I'm Not Dead

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn’s eye slowly fluttered open as she let something of a groan out, dilated pupils covering most of the green color in her iris. Where am I? The first question that came to her mind as she slowly looked around, not yet moving. Then a slight panic, causing her heart rate to pick up as her mind started to remember what had happened. Zoe! Devyn went to sit up, but the attempt pretty much failed as her body refused to move just yet. Was she still paralyzed? She attempted to wiggle her toes, successful. Then her fingers, only one being successful, the other had something in it, or more so holding it. Devyn took in a breath, her throat and lungs feeling a bit sore, but she was breathing. She picked up Zoe’s scent that had to be who was holding her hand. All of her body felt sore really, like it had been laying in the same position for hours, moved around against her will or knowing about it. Part of her grew angry at the idea of people touching her while she had been out of it, but she realized that whatever had been done was why she was able to open her eyes again.

“Z…” Devyn tried to call Zoe’s name out but all she managed was the Z, her throat and mouth felt a little dry. She was thirsty and a little hungry. What time was it? By the way her body felt it had to be late at night at least around ten or eleven, maybe even midnight. She attempted to move again, knowing her body was going to hate her in the morning even more if she didn’t at least move a little. It was already putting up a slight protest as she managed to at least shift the current place where her limbs were. Doing something of a backwards crawl to be further up the pillow so she could sit up somewhat, winching the whole time for the movement, but damn she was going to move and not become some lump on a bed. The whole time she did not let go of the hand, or whatever she had a hold of, giving it a small squeeze. "Zoe, are…you alright?” Devyn managed after swallowing, looking to where she could smell her girlfriend.

Yes she was asking Zoe if she was alright, she didn’t know what had happened after she collapsed. She could have fallen on Zoe and hurt her or maybe her shadow might have lashed out; rare but possible. After all the shadows would sometimes try to take over her whenever she had nightmares or was in completely darkness. However the room was dimly lit, light coming from the monitor she was hooked up to for sure. Devyn remembered the pain of her lungs trying to breath and her throat having failed her, as he body went to shut down a little. She didn’t remember any shaking or any mouth to mouth that Zoe had given because she could not feel anything. She did remember hearing Zoe’s panics and faint cries before things just went black and nothing from there. I hope she didn’t freak out too much. The thought was there, and Devyn had a feeling that Zoe had to have panicked but Devyn was all taken care of, so Zoe must have gotten it together and took care of what needed to be done.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Zoe had essentially passed out on the edge of Devyn's bed. Her body had given up on her some time before then, worn and stretched as it was. She'd only vomited once since the major one, and she'd at least managed to control the trembles. Still, the sheer enormity of it finally caught Zoe, and she'd collapsed, still managing to hold onto Devyn like the other girl was a lifeline.

A rasped word shot into Zoe's light sleep, and the exhausted girl shot awake. "Devyn!?" she yelped, shifting, trying to get a better look at her girlfriend. She raised an arm up to her face, wiping it as best she could with the sleeve of Dr. Riggs's baggy sweatshirt. she still wore the glove Dr. Campbell had given her, and most of Dr. Riggs' clothing hung loose on her. She wasn't even sure what was going to happen with her clothing. Probably got stolen or something. She didn't care: what mattered to Zoe lay before her, weak on the bed.

Devyn moved though; she shifted and Zoe watched as she moved to the top of the bed. The tears already started to form in her eyes, and she wanted nothing so much as to lunge forward and kiss her girlfriend. That, however, would be phenomenally foolish given why they were here. It didn't stop Zoe from moving forward though, her hand squeezing Devyn's. "Devyn I'm so sorry!' she blurted, before collapsing, sobbing on the bed. "I'm so, so sorry, it's all my fault, I---" she sobbed wretchedly again.

It was actually hard to say which one looked worse. Zoe had mostly done her damage to herself, tormenting herself over what had happened, not to mention a little backlash from her ability being used to such an extent. The sheer stress of it had left her pale, shaking, and still covered in someone else's clothing. Her stomach hadn't been able to hold anything either, and had recently emptied most of its contents, leaving her with little but water. She was probably dehydrated, to say the least. And she wasn't the one who'd needed emergency medical care or who was hooked up to monitors now.

