On the clock

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina tried to answer, but she couldn’t force herself to speak. She looked down, not meeting his eyes as she tried to think up a response. Honestly, how did she view this? Selina had hoped to be trained, but in a different manner than in which she’d given him… It seemed like she’d probably have to be honest to get anywhere. Selina sighed and rubbed her temples. This was going to be so much fun. “Look, I- I do interpret this to be a meeting between a trainer and a student,” she told him honestly.


    Selina’s head then shot up when he mentioned speaking about an experience and her gaze turned hard, her entire expression going cold, “I was merely speaking of what happened thirty seconds previous to our discussion,” she snapped with a finality in her tone that even she was slightly surprised by. Selina paused and looked away, before sighing in frustration, waiting until he finished to fully explain what she was looking for. “Sorry, I don’t have a story I need to share, I just need to be able to function around… people like you,” she finally admitted. She was already seeing Vesper, so she wasn’t looking to him for counseling.


    “I realize that by not being honest, I put you in danger,” he hadn’t deserved to have an icicle at his throat and she knew it. “But if there’s some way I could learn how not to over react… or at least, not react as much, I think that could be a start?” she offered somewhat hesitantly. “That’s why I’m here: I came here to try to be less… reactive,” she finished as she stared at the ground. Well, that was one way of putting it.

[Terrance Layton]

"Alright." He said in a low voice, not believing a word, "Good. I take it it's normal for students to try and hurt trainers where you come from then." He shrugged, waving his hands, "I want to make sure we have that cleared out." It was all said sarcastically of course, but it was up to her to get it.

Ooohh touchy. That only led him to believe there WAS a story there. Perhaps he should talk to her counselor and find out exactly what that was. He wasn't sure that was allowed or not, but hey, he was a teacher! That had to have some perks, right? "Okay." He said after she snapped, showing his palms again in a calming motion, "Yes, I noticed the- uh, reaction." He cleared his throat. "If that's what you want." He said, "But I'd consider dealing with the cause of such... lack of control." He would, but a girl like her might not want to go there. It was making him really curious.

"As long as you realise that." He said lightly, almost sarcastically again. Oh goodie! She KNEW he was in danger. Well, wasn't that helpful? He felt the urge to send out for security or something, but that would only end up Bellefonte sending in a cat or something. Really, what was wrong with this school? "Like me?" He repeated, his eyebrows raising. "What do you mean people 'like me'?"

Terry nodded, his expression serious as he stared at her. She wanted to be less... reactive around people 'like him'. Without telling him why. Lovely. "Have you tried drugs?" He asked in a serious voice, although he was jesting, "I know we're not supposed to tell that to kids, but let's face it. Drugs could pretty much solve most problems." Worked with him anyway. But jokes aside- "Alright, alright." He sighed, rubbing his face with one hand, shaking his head.

"I could teach you... breathing techniques." He offered, "It's not much and it won't help in extreme situations." He knew that well, "But they... help me. A little." They helped him sleep at least. And this was sort of the same, right? "Come on." He moved to sit in the floor in the middle of the room and waited for her to do the same. "Come on, I don't have all day."

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina sneered, “Try the other way aroun-” she started bitterly before she shut her mouth and looked down at the floor. “A-anyway, what does it matter?” she asked quickly. It was a shitty cover-up, but it was the best she could do on such short notice. Damn, she really needed to control herself better. She kept on trying to regain some of the ground she’d lost but only found herself stumbling further and further back.


    “I am,” she told him. Selina was being forced to see Vesper, so technically she was working on it. Even if the meetings weren’t exactly voluntary on her part... and maybe she wasn’t the most cooperative, but she wasn’t completely hostile either... “I’m working on the mental, but you can only get so far in a therapist’s office,” she explained calmly.


    Selina glared at his sarcasm, but didn’t respond because she knew she deserved at least a little of it. Selina then vaguely waved her hand in the air, as if that could somehow specify what she was talking about, “You know…” she started before she sighed and looked down at the ground. Selina took a breath and then looked back up at him once she’d found some amount of resolve, “Adult male teachers,” she replied quietly but with a firm tone.


    Selina didn’t laugh at his joke and merely stared at him. She had a sense of humor, but laughing right now wasn’t something she could manage. She was focusing on not bolting out of the room and never returning. God, this was not going as she’d thought it would. But then, she should have expected something like this… well maybe not quite like this. What teacher joked about encouraging students to take drugs?


    Selina stared at him, slightly surprised he’d suggested something she’d been working on in aikido. Maybe he wasn’t as useless as she’d originally thought? When he’d started moving, she’d tensed again, but when he sat, Selina sat down as well. Right where she was, not moving an inch closer to him. “Alright,” she agreed to learning what he knew. Her body was still tense, but not as much as it had been previously. She was willing to try this... sort of.

