Understanding

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Elsa sighed, rubbing at her temples while she laid on her bed. At least she didn't have the killer headache constantly; instead, it seemed to come and go. Elsa reached for the bottle of migraine medication she'd "appropriated" from the infirmary, popping a few into her mouth and swallowing. She didn't suppose she needed them, since, well, the headaches were mostly abating. Still, there was just a lot to handle. They'd be moving out of this dorm soon, and they hadn't exactly had a lot of time to get adjusted to it. But they'd be staff now, different, advanced and all. Elsa wondered if they should request separate rooms, but considering how much else was changing, she thought that perhaps something like that would be all the worse.

She heard a knock and was tempted to just tell whomever was there to leave her the hell alone. She wanted alone time, and she had it for a change. She'd even gone so far as to ask Erika to stay away from the dorm for a while. So who would bother her? Probably one of Erika's friends, looking for the popular twin. Elsa sighed and scanned with her mind, picking up familiar thoughts.

"Damn," she mumbled, turning to look at the window. She couldn't exactly climb out there, tempting as that would be. Maybe if she should just laid here a little while longer Felix would just leave? That would certainly make things easier on Elsa, and she quite frankly didn't care about Felix's feelings. At least Erika had explained what this was likely about: some kind of fit that Felix had thrown because of what had passed between him and Elsa. Because that was definitely a conversation Elsa wanted to have.

[Felix Nicholas]

To be perfectly honest with himself, Felix didn't want to have this conversation. Dealing with the realisation of how much of a tangled mess his personal life had become was enough for him to cope with, but now came the perhaps even more painful transition... Untangling the threads and moving on. As much as the radio host wanted to ignore the heart wrenching fact he'd confessed his feelings to Erika's twin and not the girl herself, it was an issue he couldn't seem to move from his mind; Even if it was a short run confrontation, it needed to be made if he had any hope of getting over this complex and messy part of his life. He of course expected it to be short lived, and highly likely would be turned away at the door... But at least his intentions would be clear,
and the girl couldn't avoid him forever.

He remained outside of the door as his knock responded into silence, receiving no reply to his inquiry to enter. He'd expected as much; He was fairly certain she was there, likely choosing to remain quiet in the hope he'd simply leave her alone... And for a moment he considered giving her what she wanted, turning heel and leaving her to her own devices... But his thoughts on what transpired would only grow and fester unless he dealt with them now, even if this confrontation left him with unanswered questions
and dissatisfied with it's outcome... It was a small step in his healing process, and that small step was at least a step in the right direction.
"... Elsa I'm not going to just leave, so ignoring me isn't going to help either of us," He spoke out with a sigh, folding his arms across his chest. "I don't want to take much of your time, I just-" He trailed off, furrowing his brows and glancing down to the floor; There was every chance despite his pleas that she'd still ignore him. "I just want to talk to you."

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Well, ignoring clearly wasn't going to work. Elsa should've figured as much. Felix probably spent some time working up the courage to go forth and confront her about all this, especially in light of the disaster that had apparently happened at prom. She rubbed at her face, wondering if she should pop a few more pills for a moment. Tempting, very tempting, but she had a suspicion she was getting close to addicted to them already. Not much of her time, he said.

"You already confessed your love to me," she called back, making sure to project. Talent there, came with all those public speaking classes and such. Elsa even rolled over to make sure to face the right direction. No need for any more confusion to develop. "So unless you're planning on springing in here to make passionate love to me, I'd suggest just turning around and leaving."

Elsa leaned back. "not like either of us has anything to say that the other wants to hear," she mumbled. So unfair: suffering the fallout for Erika's bad choices. Worse, the memory caused a ping in Elsa's heart, remembering hearing those words said to her, the passion. No, no, not to her, best not to even think of it that way, or to think about how Felix had all but insisted on going to rescue Erika, or how Elsa had more or less put him in danger by agreeing... wouldn't that be enough? She'll remind him of that if he persists.

If, heh, more like when.

[Felix Nicholas]

The response was perhaps one he should have expected, but despite the amount of time he'd spent preparing himself for any harsh words Elsa intended to throw in his direction he hadn't expected how deep the first verbal dagger would go. He physically flinched, clenching his eyes shut a moment before opening them to now shift his gaze to the closed door. He was failing at the first hurdle... He quickly gathered his resolve, the flushing embarrassment seeping into his cheeks; He was thankful she couldn't see him. "... I've got to admit that isn't my first intention," He spoke, a faint, weak smile eclipsing his lips; He highly doubted the attempt at a light hearted response to her cruel jibes would make any difference, but he had to try something in order to make her feel more at ease with talking to him. She very clearly wanted this conversation as much as he did.

