So Many Feelings

[François Laffont]

Ever since Erika showed him this place, François liked to climb the stairs and head straight to the roof. It was quiet, even more than his walk around the woods or mountains surrounding the school. Up there, he could think about whatever crossed his mind: school, guys, interesting TV shows, his power, guys again... He could also be alone and know what his feelings really were, without having those of others getting in the way and making things complicated.

Right now, he knew he was concerned, and slightly afraid. He knew he was a relatively uninteresting mutant, oh wait they called them ‘evolved human’ or whatever. Still, it was another thing that made him different. No matter how harmless he could be, should people find out. When his father heard that it came public, he grew afraid, very afraid. Franck even wondered if he would not force him to leave at the school all the time, despite how natural he could look to everyone, just so no one would know he was studying here to begin with. He felt bad that his father was growing even more worried than he already was, and worried seemed to be his natural state to begin with.

As he looked at the scenery, he had a thought for his mother. She would probably join the ranks of the extremist ones. She did seem to think he was not human. If only she saw the other students here! Luckily she would never. He couldn’t believe what would be ahead of them. He wasn’t sure he’d be of much help to them. He was no fighter and his power was not all that extraordinary. But the words their headmaster said was still quite fresh to his head. Standing together. Yeah, they would have to do that. But how?

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

Trying to catch a break from the usual hysteria and drama, Erika climbed the steps towards the roof. It was the only place she felt as if she could breathe freely and just let everything go. It didn't seem to be such a popular hang-out place, which fit her perfectly. Everything that had happened lately had put a strain on her and she felt completely lost - and also incredibly confused.

Hesitating a little as she reached the top of the stairs, she pressed her ear against the door in an attempt to hear if there was anyone out there. It seemed quiet, but that didn't necessarily mean she'd be alone. Then again, what did it matter? If someone she didn't know was there, all she'd have to do was walk away. Right. Simple.

Opening the door, Erika walked out and looked around; Stopping as she recognized the familiar face of Frank. A smile crept onto her lips and she relaxed her muscles; Being with Frank was always a fresh breath of air. He was so relaxed, so damn good at making people feel better. He didn't really have to say anything, because his sheer presence was enough.

''Hiya,'' Erika offered as she walked over. She leaned her hands over the railing and pursed her lips, letting her gaze float over the once again breathtaking view; The snow was almost gone, and green spires were growing everywhere. It was simply beautiful.

[François Laffont]

Franck didn’t hear as the door opened behind him. He was far enough from it not to, with the wind in his hair and ears. Plus he was deep into himself, dealing with everything going on. As if it was not hard enough to deal with the problems of a normal teenager, they had to add this on their heads! No matter what the president said or how he tried to be reassuring, he was certain it would turn in hysteria before long and they would be deemed monsters. Mutants, the new terrorists. Doesn’t matter that a normal person can kill just as much if not more with a gun in his hand, they were abnormal and that always scared people.

He startled a little as he heard a voice in his back. He didn’t know anyone was up here. Turning around, he smiled as he recognized Erika. “Oh, allo. Did you just arrive?” he asked. He kept eye contact as she joined him but as she did, he looked again at the scenery before their eyes. “It seems so peaceful when you look at it from up here, don’t you think? Like there is nothing bad going on,” he said after a moment. He didn’t mean to sound so depressive but let’s face it, their situation was not an easy one. He sighed. “I never thought my father could worry for me more than he already did.”

François forced himself to put a smile on his face. It was kind of his motto, smile until you believe it yourself, like in that song from The King and I, except she was whistling. Alright, enough talk of depressive things. He turned his head towards her. She’d make him smile for real. “What have you been up to lately?” he asked her, trying to chase away any dark thoughts from his mind.

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

''I did,'' the brunette chuckled as she offered the boy a smile, before her gaze once again turned towards the scenery, ''Mmm, yeah. I know what you mean,'' Erika said with a solemn expression before cocking her eyebrow at Franck, ''Well, try looking at it the bright side; He worries because he cares. Though, I also understand that making someone worry isn't a fun position to be in,'' she offered him a smile before hoisting herself up, so she could sit on the railing. She knew all too well the feeling of making people worry; She did that quite a lot with her reckless personality, and she too did worry over the people she cared for, ''Are you scared?''

