How Do We Be Just Friends?

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn knew that her plan had some flaws to it, several flaws. There really should not have been any surprise that she would do something like this. Devyn was always the type to just do something, ensuring that she had a level of control in a situation. It was an alpha thing she assumed. Either way, Devyn was in Zoe’s room. The location she felt was perfect because Zoe would end up here at some point, there was a door, and Devyn had access to the room with ease. In other words, it was the perfect place to have a talk with Zoe and ensure she would not run away. So long as Zoe didn’t go out the window or used her power to render Devyn unable to move and make her escape.

Devyn just hoped that Zoe didn’t do those two ideas and that this would get done without too much difficulty. She expected Zoe would not really be happy to see her here and Devyn knew she would not be too happy if Zoe did try to leave. She just wanted to solve this, to actually try and get out of this dark pit that even now she was still in. She basically needed some form of resolution to the things that had gone on between them. She tried to get it last time but Zoe ran off and Devyn would admit that she probably went about it all wrong. Granted, now she was possibly going about it all wrong again but it was the best she could come up with.

So she made sure that Zoe would go back to her own room alone, even got down to the time, and would already be in Zoe’s room by the time the other girl would show up. Devyn already looked around the room, taking in the familiar yet now slightly unfamiliar view. Wondering if Zoe kept some or all of the things Devyn had given the girl over the months they had been together. Her green eyes scanned over the photos to see if there were any of her still hanging up. The sound of the main door to the dorm room opening caused Devyn to quickly go hide in Zoe’s bathroom. Hiding was probably not a good idea, but it was the first reaction. She waited for a moment until she was certain Zoe walked into her own room before peeking out of the bathroom.

“Hey Zoe…you uh, never took your key.” Devyn spoke up, speaking in such a way that would remind someone of a kid apologizing for doing something wrong.

((Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe))

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Life had become even more of a hectic balancing act for Zoe lately. She had the photo show to put together, with a tentative date that felt like it zoomed before her. Which meant putting together all the various photos and talking to the various models and everything. On top of that, she'd been tapped to take some photographs of the internationals that had dropped in for the upcoming event, which she also figured that she'd be taking pictures of. Then there was school work and dating Alice and, well, Zoe was actually beginning to feel like she might have something like a life now.

The girl headed back to her room, not really paying attention to the whole entrance thing. Chris sometimes left the doors open or what have you, and they had more or less worked out a system of locking interior doors. Most of Zoe's space was still taken up with clothes that she was working on getting rid of, though at least the constant stream had died down. Zoe still fielded a few emails here and there, mixed with the ones from Liz or Alice or what have you, though Alice proved a little more reluctant to talk then Liz. oh, and she needed to be ready for Mae's shows and such soon...

The voice made Zoe jump, and she nearly dropped her phone. She snatched at it, managing to just catch it, clutching it tight enough in her hands to make her knuckles go white. Her eyes went to Devyn and she just stared. Did... was... had Devyn just let herself into Zoe's room? Zoe's fingers immediately went to speed-dialing her phone, ready to call for Alice or Liz at the slightest hint that she'd need to. Her hard brown eyes bore into Devyn, anger and fear welling up within the slim Brit, nearly making her shake with the barely suppressed emotions.

[Devyn Solway]

Zoe jumped, and had a slight fumbling of her phone. Devyn expected her to jump, Zoe didn't really have nerves of steel and Devyn had a habit of sneaking up on people. Especially in this situation she was pretty much taking sneak up on someone to a whole new level when she was in their room. Zoe didn't say anything, just staring with eyes that gave mixed emotions. Again, Devyn expected it all and was ready for it on some level. Still she had hoped that there really would not have been that much surprise when it came to the things that Devyn did, but apparently Zoe didn't know her as well as Dev thought. "So uh, I know what you are thinking. Devyn you can't just come into my room and invade my privacy just because you have my key still. We are not going out and...other stuff along the lines of you not wanting to be around me." Devyn said as she moved over towards Zoe's dresser.

She set the key down on the surface then, needing to leave it here to avoid well her going into Zoe's room again. The temptation was just too strong with her having the key and all, just begging for her to just go into Zoe's room like the months past meant nothing and it was all still a lie. Yeah, part of her was still denying it all, but that was why she was here. To just let it all out and get it over with. Zoe didn't want to deal with her then she was just going to have to accept it and either burn or put together the bridge between them. "Anyways, uh...I have been hearing good things, like that you are doing good and...yeah." Devyn said, scratching at her head a little.

