Bad Luck Tim

[Tim Tawfeek]

Whelp, this was definitely something straight out of one of Tim's nightmares. He can't say he was all that surprised by it or anything, seeing as it had become something of a reoccurring nightmare for a while now. Nearly had become his greatest fear ever. The only way this situation could possibly be worse is if someone had pushed him into the girls' lockerroom. This had not thankfully happened as of yet, leaving Tim still in the boys' locker room, but he just knew it was only a matter of time.

You see, he was completely naked.

Someone had taken his clothes when he'd popped in to shower after actually bothering to engage in some sport like activity. Tim didn't usually participate in those things, but he figured he should at least try, especially with prom hovering just around the corner. Not like he actually expected anything to happen to him then. He'd have to get a date first, and there wasn't much chance of that happening. Sure, he'd gotten some hits on Clean Laundry lately, and there was some chance that he'd actually win Prince, though he doubted he'd push over Devyn or Franck. But yeah, he figured that maybe if he got more athletic girls would look at him more, and he could definitely use some more attention from various females. He could certainly use some of that.

But yeah, that's why he'd been in the gym attempting to play the basketball and looking like the white black guy on the face of the planet. It was also why he was now peering around the locker room, wishing that he'd at least thought to bring his glasses in to the shower with him or something. "Hey, if someone's planning on recording this to secretly humiliate me later, you might as well just come out and get it over with! I'm likely to hur--ouch, dang it!" for Tim had, of course, run into a bench, which meant he was now hopping around, clutching his shin and fighting down curses.

[Jack McCarthy]

Ok. Let’s get one thing abundantly clear right now. Jack was no fan physical education. With a vengeance. He considered it to be some form of mental and physical cruelty. Jack didn’t think he needed physical exercise anyway, Jack was genetic marvel he ate like a pig every single day and yet still he remained the size of a stick insect. (Frank Cox eat your heart out) For example on the morning in question Jack started his day with what he called “M&M cereal” Now you might be thinking: “I didn’t know M&M’s made a cereal” and you’d be right. Jack literally just poured a bag of M&M’s in a bowl poured milk on them and went to town on those bad boys.

Jack was convinced he was going to die of a heart attack in his late 20’s possibly early 30’s if he was lucky.

Jack had spent the entire year trying out every single dirty trick at his disposal to worm his way out of Gym when ever possible but this time the teachers weren’t exactly buying the story about how his granddad had “Butt Cancer” (No matter how much Jack whined in was a legitimate illness and a epidemic in Ireland. He had lost his sister to horrible butt cancer damn it!)

So Jack tried his best to participant (If by best you mean with the least amount of enthusiasm possible) in playing basketball and even made a few wise about comparing the size of his balls against the basketball which was somewhat funny the first time he made the joke, but after the 4th or 5th time he made the joke it was wearing thin. Jack’s basketball career was tragically cut short as Jack threw the ball straight up in the air (After first crying out loud; WHITE CHOCOLATE) and after a brief moment the Basketball plummeted right back on Jack’s face with a “THUD”

It looked worse then it actually was and Jack himself was fine…but that didn’t stop him from whining to everyone to listen about how much pain he’s in and eventually he was set back to the locket room. Jack was in the middle of getting ready to leave when he heard screaming coming from the other room. His celtic cross bouncing against his chest he skidded into the room to behold….oh lord…

So he had the image of a naked dude ingrained in his head forever more now. Just dandy.

“Either you’re in trouble or this is the weirdest stripper act I’ve ever seen and trust me I’ve seen a LOT….Like an uncomfortable amount. Still if someone thing is to see a naked dude hop up and down in pain it’s not the worse fetish I’ve ever heard of. Can you imagine how much it would suck if you got turned on by your own limp Penis. That would suuuuuck”

(OOC: Sorry for the long wait. My Jack muse has returned from the dead)

[Tim Tawfeek]

{man, I so past dated this thread; soooo much is different now xD; okay, not that much, and i can so juggle times in my head. I know your muse has Nu life, so...}

Great, so someone else was in here. Tim vaguely recognized the voice in a sort of far off, I've heard that before sort of way. The question was... where had he heard it before? No, that wasn't the question for right now, mostly because what the guy had said popped up far, far too many questions that demanded far, far more answers at the current time. Mostly involving strippers, fetishes, and pain.

Hey, sounds like the brilliant title of a Shades of Grey parody.

