Boyfriend-be-gone (Tim)

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack Mccarthy was a man known as a great many things and almost all of them being not particularly nice things (The world asshole springs up quite a lot) but one side of Jack that rarely anyone got to see is the fact that he’s among the most protective people you’re ever likely to meet. Jack doesn’t have a lot of people he likes but those that he does enjoy the company of he almost seems to imprint on them as if with every friendship he forms he makes a subconscious vow to become their unofficial guard dog protecting them from any and all harm that might befall them (Real and imagined by him) Most of the time this could easily been seen as a positive trait to have but at times he has a tendency to get carried away with this role.

Take for instant Luxanna Vierra. Jack’s closest and best friend and arguably the one person that Jack feels more protective of them anyone else. Ever since the incident where she was almost sold off to a creepy dude in a trench coat if it was at all possible Jack had become even more protective of her, Already when it came to Lux and potential suitors Jack was worse then the most paranoid parent chasing anyone that even looked at Lux for a prolonged second away with the baseball bat that he keeps under his bed at all times, but over the last few months he has only gotten worse. The message was simple: Anyone who wants Lux they needed to get pass Jack first.

No small task

So you could imagine how he must have been feeling when a little bird told him that Lux had been going out with Jack’s old gym friend Tim Tawfeek. Well friend was putting it strongly. As he hardly endeared himself to Tim chasing around the gym and taking pictures to be put in various places on the internet. Whenever he thought about what happened it brought a smile to his face…but now that smile was wiped off to be replaced by quite a nasty snarl. If he thought he was laying a finger on Lux, he had another thing coming. Sure, he may play cute and innocent with his little web show and his stupid little glasses but Jack saw through him, he say through the façade and he knew underneath that nerdy act there was a dick coated dick.

So maybe it was necessary that Jack politely tells him to stay away from Lux, maybe a little chat was needed….

…and what nice friendly chat between two good friends be complete without a large baseball bat?

Jack made sure to hide the bat in the deep inside pocket of his coat before he spied Tim going into to cafeteria and Jack of course following behind making sure to sit at the same table he was “Heya Tommy, how are you diddling?” Jack said his voice as innocent as he could possibly be with a smile on his face “I don’t know about you but I have a fever, and the only cure is crappy cafeteria food, I’m pretty sure the soup here has grown sentient and has a life of its own, pretty sure the entire school will be invaded by giant soup monsters…I can think of worse ways to go.”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Man, did Tim ever have a lot on his plate anymore. So much so that it sometimes felt like weeks went by without him even noticing some things. Between the whole upcoming senior school year, his new relationship with Lux, the new web show, and just, well, everything else, it was amazing that Tim could keep it together at all. Still, he managed to be doing fairly good at balancing. Helped that he was picking up allies and friends and all kinds of technology along the way.

Unfortunately, not counted among said allies and friends was one Jack McCarthy. Tim blinked and stared at the other guy as he approached him. Though the whole affair appeared quite innocent and nonchalant, Tim couldn't quite shake the feeling that Jack had been laying in wait to ambush him. Probably didn't help that their last encounter had been effectively that.

"Diddling?" repeated Tim, blinking. "As in---dude, sometimes I wish," he chuckled, before letting out a sigh. "But ,uh, I'm just picking up something to munch on for a bit. You know, stomach pangs and all that. Uh..." Tim hesitated. He really, really didn't want to invite Jack along. He also really, really didn't think Jack was going to give him much choice in the matter.

Plus, Tim thought he recalled Lux talking about Jack, and they'd had the whole "you mean that Jack conversation already...

"You can join me, if you want," said Tim, shifting nervously away from Jack, "assuming that you're not going to, I don't know, pants me in front of everyone and get it on YouTube."

Somehow, Tim figured that was exactly what this was all about. Or maybe something worse.
God how he hoped it wasn't worse.

