likely heard all of it before from Erika, from Ellen... No doubt they'd tried to pull her back from whatever dark place she was descending into. "... Elsa, I think you know me well enough to know that lying isn't in my nature," He spoke softly in response, slowly removing his arms from around her form, a saddened smile donning his lips while his eyes spoke of a far deeper emotion; Concern, fear, worry. Guilt. He offered her his arm in order to give her something to steady herself, his other hand still holding her books.
"You can shower and sleep if you like... I'll get you some tea. I hear it's a way to soothe the soul," He smiled, although he very much doubted a few tea leaves and hot water was going to heal her; But he was determined to try all he could. If she wanted it or not, Felix Nicholas was going to be her pillar for as long as she needed him.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

"Lying to make people feel better is in everyone's nature," Elsa said, her voice still warbling. No, he wanted the other Bellefonte, the same one that everyone wanted, not that Elsa could blame them. Though she did wish that someone would have looked at her first, instead of being dazzled by her sister and winding up with her instead. Now though, now she'd take what she could.

Which meant gripping Felix and getting upright, for now. "We'll need to gather my things... and you should probably add aspirin to that," she moved as if to gather, only to realize that at some point, they'd nearly gotten all of them already. She had to laugh as she realized that Felix was going to end up carrying her books. She really should care more. Instead, she simply latched onto Felix and let him escort her further away.

A show and a sleep did sound... nice. Though part of Elsa already felt guilty, guilty for immediately latching onto Felix like this, for potentially sending the wrong impression... and guilty for how it made her feel most of all.