Keeping her eyes on her feet, Erika dangled them absentmindedly in the air. His question caught her a little off guard; Not because she wasn't used to him asking, but mainly because there were certain things she had yet to deal with, both with the SPECTRE and... Well. That. She had talked to Everett, admitted everything, but she still felt guilty and she still felt confused. Maybe it was the wrong timing possible to deal with something like that, but it wasn't as if she could forget about it either, ''Oh you know, teenage drama, becoming Jane 2.0, saving the world. The usual,'' she said with a soft smile.

Eh, it wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't a lie either. Good enough, right?

[François Laffont]

Franck had a quick stare at Erika before looking back at the mountains when she talked of his father. He knew his father cared for him. He also knew why he was so worried. He was so afraid something bad could happen to his son while not being here that he wished he could be there at all times. Franck didn’t blame him. But he wished he would calm down a bit. He remained silent for a moment as she asked him if he was scared. “Yeah,” he finally replied. Who wouldn’t, seriously? With SPECTRE and the world now knowing about them... it was only a matter of time before they would be hunted down like monsters. Haven’t they seen enough X-Men and moves of the like to know mutants weren’t all monsters and that they could make it all easy on everyone? “And I’m afraid it will only get worse in the days to come,” he admitted. Franck was usually a very positive person but even one like him had his limits.

It was why he wanted to know so much what was going on in Erika’s life. To see that they could be normal and have regular problems like everyone else. He knew about that kitchen boy or whatever that she had been seeing but he didn’t know how it turned out. He tried not to pick up her feelings as he waited for an answer but he did feel the guilt and confusion coming from her. He returned her smile as she answered him. “I’m actually interested in the teenage drama,” he replied as she clearly tried to make it sound uninteresting. “Last time, you talked to me about a guy, how did it go?” he asked. Well, last time, she mostly ranted on Ellen but she did talk of someone. “Come on, I’m living my love life through you right now,” he added with a laughter. It wasn’t quite true but his life was a little boring right now. And he did want to know what was going on with her.

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

Nodding, Erika's brows furrowed, ''Yeah, me too,'' she admitted. If there was one person who didn't deserve all of this, it was Franck. Really, he was one of the good people, and good people were supposed to be happy. Well, in a perfect world, perhaps, but it didn't make it any less unfair. Franck was one of the types of people that had a heart of gold. Really, he was just... She didn't know. He didn't deserve this; None of it. And if she could have, she would have made all his troubles go away too. ''I think you're right,'' the telekinetic sighed, ''I just wish we knew more.''

She remained silent as he spoke; Her gaze fleeing to the view again. She frowned slightly and tried deciding whether or not to tell him the truth, or lie and tell him everything was fine; Sure, he'd probably know she was lying, so there was very little point in that. Hiding anything from the boy had very little point; She knew that from interacting with her twin sister who also was an empath. With a sigh, Erika leaned forward, Erika crossed her feet before pursing her lips, ''Honestly? It was epic,'' she began with a sad smile, ''Then this whole thing happened, and in a moment of confusion, I sorta screwed up.'' There was no easy way around it, and she had already decided not to make any excuses for herself, so why was it so hard admitting and owning up now? She had already told Everett.

Really, maybe it was because Franck was such a good guy, and he looked at her with those kind of eyes. And maybe it was because so many seemed to put her on that damn pedestal. Everett included. Like it was impossible for her to mess up and make mistakes. It was the story of her life. Ever since she was little, people had expected perfection from her, and she had tried living up to that for many years. But now? She was just so tired of being the thing everyone wanted her to be rather than actually being herself.

''I kissed someone else, and it just got messy after that,'' she said after a moment, keeping her gaze in front of her, ''I-'' she paused, ''I don't know.''

[François Laffont]

He knew he was not the only afraid. They all were. And they had a pretty good reason. Franck didn’t want to talk a lot about this but at the same time he could not simply ignore what was going on. They would have to prepare, one way or another. He wished it would end well, but he knew there would always be some radicals on both sides to make things worse. But Franck really didn’t want to think about that. “Yeah,” he simply answered in a whisper. If only they knew what they were up to, what was ahead of them all.