[Jack McCarthy]

Oh yeah, Jack knew exactly how Mr. Tentacle Timmy was didding, he was didding quite well. he was quite the Diddler or so Jack had believed. Just look at him and his shifty eyes he’s a Ridddly diddly diddler if ever he saw one! and he would be damned he let that damn Diddler put his slimmy didding hand over l-

Ok what the fuck was he talking about?

Even Jack knew that yelling internally in gibberish was a clear sign that he needed to calm down and at least attempt to have a coherent conversation with Tim…Well as nice and coherent with a baseball bat hidden in his jacket can be but he wanted to see if he can scare off Tim verbally first before things turn for the nasty. He hoped that wouldn’t come to that. He wanted to know if Lux was in safe hands and if he wasn’t, Jack intended to break both his hands if he dared broke Lux’s heart. Looking at him now Jack didn’t see what appeal Tim had to Lux, he looked like a total and complete dork and trust me when Jack Mccarthy makes light of how much a wimp you are…you have problems.

Of course Tim permission was irrelevant, Jack was going to join him if he wanted company or not he was about to become a lot closer to Jack too, they were going to become best friends in the whole world, they were going to know every thing about each other chief among them: Tim’s intention with Lux, Jack could easily be considered Lux’s guard dog and like any good guard dog he rarely suffered any unwanted intruders in his territory. So he will try growing before he tried biting “What?” Jack said in a voice filled with hurt as if Tim just accused a monk of leaving a flaming bag of poop on Tim’s door step. “Why do the hell would I do anything so immature and rude for no reason? Why I’m insulted Tim. I have no idea what I did to you that would make you think I would humiliate you like that. To be honest, I like the cut of your jib kid –Hah. That rhymes.- In fact” Jack said as he put his arm around Tim in a overly friendly gesture “I’m going to take you under my wing. Tutor you, Mold you. Guide you from the weird puny little dork who likes to strip naked in locker rooms into an alpha male. Hey are you going to eat that?” Jack said pointing to the food in front of Tim. Not waiting for an answer he picked up the food in front of him and took a massive bite out of it “Oh shit this is great” Jack muttered not bothering to clearly never realizing that speaking with his mouth full of food is rude. “So! I refer you to my opening question. How are you diddling? What’s going on the wacky world of Timmy timmy tim tim. Any drama, any heart pain? A few highs? Lows? I don’t know…any…girls on the bounce just curiosity.”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Tim gave Jack a level look that conveyed how very little he bought the whole innocent act. The last time they'd met had been yet another just absolutely sterling mark on Tim's dubious internet presence. Thankfully, he did have plans to bring it back up to standard, but that would take a little time. He definitely didn't buy the whole bit about Jack suddenly wanting to buddy up.

That was sort of like Cobra Commander suddenly deciding that hanging out with the Gi-Joes was a good idea. Or maybe Darth Maul teaming up with the Jedi for something (though Tim had read a pretty decent fanfic about that particular one).

"I'm not diddling anyway," repeated Tim, sighing. "And most of my drama is online," or not his to give way, since he didn't know how much Lux had shared with the rest of the world....

speaking of: the way Jack almost immediately emphasized girls made Tim wonder. Lux had mentioned Jack before... "You know I'm dating Lux, right? That is a thing that is somehow happening," said Tim, unable to keep quite all of his own skepticism out of his voice. That happened every time he mentioned Lux because, well, he still couldn't believe it himself.

"I still gotta get food...' said Tim, purposefully trailing off as he jerked his thumb over his shoulder, trying to indicate a need to be away from Jack for at least the next few moments.

[Jack McCarthy]

You know, Jack knew he had a reputation of being somewhat of a lovable rouge (Minus the lovablepart at times) but he resented the fact that Tim thought that his nice guy act was bullshit. Ok, true it was complete and total bullshit in every possible way but that was beside the point. Was it really so hard to believe that Jack could be a nice guy? Could Tim really be so closed minded to write Jack off so easily before he got a chance to get to know him better. Ok, he didn’t quite make the best first impression, but why didn’t he get to know him? Maybe underneath his roughish outer coating there beats the heart of the world’s most sensitive poet. Maybe all he needed was one big giant hug and Tim was the one to melt his heart. All he needed was to be held in his big strong arms and cry buckets in his shoulder.

