Please catch the wind If I can't breathe in

[Tim Tawfeek]

Page five: Tim flipped there. Mother died young, real young. At least, that's what Tim thought he read. The pages kept trembling for some reason, as though someone had set them on a really bad washing machine. No cure. Same ability. She had sort of hinted at this, hadn't she? Gah, how hadn't he...

Tim looked up at "sorry" seeing Lux looking about. His mouth worked for a few moments. He should be filling the silence: that was one thing he did best. This though, this struck him speechless. What did you say to someone who told you that they were going to die young? That it was going to be okay? That things would work out? She had to know the reality already: Lux was many things, most of them awesome, none of them were stupid. Tim worked his mouth for a moment.

"Maybe," he said, looking down, "I mean---I don't--I don't think I would've... this doesn't make you different though," he took a deep breath, looking at the trembling pages. Who was he trying to convince? It didn't though: it didn't make her different. She was still Lux. Still the girl he'd crushed on. The one he'd choose over everyone else. But did he still want to choose her if she was going to be gone?

No, he didn't... did he? He shouldn't. She was going to die. not tomorrow or anything but, like, before forty, maybe fifty. That was young. Real young. Tim shouldn't want to get involved with that. He really shouldn't. Everything about this just screamed at his logic and stuff. There were other girls. Maybe prettier girls. Girls that would live longer.

Things are sometimes sweeter when they don't last as long
I'd pick you over anyone else

If you could only enjoy something sweet for a few seconds and then never have it again, was it still worth it? Would he rather have the pain of knowing and losing her if it meant that he could... know and lose her? This sounded like some kind of crazy soap opera or something, not real life. But people died in real life all the time. Especially mutant people.

Look at her.

Tim did. He looked. Looked hard. Stared. She looked so fragile, like a strong word would blow her away. She looked...

like Lux.
Like the queen of the furbies
like the girl the bats loved
like the girl who talked to Tim
like Lux, the smiling girl who didn't mind that Tim messed up
like Lux, who listened to the prattling.

Tim set the folder down. He adjusted his glasses. He stepped forward, and he put his arms around Lux, drawing her close, taking a deep breath, holding her tight.

[Luxanna Viera]

Not different? How did this not make her different? Didn't something like this, like change absolutely everything? Yes, yes, it did. He couldn't possibly look at her the same way as he had before, and the worst part of it all was that she didn't blame him. Sure, it would hurt, but she couldn't- no, she wouldn't blame him. She didn't have the right to. He had every right to bail. He had every right to turn around and walk away. She wouldn't hold it against him. She probably would have done the same thing, had the roles been reversed.

Wouldn't she?

She didn't know. She wasn't even sure if it mattered anymore. Her chest was tightening and she could feel the tears that threatened to fall burn behind her eyelids. She wanted to cry, she wanted to just lay down and be left alone. The way he looked at her, the way he spoke; The pain, she couldn't take it. It was too much. She didn't want to hurt him. Not Tim.

Breathing quickly, Luxanna closed her eyes and pressed the palm of her hand against her face, covering it. She wasn't going to cry. Not now. Not here. Not in front of Tim. This was bad enough. She didn't want to make him feel guilty. She didn't want to make him feel as if he was forced to stay. He wasn't.

But... That wasn't true. Not really. She did want him to stay. She did want him to stick around. It was so, so very selfish of her. It made her feel even worse and the claw gripping her stomach was tightening by the second. She wanted him to be here, to hold her to tell her it was going to be okay. Even if it wasn't. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want this. But she couldn't ask that of him. She wouldn't. She had no right to be that selfish.

"Tim, I--" she said, her voice barely above that of a whisper, but she was cut off by the sudden movement. Was he leaving? No. His arms went around her and he held her. He held her tight. At first, Luxanna's limp body tensed, but after a few seconds she simply let it happen.

Lifting her own hands, Luxanna felt them clutch onto Tim's shirt, tugging his slender frame closer; She shouldn't have, she knew that. She should have pushed him away, but she couldn't. Whatever comfort Tim gave her, was enough to shut off her better judgement. "I'm so---so--sorry," she sobbed quietly.

[Tim Tawfeek]

Tim could feel her tensing. Then she went limp. Hands went to clutch his shirt. Tim wondered if he'd somehow become her rock. Him? He was a coward, someone who ran away from trouble, who sprinted in the other direction. He said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, essentially was the wrong thing. She couldn't have picked an absolutely worse person in whom to put her faith and confidence. He felt her shuddering, heard the words.

"It's your power, not you," he said, reaching up to adjust his glasses. "And it sucks. Because, like, we can't have good stuff forever or something. I don't know. I--I'm pissed, but only, like, a little that you hid it. I kind of want to go sprinting out the door... it's just, so heavy. But I'm madder because this is happening to you and, like, if anyone doesn't deserve it. I mean, damn, Lux," Tim reached up, wiping at his eyes, "you're the most awesome person I've met. You should get to live forever and have tons of awesome babies who each have, I dunno, their each personal furby or something. It sucks. It makes me pissed and terrified and I really just want to run but, like, you can't and... I've done a lot of assholey things and I'm really not... you really should pick someone better but--"

Tim gave her another squeeze. "I can try? Probably? I'm gonna suck, but... Lux, I still want to date you and all, and, I dunno, we can find some kind of cure or something. Or we can just hold it out and have fun while it lasts or--something. I don't know. I really don't. I wish I did but... this isn't---" he swallowed, reaching up to rub his eyes again. Dammit, things should not be this hard.

