Ghost of the Past

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina nodded as she heard that Olivia didn't actually want to kill people, "Alright, so... altruistic self defense it is," she agreed as she pulled the splinter back to her hand. Selina was highly amused by the girl's using her hand shaped as a gun to help control her power right after claiming to not want to kill. Selina said nothing however and merely put her mind to the task of trying to figure out how to work with the new information. She was no gunman, so while she knew how to control and aim a punch, firing guns was far beyond her realm of expertise, even if they were merely made of fingers.

    As Selina was thinking, she heard Olivia speak again and a cruel smile crossed her features before she could stop it, "So you think that killers can't have peace, do you?" she asked with a grim smirk. Selina blinked as she realized what it was she'd just said and waved her hand as if to dismiss her own question, "Never mind, now let's see if we can't work on you keeping your eyes open and focused on the target."

[Olivia Chance]

"I didn't say killers couldn't have peace. I know there are some individuals who even gain peace by killing. What I'm saying is personal. Killing would rob me of MY individual peace." Olivia shook her head.

"Why are we talking about this? I want to focus on my power control." She also didn't know quite how to take the smirk on Selina's face...

"I'm not sure whether you've personally experienced it. Or if you've just thought about it a lot like me. Either way though, I believe in the Harry Potter theory. Every time Voldemort killed someone, he split his soul into another piece. I think it does a similar thing. Only it fractures a very deep part of us. Irreparable. We may not even notice it. But...I want to be the same person and by killing, I could be handing over the reins of my life to some unknown force which will fracture me somehow. Even if that doesn't happen, I don't want to take the chance."

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina nodded in acquiescence of Olivia’s point, “I understand,” she replied quietly, genuinely not wanting to argue. She hadn’t truly even meant to say what she had, and she was perfectly willing to forget it. Selina did not want Olivia to have to be on the defensive around her either, so she aimed with her fingers shaped like a gun as Olivia had and fired, missing the target by a good foot, and sighed when Olivia continued. “We won’t focus on killing, I promise,” Selina assured her with a slightly forced smile.


    Selina was trying to be good, she really was, but the more Olivia spoke, the more closed off Selina had become. She really didn’t want to focus on whether or not killing someone had changed her. She personally didn’t believe it had. She felt no remorse and no regret, and even if she did, she wasn’t ready to examine that yet. No, she was just fine. She wasn’t broken or fractured, that was for damn sure. The more she thought about it, the angrier she got, but Selina was determined to keep herself focused. People could believe whatever the hell they wanted to. It would have no effect on her. “Shall we start then?” she asked, her tone a bit colder than she’d intended for it to be.

[Olivia Chance]

Olivia wasn't stupid. She could hear that colder tone in the voice and knew she'd done something wrong. Her shoulders slumped.

"I said something stupid again, didn't I?" She bit her lip.

"No wonder he beat me up for the same thing." That was what he had always told her. That she was too stupid. That she'd said something she shouldn't have. That she needed to be punished for letting her tongue wag too much. Tears pricked at her eyes as she remembered. She winced, closing her eyes against the memory. The next couple of words that issued from her mouth were in a quiet, almost mouse-like voice.

"I'm sorry." Only person who was showing her some compassion. Some understanding. And she'd screwed it up. She always screwed things up. Olivia knew she was a perpetual screw-up, but that didn't mean it hurt any less when she realized each time she was. It always felt like someone had kicked her in the gut. She took some deep breaths, trying to clear her head so she could continue with her training, but her memories came back to haunt her and she started shaking again, a string of flashbacks.

And it was triggered by a simple thought within her own mind. She really was her own worst enemy now.

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina’s head snapped up when Olivia compared her to the brother that had beat her up, “What?” she asked in disbelief, “For one thing, regardless of whether or not you’ve said something stupid, you don’t deserve to be beaten up by anyone. And for another, just because I disagree with you, that doesn’t make what you said stupid.”

    Selina frowned at the girl’s mumbled apology and shook her head, “Don’t be. Seriously. Or at least, not for stating your own damn opinion. I mean some opinions are harmful, yeah, like if you believe homophobic, racist, or sexist shit, but unless you’re perpetuating violence, don’t apologize for just stating an opinion.” Selina knew she wasn’t the greatest person at giving comfort, but she tried to soften her voice a bit as she continued, “I can more than take care of myself and my own emotions, trust me on this.”