Words clearly were still something that she was not very good at and still would have to work on. Just get it all out, but don't rush it. This is probably going to go bad...she pretty much hates me. Devyn thought to herself. Her thumb rubbing her father's ring that she was currently wearing on her necklace. "I realize that last time I didn't really go about things that well last time and I'm probably doing worse now by confronting you in your room. I just...never you know, tried to win someone back or try to have some kind of connection with them before and guides and that crap is not really helping." Devyn admitted. Yes, she had actually looked things up and did research on how to win a girl back. Devyn had some faith that things would have worked, but the problem was Zoe pretty much avoiding her.

"So...I just wanted us to talk, without you running off or calling someone. just...to deal with it all at once because while you are thankfully moving on with your life I'm still in a...hole and I'm going to have to be selfish for a moment to get out." Devyn said, and then stopped there. Letting it all sink in and just prepping Zoe. She still felt like this was going to go bad, perhaps it was already going bad but she had to do it. She already felt like she was doing a lot of talking, and there would probably be a lot more, depending on how Zoe was about it all.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

That was precisely what Zoe was thinking. Though she was doing a little less logical thinking about this strange situation and more blindly panicking, panicking and growing somewhat angry about this. She should have figured that Devyn wouldn't let things go, that this sort of thing would happen. How was Zoe supposed to convince Alice to continue seeing her if she had to deal with this? Just the thought that her burgeoning relationship might have another hurdle angered Zoe.

Though at least some of the anger left as Devyn set the key down. Zoe would have demanded the return of that if Devyn hadn't volunteered it, and that gesture did mean something. It actually made Zoe a little more willing to listen. Part of her felt like she really did owe Devyn that much, considering how Devyn had helped Zoe grow, helped her become the person who had enough confidence to stare down a girl who still twisted her insides.

Yes, Devyn did handle things poorly last time, and letting herself into Zoe's room really didn't help matters. Zoe felt more anger flare at that, and she couldn't help but feel that Devyn was attempting to stack the deck, as it were. She wanted to pin Zoe down, make it so she couldn't run away or call someone. Did she not hear herself?

"Devyn you don't---" said Zoe, swallowing, again reminding herself that she could speak, that she should, that she was different, stronger, had support, "you can't just---force a situation like this," she looked at the key for a moment. "You're not allowed to dictate how you can talk to me, not any more," not considering how things had been. it hadn't been Zoe who'd wronged Devyn; she hadn't cheated, she hadn't betrayed Devyn. She moved back to her phone, her fingers caressing the numbers, noticing that she'd already contacted Alice. How would the girl react if Zoe sent a message though? Maybe she should contact Liz or Mae instead... but Zoe's mind was locked on Alice now, remembering their date, remembering where they... how they were...

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn honestly still thought she had done the right thing by at least trying to talk to Zoe about it all. It was not like she asked her out right on the spot, just wanted to let he know that she was trying to get Zoe back. Yet, apparently you were not supposed to do that to someone who no longer loved you or something. She honestly still did not really understand a lot of things when it came to what Zoe felt like Devyn had done so wrong. What really got her was that she didn't even get a chance at all which just made her feel all the more used and that everything that had been said from Zoe was a lit.

No, stop thinking about it like that. Focus. Devyn scolded herself as her grip on her father's ring tightened. Devyn knew what she was saying and she was saying it for a reason. To prove that even while she wanted to do something, here she was standing and not pinning Zoe down. She may have been going about everything wrong but she still wanted to show that she could at least keep herself in check well enough to not do everything that she really wanted to do. Devyn looked to Zoe when the girl did speak up when she let the words settle. Her green eyed gazed locked on Zoe as her ex spoke about what she was doing wrong. Clearly Zoe had missed the part where Devyn said she was going to be selfish a little.

Devyn looked confused at Zoe's words about how Devyn didn't have the right to dictate how she talked to Zoe anymore. The way it sounded coming from Zoe made Devyn feel like Zoe thought they had some kind of abusive relationship or something. There was the phone then, and Devyn so badly wanted to grab it and smash it into little pieces. Yet, she kept control over herself, letting out a low frustrated growl as she looked down towards the ground. "I never lied to you...never stole, never beat on you, and technically never cheated on you. Yet..." Devyn muttered the words, stopping herself and shaking her head. "Look, I love you Zoe. I'm always going to love you and I get that you don't love me. It's just my stupid fault for falling in love with people the way I do. When I say it I mean forever but others don't and I'm not trying to mess anything up for you. It's just that..." Devyn started to explain, looking up at Zoe before looking back down unable to look at the girl holding that phone.