[Luxanna Viera]

She listened, she really did, but she wasn't sure what to say. Was there really anything she could say? And even if she did, she wasn't sure if any of her words would even be coherent. She was so close to crying and she was using her last ounce of self control to keep herself from becoming a blubbering mess of tears and snot. But god, the things he said, they equally made her sad and happy and she had all of these emotions swirling around in her chest. It was so confusing, so heartbreaking and just... She didn't know.

He was mad. Of course he was. He had every right to be. He wanted to run. She didn't blame him. She didn't deserve it. No one did. She was awesome. That was debatable. And she should have picked someone better. But, who was? No, no one was. She was sure of it. If there was anything she was certain of, it was that there truly was no one better than Tim. Maybe it was a biased opinion, but quite frankly, she didn't care. She didn't want to care.

Each word seemed to send a shiver down her spine; He still wanted to be with her. That had her smiling, briefly. He believed there was a cure; Oh, how deeply she wanted to believe that too. She knew there wasn't one though, but she didn't dare utter those words. Dipping her head backwards, she squinted her green eyes at him, as a last resort to keep the tears from escaping her eyes.

Luxanna opened her mouth to speak, but no words seemed to escape her lips. Instead, she just sat there, with her mouth open, her eyes blank and with a pained expression.

God, this was horrible. How could she possibly tell him how his words made her feel? Could she even find the words to describe the feelings that was racing through her chest, pushing her to the brink of tears?

"I-I-I do-I-" she muttered, sobbing. "I--" she attempted again and shook her head. Pressing her forehead against his shoulder, Luxanna shut her eyes tightly and tugged even tighter at his shirt. "Tim, I-- I'm--" she shook her head.

[Tim Tawfeek]

Just holding Lux felt right, right and utterly terrifying. Who was Tim to offer himself for support here? She ought to be the one running away at top speed, possibly while screaming the whole time. Instead, he felt her moving against him, pressing her head against him, hugging tight as if she felt he would run away, despite everything he'd said.

"You're...?" repeated Tim, blinking. He moved back a little, looking down at Lux. His eyes widened at the tears and such. He didn't have the faintest idea what she should be doing now. Should he be trying to wipe them away? offer his sleeve? Ask her to stop? Should he be all like "there's nothing to cry about?" They had loads to cry about. Maybe he should be saying that he wasn't leaving? Hadn't he said that? Gah, he so wasn't ready for this, not even, like a little.

"Uh," he managed, shifting, "so, yeah, I can, uh, you know, show up for these things and stuff. It would, uh, have to be, um, better having someone there, right? I can probably do that. I can try," he swallowed. He would. If he was agreeing to help Lux, that was a commitment, one he'd have to live up to. Great, and he hadn't even graduated high school yet, and here he was agreeing to help a girl.

An awesome, one of a kind, irreplaceable girl...

...who was going to die.

Is there any way this didn't suck? It was really looking like a lotta suck now.

[Luxanna Viera]

Drawing a sharp breath, Luxanna tried her best at calming down, though, it didn't seem to help much. God, she should have just shut up about the whole thing. She didn't want to put Tim through something like this and she couldn't help but to feel like she was forcing him into doing something he didn't really want to. She attempted at several more breaths until she felt the sobbing calm down, if only just a little bit. Pulling back, Luxanna rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands and shook her head, then nodded and then shook it again.

"You don't have to," she said, her voice shaking. "I mean, sure, I--" a faint sob. "--I'd appreciate it, but I don't wanna force you--" she said and shook her head again.

He was too good for this kind of thing. Really. He deserved so much more than someone dying on him and then throwing it in his face like this. She felt both happy and sad about telling him, and guilty, of course. It was comforting in a way, and kind of a relief that he knew, but the way he looked and spoke... She sighed. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I should have said something sooner, I just... I don't like people knowing, you know? Because I don't want them to worry and I don't want them to feel bad-- because, because I'm like, like, I'm okay with it. It is what it is and it sucks, but... Like, like..." she trailed off.

[Tim Tawfeek]

Didn't have to? Well, yeah, he kind of knew that. And part of him almost sighed when he heard it. Didn't have to: wouldn't be obligated to, but... well, it felt sort of like the boyfriend thing to do. And wasn't that what Tim was going for here? Or trying?

"Well, I don't see a knife or a laser gun or anything," said Tim. he looked around for a moment, then gave Lux a quick pat-down, "no, you seem pretty unarmed to me. So, yeah, not so much force. I mean, I was gonna, like, do it anyway, and, well, I mean, since I know, and--"

Wait, she apologized and Tim's eyes widened as she explained. Didn't like people knowing? Didn't want them to worry? "oh crap!" he said waving his hands. "Did you want me to, like, pretend it's not there and just act like everything's still okay and stuff? I could totally try to do that. We can just, like, talk about furbies and bats and awesomely bad movies and friends and school and other stuff like that. though, uh, you shouldn't just, I don't know, roll over. I wouldn't... I guess i'm not, or something, ugh," Tim took off his glasses and rubbed at his face.

"How do you deal with this? It's just so... heavy. Like, you barely told me and I just... I'm not you and I feel like I'm sitting here freaking out and junk..."