"Let's go with trouble," said Tim, looking around for the voice, wondering where the guy was. wait, there he was. "And what kind of dude hires other dude strippers to dance around screaming in pain anyway? Wait, I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that," said Tim, sighing and lowering his head. At least he still had glasses on, so he had that going for him. now he just needed to find something to cover up with.

Where were towels when you needed them?

[Jack McCarthy]

Either two things were happening here. Either A) this man was trying way to hard to seduce Jack (yes, that was option A. Jack had seen this situation played out in Porno after Porno after Porno. And if anyone in the school was in expert in recurring themes in Porno’s it was Mr. Jack Mccarthy. The pizza boy. The Plumber. The weird naked guy in the gym hopping up and down in pain. Been there done that) Or B. This guy was a moron. Who just loses their clothes in the guy? Jack wasn’t exactly the most organized person in the world and even HE knew that was a rare strained of stupidity

“Hey man, people are into some weird shit. Weird fetishes the world over. Do you know how many girls begged me to poop on them during the heat of sexy time? Back in Ireland there was this girl I went out with named Sadie. Loving girl, charming personality. Great tits. Weird things they were actually. I think one nipple was bigger then the other and I don’t mean like small amount. It was like she had-ANYWAY. During one of various sessions with her. When things were starting to get REALLY hot and heavy. She reached for an Orange in the fruit bowl and…” Jack stopped what he was and suddenly shuddered “Well, let’s say it was a weird way of getting your vitamin C or somekind of internal injury.”

Jack’s heart didn’t exactly go out to the poor guy. If anything he found it hysterical it was funny when misfortune befall someone that wasn’t him, but then Jack’s eyes narrowed towards Tim. “Waiiiitt….I know you from somewhere…Wait, wait don’t tell me….Are you-…No…wait. Do I-YEAH! You’re not clean laundry fucktard that talked shit about me

[Tim Tawfeek]

Tim could only gape as Jack went on about fetishes and a girl he supposedly knew for at least a minute straight. No breaths, no breaks, no nothing. And here Tim had mistakenly thought that only Frank Cox possessed that unique ability. He couldn't say he was that surprised, but he was certainly stunned... again.

"Uh, wait, so she," he said, moving his hands, pointing in a few directions. His brow furrowed as he tried to figure out the logistics of the whole thing. Was there even a hole that would... okay, he thought he'd seen something like...

and then Jack recognized him, if slightly. Tim stopped mid-motion, his hands frozen, and he looked at Jack. He blinked. "Huh? no, that's totally the other black guy with glasses and an obsession with fighting for truth and justice. I heard he's really cool though."

Yeah, Tim figured at this point he was pretty much screwed. That would just continue the run of luck he'd been having lately. He didn't even see a way of running away from this, given that the other guy definitely looked like he could run him down and then beat the snot out of him. If anything, the runs usually warmed them up first. Far better to stay there. Maybe he should mention fetishes again? Guy did seem really distracted by them...

[Jack McCarthy]

Yeah….Jacks unnaturally dirty mind did tend to have that effect on people. People more exposed to him got used to his mouth and the pure unadulterated smut that spills out of there on a constant basis, but seeing as this is more or less Tim’s first Jack experience, it made sense he had the reaction he was having.

Jack winched a little as Tim questioned further the mechanics of what Sadie actually did with said piece of round fruit and raised his hand and signed “Just…just trust me…It didn’t bare thinking about. Believe me…it..it was like” Jack said pressing his fingers together as if trying to put together an invisible Rubik cube “It was like an optical illusion it was like one of those paintings where you it changes shape if you look at it from a different place one moment it looks like a fluffy little bunny and the next WOAH! That’s not a bunny!” Know what I mean?

When Tim claimed that he was a different Blogger from the original one Jack eyes narrowed in concentration, in a way you could practically hear the gears in his head working over time trying to piece that information together in his mind, “I think you’re lying...Probably...Maybe.. Are you? Because I-no. No I’m 90% certain that is a crock of bullshit.” Jack said nodding along as if trying to seal that information in his mind before he reconsiders once more “I don’t know why you look so nervous. A lesser man might be annoyed that you shit on my good name on the interwebs but not me. I’m all about peace and love. Ebony and ivony. You know what I mean? I mean. Why can’t we just live to together in perfect harmony” Jack began to sing and click his fingers somewhat “With Paul Mc-a-carthy. Who; by the way, bit of a fun fact was a vegan. Can you imagine that? Being a vegan what the fuck is up with that shit?” Jack said emitting a hearty laugh.
Before almost independently his left hand which carried his phone began to raise up in front of him “Oh wow. That’s weird. How did my phone end up in my hand? That’s straight up sci-fi shit. Oh well, it could be worse; it could be Oh no! It’s taking a shit ton of pictures. Oh god how embarrassing…

[Tim Tawfeek]

Of course Jack had to keep going on about the girl, which in turn meant that Tim's mind was going back to something else, practically following right along the guy's train of thought. It was proving difficult, but Tim had followed his share of difficult conversationalists before. After all, he did spend quite a bit of time on the internet. So eventually he began actually following Jack's conversation pretty well.