[Olivia Chance]

It was Olivia's turn for her head to snap up. She looked at Selina, her face twisting from fear of the memories still running through her head, and the confusion at the new words she was hearing. It was nearly impossible for her to mesh the two together. For her to understand what Selina was saying, it would mean discounting everything she'd been taught by her brother for her childhood. Even if Selina was right about her not deserving to be beat up for saying something...that didn't mean Olivia could understand. Her brother's teachings were ingrained in her. She shook her head, her face making her confusion apparent.

"B-but..." She cocked her head to one side and squinted. She was trying to think better. Olivia's forehead furrowed as she tried to figure this out. She mumbled to herself.

"If...if I say something stupid...that...that isn't right. Stupid...if I say something stupid...that's wrong. Wrong things...they get punishment. If they don't...that isn't right...but...stupid opinions aren't supposed to get punishment...but...why?" She was so used to just accepting it. Her brother had explained his reasoning to her so many times, it was hard for Olivia to see it any other way. She'd grown up with those 'rules' ingrained in her.

"Opinions can be...harmful. But...not punished?" She gave her eyes a couple of forced, long blinks. She was still completely confused. She sighed, her shoulders slumping. She looked at Selina for a moment, completely silent.

"If my opinion hurts someone else, I should apologize. I know that, even if the rest of what you said confused me. I made you uncomfortable with my conjecturing. Even if that's not why I...why I said sorry in the first place." Damn now she was back at the why.

"Why shouldn't I apologize?"

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina closed her eyes for a brief minute and tried to think through her answer. It was difficult because she honestly did believe that some people should be beat down for their opinions, but that was only when their opinions were violently oppressive in and of themselves. Selina almost shook her head at her own thought process, because if she were completely honest, she’d never violently acted out against anybody who hadn’t first been physically abusive towards her.


    Selina finally sighed and decided her best effort would have to do, even if it wasn’t perfect. After all, she was only human, “Look, even if you say something that is objectively wrong, so what? We all do. Everyone makes mistakes, and no, you don’t deserve to be beat up for being just like everyone else. Just learn from it and do better in the future. It’s about all we can do, to be honest. If someone else is beating you up for making an honest mistake then they’re in the wrong. They’re the ones who are doing something worthy of punishment,” Selina tried to put this into terms Olivia could understand without reinforcing her brother’s teachings, but she wasn’t so sure she doing a great job of it.


    “And I’m not saying honest mistakes won’t get verbal backlash, but that’s not so much punishment as it is… a form of-” Selina sighed. “Correction” was not the word she wanted to use here, but it was the only one that came to mind, “A form of.. giving you the information you need to not make that same mistake again,” she tried. “And sometimes, yes, you should apologize, but not for merely having a different train of thought.” Selina took a breath and looked at Olivia, trying to gauge her expression.

[Olivia Chance]

Olivia arched an eyebrow.

"I guess...maybe that makes a little sense. But...I still don't understand quite. Wrong things...they need to be punished. And if I say something wrong, that needs punishment." Verbal backlash?

"Verbal backlash...verbal backlash...that's a way of correcting information? Of punishment?" Honestly, it was kind of a foreign concept to her. She didn't grasp it, even if she used the method herself regularly. In relation to the punishments she'd received, verbal backlash wasn't really in her realm of understanding. Olivia sighed.

"The train of thought I had made you upset. It doesn't matter your logic, I shouldn't be making people upset. And...verbal backlash? Is that...like, sarcasm and sass?  I'd google it but I don't actually own a cell phone."

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina shook her head, “Wrong things don’t always deserve punishment, particularly not relatively harmless ideals that aren’t necessarily wrong in the first place,” she offered. “Just because someone else is made uncomfortable or disagrees with you, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re wrong.” Yes, Selina disagreed vehemently and had gotten angry, but that didn’t mean she was incapable of understanding where Olivia had been coming from. “Besides, what’s true for you can be completely different for someone else and vice versa.”


    Selina sighed, “No. Not really, it’s just that people can get angry or, yes, sarcastic, when they disagree. Sometimes even words can be abusive though, so watch out for that,” she advised. “You may need to better inform yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to take abuse for being wrong,” she tried. God, abuse was so complicated. It was so much more than what she was talking about, but she didn’t know how to convey all of the nuance that she’d picked up over the years. Verbalizing what she knew was so much more difficult than she’d thought it’d be.

