didn't want her

[Devyn Solway]

Zoe seemed to snap then when Devyn pointed out the whole kiss thing, but to her that had made her upset. Doing something like that right in front of her when Devyn was the possessive type. Devyn bet that Zoe didn't even know that Devyn later on tracked down the guy and punched him square in the jaw and left it at that. Devyn could not help but to growl a little when Zoe started to yell her, a natural reaction. Part of Devyn feeling threatened by this odd behavior from Zoe and again with the whole thing of pain normally following whenever she was yelled at. She was tired of that stupid pain that would follow yelling and she didn't want it to happen. Yet at the same time it made her submit just a little because when she did submit the pain was less. Devyn's form of submitting being not looking Zoe fully in those beautiful yet pain filled eyes. "It still mattered to me." Devyn mumbled under her breath as she glanced at Zoe.

Sure a kiss was not the same thing as 'making love' to someone but kisses tended to lead to such things. That was how Devyn ended up where she was now with Zoe being upset with her. All because of a kiss that just fueled the want, the desire for flesh to touch flesh. "But..." Devyn mouth opened to say more but Zoe was not done yet; she was still letting it all out. Letting it out and just making Devyn feel her control slipping all the more as the shadows in the room started to move a little. Devyn tugging on her hair as she shook her head and took yet another deep and shaky breath. She had to keep in control, speak her piece and get Zoe to understand that she was being so unfair and that Devyn could not just lose this after she worked so hard to be better for it. Her green eyes looking to Zoe as the other girl pointed out that she broke her trust. That all Zoe wanted was one night to be Devyn's and Devyn's alone and how apparently Devyn betrayed that.

This is...no. Devyn thought to herself as she shook her head, then going still at the last part of what Zoe said. They were done? No, no Devyn was not going to accept that. This always happened, every single time she fell in love with someone she would lose them and she was damn tired of it. "You are mine Zoe! You always have been mine! All this time that we have been together it has been the longest I have been together with anyone! If you would just give me a chance you would see that I'm going to be better, that I have done so much to be better!" Devyn yelled back at Zoe, her green eyes growing a little darker as her vision started to go blurry as her eyes threated to slip tears out. "You can't be with someone who what? Who is afraid of love to the point that they always run away from it because every time they fall in love that other person ends up leaving them? Is that it? It must be because I fucking love you and just like all the others before you, you want out!" Devyn yelled as she moved to stand up, not caring that she put a little too much weight on her ankle.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Zoe had heard those words before: that she was Devyn's, that they'd been together, even bits and pieces about how the other girl had changed. She could recall what Vera had said, that Devyn was different now, that she'd changed, that love was involved. Zoe looked into those green eyes, matched them, saw the tears, and it tore her heart. It shredded the already broken pieces and scattered them all about her insides, leaving her feeling hollow, sick and hollow.

"Don't you see?" she said, sobbing again. "How can I possibly trust you, Devyn? I asked for one night, just one special night. You knew what that meant! What--" she hiccuped again, then drew a hand up rubbing at her eyes. She still cried; she hadn't stopped. another deep breath, the arm lowered so Zoe could continue. "You knew, and you still went to someone else. Every kiss, every touch, every word after that, what does it mean? You destroyed it, just like that. You picked her, Devyn, you picked her over me. Or, worse,' She swallowed, feeling the tears brimming again, "you picked yourself."

Zoe let that sit, still trembling, rage and frustration bubbling within her. She untangled herself slightly, unfolding. She didn't want to stay, not any more. Not here. Not with her.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn had changed, she was sure of it. She had not slept with anyone, not even tried anything with herself it had all been just Zoe since then. If that was not dealing with high sexual frustration, then she didn't know what was but she did it because she wanted to. She bought those shampoos and body wash that Zoe used that were already sitting in her shower. She caught a necklace for some, never having bought any other girl jewelry to have something tangible to prove that Zoe was special. She broke things off with those who just wanted to sleep with her. She talked to people, figured things out, and had done so much. So much to change herself for Zoe, to make Zoe happy because she wanted to. Just thinking about all that caused a tear to almost slip out but Devyn wiped her eyes. She would be dammed if she would let herself cry and feel even more weak and pathetic then she did not, but at this rate she didn't know how much longer she could hold it together.