Though by that point, Jack had already called Tim out on his "bullshit," which Tim was tempted to point out was less "bullshit" and more "obvious dripping sarcasm," but the other guy just seemed determined to keep going. "Why do I get the feeling that this isn't--" began Tim as Jack finished up. he soon saw the phone jumping into Jack's hands and he had to sigh. Yeah, that figured. Soon there were pictures, because of course there was.

"Dude, seriously? Pictures of a nearly naked guy in the locker room? Isn't that kind of hitting below the belt? Like, way, way ridiculously beneath the belt?" Tim asked, peering back at Jack. He was now beginning to wonder if the guy had done it on purpose. Not that Tim thought that Jack had any particular reason to seek him out and torment him. No, Tim figured that he'd just been a sort of happy accident, a "oh look who my little trick caught this time" type of situation.

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack was great for dealing out the sarcasm yet he was surprising dense when it came to being on the other end. Besides Jack had a tendency to leap to somewhat paranoid conclusions so the idea that Tim was trying to trick him was an easy leap for him to make even if he was somewhat dense in the way she went about it.



It had to be said that Jack didn’t exactly have the best luck n the world (Compared to his good friend Tim he was a regular Mr. Four leaf clover but compared to people with decisively normal luck he didn’t have the best) but this this time Jack was more then a little lucky, you see Jack remembered that blog, ok so he couldn’t remember for the life of him what Tim actually wrote about him, but that wasn’t the point. The point was the tone was lest then friendly. Say what you will about Jack, at least when Jack was up front about what he thought about people and would often tell tem to their faces. He didn’t hide behind a camera and the magical virtual shielding of the interwebs, for far too long Jack had been hoping for the day he ran into him and exact his terrible vengeance and now that has finally arrived



“But…But Tommy! I can’t help it by phone has a life of it’s own it’s probably possessed by the ghost who had shit talked about him on a webshow with a blogger with no penis….but that’s just an educated guess-oh and what’s this? Oh no! My-my fingers…holy shit the ghost has got them too! It’s possessed! Their jamming the “Record button” So much, that button will never walk straight again. I can’t help it dude!” Jack said his voice full of fear as if a ghost really was possessing his body. “Wait..Wait, don’t move Tom. I have an idea. Maybe if I just roll with it The ghost will let me go. I’m going to try it”



Jack moved in front of his camera phone making sure it captured everything that was going on before painting a goofy smile on his face “Hey there. Welcome to MY brand spanking new blog where I shit on people . I call it “Jack Mccarthy’s Blog where he shits on people. Ok, Granted. It’s a working title and I’m here with Bellefonte’s resident blogger “Tommy What’s-his-face” Currently in the mists of trying to seduce me with generally nudie-ness. Clearly his lust for me has gotton to such a point he’s gone to extreme measures…it’s sad really…but also super funny…Actually forget the sad part. It’s just super funny

[Tim Tawfeek]

Wow, and people thought that Tim was a giant dick. They'd clearly never even heard of this guy. Tim opened his mouth to start to correct Jack on the whole name thing, but he quickly closed it before he could get out more than a few noises. Who knows: the wrong name might very well be what he'd need to save himself from complete humiliation later. Since Jack was apparently determined to keep recording.

For some reason, moving didn't actually occur to Tim until Jack moved in front of his camera. The moment he heard the whole bit about a blog and taking a crap on people though, it occurred to Tim that his feet did, in fact, function quite well, meaning he could simply move any time he wanted. So when jack would turn to introduce his special guest, he'd find that said special guest had returned to fumbling blindly about the locker room in the opposite direction.

"Sure, Jack's the kind of guy who will trap someone in a locker room naked and then have the balls to act like they're the ones who shit on him," Tim called over his shoulder. He got maybe four feet before running into another bench, which meant stopping, bending down, and grabbing his leg. Where the hell did his clothes end up anyway? Surely Jack hadn't hid them. that would require foresight and intelligence, of which Jack clearly had none.