[Olivia Chance]

"Words can be abusive too? Well...they don't leave bruises so I don't have to be too careful, right?" Her logic was kind of flawed. Just a bit.

"It's not abuse if I'm wrong...is it?" She was thoroughly confused. She knew the doctors have used that word in reference to her. That she was 'abused' according to them.

"I know there's different opinions, but there are times when someone is just wrong. They've come up with the wrong answer to something. There's a reason why I like math after all."

[Selina Taylor]

Selina shook her head, "Not true, psychological scars can be just as real and as painful as physical scars." Selina sighed and thought about it for a minute before glancing back at Olivia, "There are some books that can explain this a lot better than I can... And the school has a therapist," she offered. "I'll honestly try to help you, but I'm not trained to deal with these things."

"But, yes, what you suffered is abuse. Even if you're wrong about something," she replied in all seriousness.

Selina had to smile at the last sentence, "This is true. Math is nice and concrete," she replied. So long as you stayed out of equations involving imaginary numbers... She'd never understand that.
    

[Olivia Chance]

"Huh. I guess...maybe that therapist might be worth going to see after all. I knew I was abused...but I don't think I really knew what that meant." Olivia sighed.

"You're really nice, you know that?" Olivia arched an eyebrow and smiled slightly.

"So any tips about hitting that target?"

[Selina Taylor]

Selina nodded to her, "I think it'd be an excellent idea." Though Selina was reluctant to try therapy for herself, for a number of reasons, she knew that therapy would be an excellent resource for Olivia.

Selina almost laughed at being called nice... "I think that's probably the first time I've heard that since being here," she admitted. Part of her wanted to warn Olivia away, to let Olivia know that Selina was selfish... but it was also kind of nice... to be nice... Maybe?

Selina blinked to get rid of her circular thoughts and focused once more on the target. "Alright, first things first. Always keep your eye on the target. It's no good if you can't see what you're trying to hit."

[Olivia Chance]

"Another friend of mine suggested I try it. But I didn't really want to. I generally don't like the idea of someone poking around in my head and analyzing everything I say. Makes them sound like a detective or a stereotypical protective boyfriend." She laughed.

"Not that I'd know what the boyfriend poking around feels like. I know about the detective though." She shook her head.

"When I came out of my coma, they were only all too eager to try to find out what happened. I think they finally wanted to pin some things on my family. Get some proof. Thing is, I can't remember what put me in that coma. And I'm not about to be their only evidence against my flesh and blood. That's dangerous for me no matter how you look at it." She sighed.

"As for you being nice...it looks like you don't quite believe I just said that to you. You reached out to a complete stranger today who was obviously going through some real crap. It's more than all the people around me in my childhood have done combined. So yes, nice describes you all too well." She heard the teaching and nodded, extending her fingers in the shape of a gun again.

"My problem with keeping my eyes open is I never know where the water's going to go. And closing my eyes is a way for me to focus and block out other distractions. I'll try it though." She focused on the water nearby, drawing it into a bubble and then she focused on the firing motion. It sprang back at her. One hell of a recoil, that was for sure. Olivia jumped back and the water fell to the ground. She also had a pounding headache now.

[Selina Taylor]

    Selina shook her head in response to Olivia’s distaste for psychologists, “That’s not how it works. I’ve had good friends who’ve gone to counselling and it’s saved their lives. Counselling is really more about having someone help to guide you to where you want to be. It’s not someone poking and being invasive,” she replied. “And if it is, just leave. You’re not required to stay unless the school’s mandated it or something.” The only reasons she hadn’t gone weren’t because she looked down on it, but merely because she didn’t want to deal with having to talk about the history written in her files.


    Selina normally would have made an innuendo about the boyfriend statement, but she didn’t feel like this was the time for that. “Is your family really powerful or something?” Selina asked, unsure as to why people would want info on Olivia’s family so badly.


    Selina flinched when Olivia sprang back from the water falling to the ground. The two women were so incredibly different in how they used their powers and how they found control that Selina was starting to wonder how much help she could really be to this girl. “The mental front may be the best place for you to start, especially if you’re having trouble focusing. Meditation will help you with that. It will also help you to calm your mind and to better manage your emotions,” she offered.


    Selina had honestly been leaning toward starting out with this from the beginning as dealing with powers while in emotional upheaval could be dangerous. There was something to being able to using the physical to help drain or focus anger, but Olivia didn’t seem like she had enough to control to manage that type of thing yet.