[Devyn Solway]

Zoe's voice clearly gave off the feeling that Devyn had expected but did not want to hear. Another scent on Zoe, two different ones and Devyn would have growled had her throat not been sore. Eyes clearly able to see Zoe and that she was wiping at her face and didn’t look like she was even in a healthy state. Why was she still here? She should have been looking after herself, clearly being way too worried about Devyn; which Devyn understood but at the same time could not help but feel bad herself. It was her fault after all. She could have stopped Zoe, pulled back or even pushed Zoe back, but why would she? She wanted to touch and kiss Zoe just as bad and Zoe had made clear that she wanted to. Plus it was really hot and even with her body having gone numb she was still turned on by it all. Still, she felt weak for not being able to well, not be almost killed by Zoe's power.

I messed up bad. Devyn was already mentally scolding herself which just got worse when Zoe began to cry and blurt out an apology and squeezing at Devyn's hand. "Easy Zoe. It’s not your fault." Devyn's voice still came out weak and not sounding to much like herself, but her body was still trying to heal and recover after all, plus it didn’t help that she was still planning on doing whatever she wanted because lying in bed all weak like was not her style unless she was choosing to be lazy. "Don't blame yourself at all." Devyn said sounding as stern as she could, moving to reach out so she could rub Zoe's back, even if moving her arm hurt a little, she ignored it. She could tell just by the scent as well that Zoe was not doing so good and that just made Devyn feel angry, wanting to get out of the bed to help take care of her girlfriend, but she was hooked up and really even if she managed to get out of the bed she most likely would have collapsed.

"Zoe. Zoe look at me. Do you have enough energy to grab something to eat and drink? I'm pretty hungry and thirsty." Devyn said giving a weak smile; really her plan was to get Zoe to get something for Devyn in the infirmary, which should have had some kind of packaged meal that was brought or could be obtained or what have you. At least that was what Devyn figured. Either way she wanted Zoe to get it, thinking it was for Devyn but really Devyn was going to make sure Zoe got something to eat and drink in her, Devyn could wait until later. Damn it all. Devyn thought as she gave Zoe's hand a squeeze, just angry with herself for hurting Zoe like this.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

The reassuring voice did not, strangely enough, reassure. Zoe hiccuped again. People kept saying stuff like that, like how it wasn't her fault, how she shouldn't blame herself. She cried again, her body shaking. It wasn't really crying though, not by this point. Her body went through the motions, jerking, and her eyes hurt like hell, but no liquid seeped from her brown eyes, not any more. Dehydration had set in some time ago, and it was reaping its harvest now.

The touch made Zoe flinch, and she nearly fell backward. That would've required letting go of Devyn though, and, almost paradoxically, Zoe wasn't willing to do that. She did look up as her girlfriend issued a command. Commands did seem to penetrate Zoe's haze, puncturing the confusion and slipping in some coherence. Eat and drink, Zoe nodded. "Right, food, you need food; you love to eat," she mumbled, again rising her sleeve up to rub at her face. She hiccuped again, turning to look around at the room. Eventually, Zoe released Devyn's hand, her own, latex gloved one sliding out of it. She moved about as though she were stunned or something.

"There's a fridge!" she called, looking over her shoulder at Devyn. "I think Dr. Riggs said that there was food for.... you," she hesitated because she knew there was food in there for her too, but her stomach lurched at the thought. She bent over, her gloved hand sliding on the fridge door. Trembling, Zoe reached to take off the slick glove, pausing for a moment. She rose then, taking a deep breath and turning to Devyn. "Do you really need food?" she asked, her voice wavering. Her hands were at her side, both still in gloves. She really didn't want to admit the truth: that she couldn't open the fridge with her hands still in the slick gloves, but that she couldn't remove the gloves, though they probably weren't good for her hands, not with how long Zoe'd had them on...

[Devyn Solway]

There was a hiccup and Zoe didn’t seem to be at ease at all, so Devyn's words did not work. Alright, she knew this was not going to be easy, but it still hurt just a little knowing that she was not able to make Zoe feel better yet, she was just going to have to try harder. Zoe was going through the motions of crying once more, but it was clear she had nothing left in her and it was just making Devyn worry more about her girlfriend. Then there was that flinch. That stupid flinch that Devyn didn’t want to see when she was trying to make Zoe feel better, but again she expected it. She expected Zoe to basically revert to how she was before and just hoped Zoe didn’t get worse. She didn’t want Zoe to stop being close to her, avoiding her touch, or blaming herself for all of it. She could not help her power; Devyn knew that, Zoe should know that.