[Jack McCarthy]

Yeah, now things were getting more then a little interesting and more then a lot of fun! Some people liked boozing (One of them being Jack McCarthy but that was besides the point) Some got off with various amount of multiple drugs. Jack on the other hand? Jack got off being a dick to innocent victims. He couldn’t explain why exactly he did what he did. Maybe he was dropped on his head as a child or there was something fundamentally wrong with the way his DNA was coded. Whatever the case may be Jack couldn’t help but to feel a rush of joy causing misery in others and Mr. Tim Tawfeek just happened to have the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

..Really Jack was the worse person Tim could have run into at this point, because when Jack smelled the distinctive sent of a poor unfortunate soul ripe for mocking and making fun of, it’s like he can physically help himself from making the horrible situation all the worse. He was the human salt to run into every ones wounds and he took great pleasure in his work.

“Oh yeah that’s right! Run! But you can’t hide from the truth!!” Jack proclaimed. What exactly did that mean? Jack had no earthly idea but what he did know was it sounded more then a little cool and it was something that Jack always wanted to say and Jack didn’t plan on letting up anytime soon as he ran after Tim skipping as he went chuckling thoroughly enjoying himself “Come out wherever you are! Come out and face the music. The sweaty naked music!” He shouted as he zeroed in on Tim and slide over to him pointing the camera at his face, Practically shoving it right in his face “See? Even now he tries to shun my God name! Say what you will, I’m not the creepy naked dude”

[Tim Tawfeek]

Yeah, Tim was trying to run. Mostly failing, but at least he was trying. He did a better job of running into objects, bouncing of stuff and flailing a little. Which meant that he was still more or less in range when Jack started teasing, talking about facing sweaty music.

"I'm not that sweaty!" protested Tim, not entirely sure why he was focusing on that part. He turned for a moment, seeing the other guy coming up. "I'm in a locker room; I'm supposed to be naked. You're the one who thinks you should be recording this."

Tim backpedaled again, still wanting to put some distance between the two of them. He ended up just following the pattern: running into something. This time, he flipped completely over, and he just barely managed to get his hands out in time to prevent something well and truly horrible from happening. Of course, now he was hunched over and nearly pinned to the ground, which definitely wasn't a position he wanted to be in, especially not with Jack right there, camera and all.

[Jack McCarthy]

“Run, Run as fast as you can you can’t run from me you’re the weird sweaty balls naked guy” Jack sang happily as he chased after poor unfortunate Tim. Now this was some physical education at it’s finest! Seriously if PE was more like this as appose to football, basketballs and every other boring sport this school took part in (God lord there was a lot) Jack would have more of an interest in actually exercising, if it meant screwing with someone. Jack would eat a bowl of glass and scorpions to screw with people in to extent he was doing so with Tim.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I may look like the prevent now but I’m safe in the knowledge that I know a guy who knows a guy…who knows a guys brother that is like a master video editor, trust me he can put you in a girls wig, maybe some lipstick make your penis the size of a pea and then that shit is going on to Youtube.” Jack said still coming after Tim. Why was he doing this? Because why not. This was a golden opportunity to mess with him

Jack then suddenly heard the sounds of some kind of car crash as Tim went head over heels before crashing to the floor, Now a normal person would go and check on him after such a nasty fail

Jack didn’t exactly do that, instead he moved forward and stood over Tim’s prone body with his phone almost causing his camera to explode with zoom overload as he focused as much as he could on Tim’s face almost shoving the camera up his nose “That’s it! That’s the money shot. Oh, the camera adores you. Give me sassy Beautiful! Now give me hunched over in pain. Awesome!”

[Tim Tawfeek]

And there Jack was. He'd already been following Tim like some kind of monster from a really bad slasher fic, taunting in that sing-song voice that just made you want to find somewhere to go hide in. Right now, Tim's head sort of spun and he could feel the bruises already starting to form on his body. Not to mention focusing his hazy vision on the guy looming up before him.

The same guy who promised to edit the crap out of the vid. Or, well, have someone else edit the crap out of the vid, because Jack didn't strike Tim as being the kind of guy who had anything like savvy when it came to these sort of things. He did seem to be savvy in taking pictures. Tim just sort of looked up at Jack, his vision a little blurry.

"Dude, seriously," he said, wincing and reaching back to his head. It felt tender, but he didn't feel any blood or anything. Technically you should head to the nurse's office for the slightest of headwounds, especially around here but, well, they didn't have much of an option. "You suck." Tim said, or, well, meant to say. except as he had just experienced a slight bump to the head, it came out in "bat."

Which sounded exactly like you expect it to: a bunch of squeaks.