"... Look, Elsa. I just want a few minutes, if that. I just need... Some kind of closure to this." He then sighed again, before giving a shrug. "I mean, don't you think... I'm owed that much?" He trailed off, wondering if his choice of words there wouldn't act in his favour... But surely she could see that he was owed at least a few snatched moments of her time? He doubted it would be all the answers he wanted, but he hoped it would be all he needed.
"If you don't, I'll sit out here by your door and sing horribly off key at the top of my voice until you let me in," He continued. "So... Spare your eardrums the pain and... Just give me a minute of your time? Please..."

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Lighthearted humor usually didn't affect Elsa, and this was no exception. She didn't make a sound, didn't even move, as Felix attempted to lighten the mood. She didn't move when he continued off that point either, pointing out that he needed a few minutes, wanted closure. Closure? From what? From accidentally confessing his feelings to her instead of her beautiful, vivacious sister, whom he obviously cared for? Why the hell would Elsa want to listen to that?

"I don't particularly see the advantage in my letting you in," she called again. "Since it sounds like you just want to unburden yourself on me. Go find Franck; he's brilliant at that sort of thing. Or maybe the girl you actually love, if you can pry her away from her current paramour," Okay, that was crude, but Elsa just wanted him to leave her alone. Plus, he was the one threatening her, admittedly with singing off key and such, which hardly counted as serious threat. He knew what he was getting into.

"You could also attempt to do whatever it is through the door," Elsa pointed out. Sounded logical to her, at any rate.

[Felix Nicholas]

Again, the expected verbal daggers. But at least this time Felix was prepared, these fresh attempts at wounding him doing little in comparison to the first. She clearly wanted nothing to do with him and what had transpired between them, and again the radio host considered the option of just leaving the woman to her endeavours; She had a reputation of being soem sort of emotionally cold and heartless creature, and at the moment she was certainly living up to that. But Felix has never been one to be so easily deterred... And he needed this. If he had any hope of pushing himself forward in a healthy way, he needed to untangle the mess he'd gotten himself into... and that meant dealing with Elsa, if the girl liked it or not. She seemed to suspect that the man simply wanted to unload his awkward feelings onto her, but that wasn't the case; The reason he felt the way he did was not on Elsa's shoulders. The woman however was clearly showing no intention of opening the door, and faced with that prospect, he took the only other option she left open to him; To talk about it through the door. `

"... Well, if you want all of this to come under the ears of anyone who comes in here, then sure....We can do this like this," He spoke out, leaning a little against the edge of the door, reaching out to tap the knuckles of one hand against the door to enhance his point. He couldn't exactly break down the door, and if she really didn't want to to open it he couldn't force her too; But if she wanted to air this dirty laundry out where others could walk past and catch their conversation, then so be it. "...I didn't come to talk about Erika. Or Trevor. I came to talk about... You."

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Oh God, she hadn't thought of that. Anyone passing by would just hear whatever, and wouldn't that just be fuel for Dirty Laundry? The last thing Elsa wanted was to give that filthy blog actual fuel, at least not fuel directed at her. Let it feed off events like prom and the like; leave Elsa out of it. She rubbed at her face again.

Felix continued. Not talking about Erika, or Trevor but about... her? Elsa tried to pretend like her heart didn't skip a beat at that. That was stupid, but she supposed she shouldn't expect her heart to be logical or anything. She knew damn well that he wasn't about to come in here and say anything to her that her heart actually wanted to hear. It was probably all residual feelings anyway, the same sort of leavings she always got from Erika. Didn't make her emotions any clearer, didn't mean that some part of her wasn't hoping that Felix was planning on coming in here and making some sweeping declaration of love for her. At least she didn't have some kind of stupid fantasy about it; that would've been inexcusable.

"Just come in," she finally said, sighing and sitting up, "the door's unlocked." Since they generally just left the outside unlocked whenever someone was in there alone. Admittedly, Elsa had seriously considered locking it this time, and she wasn't entirely certain that she hadn't. She rubbed at her face, wondering if she should just get up and move. She already had her feet on the floor, ready to head over if that was what was needed here.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix blinked a moment in surprise, having not expected Elsa to give in so easily when she'd made it so adamant moments earlier not to allow the man entry, but he supposed she had weighed up her options and decided that letting him in to talk was the quickest way to get him to leave her alone. "... Thanks, as i said earlier, I don't intend on keeping you long," He spoke, trying to keep some light hearted tone to his voice in an effort to keep the conversation less heavy, although considering the content of it Felix didn't suppose it would help much once it got going. He went to open the door, finding it unlocked; Not that he would have burst in without permission had he known it to be so.
He opened the door slowly and entered the familier bedroom, closing the door gently behind him before facing the female sat on her bed; She was making no question her feelings towards this confrontation... She was clearly irritated by the radio host's presence. He offered her a smile none the less, a small, warm smile. Had it been Erika, he would have already taken his seat beside her by now, but with Elsa he wasn't quite sure on his social boundaries, leaving the radio host hovering a moment as he considered on how to begin and if he should remain stood in the middle of the room.