Everything she worked for was just falling apart on her because she made a mistake, one that was huge for Zoe and she understood. Understood that she messed up pretty bad, but Zoe had to know that Devyn had not meant to have to know that in the moment you didn't think about things. "You have to let me work at building it again. The whole fool me once shame on you and fool me twice shame on me thing. This is the shame on me this time, but in a closed relationship I would be better I can be with someone and only them...I can, I have done it before. You just have to give me a chance." Devyn said, stopping herself from yelling this time as she noticed the shadows pulling closer to her. She needed to keep it together a little longer, this whole time if possible and get Zoe to understand to think about this in the long run and how they both did love one another. Zoe still loved her right.

Zoe's words about Devyn doing something for herself hurt deep, Devyn feeling like there had been many times she had done things despite what she wanted. "You can't just stand there and say that Zoe...you can't. So much that I did for you, because I wanted to." Devyn said as she did start to shake a little, the growling a little louder for a moment. "I went back to you." Devyn said after a moment, moving to stand in front of Zoe to get the girl to look her in the eye. "Even after I actually got to feel everything, to go all the way with her and the others while we have been going out; every time I went back to you. I wanted you still in the end. Knowing that we would never be able to go all the way I still wanted to be with you and I'm even up for just being with you even with us never being able to go all the way, because I love you. I love you Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe and I have for a while. I just was...was always scared." Devyn said as the tears did start to leave her eyes and she just hated herself for being so pathetic.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Let her? Have to? Devyn kept talking like she ordered Zoe's life around. Had... had Zoe let her? She didn't fight or argue, sure, but, well, she didn't think that she let Devyn control her. Did... did Devyn think she could? And did she really think that the status of their relationship mattered? Hadn't she noticed that it had never mattered for Zoe, that she'd only mentioned the "open" part to let Devyn have her rein.

Just have to.
Just happened...

Can't just... "Yes, I can," said Zoe, hurt giving her words edge. "That you kept coming back to me just ---it means I've been weak, Devyn, and I--I shouldn't have. I never-- yo know I didn't, that I didn't think we were... that I never..." that she'd never really wanted the "open" relationship to begin with. That had been all for Devyn, Zoe sacrificing for her.

And Devyn couldn't even give her a night.

The love you felt like sweeping up the dust remnants of Zoe's heart and blowing them away. It hurt, so intensely... and then Zoe felt cold, cold anger. "If you loved me, you never would have done this in the first place. You hurt me Devyn,' she said. Zoe rose now, trembling, but she seemed to have found that inner strength. The same girl who could strike back at a SPECTRE, who could support other people, stood there, even if she was the same girl who crumpled and sobbed. "And if you love me now, you'll just stop," she said, blinking back more tears. She wanted to leave, wanted to get out of the pain. She turned then, needing to leave. Needing to be alone... or should she call someone? She should call Dr. Anri... or Dr. Campbell... or Mr. Konrad, or even Mae...

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn never really meant to sound like she was controlling all aspects of someone’s life; it was just how she spoke. Something she could not help because of that possessive nature of hers, but people really did have freedom of choice with her. That might not have been fully true if Devyn thought about it. She tended to just do whatever she wanted in the end and made sure the others went along with it or tried to push them to do something. Was she really that selfish after all? She did do all of this to be a better girlfriend for Zoe, but was that for herself? No, that was for Zoe...right? Devyn didn't even know anymore and the tears just kept falling from her eyes as Zoe said that 'yes she could' that basically she was not going to give Devyn another chance. It just felt so unfair to Devyn and she had never felt so weak in such a long time. It hurt, felt cold, dark alone...something that pretty much was Devyn ever since she had come into her power and her father died.

