The Things You Do For Your Job

[Tamara Sulik]

How was she supposed to accommodate a cat!? It was the question Tam asked herself after she got a message from the administration. They had to welcome a new member amongst the staff. A cat. Not a person with a cat, an actual cat. Well, Tamara assumed there was something special about the furball because the dorm rooms were not here to stock in the girls' pets. At first she thought she didn't hear right. Maybe it was someone who could turn into a cat. Well, if it was the case, that person decided his feline form was too interesting to go back to the human one. Or they couldn’t anymore. Whatever, it wasn’t like she cared.

Right now, she was much too busy trying to understand what she was supposed to do to make this room more cat-friendly. Was she supposed to turn the bathroom into a giant litter box? And who was supposed to clean behind? That better not be her. She was not a janitor. And how were they supposed to deal with the food and water? Was someone there to provide that cat with everything, will that person finally agree to turn back into human form for something as basic as this or was she the one who’ll have to deal with it because they just decided it landed on her? Would that cat even eat cat food or actual human food? So many questions and not one single answer.

Tamara said nothing when the girls rose to the rank of headmistresses. It was silly, really, to offer such an important job to young girls but it wasn’t like she’d take that position in a heartbeat and she was ready to play along as long as her job remained the same. The uniforms and IDs seemed a good idea. Hiring a cat to be a member of the security, not so much. She knew better than to question her boss’ decisions however so she simply worried about their mental health when no one could hear her. “Where’s that furball anyway?” she mumbled under her breath. She kept things simple, more or less like you would for any ordinary cat. Everything was ready, she was only waiting for... a cat’s approval? Wow, she really reached a new low.

[Humphries]

It turned out that they were placing Humphries in one of the staff dorms, which suited him fairly well. He didn't technically need a lot of space, and he did have a preference for curling up on a soft human to sleep. So, yes, he did still have some attraction to human females and all, but a lot of that attraction came in second to his preference toward having them as pillows because of what nearly every female happened to have on her chest.

Said females were likely to notice that while Humphries himself didn't seem to take up much room, he still had a handful of possessions that he apparently liked. An expensive looking basket now sat in the little common area they all shared, with a plush cushion set into it. He didn't bother much with most of the toys that amused him, but he actually did have an imported scratching post. A stash of catnip had arrived as well, and sat near the fridge, ready for consumption. Though Humphries knew he had to be careful: the stuff had a tendency to revert him into a cat quickly.

Said new staffer sat patiently in his carrying cage while a put-upon staff member carried him to his room. She set down the cage, looked around for a moment, saw Tamara, and smiled. "Looks like you're the lucky one to get him for a roommate," she said. She tapped the cage, and Humphries let out an indignant meow. The staffer sighed, undid the latch, and Humphries walked out.

He stepped a few feet forward before stretching out, extending his claws and kneading the floor for a few moments. First front, then back, then he shook his head, flicked his tail, and looked up. Yes, a human, a pretty one with-ah, excellent pillows. Humphries purred and sat, his tail wrapping around himself while he looked up at his new roommate with unmistakable satisfaction.

[Tamara Sulik]

It was kind of weird to have those new stuff arriving. Normally, they’d be boxes full of books, clothes and whatever you might want to keep with you in your room. Not a basket, toys and catnip. But what else can a cat need, right? She tried to set everything in place because how can a cat do it on its own, really. Still, she did grumble a little since that was not part of her job or so she maintained. It wasn’t like she helped the students unpack why did she had to do it now? Oh, right, because it was a cat and she was in charge of the dorms. “This is really just for this once. The next animal they bring in, I’m throwing in the stables with the horses,” she did let out as she settled everything.

The cat finally arrived, sitting in a cage carried around by someone, looking all royal and judgemental, like every cat does. She looked at the woman carrying the cage then down at the cat that meowed at her words. “That would be me,” she admitted. Thank goodness she was not allergic to any animals. How about the others? Though, if the rumours were true and he was human, maybe you wouldn’t get allergic to him. Right? Tamara never really cared about every little details regarding powers except when she had to deal with such details.

