shouldn't be moving

[Slade Konrad]

Slade watched in silence at the fierce internal debate going on within Zoe's mind. He nodded when she spoke. "We'll go back." He said sternly. The big man couldn't be too sure but he almost though he'd seen a faint hint of fire flashing in the eyes of the usually meek and timid girl. Sure, her voices was still shaky but the words that came out were not the ones of someone frightened of their own shadow. They were the words of someone who wanted to go back and stare their fear down. Someone who didn't wish to let it consume them. Slade would be damned if he wouldn't comply. It wasn't as if he didn't want to go back to his cabin anyway to take stock of the damages.

"That's good, you know?" He said, finally pulling the heavy hand from her shoulder and settling his arm across his lap. "If you feel you can go back that's a sign of strength." There were still places Slade would never venture to again if his life depended on it and here Zoe was already talking about returning to the scene of what, Slade hoped, had been the most violent and harrowing experience of her young life. Yes, he would take her back, that was certain. He'd be by her side if she wished to venture into the cabin or if she decided to turn around and head back upon laying sight of the scene again.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Zoe took a deep breath, shivering slightly. She nodded. She wanted to cry or whimper; she could actually feel her eyes watering slightly. The thought of going back practically terrified her, and she was absolutely certain that she'd collapse the moment she drew close. Still, she had a feeling like she should do it, for some reason. Mr. Konrad kept saying that she was strong, for some reason, and she felt, well, stronger for it. Someone actually believed in her. Those rumors felt more distant for that moment.

Zoe still trembled though, still saw the horror when she closed her eyes. She took another deep breath, doing just that. sign of strength, "Only with you though," she said, opening her eyes and looking over at him, "or maybe with Devyn but--- I couldn't go alone I--- I'm not sure I want to be alone anymore, at least, not for now,"

Though, ironically, Zoe sort of wanted people to more or less leave her alone, to stop bothering her, stop making rumors about her, stop just thinking about her.

[Slade Konrad]

Slade watched as the emotions continued to run through the small girl. It pained him that she had been subjected to any of this at all. It was difficult enough, dealing with the stress of being around death like this, when you were a trained soldier. Slade had been there for many of his guys in the wake of a firefight who had nearly cracked after the fact. That Zoe was still here was, indeed, a testament to the strength she continually denied having. No matter. Slade wouldn't insist anymore. She would learn it soon enough, of that he was sure.

"You won't." He said reassuringly. It was preposterous to even consider the big man would allow Zoe to return to the cabin, even after it'd been cleaned up, alone. He wasn't sure about Devyn, but that's was only because he knew just what had been scribbled down in the incident report that had resulted in Slade's being appointed to Zoe in the first place. If Zoe felt comfortable enough facing her demons with Devyn by her side, Slade wasn't one to stand in the way of that. That wasn't to say he wouldn't be watching in the distance. "You're not alone." He said, smiling warmly. "You'll never be alone again. You know if you need anything at all, at any time. You can call on me."

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Won't: the word came out and nearly wrapped Zoe in some sort of protective layer. She could feel every hard bit of it circling her, forming an invisible shield, promising protection. He'd lived up to that promise, after all. Zoe took a deep breath, her body trembling once more. He said he could do it.

"I probably will," said Zoe, her voice still warbling, but noticeably more control had slid in as well, bolstering the words as best she could. Zoe took another breath, closing her eyes, trying to calm herself. Never be alone again: someone would come protect her. But from what? More bullets? The cruelness of the world?

"Do you regret it?" she had to ask. Her eyes opened and she turned to Mr. Konrad. "Do you regret, um, volunteering to help me?" her eyes shimmered with each word, barely able to vocalize them. She took another deep breath, feeling the tears leaking out of her despite her efforts. She sniffed, the back of a gloved hand going up to wipe at her face.

[Slade Konrad]

Slade could sense just the tiniest hint of resolve creeping into Zoe's body language and voice. It wasn't much, but it spoke volumes about her often criticized will. There was a reason why the mental health of combat veterans had been such a hot button issue for so long. It was difficult for the sane mind to take a life, or see a life taken, and not be affected. Slade only wish he, himself, with all his training and experience didn't still see the horrors of war whenever he closed his eyes. Zoe didn't have the advantage of knowing what she was getting into or the conditioning to overcome it. It would be a long, slow, arduous process but one Slade felt she would come out stronger for. And one he'd be damned if she was going to go into alone.