"How does that make you weak? If you wanted it to be just me and you, you could have said so. You never...you never tell me anything and when you do you shut down when I get scared over it. Just because I get scared over something does not mean...that I would not try..." Devyn said as she started to rub at her eyes, the shadows already pulling towards her and trying to make their way up Devyn's body but she managed to keep them at bay still. She was not a silent crier, she didn't cry often so didn't have practice at keeping her sobs in check and each sob that she let out she just felt even more pathetic and weak. Maybe she did deserve this, maybe her mother was right, and maybe all the past relationships were right about what they said about her. "I'm human Zoe! I may be a mutant but I'm still human! WE MAKE MISTAKES!" Devyn yelled at Zoe when the other girl dared to say that if she loved Zoe she would not have done this.

You could love someone with your everything and still mess up, none of them were perfect, and Devyn knew she was not. She was a screw up, she knew that, but she was trying to be better. Trying but it seemed like no one cared, Zoe didn't care, no one ever cared, and she was always alone in everything deep down. Zoe's last words hurt even more as Devyn gripped at her father's ring with one hand while the other tugged at her hair pulling until it stung. "I...this...every time..." Devyn muttered as she gave in to her power. Letting the shadows quickly take over and change her into her shadow beast form faster then she had ever transformed before. The beast letting out a growl and bearing its teeth at Zoe before its ears dropped, tail tucking close to its body and even let out something of a whimper. Devyn's shadow beast form slowly starting to back away from Zoe, back to her room where she was 'safe'. The shadow smoke moving to form letters around Zoe, the most letters Devyn had been able to pull off.

S. O. R. R. Y.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

More words, more questions, more misunderstanding. How did Devyn keep misunderstanding? How could she not get this? She claimed she was scared, that she was the one frightened. As if Zoe hadn't felt terrified. Her first real lesbian relationship, the first girl she'd been able to really get to know...

Shouting, mistakes... "and mistakes have consequences," said Zoe, her voice soft and wavering, everything heavy. She had turned to look at Devyn again. She owed Devyn that much, to look, to see. Devyn stood there in all her anger and frustration and Zoe could practically feel it as strongly as if she were an empath.

Shadows swirled. Zoe watched, not quite believing what she was seeing. Devyn's power... was it tied to... And then there was the beast, the terrifying creature that turned Zoe's veins to ice. She stared, gaped at the being. It... growled, bared teeth.

Devyn growled.
Devyn bared teeth.

"Stay away from me," said Zoe, fright fueling her anger, she stared at Devyn, again not believing the betrayal that unfolded. "Just... stay away," and then Zoe backed out of the room, desperate to flee as fast as her feet could carry her.

[Devyn Solway]

Devyn got that mistakes had consequences she had been dealing with them all the time, and still was dealing with them. Seemed like everything that she did was a mistake that she had to pay for. Was it that hard to just live in this world? Living seemed to be becoming a chore of late with how things kept happening, how Devyn just had to nonstop deal with the consequences of pretty much everything she did. Was it that bad that Devyn was just a teenager, one that made mistakes in her life? She was only seventeen years old and while she may have had experience she was still young, stupid, and so full of mistakes but it seemed like Zoe didn't care. Devyn basically had to be perfect for Zoe it seemed and while she worked so hard for it, Zoe would not even give her a chance. Not even let Devyn try and prove that she could be better then what she had been.

Devyn lost control then, it happened when she lost control of her emotions, feeling too many negative things. She was hurt, sad, confused, and angry. Hurt was feeling most of it but the inner beast was mad at Zoe, for doing this to her. Yet Devyn was overcome with pain more and that was why she submitted already and was backing away. Zoe telling her to stay away, Devyn able to feel that fear and that anger coming from Zoe as the other girl stared at her, Devyn's unblinking and pupilless eyes not looking back to Zoe as he ear remained tucked close to her head and her tails curled around her. She would not stop Zoe, she let her leave, and she just wanted to die or lay down for a little bit. Backing until she was fully in her room where she nudges the door closed and curled up.

Even in this form she was shaking still, curling in tight to herself on the floor in her beast form. The whisper starting up faster than they ever had before and Devyn just dealing with them as she remained in the darkness. The cold, alone, darkness of what she was.