Of course the point was moot because Jack was an Asshole and as long as Tim was dating Lux Jack will take great pleasure in being an asshole to him

“Oh, Online trouble” Jack said nodding sympathetically “That’s a foe I’ve battled many-a time before. This one time I heard from a friend if you sit on your hand and make it go numb it makes a garden vanity wank into a magical invisible hand job-Just a little tip from your uncle Jack. You’re welcome in advance. I know you’re going to try it tonight. My gift to you. Anywho I did that just before a live web cam session with a lady friend. And just when it was getting good. Boom! Her dad busted into the room. He freaks out, jabbering away like he was possessed by the devil. Of course I tried to click out of it, but my arm was still numb so I just kind of slapped it against the desk top flopping there for like an hour. Oh man, that was a bad scene. “

Of course when Tim ever so casually mentioned that he was dating Lux what Jack wanted to do was grab the back of his stupid head and slam it over and over against the desk until he went limp, but instead Jack just gasped in surprise at this revelation (Admittedly over dramatic) as his punched his shoulder in a playful gesture (A little too hard) Look at you, Mister Lady killer. Yes., that is new information. I don’t not know that. But now I do, because you just told me and I for one couldn’t be more happy to hear that” As if trying to prove this Jack forced the world fakest and over the top grin apon his face “So…So happy for my friend. My dear friend Tim and your budding romance. Did I mention how happy I am?”

Jack arm around Tim’s shoulder got even tighter for fear Tim would get away “Yes you do, you need to get food for your brain, there isn’t a more tasty treat then the fruit of information and I’m about to give you a feast. A banquet. Because between you and me…do you think it’s wise to date Lux, I mean you heard the stories right?” Jack took a quick glace around him as if afraid they were going to be the victim of people listening in. “I mean you heard about…him right?”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Somehow, Tim didn't think that his version of "online trouble" would sync up well with Jack's, mostly because Tim wasn't entirely sure that Jack's version would have any real connection to anything remotely related to the plane of existence. Sure enough, the flamboyant guy did not disappoint, prattling off in nearly intimate, and admittedly comic, detail an online liaison. Tim let out a slight chuckle, one that was slightly nervous, because he could honestly see Jack taking that in exactly the wrong way and, well, whatever Jack's retaliation would be, Tim didn't want to think about.

And look: punching, and probably not even as a counterattack yet. Yay! Tim rubbed at the arm, chuckling lightly and looking at Jack like victims looked at Jigsaw. "Really? I would've figured that Lux would've mentioned it. She's mentioned you," offered Tim, trying to sound casual. She had, and that had been a semi-awkward conversation. As was to be expected when the guy in question happened to be the girlfriend's closest friend and the closest thing the boyfriend had to a nemesis (outside of a certain girl who Tim still worried would end up skinning him at some point).

Now would've been an excellent time for Tim to get some distance. Jack clearly didn't think that was worth it. Tim sighed, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling. "Stories?" he said with as much fake enthusiasm as a porn star. "Wow, I haven't heard of anything like that. Should I be worried, oh wise Jack?" he then looked at Jack and widened his eyes, adding a few blinks. Seriously, times like this made Tim wish he had, like, phasing or some other useful power. At best he could squeak in Jack's general direction. So threatening. much scary.