[Terrance Layton]

The other way around? Terry blinked at her and then approached her slowly, a serious expression covering his features. "What?" Why did it matter? "Of course it does. If a trainer attacked you then we should report this immediately." He said, but she was looking at the ground and he shut his mouth tightly. She had a counselor, right? Whatever happened to her, he was sure was being dealt with. It had to. But he also knew he wasn't the one to talk to about these things. These were the kind of things that needed empathy and gentleness. He lacked both qualities.

She was. Ah. So she HAD a counselor. She could only get so far there. "Well, depending on the trauma, it could take years." He explained, his eyes still wide and fixed on her, now wondering what had happened. Maybe he could ask around the other counselors, see if anyone had a clue. If he knew, maybe he'd be able to help her further. And then she said it. Why he was so intimidating to her. Adult male teachers. So this was an issue with his gender. An adult male teacher, probably a trainer, had attacked her. And why did she specify the gender anyway? His eyes widened. Oh. That could only mean- oh.

Terry sighed, rubbing a hand against his face. This was heavy. "Your file said you transferred." He mentioned, still walking around. He wasn't prepared for a situation like this. "Is this the reason for that?" Nobody could say he was dumb. Terry was many things, but he was so not dumb. Expect if you considered figuring out social cues. Then he was crap at those.

Okay, he could teach her something, even if it was basic. She probably already knew it. She was keeping her distance and, for once, he refrained to make comment on it. He understood that whatever she'd gone through had made her scared of whatever male was near her. If you cared for his opinion, he'd say she needed a boyfriend or a crush to make her realise not all men were dicks. But then, Terry was pretty much a dick as well, so he wasn't the best person to tell her that.

"Alright." He said, "Close your eyes and take a deep breath." He said, doing the same thing. "I want you to focus on the movements on your body." He added, "The trick is, try to listen to your blood flowing through you. Notice your heartbeats, how your stomach clenches and the noises it makes. Feel your lungs expanding with air and contracting with every breath. Feel your muscles around your neck tense as you straighten your back, and your skin feeling the air in the room." He fell quiet for a moment, taking yet another breath. "If you lose track of it, if you start feeling any emotion, this is what I want you to do. Wherever you are, you can just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and feel the movement of your own body. Every other thought is forbidden. If you feel yourself thinking again or feeling bad about anything, i want you to listen to your body." Because what she needed the most, he figured, was to make peace with her own body. He knew how an attack like that could affect women. Well, he'd read about it at least. He hoped this was useful to her, because he couldn't exactly go over there and offer her a shoulder to cry on. He was sure he'd end up dead if he tried.

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina shook her head immediately in response to his assumption that it was a trainer and sighed, unsure of how to continue but knowing she had to stop him from jumping to further conclusions, “Look, it was a long time ago. There’s nothing you can possibly do about it now. Besides, it wasn’t even someone connected to Bellefonte so just drop it alright?” she said as she glanced back up at him for a brief defiant moment, before her gaze fell to the floor again.


    “I know how long it could take, but I want to do what I can now,” she explained. “It’s not like I’m asking you to do anything really. I just… I thought training with someone like you would be… helpful,” she wasn’t truly sure how to finish that sentence, but it was the best word she could come up with in the moment. She wasn’t looking for a quick fix or a miracle, she was merely looking for a way to gradually acclimate herself to being in situations like this. She’d have to get somewhat used to being around adult men at some time, and she preferred it to be sooner rather than later.


    Selina shook her head once again, “No,” she responded firmly. The main reason she’d moved up to Bellefonte was because she was looking for a school that was focused more on academics than it was on reforming delinquents… or so she told herself. Honestly, leaving Chile had been one of the hardest decisions she’d ever made. The fact that her mother and Maria had also relocated to America to leave behind the twisted memories wasn’t something Selina would share with the man in front of her. They’d all been hit hard, though in very different ways, and they’d all desperately needed a new start. The man she’d killed had had far more influence on her decision to move to the U.S. than the teacher who’d assaulted her though, so she was being mostly honest.


    Selina listened to him and tried to calm her thoughts enough to get into the mindset she typically used for meditation. Unfortunately, this whole incident had brought up a ton of emotional shit that she was having trouble ignoring. She took a deep breath and tried again, focusing on her own body and how her breath affected it. The trouble was, she’d always previously done this type of thing with a female instructor. Selina tried to remember how she’d calmed herself even though Spencer was nearby… but he hadn’t attacked her with a water bottle. Selina took another breath and deliberately refocused her attention to her breathing… But she still couldn’t help but be aware of the man in front of her.


    Selina opened her eyes and studied him. He wasn’t a threat right now. Right. But her entirety of her being was tense and on edge. No. She was the one who wanted this. She had to be able to do this. Selina’s habit of pushing herself to her limits was sometimes more harmful than helpful, but she was determined to do what she could. Selina closed her eyes once more and tried to focus on her breathing again... It was better this time, but she still wasn't where she needed to be and she knew it. Selina figured any improvement was something to be happy for though.