Feeling a tad awkward, he moved to sit beside her, deciding to take whatever dislike she threw at him for doing so; Now, how to begin? There was al ot the man wanted to say, but he was unsure on exactly how he should progress... So, he began with something simple, but even that alone held a significant weight. "How are you?" He asked, knowing he meant not just her current well being in this moment, but how she was considering everything that had happened.

[Elsa Bellefonte]

"And you said you were just going to leave last time," Elsa mumbled under her breath, again rubbing at her face. That had been part of what caused the whole massive, ugliness that hurt so many. If only Felix had just left when he said he would. Then they wouldn't need to have this little heart to heart, and Elsa wouldn't have had to explain how she'd screwed over one of her sister's relationships.

The boy entered. Elsa looked at him when he did, keeping her attention on him while he crossed the room, eyes locked even as he settled onto the bed. She let her mind stretch out, skimming his thoughts, even though she realized it might be a little rude. She just found that it helped more than it hindered when it came to talks like this, and she wanted this to be as smooth as possible. There had been enough bumps already.

Elsa burst out a laugh at his question, shaking her head. "That's really--- fine," she held up her hands, took a breath, and raised her head, looking at him. her eyebrows were raised and she smiled almost condescendingly. "I'm fine, Felix. And you?"

She couldn't help but mock a little, because, well, that's what she always did whenever she felt on the defensive.

[Felix Nicholas]

By now it was pretty obvious how Elsa usually handled herself when confronted with uneasy or uncomfortable issues, and after feeling the blunt end of her verbal daggers already the radio host was prepared to a point for her icy demeanor, for the no doubt further comments he'd receive regarding his actions as a lovelorn idiot; But laughing in his face? He wasn't quite ready for that, flinching slightly as he shot her a widened gaze; But strangely, it didn't come as a surprise. He furrowed his brow, shaking his head and chuckling slightly, running a hand through his hair.
It didn't take much to see how she was on the defensive, a natural reaction he assumed from her clear uncomfortable feeling towards his presence, and that the laugh had been a part of that as well as the cold sarcastic tone she'd laced her answer with.
"About as good as you are," He spoke in reply, raising a brow at her, a small smile still fixed on his lips. About as good as you are...
And despite her icy attitude, Felix was certain of this fact.

The radio host had spent a significant amount of time wondering exactly WHY the Bellefonte hadn't informed her sister of his confession, or WHY she'd acted as Erika to him in the first place; Now he hadn't expected to get a clear answer from Elsa if he'd come to her right away, and assumed if he came to her with nothing more then those questions she'd laugh him out of the room. No... He needed to sit and think exactly what compelled her to lie to his face, to put herself in such a perfect charade... And to Felix, it seemed perfectly clear; She'd been afraid. Not to tell him that Erika was missing exactly, no, he wasn't a factor; But more what Erika being missing MEANT. It meant unfavourable questions and attention brought to the family, it meant panic, it meant disorder... Something the younger twin would not have stood for. At the time she must have believed Erika to likely have gone off to clear her head, and in some desperate attempt to preserve the family name and it's reputation, she'd taken on the role of her sister. And when she'd discovered Erika's true fate... She'd taken on again this calm, steadfast leader mentality, taking the weight of the responsibility of everything that happened since on her shoulders... Under under this viel of belief that her actions, however cruel or traumatic, were all for the "The greater good" of the Bellefonte family.

Had anyone... Even ASKED her if she was okay? After everything she'd done? Were they too consumed with Erika and her trauma?

And so the radio host had finally felt he understood.
"You know what I meant, Elsa," He spoke softly, before tapping the side of his head, his smile shifting for a moment to a brighter, more playful expression. "And mind looking elsewhere? I'd rather talk this out then have you pluck my answers from my head."

[Elsa Bellefonte]

About as... Elsa quirked a brow. How much did Felix know? She'd been hiding her headaches from most people. Dr. Campbell knew; since she'd had to ask him the moment they'd started. Erika knew, of course, and Trevor, because of an accident. Roxana had figured it out, which already meant more people than Elsa wanted knew. But surely none of those would go and tell Felix. He must be guessing. She kept skimming, no, not even skimming, outright reading his thoughts in a very obtrusive and obvious manner. Best to keep him on the defensive; he didn't need to know about any bleedover or...