[Jack McCarthy]

Clearly Tim was tense, and Jack knew exactly why he was so nervous. Because he knows he fucked up and fucked up royally like a kid caught by a parent with his hand firmly in the cookie jar. Not that sweet and innocent Tim has done anything wrong at least yet. No, this little meeting was just to clear the air between them, to make total sure that the Tim knew where he stood when it came to Lux. As it stood Jack had no just cause for bashing Timmy tim’s tim tim tims head in with a bat (No matter how much he might like to crush his stupid little face in (For some reason Jack felt particularly violent whenever his mind drifted to Tim and Lux) but he couldn’t do that because he had a sneaking suspicious that Lux wouldn’t be too appreciative if Tim’s face met bat. So for now Tim was safe….for now…if he did something stupid like cheat on Lux that would be quite a different story indeed.

“Did she now?” Jack said leaning a little closer “I’m sure she had nothing but good things to say about me. I’m universally popular and well liked as you know. But no she didn’t mention it to men, she’s actually never mentioned me to you, maybe she’s too busy canoddling with you to hang out with old Jack. Isn’t that just hilarious!?” Jack said laughing uproariously as if that’s the most funny thing in the world patting Tim on the shoulder a little harder then necessary.

“Women right?” Jack said gesturing towards a group of girls conversing on the table opposite. “Scientifically proven to be the most dangerous creature in the animal kingdom. Except the giant gorilla, he would fuck anything up with it’s giant monkey hands and soulless eyes, but I digress. One moment they can take you to the heights of ecstasy and the next they can shatter your soul in a million pieces and rip out your heart with a single look. Jack said idly waving to the girls.

“Stop staring at us pervert!”

“..Morning ladies!” Jack said happily before turning back to Tim “ You know what? Who can even predict what the inner workings of the female mind? They have bizarre little fickle minds mate. My Dad used to tell me; ‘Jack, a woman is like a tractor’ Jack thought out loud suddenly lapsing into silence “…He never explained why, and I never understood what he meant. In hindsight he may or not be drunk” Jack said more thinking out loud then actually speaking to Tim scratching his head

What was he doing here again? This was a fundamental flaw of Jack’s he’s very easy to distract. He had the mental focus of a goldfish and really all Tim needed to do was to get a lazy pointer and Jack like a kitten would spend hours trying to catch that elusive red dot. But then the reason for their interaction suddenly became clear once more as Tim asked what knowledge he had to impart “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit Tim and I expect better from you” Jack said almost disappointed “Oh has she not told you?” Jack said almost sounding surprised “Well, it’s not a very nice subject but Lux has this….friend and this friend is VERY  protective of her I’ve never seen him but there’s about a million stories and legends about him…well more like 29: I hear he’s an extremely handsome man whose wise as he is badass. Some say he’s 12 feet tall rippling with muscles. Some say he used to drum for the foo fighters, others say he didn’t. In fact everyone says he didn’t except for me. The point is he’s one bad mother. And if anyone every hurts Lux, betrays her, breaks her heart . Slightly irritates her.” Jack suddenly slams his fist against the table top for dramatic effect without breaking eye contact keeping his tone light “He breaks them in two. So rest assured, he’s watching you like a hawk, like a lion stalking his pray…Who knows maybe he’s watching you right now…Hope that doesn’t freak you out.”

[Tim Tawfeek]

And now Jack was leaning closer. Wonderful. Tim was tempted to argue the whole universally popular bit, but found that all he could really do in response was raise his brows skeptically. He couldn't think of that many people, besides Lux, that called Jack a friend. He didn't think it nice to say so right no, besides the whole eye raising thing. Plus, he was soon chuckling, since while Jack might legitimately be insane, he was also rather humorous, and his comparison struck Tim as being nearly spot on.

"A woman is like---" repeated Tim, but, of course, Jack had already continued prattling on. Tim had to sigh and just sit there, listening patiently, reminding himself that this guy was, for some reason, one of Lux's closest friends. While he still didn't particular like Jack, that had more to do with a sort of reciprocal feeling than anything else. Yeah, Jack was a bit... was an ass, was just an ass plain and simple, but Tim had dealt with asses before. Had acted like one, for that matter, acted like one fairly frequently if you really pushed on it. It was more the threatening, belittling, and such that bugged Tim. Wasn't like he could mention it to Lux either, since that would be five different flavors of uncool.