[Terrance Layton]

Someone not related to Bellefonte. Ah. The links were starting to get connected. Terry nodded, staring at her curiously. He had no idea how to deal with this type of situation. He felt a woman would be more suitable for a talk, for reassurance, certainly not what composed to be her fear, which was male trainers. With his luck, the guy also had curly brown hair and a beard. She was aware of how long it would take. She knew everything.

"Well, how has it been so far?" He asked almost sarcastically. "I understand you'd want to face your fears by training with someone similar to whomever hurt you, but I'm not him, and it's certainly not fair of you to place me in the same level, much less when I'm not aware of the situation." He shook his head, trying to hold back his anger. The girl had almost hurt him! And because of something he had no control over. Was he supposed to pity her now? Well, he sort of did, but he also worried that she'd get all crazy and actually hurt him. And this wasn't why she transferred. He merely nodded in acknowledgement. Well, if that was how she wanted to be.

"I understand you already have a counselor." He said, "Does she know you're here? That you were trying to train with someone with the same profile as your- uh, attacker?" Please, don't say she suggested it because then Terry would get really angry. He felt used and by something so tentative and placed in the situation of a villain without even being consulted. Here was the very exact example of teenage girls not thinking of others but themselves. He took a deep breath so not to let his voice rise and calm his anger. At least meditation would help him get over this anger as well.

And down went the anger as he focused on his breathing. He just hoped she was as well. He opened his eyes to find her studying her and his own grey ones narrowed at her. "It won't do you any good if you don't focus on yourself." He sighed and shook his head. This girl didn't get it, did she?

"I-" He looked away, "I'm many things, Miss Taylor." He started, still avoiding her eyes, "I know how students see me. I'm an asshole, a jerk, someone who doesn't understand them despite being their counselor or their trainer. I'm not a friend, like they expect me to be, I don't feign interest when there's none to be had, I don't pretend to like those I dislike and I don't stay quiet when something bugs me. But I've NEVER attacked anyone, and I don't plan to start any time soon." He snorted, "Hell, I'll be the first to admit that I'm more scared of students than what you could be scared of me. You kids have too much power and i- well, I rather like being alive." He shrugged, "Most of the time."

And so she closed her eyes and resumed her training. Good. He closed his eyes as well and took to listening to his own heartbeat. No thinking. There was not much he could do for her but this. Well, now he was going to find her counselor. Her reaction had him worried. If this girl attacked him like this, what kept her from attacking others? He'd get involved, if not, merely to keep himself safe.

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina shook her head in response to him as her eyes widened in genuine surprise, “I never meant to equate you to him. I sincerely never would. I just… I thought I was confronting a fear, not using you in his place,” she explained as quickly as she could. Damnit, she’d really fucked this up. Selina had never expected him to take it this way, but she also knew that intentions weren’t worth much in the end. “I mean,” Selina sighed in frustration, “yes, I was using you, but not in that way. It was only to face my own… faults.” Shit. That wasn't much better.

    Selina shook her head no once more in response to his question about her counselor, “I did this on my own. This was purely my fault and my mistake,” she added, looking him in the eyes and not backing down from her own short comings. She at least owed him that. “…I’m sorry. I never should have come to you with this,” she apologized. Honestly, she wanted to just leave, to run and never see him again, but she wasn’t a coward either. She would deal with her own mess.


    Selina went silent as she heard him speak again, having no idea what to say. “Look, I never even heard any of that about you until you said it just now. I only knew you were an adult male trainer. This was never a personal attack on your character,” she tried to explain. Selina was completely lost as to what she could possibly say that wouldn’t harm him further. “I never expected anything from you except for what trainers typically do to help students. I don’t need a friend, or feigned interest or whatever else.”


    This wasn’t what she’d expected and this had blown up far earlier than she could have ever predicted. She’d never meant for him to ever find out a damn thing. She’d never intended to attack him. She’d never… Selina sighed again as she knew that her intentions didn’t matter now. She tried focusing on meditation, but she wasn’t sure she could right now. “I’m sorry,” she apologized again, unsure of what else there was that she could truly say. “If you want me to leave, I’ll go,” she offered, unsure of what else she could do. She’d never come back either if he wanted it. She wasn’t one to force herself on others.


    “I never wanted to scare you or attack you. I’m sorry for putting you through that… If I could change it I would-” she started before she stopped, her voice thickening in emotions she didn’t want to show. Fuck. Selina looked down at the ground, unable to continue. She’d have to figure out some other way to deal with her own personal shit, and one that didn’t involve endangering the people she was trying to get used to being around. She honestly wasn’t sure what her next step was, but it probably wasn’t here. She’d really fucked up this time, and she wasn’t sure how she could make this right. Or if she even could.