Franck did pick up some vibes coming from her before she spoke, which got him curious. The main problem when you could feel someone was sad, feeling guilty or angry or happy was that you had no idea why. So he did wonder what made her feel this way. He smiled when she said it was epic even though he could tell simply by what he got from her that something not so great was to come up next. “Why are you saying that?” he asked as she said she screwed it up.

Franck could easily forgive people. Because he could tell they repented for real. When someone was feeling very bad and you knew it, it was easier to forgive. And he could tell she was feeling kind of guilty about this. He was actually surprised and let it show when she admitted what happened. Not that he thought she was flawless, like so many people, but he didn’t think she was the kind of girl to kiss boys while seeing someone. But maybe she was not seeing Everett?

She was confused about all of this which just made Franck even more confused than she was. “What you... you kissed someone else? Just like that? I mean, I don’t see you just kissing people for the fun of it.” He felt as if he babbled all of this. Who was it? It mustn’t be important... but if it was not important, it wouldn’t turn into such a mess. “There was more than a kiss, isn’t it?” he asked. He didn’t necessarily imply sex. In fact, he was not even thinking of it. He was more referring to feelings. But she was free to think whatever she wanted.

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

His obvious surprise had the telekinetic groaning somewhat; She hated that look. She really, really despised it, but it wasn't like she could blame him or anything. If anything, she deserved it, and whatever people decided to toss at her because of it. She could circle around it for as long as she wanted, but she knew as well as everyone else that what she had done wasn't right, nor was it fair.

She had screwed up and done the worst thing possibly towards a person who didn't deserve it. Really, it was as simple as that, and there was no way she could expect to be forgiven because of it. Not that she ever had to begin with.

His words had her falling silent. She didn't know how to respond to that, and really, if anything it only made her feel even worse. Sure, it was well-deserved, and it was true. It wasn't something she normally did. ''Yeah, you're right; I didn't think so either.'' she said silently and shrugged, ''Surprise?'' Erika leaned forward as she stepped down from the railing. She turned around only to face the view again, biting her lower lip as his next question popped out; Honestly? She didn't know. She knew something had been there, but whether or not it was her care for her best friend that got conflicted with something else... She wasn't sure.

''Sex - no. Feelings? I don't know,'' she said with a sigh. ''That's the thing; I don't know why it happened, or if it was.. Well, it happened right after the whole auditorium thing, and right after it happened, I was sort of thinking I did it because I was scared, you know. But that seems idiotic, and just sounds like me making excuses, and I don't wanna do that.''

[François Laffont]

He didn’t want to judge her too badly. But at the same time, it was not what he thought of her. He wouldn’t say expect as he never expected anything except perhaps to be helpful and that sure was irrelevant here. Still, you couldn’t help but feel surprised when you find out someone did something you consider out of character for them. As her friend, and not really knowing who her boy toy was, he wanted to take her defense and think there was more to it. They were teenagers, teens made a lot of mistakes. It was how they learned. Right? As one who, more often than ever, let his feelings and that of others rule his life and do stupid things, he felt like he had no right to judge her.

His eyes grew bigger one moment as he tilted his head. Surprised, he sure was. There has to be more. “Who was it?” he asked. Sure, the fact that he was smoking hot would not make it any less wrong. But at least it would give a clue why she might have done it to begin with. Well, at least she didn't sleep with the guy. That would make it harder to forgive her.

He listened as she started to explain, or at least tried to. Yeah, he had been pretty shaken up too after hearing what their headmaster had to say. He never thought before about what would happen after the school or just what people really knew about them. He frowned a bit once she finished talking. “So it just... happened?” And she wasn’t sure of her feelings. Yeah, he could tell. Sadly for her, he wasn’t more certain of what she felt right now. It kind of annoyed him as he wished he could find what to say to her.

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

Erika had never really considered the fact of who it had been with to be of any importance; Cheating was cheating, right? So the question caught her a little off guard, though she figured it couldn't hurt to tell him. She trusted Franck; A lot more than many of the other students around, and she also knew that he had a good heart, so if she was going to pour out her feelings to anyone, he was a good bet, ''His name is Felix; You know, the school radio host?'' She didn't know if Franck even knew the guy, but it was worth a shot.