The legend turned out to be essentially a threat from Jack that he'd hurt Tim if something happened. Tim's expression fell flat at about sentence three, though he again waited patiently while Jack got all that word vomit out of his system. "Wow, he wouldn't happen to be you, would he?" he asked, still using that sarcasm. Speaking of: "and sarcasm is not the lowest form of wit: puns are. Everyone knows that. Seriously, I realize that Lux is super awesome, okay? I'm not going to do anything to her. Well," he smiled a little ruefully, "nothing she doesn't want me to do, at any rate."

Okay, so he might be rubbing it in just a little. Could you blame him? Really? He was dating Lux, and again: Jack was five different flavors of asshole.

[Jack McCarthy]

Well, this was civil, so far but Jack had a feeling any attempts of civility will soon come to a end….

It was good to see that Tim was slowly learning how to deal with Jack. If he had argued about the popularity of Jack Mccarthy Jack would have debated that point with insane reasoning and vastly flawed logic till the end of days (Or at least Tim submitted to his way of thinking) That was the thing about Jack. Arguing with him was utterly pointless considering that Jack would never admit to any wrong doing on his part. If there was a debate team in the school no doubt Jack would be a prime candidate to join t, he would never because he quite simply refuses to admit any kind of defeat.

Oh Good, Jack could see that the penny finally dropped about what Jack was doing talking to him, already he could see Tim practically wet himself in total and utter fear in every possible way and who could blame him? Jack was a very very intimidating figure of a man and someone that Tim certainly didn’t want to run afoul of (Ah, the wonders of delusion eh?) “Who Moi?!” Jack said putting his hands on his chest nicely dramatically “I mean, come on. Do seem like a psychotic over protective maniacal to you? and NO; Puns are nothing but magical. You’re just too cynical to see the beauty of them.”

…But then that smirk on Jack’s face during this entire conversation? Was just wiped off as Tim’s little jab. That wasn’t a particularly smart move on Tim’s part. Jack was in a particularly volatile mood at the moment. Given his feelings towards Luxanna and how he didn’t trust Tim in the least and didn’t particularly enjoy the mental image of Lux and Tim.

At the little jab Jack face drained utterly of human and his eyes narrowed towards Tim, in what only could be describe as a death glare in total silence for several prolonged moments biting his lip as if trying to repress his murderous urges. “You know…” Jack said reaching into his jacket pocket “Maybe I haven’t been clear with what I said., you know mixed signals. Crossed wires, failure of communication all across the board. So let me make myself clear” Jack said as with a flourish he pulled out the bat from his coat and set it down in front of Tim “You touch Lux…Well. We’ll see how well you can carry a conversation with this bat.”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Tim was tempted to reply to the whole psychotic and protective question with a simple "yes," but he refrained from doing so. In no small part because Tim really was trying to maintain civility throughout the whole conversation. He really was. Jack just made it hard in all the wrong ways, even if he did so in a way that was still somehow entertaining.

Then came out the bat, and not the kind that Tim could talk to. He looked at it, feeling a lot of his courage drain out of him. Under other circumstances, said courage would've left Tim's body in the form of urine, thus adding further humiliation to things. Everyone knew that he didn't hold up well under threats. His cowardice had literally been documented, between running away from a crashed hang-glider his friend had made from him to avoiding a girl he'd mentioned in a blog for ages. So now, he stared at the bat and had the distinct urge to just agree with everything Jack said. so much so that his mouth was actually starting to form those exact words.

Till he suddenly remembered what this involved, and he remembered that he happened to be smart, even now. at least smarter then Jack. "Do you really think," he said, speaking slowly and perhaps a little too loudly, his fear creeping up on him, "that Lux would appreciate you beating her boyfriend with a bat simply for touching her?" he looked up at Jack, blinking. "Also: if you're going to use that," his eyes flicked at the bat, "for hand holding, you might as well get it over with." The implication was here and now, which meant that Tim would be absolutely humiliated as the other guy pummeled him in the middle of the cafeteria.