It was weird to be studied like this by a cat. It was already strange to have the young students staring at her sometimes but when it was a cat that did it, it reached levels she never went to before. She swore he was staring at her breasts. “He... He’s got a name I suppose?” she said. She had been way too shocked by the fact the new staff member was an animal to really focus on the name of said staff member. He looked at the cat. How was she supposed to talk to it/him/whatever? “I... hope everything is alright,” she said with lots of hesitation. This was just silly.

[Humphries]

Upon hearing the veiled threat toward his living situation, Humphries let out an indignant meow, looking up at the woman wiht a decidedly skeptical eye. She had admitted to being the appropriate person, and now she was asking questions. Even before the staffer accompanying him could say something, Humphries let out a meow and nudged his case. He stretched up and patted the top before going back down, staring at the woman.

And, if that wasn't enough, he also extended his neck slightly, letting her see that he did wear identification tags. They included his name, his sex, and his position at the school, confirming that yes, he did have authority and he really did work here. He'd gotten those immediately, since Humphries made certain that his authority was something of a priority for those involved.

"His name is Humphries," the escort said anyway, tapping the top, "and you get to deal with him now. He's, uh, smarter than you probably think,' she looked at him, obviously remembering things. He looked at her, flicked his tail, and purred slightly.

[Tamara Sulik]

There was something very unnerving about dealing with a cat, or this cat in particular. The way it looked at her, Tam was not quite sure how she was supposed to react. Normally, she wouldn’t care. It was just a cat. Except that it wasn’t just a cat. Because of that, Tam wondered if she should address to... that, like she would an animal or a human.

She noticed how the cat extended its neck and she saw some identification tags. Bending in front of the animal, she saw all the information you’d expect to see on an ID. Awesome, the joke just kept going on, he had the proper credentials to be a staff member part of the security. “Hello Humphries,” she said as she was told his name pretty much as she was reading it on the tag. Okay, that was weird. Damn, Tam had no idea how to bounce in this situation and she hated when that happened. She felt like running to Guy right now and beg him to help her out there, only because he was the one she’d always go to if such a situation occurred. Luckily, it rarely did and might never in the future. She hoped it would never in the future.

She stared at the escort, slightly surprised as she was told she had to deal with the cat. “Wait!” she exclaimed as she stood up, staring at the woman. It wasn’t like she cared if that thing was smarter than any other cat. “You’re going? I thought you were.... I don’t know, his handler or something? What am I supposed to do here?” she asked. He might be smarter than any other cat but he was a cat. So, was she supposed to talk to him like a human being while cleaning his litter box? Because she wasn’t quite seeing herself doing that.

[Humphries]

Humphries practically preened as his new roommate said his name. Yes, that was accurate, and she'd better get used to calling him that. She'd better get used to him, period, though it did seem like she might be a little unnerved by his presence. He supposed he did overwhelm people from time to time. The cat flicked his tail and then rubbed his neck against Tam's ankles for a moment. He could communicate more easily if he could get his device near enough her phone to hack it and send the texts.

Of course, she was already talking to his escort instead of him, dimming her in Humphries' eyes to a certain degree. "He doesn't have a handler," said the staffer, giving Humphries a look. "He pretty well handles himself. I think housekeeping's supposed to handle the, uh, necessities, since he works here and all," she smiled at Tam, then waved a few fingers, clearly pleased to be getting rid of Humphries.

Which just made Humphries meow before he moved to sit next to Tam. He blinked, looking up at her. Once he was certain she looked to him, he'd nod his head slightly, trying to indicate that she should introduce herself. well, that and possibly get out her phone, but there wasn't a consistent way of asking for that in body language.

Yet.

[Tamara Sulik]

Tam couldn’t quite associate a cat and a person together. She could act around him as one or the other but wasn’t quite sure how she was supposed to mix both. She was a tad surprised as he brushed against her ankles. Typical cat reaction. Would he check under people’s skirts? Because that wouldn’t be typical. She made a mental note to only wear pants, not that it was hard as she always wore pants at work. It was those little details that made it so confusing to her. And Tamara hated when she couldn’t handle a situation on her own. It was just a freaking cat! She’d be damned if she couldn’t handle a cat.