"Not for a second." Slade answered without hesitation. Steely blue eyes peered at the girl showing no signs of apprehension or doubt. Slade figured it was a question Zoe may have wondered about before, but the answer had always been clear to him. "I would volunteer again without a second thought." Slade then gave Zoe a faint smile. He wasn't one for opening up to people but this seemed an opportune time.

"I was in a dark place when I met you." Slade confessed, his expression growing serious as he spoke of thoughts and emotions that had long passed the point of controlling him but still were felt from time to time. "I have a hundred stories of what I'd seen and done far worse than the one I told you." He continued, his tone deep, but soft. "I was constantly asking myself why. What was the purpose of it all? I never could come up with an answer. I was lost." Slade shrugged faintly as he recounted those dark days. "A soldier without a war is a useless tool and I was ready to be discarded." His eyes shifted upward to look at Zoe. "Then I met you, Zoe. And you made me realize that as long as there are people like you, here, I would do whatever it took to keep them safe." He watched Zoe as he fell silent. He hoped like hell she understood the gravity of his words and what their short time had done for him.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

Not for a second. Zoe let out another sob, but a happier one now. He kept going, insisting that he would volunteer. Was... was she worth it? Zoe still couldn't see what he saw, couldn't quite understand what about her made her worth so much trouble and strife and--

and he kept going. Zoe lifted her head, looking to him, blinking wet eyes and listening. Listening as he explained, mentioning the stories again. Her tears still flowed, even as Slade fell silent, explaining. She understood the fullness of his words, and what lay behind them. She nodded, if slowly, letting the understanding fall silent between them for a few moments. It had something to do with hope, didn't it? she though so, or she wanted to think so. She took another deep breath, shifting in her seat. Keep them safe: the bear in knight's armor all over again. The thought made Zoe smile.

It also made her want to do something else. She shifted once more. Looked to Slade. Looked back down. Shifted again. She licked her lips. Took a deep breath. Then steeled herself, looking at him once more. "Um, would you... mind if... I hugged you?" she asked. Everything still hurt, and she had a feeling that the hug would cause the wound in her side to be worse then ever. Yet she wanted to. the fact that she even wanted to touch meant a lot to her, and she felt like he would get that, and that he would get that she was passing her understanding off to him in some form by doing so.

[Slade Konrad]

The place Slade had described was an all too common one for a veteran who'd seen what he had. It seemed as though he'd lost more friends to their own hand than to the enemy's. It made him shudder to think how close he may have been to joining their ranks. He was fortunate something had pulled him back at the last minute. Something that showed him there still was a war to fight. Still a purpose for the old soldier. It just so happen that purpose had been shown to him in the form of this waifish, English girl who could barely speak a sentence without stuttering and had an affinity for poetry and photography.

Slade smiled and nodded, his massive arms coming up to invite Zoe in. He'd long thought she would never know what she'd done for him. What she had ended up becoming to him. That was a secret he'd thought would be locked away forever. Never did he anticipate being in this situation where she had nearly seen her world stripped away from her. Slade was glad he'd been able to tell her. Rare was the time when you could, in so many words, thank the person who'd nearly single handedly saved you from stepping over the edge.

[Zoe Wallerstein-Smythe]

The nod made Zoe take another deep breath. She could feel her body stretching, feel the pain. But she wanted this, felt like they both needed it. So she steeled her nerves as best she could and slid forward. soon she'd feel the large arms embracing her. Slade felt so solid. Zoe still felt in some ways like he was a bear, but at the same time, it almost felt like being hugged by a mountain or some other immobile object...

...and this was the man who'd sworn to protect her? Why should Zoe ever be worried? Surely nothing could get through these arms. Zoe took a deep breath, actually smelling a slight musk from the man. She felt something warm leaking down her cheeks, coming no doubt from her eyes. Yes, tears, but relieved ones. She hurt, the pain persisted and partly got worse from the contact, but it felt... good.

Relaxed.

Safe.

and Zoe could feel the tension melting from her body, as if Slade had the power to take it from her. She felt her heart slow, felt her mind grow easy, felt everything just become that much easier.