Well, at least a staffer should show up soon enough, so that was a plus. Oh, and Tim wouldn't have food to vomit up when Jack inevitably kicked him in the stomach. So yay?

[Jack McCarthy]

Ok, Jack would admit; if Timmy, tim tim tim shouldn’t peed all over himself, Jack would die. Jack would die of air asphyxiation from literally laughing his guts out, that was one way for Tim to get Jack off his back (Another was of course buying her a little adorable kittens. It was well known that Jack considered cats of al shapes and sizes to be bad joo-joo. Yes those are his exact words. Joo-Joo most foul. But laughing to death? That was just destroy him. If the roles were reversed Jack would have been more then happy to wet himself to make Tim laugh himself to death. Ok, so it might have been more then a little awkward, but Jack had the bizarre talent of not being embarrassed by well…Anything. Even wetting himself in the middle of a high school. Sure he would have to deal with soggy pants but to achieve that long term goal of getting rid of a foe, he would do it.

By now Jack had hoped that Tim would have run in sheer and utter fear at the sight of the bat, but apparently he had more balls then Jack gave him credit for, Jack wouldn’t do what he was doing. Seriously, Talking back to a guy who just admitted that he wanted to cave in his skull with a blunt instrument? Jack would consider that insanity.

“Well, aren’t you cheeky for a man in your position and that position is of course the position where I’m about to shove this bat up your butt…I don’t know what’s that’s called….Extreme doggy style? A home run of the Anus? I’ll get back to it” Jack said momentarily distracted with what was the bedroom term for someone shoving a bat up someone butt before remembering what he was trying to do.

Wow, Did…Did he just pretty much ask to be hit with the bat? Wow. That was unexpected. Maybe he was like some kind of the sadomasochistic dude that got off on pain. A bat up the ass would be his dream come through, before long he would ask to hit him in the balls with a cactus…

“Oh, no, no..” Jack shook his head waving the bat in the air to “You miss understand the phrase “Touch, you’re so literal! Holding hands? A-ok. Nothing wrong with that, held I can hold my grandmothers hand and it wouldn’t mean anything….but if you kiss her” Jack suddenly leaning forward and tapping him lightly on the nose with the bat “Boop. If you get to first base” He leans forward again and taps him a little harder “Boop.” Then, Jack voice took a slightly darker tone “...and if I EVER.Ever, catch you even thinking fucking her” Jack tilted his head somewhat as if debated if he should start beating Tim now “Well, you get the general idea. I trust you weren’t so stupid and DID any thing like that right. Because that won’t end well for you.”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Man, wetting himself was starting to sound like a legit reaction at this point. Not that Tim really wanted to, but there was something in the way Jack spoke and handled himself that kinda said "I am a psychopath and will totally do this to you." Suddenly, he didn't seem quite so funny. In fact, all that funny had just been dumped into scary, which only made things that much more terrifying. Like a demon clown or something like that.

Kissing got a boop on the nose? Seriously, he was going to aim straight for the nose. Tim blinked, trying to figure out what he should say. He knew there were two things he very much wanted to say:

"What? No, we didn't do anything like that. We are totally chaste and wouldn't think of doing anything of the sort. Especially not while you're waving that bat around and talking like some demon of malevolent intent possessed you."

Or

"Do you mean just regular sex or do the other holes count too?"

But for some reason, Tim was actually doing the whole thinking thing before he spoke, which meant that, sadly, neither came out. The first struck him as too much what his older, not-dating self would've said. The latter would besmirch Lux and, well, he didn't want to do that. So instead he blinked. "How exactly are you going to know? And again: you really think it's a good idea to be beating up the guy that Lux kisses and whatnot?" He raised his brows. "Reeeeeallly thinking you didn't think this whole thing through," Tim actually reached up and pushed the bat away with a finger, his brows still raised.