Stop. Don’t shut me out Zoe. Zoe should not have been upset with herself for ending up doing what they both knew was going to happen at some point with Devyn being how she was and needing and wanting physical affection, even more so from someone who was her girlfriend. "Yes, I do like to eat." Devyn said with a small nod, opening and closing her hand when Zoe let it go. She was not sure if it was from the paralysis from before or the fact that Zoe had been holding it for a long time that her hand felt the way it did. She assumed it was from the hand holding since her hand was really warm, but the feeling of latex was not all the enjoyable, made her think doctors, and she didn’t like that. Didn’t like being in this bed or hooked up to these stupid monitors that were tracking how her body was doing.

Devyn's eyes went to the fridge for a moment and then back to Zoe, picking up on the pause. "Food for you too then right?" Devyn asked, figuring if they knew Zoe was going to stay here with her that they would have had left something to eat and drink for Zoe as well. If they had not it did not matter since Devyn would have shared with Zoe. Her head tilted just a little, seeing Zoe tremble, stand up, and then take a deep breath. What kind of question what did she really need food? She was hungry after all and Zoe needed to take care of herself, so something had to be wrong. "I can wait." Devyn said simply, not even worried about her own hunger or thirst for the moment. "What’s wrong Zoe?" Devyn asked as she managed to raise her arms enough to make 'give me' hands at Zoe. She wanted her girlfriend closer, wanted to know what was wrong and figure out what she could do to help.

"You need to get something to drink and eat." Devyn gave the order, because she figured Zoe knew that she needed to take care of her needs. She did not understand what was wrong however, she expected a smile, something a little less down. It was not like she died, she was still here. If Zoe didn’t tell her what was wrong, take care of herself, and then come closer once everything was fixed on her end, Devyn was going to take matters into her own hands.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

There was probably something there for Zoe, though she wasn't sure they'd have brought food. Devyn was the one who was in a better shape to eat, which was almost funny given that Devyn had been the one who had recently had her throat seize up on her. Zoe felt the desire to cry welling up again, and she knew that she'd be leaking tears under different conditions. The gesture Devyn gave worked though, combined with the words. Zoe walked over to the bed, moving shyly toward her girlfriend. Zoe did stop a little distance from her, her heart heavy.

Zoe just shook her head at the idea that she needed anything right now, her body hiccuping again. She raised a hand up to rub at her eyes, her mouth working. she needed to just say it, just get it over with: "Do you still want to be my girlfriend?" she rasped, the words sounded as though they hurt her on the way out. They did, leaving inward scars and wounds that scraped at Zoe's soul, and she wanted to just curl up in a ball. They needed to be said. "Because I almost killed you, Devyn. If-if-if Dr. Riggs or Dr. Campbell," she sat on the bed then, hugging herself.

It was then that Zoe realized something she'd been half denying: her feelings for Devyn were strong. they went beyond that attraction and the friendship and everything that they'd built. It was a love of some kind; Zoe knew it, knew that there had been some part of her that had now been touched by Devyn that wasn't ever going to be the same again. She hiccuped and rubbed at her eyes, somehow convincing herself that this was the end of that; just as she discovered it, that little growth was going to be utterly smothered.

Worse, it deserved it: Zoe shouldn't be happy, not if she did this to people. She was a horrible person...

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn smiled at seeing Zoe move closer to her, but it didn’t stay as Zoe stopped, not fully coming into Devyn's arms like she had wanted. She wanted to hold Zoe, keep her close, and rub her sorrows away. She did not want Zoe to be hurting or feeling like everything was all her fault. Devyn blamed herself really more than anything, she knew better, and she had told Zoe that this was probably going to happen. None of it came to a surprise, and the only feelings Devyn was having been mainly anger at herself for putting Zoe through this. She was alive, but Zoe had to have been worried that Devyn was going to end up dying. Devyn was made of tough skin; she was not going to let herself die that easily. Even if it was kind of out of her control, she was recovering quickly which she figured had to be thanks to whatever was done, but also her natural drive to push herself and get better and stronger.