"We have been through so much together, almost dying, protecting, caring for one another, and just...we were friends before it all. You are too important to me to not have in my life and I just wanted to ask if we could be friends. That’s all." Devyn said, managing to look up Zoe at the last bit. She just wanted Zoe in her life, even if Zoe didn't love her anymore; she wanted to be around the other girl. They were friends before it all, so why could they not even be that? Devyn knew she could at least pretend and that she would come to wish Zoe the best.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

How had their relationship lasted as long as it had? Zoe stared at Devyn, still marveling about how the other girl didn't seem to understand. Zoe didn't love Devyn? Did Devyn really think that? Some part of Zoe would always love Devyn. Devyn was the one who helped Zoe come out of her shell, who helped her through the horrible phase in her life. Without Devyn, Zoe certainly wouldn't be as together as she was now. She certainly wouldn't be the kind of person who could assert herself in any venue, let alone the kind of person willing to put forth a showing of her own work. Devyn kept making it solely about her, about what she did, about what she felt.

Zoe blinked, feeling more tears welling up, partly in anger, partly in pity now. Devyn did lie, she did cheat, and that she thought that she could somehow prove herself through listing horrible things she didn't do... she would have been better served reminding Zoe of all the right that had happened, all the love they'd shared.

As she at least tried to do, mentioning all that they'd gone through. Zoe looked away, still silent. they had been through a lot, so very, very much, far more than Zoe had ever been through with another person before. But...

"We can't be friends," she said, her voice sad. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to sort out how to explain it. Zoe needed to be assertive, to put her foot down, even as a part of her just wanted to give into Devyn yet again, let the other girl run over her. She opened her eyes. "At least, not yet. The feelings, Devyn, they're too raw right now," Zoe raised a hand, rubbing at her eyes, "I still... you were the first woman I loved so openly and... and that meant a lot. we did... we did grow together and... and a part of me is always going to love you but... but we're obviously not... we don't... fit," she swallowed, feeling the hot tears bubbling up again. She'd definitely need to call someone after this, but who? Liz... Mae... or Alice?

"And it's not fair to her right now," she said, the name fresh on her mind if not on her lips, "not fair for me to be friend with someone like you. You have to give us time first, give her time to see... to see where we end up."

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn didn't understand, at least not in any way that Zoe was thinking. She thought if you love someone you were supposed to try and work it out with them. To give them a chance and try to work together and understand one another. Then again, she should have assumed others did not think like that. That was why so many kids grew up without another parent in their life or would have to deal with their parents going through a divorce. Devyn didn't have to worry about the dramas of her parents wanting to split up, but she had other family dramas to deal with that no kid should have to deal with growing up either.

Devyn could see that Zoe's eyes were getting watery and part of her had a hard time caring since it was Zoe's fault. Zoe was the one that had broken up with her, the ones that kept pushing her away when Devyn was trying so hard to be better. To understand what she was doing wrong and why things just seemed to get worse instead of better when she would try with Zoe. Zoe had never really given her a reason, she just said things pretty much of what she could not do and would not do. Yet, Devyn had been waiting for proof or even some kind of confirmation from Zoe on what she had actually done wrong.

For Zoe to prove that Devyn had been in the wrong on something, and then maybe she could understand. Yet, Zoe was not giving her anything besides more pushing away. This form of being pushed away was being told that they could not be friends. That had almost hurt Devyn more than the breakup, it in fact did hurt more than the breakup. At the end of the day all she ever had was her friendships that were mostly stable. Being told that they could not be friends was practically enough to push Devyn over the edge. Her green eyes turned a few shades darker as a low growl rose up in her throat, with the shadows in the room already reaching towards Devyn.

They could not be friends yet. How was that any better? Friends were supposed to come first because they were there for you when relationships did go bad or what have you. Her hands went into her pockets as she felt her entire body literally shaking a little. "How is it still raw? It's been months! You said that you loved me and that a part of you is going to always love me, but that is a damn lie! Don't even say it if you are going to lie! If you meant it you would have tried, you would have given me a chance! You keeping pushing me away when all I'm trying to do is try and be better! How can I learn, get better if you don't ever give me a damn chance?" Devyn yelled, unable to hold back.