The woman said he had no handlers or whatever you wanted to call the one in charge of him. Sure, he was a staff member and they kept talking like he was human or something. But he couldn’t open doors right? And he couldn’t get his food if it wasn’t in a bowl or something. She couldn’t imagine the cat opening the refrigerator’s door to get the milk out of it. She didn’t mean to insult Humphries but how was he supposed to communicate? It was why she talked to the woman. She didn't quite get how he was supposed to help them if nobody could understand him. She was not speaking cat. Shouldn’t he be with someone who could? That seemed to make sense but apparently wasn’t how things worked around here. “Oh, right,” she let out as she was told the housekeeping should take care of pretty much everything. Were they warned? If his litter box was dirty and Humphries came to her to clean it, they sure will hear about it.

Tam did feel trap. She almost wanted to run after the woman and beg her to stay. She looked at the cat sitting not too far from her. She sighed. The cat was staring at her. Normally, she’d think he was hungry or wanted cuddles or something. But cuddling a staff member seemed kind of inappropriate, even a feline one . “Looks like you’re stuck with me. Are you hungry?” she asked. She was already trying to get something out for me. “So, I guess we’ll be together now, right? I’m Tam, by the way, Tamara,” she said. Honestly, it was the nerves that got her to talk so much. She sighed again at her own attitude. “Seriously, you’re picking conversations with cats now,” she mumbled as quietly as she could. Didn’t want Humphries to hear her.

[Humphries]

Cuddling was most certainly appropriate when it came to Humphries. He outright expected it from people, though he might go out of his way to try and find those who didn't quite know. He wasn't a fool: he understood that some people might be unnerved with actively cuddling a being that had equal intelligence to them. In different circumstances, Humphries might be right there with them. As it stood, he happened to get quite a bit of pleasure (and no, not of a sexual sort) from such affection and attention.

Again, not for now. Instead, Humphries waited patiently, knowing that Tamara was going through the basic reactions to him. Do you treat the cat staff as a human or a pet? The answer was somewhere in between. Though he could go to the cafeteria and order food almost as well as any of the others could, thanks to the marvels of modern mutant enhanced technology.

Speaking of, Humphries felt the little hum on his collar that let him know that his phone had hacked into hers. It would access her network and let him utilize the collar's unique body language and synapse reader to send very basic text messages to her phone. which he did now, moving to wind himself around her feet and work his neck:

greetings TAMARA. i am humphries. i am intelligent. you do not have to worry about taking care of me. cats take care of themselves well. smart cats take care of themselves better.

The text message would be sent directly to Tam's phone, assuming, of course, that she had it on her. It had to be fairly close; otherwise Humphries' device wouldn't have hacked her into his network.

[Tamara Sulik]

Tamara was still not quite able to juggle with the cat/person duality that was Humphries. She was acting very differently with a pet than she did with a colleague. She would never have the idea of cuddling her colleagues or clean their litter behind them, although, she supposed there might have been some exceptions for both the cuddling and the cleaning. Still, talking to the cat as if he was human only to pour him milk later because he had no thumb to pick it up by himself, that sure made things awkward at the very least. Not to add that she was wondering just how much pleasure she could give Humphries with stroking and cuddling. She knew for the other guys but a cat...

And that was weird again. She quickly set her mind to something else. She looked into the fridge. If she could not find something for the cat, she might find something for her. She needed it, food or a drink, anything to keep her mouth busy so it wouldn’t run again and come up with silly stuff. She received a text message during that time and instinctively reached for her phone to look at it. She didn’t receive that much messages but if that could excuse herself away from the cat, she wouldn’t mind. It would give her the chance to come back with all of her senses.