Devyn blinked at the question; did Zoe want to break up in other words? Did she really think that there was no way past this? Devyn didn’t answer at first, waiting for Zoe to say more and it became a little clearer. Zoe must have thought that because Zoe had almost killed her that Devyn was not going to want to be her girlfriend anymore which made Devyn shake her head not and give a soft chuckle. "Do you not remember me saying that I could never hate you even if this happened? We talked about this Zoe, come here." Devyn said making the give-me hands again, wanting to pull Zoe close, eyes glancing at the IV and monitors hooked up to her body and she had the strong urge to rip them out, but held back for now. Focusing on Zoe. "I like you Zoe; I'm not going to break up with you over something like this, like I told you before. Heck, it was all pretty hot the whole time, which was why I didn’t stop you. I wanted it and I was up for the risk." Devyn said with a smile, trying to move a little more, winching in the process but ignored it.

"Can I have a kiss?" Devyn went ahead and asked, not sure if Zoe was really going to be up for it after all that happened. Devyn really didn’t care, she wanted to hug and give Zoe a kiss, wipe her face and let her girlfriend know that it was all okay. Going numb was not a big deal; they at least knew their limit now. Devyn knew how long she could touch Zoe and what places could not be touched at the risk of going really numb. So no more deep kisses, at least not yet, but Devyn was not planning on giving up their little lip kisses and holding hands. Yet Zoe really should take off the gloves she was currently wearing.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

No, no Zoe did not remember having that conversation. It did sound like a conversation that she and Devyn would have though. They had predicted that something like this would happen, though likely neither of them had anticipated Zoe being the one who would be the main cause of it. She had known that Devyn would react like that. She had known that, and even hearing Devyn admit to having found it hot and that she wanted the risk didn't help assuage Zoe's rampaging guilt.

She still moved forward though, inching up close enough to be taken in those arms. Zoe had enough barriers of clothing on not to fret overmuch about it. The sweatshirt covered most of her, and the sweatpants helped, as did the fact that Zoe still wore her only clean clothes (possibly her only available clothing period at this point) underneath it all. Still liked; that was something, though Zoe felt incredibly unworthy of such affection. How could anyone love someone that tried to kill them?

A kiss? Zoe shook her head, pinching her eyes shut, then took several deep breaths. She darted and kissed Devyn's shoulder, where her clothing covered for the most part. "No skin contact," she said, sniffing. She wanted to add "anymore," but Zoe wasn't stupid. Devyn would push; she would give. But never again to the extent they'd gotten. They shouldn't, couldn't. Zoe might have been forgiven this time for sending Devyn to medical emergency, but a second wouldn't be nearly as forgivable.

"I just can't right now Devyn, I'm sorry," and the sorry came out as a desperate cry, dripping with "love me" even as the person who said it thought that impossible. "I can't--I can't do that to you again. I can't lose you, not again, not ever."

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn reached out and put her arms around Zoe, even if they were a little shaking, just from having been stiff for so long. Pulling Zoe so she would lay down on her chest so she could hold her close and kept her there. Eyes closing for a moment as she took in Zoe's scent, listening to her girlfriend's heartbeat and working out feeling every movement Zoe was making to figure out the current state of her girlfriend. She had a pretty good idea already, but having Zoe closer made her sure and she felt like Zoe was breaking, even in her arms. She wanted it to stop, she wanted Zoe to be alright and she wanted to hurt things. So many things out of her own frustration in not having been able to make Zoe feel better. She did want to go out with Zoe and in fact was not really the type to break up with people; they had to be the ones to do it.

"Just breathe and take it easy Zoe. It’s your power; it’s not really your fault. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. How could I be mad at you for such a thing?" Devyn asked speaking in a low tone as her eyes scanned the room for anyone else that might have been in there. Zoe shook her head no however to Devyn's request to have a kiss, which...did make Devyn angry. Yes she understood it was a bit much to be asking Zoe, but she wanted one. To confirm that Zoe did in fact still want to go out with her and for that conformation that everything was going to be okay or at least go back to normal. "...ever?" Devyn asked to Zoe's statement about no skin to skin contact, not really affected by the kiss to her shoulder, not when she wanted one to her lips. Her green eyes looking at Zoe as if trying to read what was going on in her mind.