She hated this, so much. She was trying to move on, to get better, but Zoe was still not giving her a chance. She wanted to focus on her new relationship and Devyn got that, but was it that hard to at least try, to pretend? Had neither of their sacrifices the whole time they were together been worth it? They had to have lasted as long as they did because they did work for one another or something, that was what Devyn had come to believe. She could already feel the shadows climbing up her body, the taste of salt in her mouth made her realize that a few tears had slipped out. So she took a deep breath, wiping away the pointless tears and gave a small nod.

"Right, you win. Someone like me would be a bad friend to have when you are trying to be in a new relationship. I'll back off. You won't have to deal with me ever again until you want to." Devyn said, her voice void of emotions. She doubted Zoe would even bother to meet up with her again to try and be friends. Still, she was done. She was not going to keep trying for someone who didn't care about the fact that she was trying so hard. It was on Zoe then, she held all the cards for if they would ever deal with one another again. Devyn turned to leave then, not wanting to be there anymore, not wanting to be anywhere.

((Sorry its so long))

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Devyn looked angry, beyond angry. Zoe could see those emotions, could practically feel them: anyone could with emotions that strong. Devyn practically shook, and Zoe eyed the shadows fearfully, trying to mentally prepare herself to defend. Her hands were free: she could probably paralyze, though she didn't know if that worked through Devyn's shadows. If nothing else, she could call Liz, or Liz's boyfriend, surely one of them would show and help defend her if it came to that.

They couldn't defend her from Devyn's first attack though. The volley of words launched at Zoe, and the fragile girl's defenses were woefully inadequate. It was a first love! Of course the feelings were still raw only months later! Look at this conversation, at how neither of them could stand being around one another without devolving into something like this. Devyn hadn't left Zoe's mind, let along her heart. Alice was only just starting to nudge Devyn out of the way, and nearly all the time Zoe spent with Alice, she'd been haunted by the specter of Devyn. Devyn hadn't left her alone, wouldn't seem to leave her, yelled at her.

Zoe cried, the tears leaving hot trails down her. She could feel her strength, so carefully built over the past few months, crumbling around her. She wanted nothing so much as to be held right now, and the person who used to that was the one doing it. Words certainly failed her: she couldn't do anything but cry and stand there, looking at Devyn. the cold emotions hurt worse than the words, and Zoe found herself dropping to her knees. she folded her arms around herself, weeping, curling in. Why hadn't Devyn just waited? Zoe probably would have come back, once she was certain that she'd settled. Now though, now she felt as though her carefully repaired self was shattering all around her.

"Please leave," she managed to rasp through her tears, the words barely audible, but surely Devyn could hear, would know what Zoe wanted even without the words.

[Devyn Solway]

Zoe was crying then, after Devyn got her yell out and then just gave up. Part of her hated herself for losing it on Zoe like that. She understood that Zoe was fragile and that she could not just say whatever she pleased with her, but she could not hold back anymore. She had already been trying so hard to try and be a better girlfriend to Zoe, to try and make things better between them, and then trying to be friends. Yet at every turn things didn't go well and it always ended with Zoe crying, Devyn shedding a few tears, and feeling worse than she did before.

This time, a small part of her did in fact feel better. That she had been able to yell and get out some of the pain and see that it did at least affect Zoe. Seeing the girl she loved fall to her knees made her chest ache and she wanted to go over there and hug her. She wanted to hold her and make the pain go away like Zoe used to allow her. Zoe didn't want her anymore, she had said so herself that she didn't want Devyn touch her ever again. Zoe said that she loved her, but everything that Zoe had done just kept proving to Devyn that she did not.

She did take a step closer to Zoe, but hesitated and took the step back. Then the words that she expected left Zoe's lips. She just gave a small nod. Pushing me away still. Always pushing me away. Everyone does eventually. Devyn thought to herself, keeping that emotionless expression as she walked out of Zoe's dorm room. Zoe didn't want her there, she was done trying to work together to get both of their pain out and out of the way. She understood that she was probably doing it wrong, but she didn't really know how to do it the right way.

Was there even a right way? She supposed thinking about it didn't really matter. Zoe was more than likely never going to deal with her again as she figured from the start of Zoe saying those words Devyn hated hearing the most. 'A person like her'. Devyn at least felt slightly better that her yelling at Zoe did warrant her to be treated like a monster, perhaps it would now hurt less. Either way, she was gone.