Please, just hit me with the damn thing already.

[Jack McCarthy]

Ok, this was getting more then a little awkward.

You see Jack had a set vision in his head on how this encounter would go down, he had hoped that once his dear friend Tim saw what exactly he was packing the main thought going through his head would be “Holy shit. The guy has a bat. I need to do everything he says becoming being hit over the head with that thing will not be a good time”

That’s how Jack envisioned this meeting of the minds going, he didn’t want to hit Tim, fuck no. For one thing Lux wouldn’t exactly approve of Jack beating her boyfriend to death with a blunt instrument. But the Bat served the purpose of putting the fear of God into his glasses wearing friend in case he started getting waning from the path of the righteous.

But it goes without saying That Jack would have the same mentality if he discovered that he hasn’t been doing right by Luxanna….

“Oh, trust me I know when there’s a fucking-about don’t worry about that, I can sense imminent fucking a mile away. I have ways, thousand and millions of was to catch you out. So I’m going be watching you like a hawk “Jack said stabbing his fingers towards Tim “Like a lion, watches a graceful galloping antelope running gaily through the land , I’m going to everywhere you go, watching you. Like a sexy spy. Gazing through you with my come to bed eyes billowing with focus.” Jack suddenly put his fingers in his eyes “La-la-la I can’t hear you! If I don’t hear that you and Lux kiss that means it not happening. La-la-la” Jack began to sang trying to block out Tims words before removing them with a chuckle. “Holy shit you really want me to hit you don’t you? Since when did you grow a pair of balls?

[Tim Tawfeek]

Tim was beginning to wonder something.

Jack talked a lot, like, a whole lot, like, at least as much as Tim, if not more. Which probably meant that Lux liked people that talked a whole lot and put her at ease. Which also reminded Tim that Lux liked this guy, and he could still sort of see why, given everything. But back on topic: talking. Lots of it. And something about growing balls and now he was looking at Tim.

Tim, his expression dead serious, met Jack in the eyes. "Is that your power, Jack? Do you have fuck-sensing as an ability? Because that has got to be the weirdest power I have ever heard of, and I've heard of some weird ones. Does it like," Tim held a hand to his head, fingers splayed, "create some kind of pressure in your head or something? Or do you just smell the funk of fucking? Either way, man, I do not envy you. At all."

Seriously, just hit me already.

[Jack McCarthy]

Oh come on! Why was this fucker making it so hard for Jack?! This whole situation played out much more easy in his mind and Jack couldn’t work out for the life why exactly this guy was sticking around. This wasn’t a verbal debate after all Jack made his position quite clear or so he liked to think: Jack had a bat, Jack was willing to use said bat across his face if he said the wrong thing.. What more was there to discuss? Christ, was this guy just brain damaged? Why was he still here?!

Jack looked at Tim for a moment, up and down as if trying to tell if he was joking or not, before calmly taking the bat and placing it length ways on the desk in front of Tim and gestured toward it with his hands “Tim, I can call you Tim right? This is..This is a bat. It’s a very long piece of wood and..this is the important part, there’s a little known fact about it. If some swings it in the general direction of your face, it’s kinda of going suck…A lot. You get that right? When I hit you with this, it’s going to hurt. Because you seem like you really want me to hit you with it.

Admittedly those were legit questions and one that Jack hasn’t really thought of. But Jack being Jack wasn’t thrown off by this all he had to do was open his mouth. Breath in…anddd “Hey, I’m a man of many different gifts of every single kind. I learn not to question them, I mean Some of us are born with and then there’s those like you who isn’t. I’m a talented guy, don’t question t. What you should question is the fact that I’m going to hit you in the face with this bat…NO! Don’t question that, because that’s totally going to happen. In fact it’s going to come any second now...