"...fine." Devyn said simply to Zoe saying that she could not right now, Devyn understood, but she was still a bit...unsettled about it. Or more so upset would have been another word, but she was being selfish. Devyn was unable to hide the hint of anger in her eyes about Zoe stating that she could not do to Devyn what she did. "What we did Zoe. We both kissed and touched one another. I'm alive right now, right? Don’t worry about things happening again. Just let things happen and don’t stress about them." Devyn said her voice a bit stern because she was a big, just live how things are going and just basically glow with the flow.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

People kept telling Zoe she needed to breathe, as if she didn't realize that. Being told didn't make it any easier to handle though; she kept taking in those deep, sucking, trembling breaths. Devyn blamed the power, which did make some kind of logical sense. Zoe had never been one to linger overlong on logic though; she operated on feeling and emotion, not thought and logical elimination. She could practically feel Devyn's mounting anger and frustration, which only made her sobs all the harder. It hurt, knowing that she just kept hurting Devyn with each word, and it hurt all the worse because she couldn't let go of the other girl.

The fine felt like a knife, and Zoe flinched as she heard it. Kissed and loved on one another; Devyn was alive, don't worry. Zoe shook her head. "I can't, Devyn, I--" she clutched at her girlfriend, feeling childish and selfish. She just kept saying "can't" and "wouldn't" and she knew those were words that did not go over well with Devyn. It felt like Zoe kept stumbling from one wrong thing to another. She desperately wanted to just kiss Devyn again, to communicate with that instead, but she just had words.

Emotion took hold of Zoe's fragile mind and body, riding her as it had so easily earlier. "I can't lose you; I can't risk it," she hiccuped, reaching up to wipe at her face with the sleeve again, "It's not--I want to let things happen; I want you and I---but I love you too much I can't--I just can't---if I lost you I'd..." she hiccuped and burrowed into Devyn, curling against her, the emotions welling up inside, refusing to be shoved down, "please Devyn, I just--- I can't lose someone I love, not again, not again, I just can't---"

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn could feel that Zoe was holding onto her, seeming like she was not going to let go, which didn’t surprise Devyn too much. After all Zoe must have remained here holding her hand all those hours and not taking care of herself. She was still here, she didn’t wanted to leave, Devyn understood but it didn’t make her feel any better. No one should drive themselves sick because of her. No, Zoe should have been taking care of herself, once she head heart that Devyn was going to be fine she should have returned back to the dorm and rest there for a little. Unless Zoe had not been told that everything was not going to be fine. That was the only case Devyn would understand why Zoe had pushed herself so much for her sake. Even if Devyn would have done the same for Zoe, she could handle that kind of thing. She was used to pushing her body past its limits, it’s why she trained after all.

Did something stab her? Devyn thought after feeling Zoe flinch in her hold, looking at her arms to make sure nothing one them was poking at Zoe, still having that urge to rip everything out or off of her. She didn’t like needles and she liked even less that things were monitoring her, she felt like some lab rat. Even if it was all to help her, she never liked hospitals or needles, and she blamed her mother for that. No, no thinking about her mother. She pushed those thoughts out of her head, helped by hearing Zoe speak again. "I get it Zoe, you can’t. Don’t worry about it." Devyn said simply, sounding just a bit detached, but it was mainly so she could keep her feelings out of it. Not wanting to sound too angry or upset over the matter, she had to be understanding, not selfish. Rubbing Zoe's back lightly at feeling Zoe clutching her, and still seeming very unstable.

Devyn looked at Zoe, not saying anything as Zoe was trying to get words out, Devyn still hearing everything, but not sure what to say. Zoe said love; a word Devyn was fine with hearing in terms of hearing with someone she was friends with, but not in a relationship with. It made her feel a little uneasy. She probably means it in the that I'm just very important to her way. Devyn thought as she tried to settle her heart that started to beat a little faster, the machine giving it away. Zoe burrowed into her and curled up close. Devyn was happy that Zoe was at least giving her contact and was holding onto her. Devyn held onto her back, still not really sure what to say, because there was just so much emotions going on right now, but there was something in Zoe's words that caught Devyn's attention. A way to not just leave silence between them. "Again? You mean like with Aya?" Devyn asked, taking a stab in the dark now, having put piece together. "Is that who you found out your powers with?" Devyn asked soon after, figuring she might as ask that as well since that seemed to tie in all too well.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Devyn kept saying she got it, but the tone said otherwise, or possibly said worse. Did she not feel for Zoe any more? She sounded like she did, but she didn't seem to be showing it. Zoe felt her body trying to produce more tears, which was in turn making her feel sicker and sicker, especially as her body jerked with the effort of it. Now she was all but wiping herself on Devyn's shirt, which only served to make Zoe feel worse yet. Devyn rubbed at Zoe, which did help; it always did.