When she looked at the message however, she froze. Slowly, she eyed towards the cat, then back at her phone, then back at the cat again. Seriously? Was this like a nasty joke someone was pulling on her? Well, he had all the credentials so if it was a joke, it was a very elaborate one. But a texting cat!? “Holy sh... You sent that?” she asked the cat. Was she seriously asking a cat if he could text? “Sooooo, you can text us? That’s what you’ll do, if you need anything you’ll text one of us?” Even Twilight Zone seemed more logical than this. But she had to accept the fact, she just ended up with a texting cat. “You want food or water? Or milk, I suppose, I don’t know? Unless you ate enough on your way here and you want a nap. Or a tour,” she started to say, almost unable to stop her mouth from spitting out more words. Or get the hell out of here, she felt like adding. But that was more what she wanted.

[Humphries]

Why did they always react like that? These people dealt with human beings capable of flinging fire or reading minds or teleporting from one place to the next, yet somehow the texting cat was just too strange for them. Sometimes Humphries just had to wonder where they kept their brains.

He did, however, nod as Tam discussed his texting her in case he needed anything. you can do same he sent back, wiggling slightly to make sure that his body language conveyed it wholly. He had the sudden urge to rub against her and found himself taking a few steps forward before pausing. Those feline impulses could be just so hard to control sometimes, but, thankfully, Humphries did have quite a bit of experience.

got food and water on way. thanks. could use help with bed Humphries twisted and turned as he got that out, before ending with a nod. He flicked his tail toward a bed and walked over to pat it before looking over at Tamara again. He meowed, and it almost sounded apologetic: can't move self. much sorry. really will try not be nuisance: can handle self.

In fact, if the litter became a problem, he could always just go outside easily enough. He'd had some training in getting that done properly after all.

[Tamara Sulik]

It was kind of funny. Tamara could take a suddenly dissolving his clothes without meaning to and ending up naked in the hall with aplomb. She could reassure a girl who flooded a whole floor that it was alright and not find it weird at all. She could chase after one who tried to fly his way out of the dorm past curfew without even thinking it was crazy. Yet somehow, a cat, an intelligent cat, texting, that was too much. She bet some scientific genius might tell her there was no bound as to what could be possible but she had her limits. Talking to a cat, answering his texts, was her limit.

Any other cat, she wouldn’t think they nodded at her, but it was too convenient for it to be a mere coincidence. Plus she got a new text. “I think I’ll stick to talking. You seem to understand me,” she answered. And it wasn’t like she needed to give them another reason to think she was crazy. “They couldn’t get you a gadget like Stephen hawking to talk for you instead?” she let out. She didn't mean it to sound so sarcastic and, honestly, she wasn’t sure exactly how the brilliant man communicated but she thought it was the kind of crazy technology you’d expect mutants to have. Oh, except mutants weren’t like X-Men with, like, unlimited resources and more brain in one of them than a whole bunch of searchers from the CERN. And a computer attached to Humphries’ neck might be kind of a nuisance. Thinking of it that way, what they created to allow him to text her was pretty brilliant. Creepy, but brilliant.

More texts soon came by, added by the cat moving around and meowing at her. “Oh, right, yes,” she said, walking towards the cat and his bed. “You have a place you prefer it to be? We wouldn’t want it to be too in the way or somewhere too loud, right? And that’s fine, if you can handle yourself. But if you, like, don’t have any more food or water, don’t hesitate,” she said towards the cat as she grabbed the bed. Was she talking too much? She felt like she said far too much. Alright, she’ll shut up for now.

[Humphries]

Talking worked, and Humphries nodded, adding a flick of his tail to further confirm that he was perfectly fine with however he wanted to communicate. He saw no reason to disrespect someone when they respected him, plus he knew that this woman had a fairly decent chance of being someone who might have to lower a dish of food for him at some point. Never bite the hand that feeds.

tried. feline brainwaves difficult read sent Humphries. He seemed to sigh, flicking his tail with irritation. took years get this right. still make sound caveman. which clearly frustrated the cat, as he even let out a meow of irritation. He prided himself on his intelligence, and on the fact that he'd managed to maintain that for several years, despite fighting almost daily against feline instincts.

Several of which were roaring at him as he watched the woman start to move his bed. He definitely wanted to just curl up and sleep on that, enjoying some hat or something. he looked around for a moment, obviously considering her question. right. not loud. somewhere warm? sunshine. He did like resting in the sun.