He was figuring it out. Elsa had to fight to keep her face level, not quite believing it. Not just figuring it out, but almost exactly figuring Elsa out. It was a little unnerving, since Roxana, even Erika hadn't quite broken it down like this. They knew, people that knew Elsa figured it out, even Ellen had done that much. But this was... was he feeding her? Was he purposefully...

ASKED? Elsa winced; yeah, he knew. "My sister, my friend Roxana," whom she never called a friend to her face, "and Trevor all asked. My parents didn't," she said, speaking dismissively, labeling them all out. So... he cared? Why the hell did Felix care? And why did Elsa feel her heart skipping a beat there for a moment? Damn Erika and the whole crappy feeling sharing nonsense that had no real reason to happen whatsoever.

"Fine," she said, pulling back, not quite believing what she'd just said. It was him; he'd thrown her off. "And since you're so damn insistent: I really am fine. I'm pissed that Erika is going to be Headmistress, but we all knew that was going to happen, and I'll support her every step of the way. I've been dealing with pulse-pounding migraines off and on since the attack, but they're going away. And I'm utterly thrilled that I'm having this conversation with one of my sister's emotional leftovers."

For the love of God, Elsa, don't you dare cry. "That more along the lines of what you wanted to hear?" she asked, smiling tight enough that it hurt.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix had been well aware of her presence reading his mind, but despite this intrusion and decided to remain steadfast. He had nothing to hide from her, and this reaction only furthered his assumptions that the female was afraid; She was on the defensive. To the radio host, working her out had seemed so simple, so glaringly obvious... But no one seemed to notice how much she must be fighting through each trial she faced. Had no one but a handful of people taken the time to look past her cold anterior?
His smile faded as she listed off those that had questioned her well being, his eyebrows furrowing a moment; Her parents hadn't even bothered to ask their daughter how she was feeling, ask how she was coping with the traumatic events? She may radiate calm, collected leadership, but underneath she was still a young woman who'd never been faced with the traumas of recent weeks; And not once had her parents enquired about her?

Perhaps she saw it as weakness.

Her parents must see her as most of the Academy did, that she simply was the strong, emotionally reserved sister, the one whom could cope, the one they didn't have to worry about... And Elsa clearly let them go on believing that.
"Your parents didn't ask if you were alright?" He spoke, his expression softening as he met her gaze. "... Elsa. It's okay, you know. I'm pretty sure you've read enough of my thoughts now to realise. Elsa, I understand." He then pulled a face, smiling before shaking his head at her next comment. "I'm not your sister's emotional leftover... I'm just Felix Nicholas, a guy who realised how much you do for this school and for your family... And... Well." He paused a moment, averting his eyeline downward as he ran a hand through his hair. "I want you to know that I hold nothing against you... I understand why you did what you did... And on realising this I saw how FAR you go. How strong you have to be... Everyone's come to expect so much from you, so much so that now... Hardly anyone even asks if you're okay."

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Elsa's smile practically melted as Felix continued, his own expression softening. It's okay; he understood? She nearly laughed at that. Erika understood; Roxana tried, but no one else even came close. Felix stood there talking like he knew her, like he understood the pressures of being the perfect Bellefonte, the Big, Bad, Bitch of the School, hovering near Ellen's Queen Bee and in the shadows of Erika's Miss Popularity. There he stood, pulling a face and... and insisting he wasn't her sister's emotional leftover...

... Erika gave him up. Elsa realized that, and it suddenly hit her that she'd never heard that heartfelt confession; Elsa had. She'd been the one smiling at Felix while he confessed his heart and--and it kept sliding through her mind, popping up at least often enough to bother her. There he stood, this handsome guy who confessed his love to her-not-her, talking about how much she did for the school and her family. He even tried to absolve her of her guilt.

"They don't ask because they don't need to," she said, keeping her voice strong, her eyes meeting his. "I just did what was necessary, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat," her eyes said the words while her lips failed: I'd hurt you again, "I've made decisions that resulted in people's deaths," and I haven't quite graduated high school yet, "and I'll do it again," and keep piling more on. "I don't need your pity, Felix," she shouldn't have used his name; it made her heart skip a moment. She swallowed. That needed to stop. She needed to say something to him to drive him away forever. She couldn't take second place, be the backup to someone who wanted Erika instead of her.

Say something hurtful, Elsa, dig the dagger deep. "Save your pity for yourself, you seem to need it, doormat." No, don't cry, don't you dare cry. Just don't look at him, pretend like you're not attempting to drive him away, at least, not for the reasons he thinks. Your heart is not beating faster and you are certainly not sitting there thinking that some sort of wish is being fulfilled here.