The hands held her, and Zoe's breath calmed a little. Devyn still held; that had to mean something, right? The girl she loved held her. It meant something to Zoe, though part of her was saying that Devyn was just being nice. She didn't love Zoe; she hadn't said so. It was stupid to think that she would. Zoe was just a trembling wreck. Devyn was the big, powerful, sexual one here. Zoe was pathetic next to that, and she knew it.

Worse yet, Devyn asked what Zoe had been dreading. She nodded, sniffing and reaching up with her sleeve to wipe. "She was my step-sister," she suppressed another sob, "I know: there's something wrong and gross but---I -- we kissed, well, I kissed her like we kissed, you and me and--" she swallowed again. "I keep doing that. I keep falling in love with someone beautiful and amazing and then I---" she hiccuped again, shaking her head, "it's okay if you don't. I don't---" she took another shaking breath, "you don't have to or--just please don't push me away. I don't---I can't--" she curled up with Devyn. "She, she convulsed and shook, Devyn, and--and I ran because I didn't---I didn't know what to do and I haven't--" she swallowed, pinching shut her eyes, "I don't know what happened to her, and I can't have that happen with you! I just can't! Please!" she sounded desperate, panicked as she clung to Devyn.

[Devyn Solway]

Zoe's body kept moving, like she was trying to cry but could not manage anymore tears, which just made Devyn worry even more for her. In fact worry to the point that it hurt, knowing that Zoe was at a state where even her body could not produce tears but was still going through the motions. She did not mind that Zoe was wiping herself on her, even if Zoe did have tears or snot or whatever, Devyn would have deal because worrying about your clothing get wet or dirty should be the last of your concerns when someone important to you was hurting. Zoe was important to Devyn. Devyn would do anything for Zoe just like she would for Kitty, but her love for Zoe was different. She loved Zoe as Zoe was a very important person to her, because any other kind of love was dangerous and Devyn knew that all too well. It was why she didn’t like to make moves unless she was clear what the other person wanted and why she didn’t end up staying in a relationship long.

Devyn didn’t stop rubbing Zoe's back, seeing that Zoe was starting to settle put Devyn a little more at ease. She was still able to help Zoe, calm her down a little and get Zoe to breathe. That was what Devyn wanted. Have Zoe settle down, take it easy, and then take care of herself. Devyn was fine; she was not going anywhere and didn’t really plan to, not yet anyways. She didn’t really want to pry into the whole Aya thing, but this seemed like a good time to ask, not that she was planning on forcing Zoe to tell her about it. Zoe did start to talk however, still going through the motions as if she was crying. Devyn didn’t say anything, just listening, eyes looking away for a moment at Zoe saying that she kept falling in love with someone beautiful and amazing. Devyn didn’t want to hear that. Stop, Zoe. Devyn thought, her eyes still looking away but she was still listening the words her girlfriend was saying. Even if every word was making her grow uneasy, hurting a little even. I'm not good for people to fall in love with. Devyn wanted to say that, but she could not even bring herself to open her mouth yet, just rubbing Zoe's back and keeping her eyes away.

"It’s okay Zoe..." Devyn finally managed to get out, her eyes going to look back at Zoe for a moment as she took a deep breath. "I'm not planning on pushing you away or anything. I understand why you ran. It had to be scary and I'm sorry you found out about your power that way but..." Devyn went on to say, hesitating towards the end as she reached up and moved a hand through her own hair as she took another deep breath, keeping herself calm. Even if the deep breath were hurting a bit, she still did them. "I'm not Aya. I'm Devyn and you didn’t run from me when it happened. I won’t push you away but you can’t run away from me either Zoe. Don’t start to shut me out and cover yourself from me." Devyn concluded for a moment, turning to look away for a moment, trying to be careful with her wording, but she was still sounding very distant with every word.

"If you can’t and you won’t, I can’t force you. Simple as that." She still looked away as she said this, trying to figure out what else she should say, but was still trying to understand that Zoe really did love her. Why?

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Okay... it was okay... as it though? Zoe couldn't quite believe that, even as she felt her girlfriend's hand on her back. Even as Devyn said that she wasn't pushing, that she understood. That last alone was enough for Zoe to nearly wail. Not Ava; she wasn't Ava, of course not, she was Devyn, someone different...