Intertwining her fingers, Erika bowed her head down and rested her forehead against her fist, sighing, ''Yeah,'' she nodded slightly, ''I mean, Felix and I have been friends for years now, and he's always been my rock. He's been there for me throughout everything,'' she shrugged; Really, she felt bad about it for his sake too. They had both been in a vulnerable position, and hadn't really discussed what happened after that moment; Things was more or less normal between them, which was good. She hadn't really dared to bring the topic up. ''So maybe I confused that comfort with something else for a brief moment?'' she didn't really ask; It was more her asking herself. She didn't have any answers as much as she wanted to.

Her head had been filled with much more important things; Such as telling Everett. Which had been sort of messy, and then not so messy and... She didn't know. She had a hard time forgiving herself, and the easy way out seemed more and more tempting as each day passed. That's what she always did; Run away whenever things got though. She was weak, and she knew it.

''I...'' she paused, unsure what else to say.

[François Laffont]

Of course, what she did was bad. And Franck, despite being her friend and still loving her no matter that, did not approve of this. But she didn’t need him to say that, he could tell she felt bad enough already. And confused. Probably about what to do now. And that was the question. What now? Franck doubted he had the answer to that question.

Felix. Yes, he knew him. Pretty sexy guy, Franck always had a tiny crush on the man. Not to the point of admitting it to him, he didn’t need Erika to tell him she kissed Felix to know he was not his type. But he did consider Felix as a nice eye-candy. Still, it was not an excuse. In fact, Franck would be disappointed in Erika if that was the only reason why she kissed him. He never thought of her as a superficial girl. He nodded as she talked of Felix, telling him how much they’ve been friends. To Franck’s opinion, she just made things a lot more confusing for Felix. He tilted his head to the side as he observed his friend. He supposed this could explain how it happened but, again, did not excuse it.

“Does... sorry I don’t know his name, kitchen boy, know?” My, if he did, it mustn’t have been pretty. Franck knew, had he been in his place, he’d be terribly hurt and need time away from Erika. He let feelings take over way too easily. “I kind of feel sorry for Felix. You probably made things even more confusing for him,” he added. They were friends, and then she kissed him. And now she was running away from it to think about it all. Yeah, poor boys. Poor Erika, too, but call that solidarity, poor guys.

He frowned when she was about to say something but remained quiet. “What is it?” he asked her. Man, her feelings were a mess. Even Franck could not read through all that confusion.

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

''Everett - and yes, I told him,'' Erika said, a sad smile forming on her lips as she crouched down, resting her elbows on her knees and cupped her face between her palms. Honestly? It could have gone a lot worse, and maybe she should have felt happy about that, though she really thought it would have been better if he actually got mad, or yelled at her. Yet, the worse he had done was throwing a few snarky remarks her way, and that was about it. Was she supposed to be relieved because of it? Was she supposed to feel less guilty? Well, it didn't matter. She felt even worse.

''Your reaction was worse than his was,'' she said silently. His reaction had hurt more, but he hadn't been as cold about it as Franck was.

And then he had carried her off like the idiot he was, acting his usual knight in shining armor-behavior. Even in her most miserable state, or when she felt guiltier than she ever had before, his mere presence still made her happier than she could ever imagine. Just the smallest amount of comfort and she had felt content. She was selfish for looking at it that way, but there was no point in lying about it either.

Sighing, Erika closed her eyes. She didn't say anything. She didn't know what there was to say. But she also felt as if Franck was putting the entire blame on her when Felix had kissed her too - though, maybe that just put her in a worse light. Things with Felix had more or less gone back to normal after the event, and they hadn't really talked about what happened. Maybe it was for the best, maybe it wasn't. She was completely and utterly clueless.

''I'm wondering whether it's better if I decide to walk away and spare them the trouble, or if I should stay put and keep apologizing is the best course of action,'' she said finally with a sigh. What if by staying she did more harm than good? It wasn't really about what she wanted anymore; It was about what was best for Everett. And Felix.