Humphries trotted away, looking around, trying to see where the windows came in to get sun. For surely their room had windows. He looked back, wondering if he should try small talk with the woman. Probably not until they'd at least settled his bed: she already seemed to be nervously prattling. No need to make that even worse.

[Tamara Sulik]

Tamara saw some comfort in seeing she could get herself understood by the cat and that the other way around was also apparently possible. It was still kind of weird and she knew it would take a few more texts from the cat for her not to freak out about it. How can you not find it strange to receive a text from a cat? She better not talk a lot about it except with those who received such messages as well. She’d be good for the loony bin otherwise.

She read the next text sent to her. “Right. Technology has its limits too,” she let out. She preferred not to hear too much about how this was all possible. She bet some scientists could explain but it would only end up with Tam getting a headache and not being any closer to understanding it. She should just go with her. She could do that. She didn't have much of a choice.

Another text and this one put a light, amused smile on her face. “You should read what some students send to each other. At least this is readable,” she said to Humphries, looking at the furball as she talked. Some form of consolation? In a way, it better be readable, because Tam did not speak cat and didn’t even want to try and decipher what his blinks and wiggling of the tail could mean.

Trying to still look at her phone while holding the bed proved to be a bit of a challenge at first but at least she managed to do it without dropping anything. “I can get you that. I can even get a desk or something so it’s closer to the window if you want. Unless you think it might get too cold. Then again, it can be moved easily,” she said and on that, she tried to find the best spot in the room for Humphries to enjoy the most light. This, at least, seemed more natural, if you take away the fact he expressed his desire to her regarding the location of his bed.

[Humphries]

Humphries meowed his agreement regarding technology. All too often he found that he wished it could do just a little more, though he supposed he should be thankful that he didn't have to attempt to use Morse code or some more archaic method of communication. Plus, he had some confidence that someday some mutant would make a new tech.

lol. came from Humphries before he could stop it, and he nearly winced. teenspeak so strange these days. strange indeed.

He didn't linger overmuch on the thought though, as he entered the bedroom and looked around. There were a few spots that made sense, and he heard Tamara's offer to move a desk over. Humphries considered this, looking around. He actually preferred that thought, but, hmm, he didn't want to make himself too much of a burden here. He needed Tamara on his side. So how to phrase it...

desk be much good he sent, even moving to rub against Tam's legs in an approving, affectionate manner. no need trouble if too much though. floor works just as well There, that should work, and Humphries truly didn't mind. He would just end up finding a few odd places to sleep anyway.

[Tamara Sulik]

At least Tamara knew enough to tell what lol was. She might prefer to write the words as they were when sending a message, she still knew that much. If she didn’t, she could just imagine what the students would think. You happened to use a word that was trendy a week ago and you were old for not being able to follow. “You’ve got no idea,” she replied to Humphries’ message.

Well, if that kept going like this, perhaps she’ll be able to deal with this new situation sooner than she thought. A texting cat, no big deal, right? Hell, she was able to make holograms like a freaking sci-fi robot or something, she couldn’t talk about weird!

Tam was probably the first to tell cats didn't give a crap about people, as long as they were fed. She remembered something she heard once, never knew if it was meant to be a joke or some thoughtful expression. The dog says: humans pet me, feed me, give me shelter, they must be gods. The cat says: humans pet me, feed me, give me shelter, I must be a god. This cat however seemed to be polite. Perhaps because he sued to be a man. Or perhaps she really knew nothing about cats in the end.

It was a bit hard to think of Humphries as a colleague when he was rubbing against her legs however. She tried to chase that thought away. Cat, colleague, it was way too complicated to deal with right now. “It shouldn’t be too hard. But if it gets too cold by the window, you better warn one of us because I won’t think of this on my own,” she warned the cat. Moving the desk proved to be not too difficult. She tried to place the bed in what she assumed would be a comfortable position and then moved a chair so he could hop on it if he didn’t want to jump straight on the desk. It wasn’t like she knew how agile he was. “Anything else?”