WTF?!(Erika)

[Jack McCarthy]

To: Erika Bellefonte
From: Jack Mccarthy 
"THERE'S A CAT IN THE SCHOOL! YOU SEE THIS RIGHT!? THERE IS A CAT IN THE SCHOOL. WHY IS THERE A CAT IN THE SCHOOL?!"

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

To: That Irish dumbass
From: Erika Bellefonte

...Oh. It's you. Great. I'm...thrilled.
And yes, there is a cat in the school. He's the new security staff.

[Jack McCarthy]

To: Erika Bellefonte
From: Jack Mccarthy

Yes. It's me. We got drunk one night and graffitied a wall. Of  course you remember me I'm so memorable. 

Really? Staff you say? Well Golly thats interesting. Quick question: WHAT IN THE NAME OF SATANS NIPPLES IS THERE A FUCKING CAT ON THE STAFF?! This...is a joke right? Yeah no it's totally a joke...right?

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

To: That Irish dumbass
From: Erika Bellefonte

...Right. Remind me again why you have my number?

Well, I don't think... 'Satan's Nipples' have anything to do with this. And I can't really give you a whole lot of information about the case, but if you're curious, he should be roaming the halls as we speak. Why don't you say hello? I'm sure he'd be thrilled to meet you.

[Jack McCarthy]

To: Erika Bellefonte
From: Jack Mccarthy

Because I’m super charming and charismatic and the twinkle in my perfect eyes made you forget yourself for a moment as your womanhood took over but that’s beside the point

No, no no no no no. Ok. I can live with the whole “18 year old as headmistress” thing, a lot of people call you lots of names like “Bitch” but not me. And I can live with your creepy little uniform.
But if you think for one second I can accept. A dirty, mangly soulless, heartless creature of the purest evil walking the school and staring at me with those demon eyes. YOU ARE ON MMMMMETH! METH! YOU’RE FUCKING HIGH. Fire him. Right now. Right fucking now. I’m not being funny. Can you imagine just what he would do to everyone allergic? Hairballs in the halls? The fucking school littered with dead bodies after he ripped them apart with those horrible razor sharp claws of death?

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

To: That Irish dumbass
From: Erika Bellefonte

...Wow, you truly are delusional, aren't you?

That nickname would be reserved to my sister, and not me, I believe, but it's an interesting thing to say nonetheless. Besides, even if you didn't agree with any of it, it would only be a pebble on top of a mountain. There's bigger things in the picture than your opinions, Mr. McCarthy.

He's far from dirty; In fact, cats are rather clean creatures, and he does have a soul and a heart. Or else, he'd cease to function. And I don't think he is evil either, but I suppose that's debatable. And you're in no position to tell me what to do either, but if you have a complaint, feel free to forward an email to the administration and we'll get back to you... as soon as we can.

Though, I highly recommend coming up with a better reason than 'A dirty, mangle, soulless, heartless creature that are evil'. At least if you want to be taken seriously, but that shouldn't be a problem for you...

[Jack McCarthy]

To: Erika Bellefonte

From: Jack Mccarthy



Hey. Where did that come from?! There’s no need to throw out hurtful words and insults for no reason. Considering your stupid fucking decision and the stress it put me under I’ve been nought but a gentleman “Delusional” Pissh. Tell that to your lady parts.

Oh, yeah: Cats are super clean except when they’re cover blood and gore and blood and more blood. Just because he can lick his balls doesn’t mean he can lick his black SOUL!

How about this for a good reason: We have a belief where I come from: And that’s Every single cat is possessed. Yeah that’s right. Possessed you what know by who? Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. Guess. THE GOD DAMN DEVIL! They’re freaking smug little tools that only want to care about mauling small animals to death. And people. Oh yeah. They’re god damn evil little predators, just waiting for the opportunity to claw open all of our throats.

[Humphries]

To: Jack McCarthy, Erika Bellefonte
From: Humphries

o.o

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

To: That Irish dumbass, Humphries
From: Erika Bellefonte

Well... I think that answers your question.

[Jack McCarthy]

To: Erika Bellefonte, Humphries

From: Jack Mccarthy

....How does a cat learn how to use a phone....how does it know?! It doesn't even have thumbs.....jesus...it's spying on me. it's staking me. HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM ABOUT A CAT THAT CAN TEXT?!  DO YOU SEE NOW. IT'S OUT TO GET ME. You stay the fuck away from me you hear? Fucking spawn of satan. Go ndéana an diabhal dréimire de cnámh do dhroma ag piocadh úll i ngairdín Ifrinn! Fuck the fuck off. Jesus. Erika! Buddy. Tell him to go away. Tell him to leave me alone!

[Humphries]

To: Jack McCarthy, Erika Bellefonte
From: Humphries

Now now, Mr. McCarthy. I'm simply looking after all the students. It's my job to makes sure that you're all.... safe.

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

To: That Irish dumbass, Humphries
From: Erika Bellefonte

See, he's... Harmless. He's just out to protect you and make this school a safe environment for us all. Don't be so melodramatic, McCarthy.

[Jack McCarthy]

To: Erika Bellefonte
and that scary fucking cat
From: Jack Mccarthy

I’ve gone insane right? That’s what’s happening now. They found me running through the school nude smearing poop on the walls and now I’m in a padded room and this conversation s taking place in my own fractured mind.

Don’t be so melodramatic?! A CAT IS TEXTING ME AND YOU’RE TELLING ME NOT TO FREAK OUT?! You…you do know what’s going on here right. Because you seem VERY cool with it.You do know that what’s happening is impossible right? That this is an abomination against nature. Ok. Clearly this hasn’t sunk in yet so let me spell it out for you: A CAT IS USING A PHONE. A CAT IS TEXTING US. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. THIS IS NOT A THING THAT SHOULD BE. THAT’S FUCKING SCARY!!!!!

Do…you get- OMG the cat has you captive right? He’s watching you right now….just send the number 3 and I’ll come down there with a bat.

I don’t trust a cat. Cat’s don’t like me and they don’t like me. I don’t care what that evil demon has to say. I have a bat and I can kick super hard. Don’t throw rocks as a man who has a machine gun you scary fucking cat

[Humphries]

To: Jack McCarthy, Erika Bellefonte
From: Humphries

3

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

To: That Irish dumbass, Humphries
From: Erika Bellefonte

I like this cat.