... who Zoe hadn't run from. That knowledge worked its way through Zoe, shooting straight to her heart. She hadn't run from Devyn. She'd run toward Devyn in fact, gotten Devyn's phone, done something. She wouldn't have been able to do that a few months ago, hadn't, essentially. It was because of what she felt... no, not just that. Zoe wanted to blame it on that, and part of her still insisted, but she'd been different this time because she was different. She knew that, knew it well.

Without saying anything, Zoe shifted. She moved so that her hands were on either side of Devyn, blinking and looking down at her. This was the girl she'd put here, hurt and nearly killed, saying not to run, not to hide. She kept insisting that Zoe stay despite it all. And Zoe hadn't run from her. Devyn looked away after admitting that Zoe didn't have to stay, didn't have to cling or reveal. Zoe took Devyn's face in her trembling hands, staring down.

And Zoe lowered, her lips trembling. The kiss had to be one of the worst ever delivered between loved ones. Zoe's lips shook even as they touched Devyn's, jerking about. Her breath was most likely awful; she'd only drank water and vomited from there recently, not to mention having tears and snot leaking there. They were dried and cracked, and the kiss came from someone who was clearly forcing herself to do it. But she also just as clearly wanted it, as she closed her eyes and pressed those trembling lips to Devyn's for just a few heartbeats, before pulling away. Those swollen eyes, puffy and still wet, looked down at Devyn, the terror and fear still gripping them, though one emotion surged above that mess, beaming from those expressive eyes.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn was not feeling that entire well now, a mix of hunger, thirst, and pack full of all the different emotions she was feeling now. Probably didn’t help that she was thinking about the idea of needles being put in her. She felt her stomach wanting to flip upside down, consume itself, but at the same time wanting to shrivel up and not eat for another few hours. The monitor was giving away everything as Devyn's heart beat went from beating fast to slow, pretty slow as if she was going into some deep sleep, but her eyes remained open. She was not tired, she didn’t want to remain in this bed, and she wanted to move. Yet another part of her was saying to stay and rest a little longer, to just deal with this all for at least a full twenty-four hours. Then I can try for an escape.

Devyn didn’t know the history between Zoe and this Aya girl, she just knew what happened between the two of them and that Aya was Zoe's step-sister. Devyn was a little curious as too if they were by blood or marriage, but there was not jealousy. No, none, because this was before she was with Devyn and Devyn had been with a ton of people before Zoe and still might have been still messing around with people even after going out with Zoe. Devyn was a flirt, she would not deny that and if Zoe asked she would be honest about anything. Devyn was distracted with her thoughts, but she watched Zoe as she felt the movement. An eyebrow raising just a little at seeing Zoe put her hands on either side of her, Devyn's eye looking away for a moment again, turning her head away once more, not really sure what Zoe was planning and a little worried that she was going to drop the 'I love you' bomb in full, but her head was turned back and held in Zoe's hands.

"Zoe..." Devyn started to say, but stopped looking into Zoe's brown eyes as he girlfriend stared down at her and then moved in to kiss her. It was a kiss that Devyn never experienced in her life before. One that was in fact very bad in terms of how Zoe's lips were moving and just the thought of what had went past them was not very attractive. However, Devyn could not help but feel like it was a very special kiss, one of a kind, and in its own category of good kisses. Zoe had kissed her even with not having wanted to because she was scared. Devyn able to feel the lips against her until they started to go numb, part of her body ready to pull shadows to create a barrier between them if she needed to, but Devyn didn’t want to. Devyn had made sure to press into the lips for a small moment to know that she was thankful for the kiss, even if she could tell Zoe was pushing herself to do it. "Thanks Zoe." Devyn said with a small smile on her face as she careful went to stroke Zoe's cheek, making sure to make it light and quick.

"I'm sorry. You should not feel like you have to do that to make me happy. Please don’t force yourself." Devyn added after a moment, even if that was kind of a lie in a way. Since if Devyn didn’t get that skin to skin contact and touch then she would start to think what was the point of going out. That they might as well gone back to being friends, which was still a thought that lingered a little in Devyn's mind. What if it was the best for her? Devyn thought but really she didn’t feel like it was, because just how Zoe was reacting to everything. That look in her eyes, making Devyn pull her as close to her as she could. "I really do like you Zoe." Devyn said, not really able to say that she loved the other girl, no. Not yet, Devyn was not sure if she would be able to, the word just...it was an odd word.