[François Laffont]

Franck sat down next to Erika. At least she had been honest and told him. Although, was it a good thing? She didn’t seem sure of what happened or what it meant. Franck knew how much feelings could complicate things. He was a bit of a drama queen, emotion wise. He was sometimes picked up on that, since it was so ‘not masculine’. Meh, he was very much a man on other aspects. He waited to hear what happened as she told him but no, she didn’t. She was just sitting here, feeling guilty, trying to sort it all out.

He was a bit surprised when she commented that he had a worse reaction than Everett’s. Really? He must have kept a lot inside then for he thought he was taking it relatively well himself, especially considering she didn’t cheat on him. He did feel bad at her words but he remained silent. He could not simply forgive her. Anyway, it was not like it was for him to forgive her anything.

“You can’t just run away and pretend it didn’t happen,” Franck pointed out. He moved closer to her, to the point their shoulders were touching. Just because he didn’t approve what she did, it didn’t mean he condemned her or disliked her now. Everyone could make mistakes. “Apologizing won’t help much either, I guess,” he said in a sigh. He was not helping. What would he do? Not really helping either, as he’d certainly keep going after them to make sure to do the best for them and ending up with both hating him. Didn’t he just say he was a bit of a drama queen? Maybe the bit should be scratched out of this.

“I’m sorry if I don’t help you here. II thought I could but I can’t really sort it out if you’re confused about it to begin with,” he said. This was getting a little overwhelming. It was hard to be the objective friend helping when he kept feeling her guilt and her love for both guys and everything else that just turned this into a mess. He wished he could. But right now, he just wanted to give her a hug and try to get out of her heart.

[Erika Conner (Bellefonte)]

Erika remained silent as Franck spoke and simply sat there, completely still as she stared blankly in front of her. He didn't really need to say anything as she knew it already, but it couldn't be helped. What had she expected anyways? That's he'd feel sorry for her? Nah, she didn't even want that kind of treatment. It was her own fault, and she knew that. Though, him basically telling her didn't really get them anywhere. If anything, it only felt like they were going round and round in circles.

Turning her head to look at him, Erika sighed, ''I'm confused because I don't understand why it happened,'' she said, looking away again, ''I mean, after everything Ever and I have been through, something like that shouldn't just happen. And I'm confused because I'm wondering if it still would have happened if it hadn't been for the whole 'the world is ending' speech.'' It didn't really put her in a good light to phrase herself like that, but at least it was the truth. Sure, Felix made her jealous, but as did many of her friends. She was possessive over them, and enjoyed being the center of attention, which was mostly because of her own insecurities, but still.

The thing was, she didn't even know if she liked Felix that way. She hadn't given herself the chance to think about it. Her main focus had been talking to Everett, confessing what she had done. Everything else had more or less been put on hold.

''I don't think I'm the person you should live your love life through,'' Erika pointed out with a faint smile, though she didn't look at him; She kept her gaze forward and on absolutely nothing.

[François Laffont]

Why it happened? He supposed it was at the core of the problem. If she had feelings for Felix and let them out because of the stress, that would explain. Explain, not excuse, but it was still a first and she could go from there to know what she wanted. It would be good for at least one of them to know what they wanted, right? He paused a moment to think of what she said. “So basically, you never thought you could love Felix but now you wonder?” Yes, he needed to process it one thought at a time. He had to because all of her confusion was rubbing on him. He looked at her again as the whole time he tried to think of it, he had been staring forward. “What are they thinking about this?”

Franck knew he was able to put himself in just as much trouble as she was right now. His excuse would be his power. The second a guy flirted with him, he’d feel it and no matter how much he’d try to turn back, he knew he could do something like that. So he didn’t want to judge her so severely. Still, it was not saying anything nice about them. But what could they do about it?

He lowered his head until it reached hers. “I’m sure if there was anything to happen in mine, it wouldn’t have any less drama than in yours. I wished it would have been simpler for you though,” he replied. And he meant it. He knew how people liked to throw rumours on her behalf, most of them being quite nasty. He didn’t think she deserved any of them. “It is you who wants a hug or just how I want to respond to your feelings?” he asked with a tiny smile before he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He felt as if it was all he could do right now. And he wanted to be a shrink! He sucked.