[Felix Nicholas]

Felix knew he couldn't claim to understand all the complexities that made up Elsa Bellefonte, but he truly had faith in what he had come to realise about her, what he could now see; He had recalled the moment he'd thought the woman he was confessing to wasn't Erika, the moment he'd locked eyes with her and seen not the warmth that Erika's held but a cold, steelier gaze; And sure enough, at first glance it did appear that way, but thinking more on the moment Felix knew she'd accumulated that much resolve into her gaze to hide everything beyond it. When you were seen as this pillar of strength, for anyone to see you falter, even slightly,
was perhaps something completely inconsiderable.
Elsa was more then just a pillar of strength, however; She'd taken on the role of her sister's safety net, her family's safety net, the entire ACADEMY'S safety net... So much so that eventually surely it would come to a point where the weight of everything that had been inflicted upon her and placed on her shoulders would cause her to break... And knowing how she was, Felix highly doubted she'd ever let anyone see how much she could fray... No, She was Elsa Bellefonte, and she never needed any aid beyond her own resolve to cope.
Felix felt his smile fade as she began to answer him, her gaze meeting his and for a moment reminding him of the instance he'd seen Elsa despite her playing Erika.

I'll do it again in a heartbeat.

Oh, he had every faith she would... Her family, their legacy, came before anything else. He'd been merely what was left in the wake of her trying to do the right thing... He was hurt, of course he was. But at the same time he could see why, and overall since it had eventually led to Erika's safe return home... Perhaps the ache in his heart had been worth it. He broke their locked gaze when she used his name, although his small smile returned, stretching across his lips, his eyebrows knitted together. He then sighed deeply, his smile falling as quickly as it had came as she dealt him a harsh, sharp comment, this time the verbal dagger managing to penetrate the wall around his heart he'd managed to build since entering the room. Was he... Wasting his time? She clearly didn't want his help, his support, or his forgiveness... But despite the ache in his chest, he couldn't help but think this was just another tactical ploy on her part... Another defensive move.
"... I'm not giving you my pity," He replied, focusing his gaze on the floor as he chose to ignore her cruel jibe. "Heck, you don't need it. You're one of the strongest people I know."
This was true; Not many could have done all she had and still be getting on with life with seemingly no ill effects.
"But I can see how much of a front you put up, Elsa. You're scared, but I think you're far too afraid to even admit that because if you do then it's out in the open, then it's real, and you've failed, you're not the big strong Bellefonte anymore..." He lifted his head up, locking gaze with her again having gathered his resolve, the concern evident in his eyes. "Why are you so afraid to admit that?"

[Elsa Bellefonte]

Her jibe hit; Elsa could see it, could practically feel it. He looked away, and for a moment she nearly sighed with relief. She felt something sliding off her, like she'd managed to do it, avoid something or---no, he didn't move. He insisted he wasn't giving her his pity, insisted that she didn't need it. She could've told him that.... but... one of the strongest...? Elsa blinked at that, her mouth falling open slightly.

A front? Scared? Afraid to--he was meeting her eyes and Elsa could practically hear her heart hammering. Felix, the one who was there for people, the one who confessed his feelings and cared and---why? Why was he there? Why was he standing there talking to Elsa like this? It made no sense to her. Was he looking for some kind of booby prize? Couldn't  get Erika, so why not aim for her twin. Same look, same body, so it's gotta be a good fallback, right? Erika didn't... she didn't tell him that... that Elsa often... no, no, that wasn't Erika. Elsa barely thought it, knew she was just flailing, trying to figure out something.

"Why are you here?" she said, her voice somehow both hard and warbling, emotion making it uneven. "I don't need you to stand there and pretend you care about me. I'm not her," she had to repeat that, had to meet his eyes when she said it, "so if you're doing this because you're thinking that maybe there's some magic combination of words that turns the bitchy twin into the happy one, you're wasting your time," she was trembling now. She took a deep breath, straightening. He'd probably just think it was anger. It was, to some degree, as well as something else welling up inside that she kept trying to beat down. Thank God Franck wasn't there.

"Tell me why you're really here, and I'll tell you if I'm scared," she replied, speaking quick. It was a dangerous thing to say, but he kept pushing anyway. Besides, he'd just scamper off anyway. No... no he wouldn't... did she know that? No, he was just here because--- Elsa nearly groaned with frustration. She should just pluck the answer from his mind. It would be that easy. Why wasn't she? Because of the deal? Because she wanted to prove she was better? Because she didn't want the headache?

Because she wanted to hear it.